Expectations

I still find it upsetting when my expectations are not met. It doesn’t seem to matter what size they are, the unsatisfied feelings I get are pretty much the same. Some part of me knows there is a wealth of value in every experience of my life, but, when I’m in the moment, I often can’t see that.

Here’s a real-life example.

Despite all of my best efforts, my first website post wasn’t visible on Sunday, October 4, 2020 at 7:30am as I’d promised and I’d expected.

I confess, I panicked. I sat in front of my computer, frustrated, unhappy and frankly more than a little angry. And, I had no idea how to fix the problem. I believe I might even have said a bad word or two. Okay, I did say a bad word of two.

Even though I eventually found a work-around, I realized I had many more changes that needed to be made so that you could navigate more easily. And, so that you can share your comments and read those which others have written. I’m still working on these.

Looking back, I understand that I reacted very emotionally. Nothing specifically wrong with that, after all, I am human. But, were my reactions helpful and what might have served be better?

Well for one thing, I could have stopped and allowed myself to sit in stillness. I could have breathed in and out slowly until my emotions came to a halt. And, I could have allowed a part of me to stand at a distance and observe what was going on inside of me. From this place I could have acknowledged my feelings, encouraged them to speak to me and embraced them. If I had, I might have understood what was beneath the surface. I might have realized that each feeling came to serve me and offer me a message.

Many years ago, my wonderful friend and Unity minister, Jim Fuller, shared in one of his sermons that it is very important to ‘feel your feelings’. This idea was a foreign concept to me and had not been a part of my cultural training. And yet, I sensed how significant and necessary it could be for me.

So, I began expressing my feelings in a daily journal. It’s been almost six years and I’m still writing every day and discovering truths hidden beneath the surface.

And now, back to my opening paragraph about my unmet expectations. When I stood still and gently breathed in and out and let my intense emotions drain away, I found that my fear of failure sat directly on top of me. Fear that I could not manage the technology necessary to communicate with you. Fear, that despite my deep desire, I could not keep my promises to you and share my thoughts based on when I said I would.

So, I turned to Lia, one of my names for (god), which stands for ‘love in action’, and asked for her wisdom.

She reminded me of a simple, yet powerful message she’s offered me in the past, “just show love”. These words sunk into me and allowed the power of my expectations, and the fears underneath them, to fade away, replaced by a marvelous sense of love.

I hope to remember this wisdom sooner next time.

6 Replies to “Expectations”

    1. Hi Erica, sorry for the delay in responding. If you read my post from today, you’ll know we were without power for quite awhile, but it’s back and I’m so grateful. I love that you are ‘here’ with me. It feels so good to be in contact, even if it’s not direct. Hope you continue to enjoy. Blessings to you, my friend.

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  1. Yes, I totally agree. Expectations can cause a lot of unnecessary sufferings. And yes, sorry to say / admit , it’s always my choice.
    or responsibility , I don’t even like the word, and then the work that goes with it.
    I would rather just have fun.
    So that’s the hook, for me, make responsibility enjoyable, not something old people are and do.
    Thanks for listening.☮️

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    1. Hi Regina, so nice that you visited. Kind of like a mini conversation. I too, want to have fun. Hope the hook works for you.
      I love that you’re here with me. Thank you my friend.

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  2. I can certainly relate. In the past year or so, I’ve come to understand that our feelings are our first language. We are born knowing instinctively how to communicate our feelings. Our mother can tell the difference between a cry of hunger versus a cry of pain. She knows our laughter. The spoken word is learned next, followed by the written word. Those to forms predominate and we forget to use, or how to use, our first language. Jim Fuller is a wise man. It is very important that we feel our feelings first.

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    1. I’m in complete agreement that allowing our first language, that of feelings, is really important. So much is made of written and spoken words that feelings often take a back seat. And yes, Jim Fuller is a very wise man.

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