I Am My Dad Today

Has anyone faded away from you?

I know I am not alone. I know there are many others who share the loss I feel because someone they love is fading away from them.

Whether the reason has a name like dementia or Alzheimer’s or is nameless, whole parts of them seem to be missing and it creates a huge hole in their world. And my world too.

To watch this happen, whether bit by bit or all of a sudden and know there is nothing you can do to stop it, brings a cascade of tears.

How are we, the ones left empty and dry by their departure, to sit with this sense of loss?

I can only answer this for myself, but perhaps by sharing a part of me, there might be something valuable for you.

I write.

And through the writing, I allow my heart to bleed words onto the page.

For me, this is a way to vent the grief I feel and once it is outside of me, I can breathe again. I can let go of what I’m holding inside that rests on my chest and smothers me.

By writing, I open to wisdom and peace and let words flow through me into the open air.

Here is the poem I wrote.

I Am My Dad Today

I am my dad today.

At least that’s what my mother thinks.

She calls me by his name, her only connection to this world.

She asks me (him) where she is. I tell her but it doesn’t sink in.

She asks again.

I offer another answer and it falls into the same dark hole with everything else I say.

For a moment, I am not my father, and she asks me who I am.

I brace myself and tell her, I am your son.

A look crosses her face.

I wonder, could it be recognition?

She looks up at me and tells me she has no children.

I guess that makes my sister and me orphans. It’s certainly the way a part of me feels.

I wonder what string attaches her to this earth. I can’t see one. It must be some sort of magic.

It’s time for me to go. I tell her I need to go home to make dinner.

She asks me when she will see me again.

I try to calm myself.

I tell her that my sister, her daughter, will be with her tomorrow and that I’ll see her again the next day.

She turns away.

I walk out of her room wondering who I will be to her then. I cannot possibly know.

The one thing I do know is she will still be my mother.

I try to find some peace in this.

I love you mom.                             (end)

I know that I cannot change what is happening to her or to me, but I need to find a way to live in this new space.

I’m sure that others who have experienced this might be able to shed some light on this for me, but I want to know what god has to tell me.

So, I ask.

My answer comes from a part of god I know and love. It’s a part of god I know as Lia, which stands for Love In Action. She has a distinctly feminine voice and always speaks loving truth to me.

I try to calm myself and let go of the distractions that surround me. I breathe in and out, slowing and softening, so I can hear her voice clearly. When I find some peace, she speaks.

“The solace you seek comes when you release and accept.”

She continues, “Yes, of course, you feel deeply for the living loss of your mom, who is both here and not here. Rest easy and remember this…when she is with you, she is yours AND when she drifts beyond you, she is mine. She slips past the veil between worlds, and she comes to be with me. We sit together with the most precious love surrounding us and we rest in this beautiful state of bliss.”

I take heart and she tells me more.

“I know that all you see is a woman you love who appears to be here with you, but you cannot seem to reach her, and she seems disconnected and far, far away from you. I encourage you to see beyond this surface view. I ask you to accept my blessed assurance that she is with me and is always covered in my love.”

I sit with this revelation and let it fill me with peace. I do still feel the loss of connection with my mom, but something deeply profound has change inside of me and I now know she will always be taken care of, not by me, but by the sweetness of the divine.

8 Replies to “I Am My Dad Today”

  1. Dear Spirit brother, so beautiful and heartfelt. And I know the truth of Lia’s words and I hope that they bring you comfort knowing that your Mom is home when she is with Lia. We know how glorious that feels! Be at peace, brother.

    Just as a short message as I am getting ready for work.

    Much love and blessings, G

    >

    Like

  2. Peace be to you, Rob. Your mother will always be your mother, even when she doesnt recognize you as her son. I hold you in my heart in these difficult times!

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  3. Thank you Rob for sharing this message that will help so many of us who are watching people we love and know slowly fading from our reality. Friends who were full of life and love no longer knowing who we are and the many memories we made over the years. This gives me peace to know when they are not in our world they are being Divinely cared for. Thank you, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your sharing and I agree completely, it gives me a tremendous sense of peace to know my mom is well cared for spiritually. It’s still hard, but not in the same way.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for these sad and heartfelt sharing Rob.
    Your ability to convey this unsettling and even confusing time with your mom gives us permission to feel these feelings and question , what the heck is going on.
    I am guessing you had a close relationship with your “former” mom . She took good care of you and now you want to do the same. And I’m sure at times she must have worried about you and now you are worried about her.
    And it sure is wonderful you get to tune into Lia and what good news she brings to you and all of us who wonder what is happening to our loved ones experiencing this other dimension.
    They are being divinely cared for and Rob, so are we. Sometimes it’s a lot for this human mind to understand , at least mine.
    Your connection with Lia is very inspiring and reminds me to brush up on this valuable connection.
    Change and loss challenging in this human form. Better when we are able to share.
    And Rob, maybe there are no words, so I am sending you a really big warm bear hug your way.
    ☮️❤️🙏 Regina

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I gratefully accept your delightful big warm bear hug and thank you, as always, for sharing with me how what I write and experience affects you. I am so very grateful to you, my friend, more than you are likely to know.

      Liked by 1 person

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