Category: adversity

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Outside Your Comfort Zone

I wanted to ask you a question.

How do you deal with things outside your comfort zone?

Does it freak you out or paralyze you for a while? Or are you able to extend yourself without much effort and roll with things?

My follow up question would be…how do you think your comfort zone was created?

When I look back over the years, I suspect mine has widened and narrowed many times depending on what I’m experiencing at the time.

Next month I’ll be going to my fiftieth college graduation celebration, a milestone to be sure. I still remember how I felt on my first day. I was very worried I would never fit in, wouldn’t make any friends, wouldn’t be able to “hack it” (as I would have said at the time). And I felt that way for quite a long time. But I did meet friends and did fit in and after a miserable academic beginning I was able to redeem my grades and graduate.

There were other times too when my comfort zone was exceeded, many of them dealing with firsts…first day on the job, first time speaking to a crowd of my peers and bosses, first time I gave a sermon in church. My list goes on and on.

I bet yours does too.

It would be nice to think that I am passed all of that and that I’ve pushed my zone so far that nothing I do bothers me or challenges me. But that would not be the truth. I still do plenty of things that press hard against my perceived limits.

And that is the exact point of this post.

Pushing past our own self-imposed limits.

I’d like to encourage you to consider giving yourself permission to do something, anything that challenges you beyond what you think are your limits.

I’d like to advocate for you and tell you that you CAN do extraordinary things.

You are probably saying something out loud like, where does this person get off telling me I CAN do extraordinary things? He doesn’t even know me!

Well, in one way that is true. In all likelihood, I don’t know you personally and you’d have a case to make that therefore I cannot comment on your capabilities.

But here’s the thing…I can tell you this because you are here reading this post, which says to me that you are searching and I’m willing to bet part of your search is for someone to “see” you. To see the powerful, radiant being you are. Sure, you have your share of fears and have probably been knocked down a few times, but you likely also got back up.

I know that every person on this planet has the capacity for MORE, even if it’s only one more step. I’m here to champion the idea of your taking one more step and to tell you it could lead to the beginning of something grand and wonderful.

You need examples?

Okay, I am afraid of failure. I also happen to know the easiest way to fail…never trying in the first place. So, I gather my courage, reflect on past successes, give myself wholly to the task at hand and use a sacred formula for overcoming obstacles and moving beyond my comfort zone.

I’m going to share it with you. I spend time conceiving what I aim to experience. I know very well that if I can conceive something, it can be mine. Once I have conceived it, I sit with it until I believe it will happen for/to me. Of course there can be lingering doubts, but I tell them to step aside because I’m busy believing. And then, I take action. Often, it is a series of actions. And during the whole process I focus on my feelings and how joyful I feel that I am doing something I feel is meaningful.

So, here’s my practical example. I’m going to facilitate my own retreat on a subject that is very near and dear to me, talking with (god). I have been having personal, intimate conversations with (god) for over 27 years and I want to share the simple process I use so that others can have their OWN conversations. Stepping out and doing everything for the retreat myself is very challenging and really pushes me beyond my comfort zone.

Here’s another element that helps.

I tell myself to move forward, to take one step at a time and to keep going. There are always excuses I can offer myself, but I remind myself not to accept any of them and to keep moving forward.

I believe in you and know you can do the same thing. I hope you decide to give it a try.

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Complaining Or Not

This is what I was thinking recently.

I need to release my complaints in a different way. I feel justified about expressing them, which ultimately hurts me, because the way I live and express my life either supports and enhances my life OR it creates suffering for me.

I recognize it is my choice.

I am in charge of my attitude and reactions, not a victim or a bystander.

If I truly wish to live a joy-filled life, which is what I say I want, I have to ask myself, how is this going to happen if I fill my time by finding constant fault with the world?

If I looked at my life as having limited time, say 85 years, why would I want to spend any of that time needlessly suffering by choosing to find fault with it?

Every moment I spend complaining is a moment of suffering, and it is something I am doing to myself.

It would be such a wise decision to shift my perspective based on what I really want.

What I really want is to create and experience the maximum amount of joy during my life. This means releasing my need to complain and find, discover, and reveal things that enhance my sense of wonder, curiosity, peace, and joy.

The constant choice is up to me.

Today I’m going to let go of all things that cause me suffering and embrace those which create and enhance my joy.

Today I’m going to be my own best friend.

I invite you to join me, if it feels right to you.

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Time to Reconsider

I have many teachers in my life, some exist in proximity to me, others are farther away. Each of them reminds me of things I want to learn to release or to be at peace with. They are predominantly things that irritate, annoy or upset me.

I guess by now I ought to be used to this, but I’m not.

If I am not careful, I get sucked into their orbit and react in kind. This does not serve me.

To be at peace, I know I need to release any attachment to my version of what is ‘right’. I wonder to myself, how is this done?

At first glance, I’m tempted to accept and embrace what my culture has taught me, which is that I deserve to feel the way I do, about anything. If I can find someone who shares my feelings or who otherwise supports my right to feel the way I do, I have no incentive to make any changes, despite the amount of conflict and internal suffering I experience.

Feeling justified is an end unto itself and it halts all other thoughts and holds me in place.

The other thing it does is it creates a host of troublesome feelings inside me and ultimately keeps me from any sense of peace or freedom.

It’s too high a price to pay.

My feelings create a crack in the doorway, a place where some light comes in. And when the light hits my feelings, I sense there is the possibility for change.

Perhaps my view of the world is wrong. Perhaps there’s another way to view my situation that would be better for me. Perhaps I don’t have to stay in the rut created by constant reinforcement.

This feels like good news to me. I try to open my eyes and heart further. What change could I make that would allow my life to be more peaceful, contented, even joyful?

The first thing that occurs to me is that I could remind myself that there are numerous ways to live in this world. This translates as, my way may not be the best or only way and others’ views might make more sense.

It takes some inner strength to say this out loud to myself. For whatever reason, it’s challenging for me to think I have it wrong, but what a wonderful opportunity it is for me to entertain this idea.

This whole concept is one of suspended belief and judgement. A sort of time out or pause, so that I can reconsider what I believe.

It’s a mind opening invitation I can give myself.

If I sit back and think about any given situation from a neutral position, maybe I’ll see a bigger picture, one that may offer me a wider view and provide space to see if what I believe still rings true.

It feels like a wise choice to make and I’m going to give it a try.

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What If Today…

I want to share something that I wrote for a dear friend of mine recently. It was intended to provide a spark to ignite a different way of viewing life. It was something that I needed. As with all of my posts, the thoughts and words arrive for me and then moved outward into the world.

The post is a dream in a way. Of a richer life. And of course, as it is in all cases, it depends on what we choose. I wonder to myself what will I choose, I wonder too, what will you choose?

What if today…

What if today…I choose to believe…to truly accept and embrace…that every single thing that happens to me is here to benefit me. What if I choose to see beyond appearances and all of the things that blind me. What if I give myself permission to believe that I am loved and cared for and know that everything I experience in my life is there to offer me something of value. That no matter what the world tells me, I can choose my own path. What if I embrace that my heart and spirit are the ones that set me free.

What if today I release any need to control the uncontrollable. What if I spruce up my ability to yield and let go of all the things that weigh me down…to set them aside and feel the precious liberation and the expansive freedom that choice creates.

What if today I collect all the most lovable parts of me and hug them and ask them to spread their joy throughout my body…my life.

What if today I allow every sorrow, pain, challenge, and concern to take the day off…to rest…what if I placed them all gently in the ocean of bliss that is my true home, where they can be washed clean.

What if, for one day, I give up needing to be in charge of anything and allow life to flow gently through me.

What if today…I breathe in peace and breathe out love.

What if today…is that day.

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Adversity

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word adversity? Do you attach an immediate feeling to it? If so, is it a positive or negative sense?

I’d be willing to bet that the word adversity has a negative connotation for you. According to an internet source the word adversity comes from the Latin word ad versus, which literally means “turned against” and figuratively means “hostile or unfavorable.” The example that’s given to illustrate this is that when things seem against you — circumstances or a stroke of bad luck — you are facing adversity.

How often would you say you encounter adversity in your life?

I wonder if each one of us could say- every day!

Does it seem possible to experience a day without some form of adversity? Imagine, you get up late, are stuck in traffic or a long line at a check-out counter, your boss is in a bad mood, you don’t know what to have for dinner, there are too many activities to go to during your day, you are feeling physically or emotionally drained, or mental fatigued. The list can be pretty daunting some days.

There are folks who will tell you to just settle down and not get so bothered, after all none of your issues are…as bad as theirs or others in the world. So much for unhelpful advice.

When you are faced with some form of adversity what do you do? Where do you turn for help? Perhaps you have a trusted family member or friend who dispenses good, sound, wise counsel. If you do, you are very fortunate. If you don’t have someone in your life like this, maybe you’d like a few hints.

As with any advice offered it has to feel right to you, so please take what works and ignore the rest.

I read a quote from Maya Angelou that feels like a very helpful place to start.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

Admittedly, she is taking a proactive stance and is acknowledging a perceived end benefit where adversity is a good thing. She draws out the benefits and offers encouragement. However, this might not feel true to you during your encounter with what feels like adversity to you.

I think that is what’s most difficult about this process. It requires a shift before things feel better. When you are down, unhappy, or depressed, shifting can be too difficult.

Perhaps it would be more helpful to start closer to the beginning. When adversity strikes, consider stepping back a bit to gain a clearer view. Take an honest look at your situation. Is the issue inside or outside of you? What do you know about what’s happening? Can you see it from different directions than your own? Are there a range of reactions for you to choose from on how to move forward? Are there skills you could work on that would help you?

I derive a lot of lessons from simple things in my life when I’m paying attention. I was looking out at the backyard through my screened porch. I noticed the view was unclear because I was standing too close to the screen. As I stepped back, the view changed and become much clearer.

I think adversity is like that. The closer you are, the more difficult it is to see, so that when you take a step back, you gain better perspective.

It also helps to let go of your first reaction, especially if it is keeping you stuck in negativity. Sometimes I have to tell myself that it isn’t ultimately helpful to be in that place. So, I invite myself to suspend those feelings temporarily, so I can investigate my other options.

Can I see anything beneficial for me? Are there simple things I can do that would change my situation, even a little? Are there others who might be willing to help me if I reach out? Is there anything for me to be grateful for? Can I develop some useful skills by recognizing I am often stronger and more resilient after the hardship is over?

How I answer these questions makes all the difference to me. I suspect the same might be true for you too.