Category: advice

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Time to Reconsider

I have many teachers in my life, some exist in proximity to me, others are farther away. Each of them reminds me of things I want to learn to release or to be at peace with. They are predominantly things that irritate, annoy or upset me.

I guess by now I ought to be used to this, but I’m not.

If I am not careful, I get sucked into their orbit and react in kind. This does not serve me.

To be at peace, I know I need to release any attachment to my version of what is ‘right’. I wonder to myself, how is this done?

At first glance, I’m tempted to accept and embrace what my culture has taught me, which is that I deserve to feel the way I do, about anything. If I can find someone who shares my feelings or who otherwise supports my right to feel the way I do, I have no incentive to make any changes, despite the amount of conflict and internal suffering I experience.

Feeling justified is an end unto itself and it halts all other thoughts and holds me in place.

The other thing it does is it creates a host of troublesome feelings inside me and ultimately keeps me from any sense of peace or freedom.

It’s too high a price to pay.

My feelings create a crack in the doorway, a place where some light comes in. And when the light hits my feelings, I sense there is the possibility for change.

Perhaps my view of the world is wrong. Perhaps there’s another way to view my situation that would be better for me. Perhaps I don’t have to stay in the rut created by constant reinforcement.

This feels like good news to me. I try to open my eyes and heart further. What change could I make that would allow my life to be more peaceful, contented, even joyful?

The first thing that occurs to me is that I could remind myself that there are numerous ways to live in this world. This translates as, my way may not be the best or only way and others’ views might make more sense.

It takes some inner strength to say this out loud to myself. For whatever reason, it’s challenging for me to think I have it wrong, but what a wonderful opportunity it is for me to entertain this idea.

This whole concept is one of suspended belief and judgement. A sort of time out or pause, so that I can reconsider what I believe.

It’s a mind opening invitation I can give myself.

If I sit back and think about any given situation from a neutral position, maybe I’ll see a bigger picture, one that may offer me a wider view and provide space to see if what I believe still rings true.

It feels like a wise choice to make and I’m going to give it a try.

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What If Today…

I want to share something that I wrote for a dear friend of mine recently. It was intended to provide a spark to ignite a different way of viewing life. It was something that I needed. As with all of my posts, the thoughts and words arrive for me and then moved outward into the world.

The post is a dream in a way. Of a richer life. And of course, as it is in all cases, it depends on what we choose. I wonder to myself what will I choose, I wonder too, what will you choose?

What if today…

What if today…I choose to believe…to truly accept and embrace…that every single thing that happens to me is here to benefit me. What if I choose to see beyond appearances and all of the things that blind me. What if I give myself permission to believe that I am loved and cared for and know that everything I experience in my life is there to offer me something of value. That no matter what the world tells me, I can choose my own path. What if I embrace that my heart and spirit are the ones that set me free.

What if today I release any need to control the uncontrollable. What if I spruce up my ability to yield and let go of all the things that weigh me down…to set them aside and feel the precious liberation and the expansive freedom that choice creates.

What if today I collect all the most lovable parts of me and hug them and ask them to spread their joy throughout my body…my life.

What if today I allow every sorrow, pain, challenge, and concern to take the day off…to rest…what if I placed them all gently in the ocean of bliss that is my true home, where they can be washed clean.

What if, for one day, I give up needing to be in charge of anything and allow life to flow gently through me.

What if today…I breathe in peace and breathe out love.

What if today…is that day.

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Good Advice

I love reading the thoughts and advice of folks who have been around the block a time or two. I’m fast approaching their age and have seen for myself how valuable listening to others wisdom can positively impact my life.

I’d like to share something written by Regina Brett, a 90-year-old woman from Cleveland, Ohio. Her advice was printed in the local newspaper, The Plain Dealer.

She offers 45 lessons life has taught her. Obviously, they may not all apply to each of us, but there are so many good ones. I thought I’d pass them all along to you and you can decide for yourself which ones might make your world a better place.

Occasionally, I’ve added my own editorial comment in parentheses after her suggestion.

Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good

When in doubt, just take the next small step.

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.

Pay off your credit cards every month.

You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

It’s okay to get angry with God. He can take it. (or substitute ‘She’ or other pronoun or your word for God)

Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up your present.

It’s okay to let your children see you cry. (even if you are a man)

Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry, God never blinks.

Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger. (Not so sure about this one)

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is you to you and no one else.

When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer. (as long as it doesn’t hurt others)

Burn the candle, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie, don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

Over prepare, then go with the flow.

Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

The most important sex organ is the brain.

No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

Frame every so-called disaster with these words, “In five years will this matter?”

Always choose life.

Forgive everyone everything.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

Believe in miracles.

God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

Growing old beats the alternative– dying young.

Your children get only one childhood.

All that truly matter in the end is that you loved.

Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

The best is yet to come.

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

Yield.

Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s a gift.

So, there they are. I hope some of them are worth taking along on your life journey. Be well.

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Try Something New

Here’s an idea for you, an invitation, now that we’re about to change seasons. Maybe the folks that manage the calendar don’t agree, but it always seems to me that as soon as the leaves start turning and kids go back to school, it’s a season change.

Anyway, here’s my idea.

Try something new. Maybe even several new things.

It’s one of the most beneficial things you can do for yourself. It sparks your sense of wonder, offers intellectual stimulation, creates interest, tests your powers, and invites exploration and excitement.

It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it catches your fancy. It doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming or require lots of planning. It can be spur of the moment or a new ritual that attracts your interest.

My wife and I just returned from three days in Boston, Massachusetts. It was a fabulous spot to engage our sense of adventure and try new things.

We went for a harbor cruise and learned a lot of interesting facts about Boston, especially about the development of the city as an important seaport. We walked a lot and had dinner in the North End at a couple of nice Italian restaurants.

I am one of the least adventurous eaters around. Plain is the name of my game, but I challenge myself to try new foods while on vacation. This time it was artichoke hearts and cannoli. And no, I don’t mean together. I consider myself one for two, since the cannoli was good.

We also visited two art museums, the Isabella Stewart Gardner Palace, and the Museum of Fine Arts. The first museum had an interior courtyard that rose from the ground floor to a glass ceiling six stories straight up. The flowers in the courtyard were gorgeous and the overlooking windows provided great views from each of the three floors we checked out. The MFA had art from many different periods, including one contemporary exhibit where the canvases were made from various grasses. Yes, actual grass grew on the canvas, covering a photo of a person’s face. Pretty cool.

I’m offering these as examples, but feel free to choose your own ideas to pursue. That’s how this whole thing works.

Besides eating new foods, seeing new sites, and learning interesting facts, there are lots of ways to try something new.

If you’re looking for some suggestions, I came prepared.

Is there a skill you’ve been thinking about but haven’t gotten around to trying, like pickle ball, painting, gardening, building with Legos or photography?

Is now the right time for exploring a new interest, perhaps yoga, meditation, Pilates, or starting a collection, maybe stamps or coins?

And just maybe, now is the time to make a change in the way you’re managing your life.

Could it be simpler? Could you release some tension in your life? What would happen if you started a smiling practice, where instead of allowing frustrating moments to rule your life, you chose to smile.

Would your life be more interesting if you stopped once in a while to count your blessings and offer gratitude for all that you do have. That one appeals to me because I know what a difference it makes in my life when I shift my focus.

What kind of a change would happen inside you if the new thing you tried was to give yourself and others love every chance you could? When the car in front of you is moving at a snail’s pace or you pick the wrong check-out lane again could you step back, let go and think of a wonderful memory in your life to fill the open space.

Whatever you choose, I wish you well and I hope it rewards you in many ways.

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Adversity

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word adversity? Do you attach an immediate feeling to it? If so, is it a positive or negative sense?

I’d be willing to bet that the word adversity has a negative connotation for you. According to an internet source the word adversity comes from the Latin word ad versus, which literally means “turned against” and figuratively means “hostile or unfavorable.” The example that’s given to illustrate this is that when things seem against you — circumstances or a stroke of bad luck — you are facing adversity.

How often would you say you encounter adversity in your life?

I wonder if each one of us could say- every day!

Does it seem possible to experience a day without some form of adversity? Imagine, you get up late, are stuck in traffic or a long line at a check-out counter, your boss is in a bad mood, you don’t know what to have for dinner, there are too many activities to go to during your day, you are feeling physically or emotionally drained, or mental fatigued. The list can be pretty daunting some days.

There are folks who will tell you to just settle down and not get so bothered, after all none of your issues are…as bad as theirs or others in the world. So much for unhelpful advice.

When you are faced with some form of adversity what do you do? Where do you turn for help? Perhaps you have a trusted family member or friend who dispenses good, sound, wise counsel. If you do, you are very fortunate. If you don’t have someone in your life like this, maybe you’d like a few hints.

As with any advice offered it has to feel right to you, so please take what works and ignore the rest.

I read a quote from Maya Angelou that feels like a very helpful place to start.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

Admittedly, she is taking a proactive stance and is acknowledging a perceived end benefit where adversity is a good thing. She draws out the benefits and offers encouragement. However, this might not feel true to you during your encounter with what feels like adversity to you.

I think that is what’s most difficult about this process. It requires a shift before things feel better. When you are down, unhappy, or depressed, shifting can be too difficult.

Perhaps it would be more helpful to start closer to the beginning. When adversity strikes, consider stepping back a bit to gain a clearer view. Take an honest look at your situation. Is the issue inside or outside of you? What do you know about what’s happening? Can you see it from different directions than your own? Are there a range of reactions for you to choose from on how to move forward? Are there skills you could work on that would help you?

I derive a lot of lessons from simple things in my life when I’m paying attention. I was looking out at the backyard through my screened porch. I noticed the view was unclear because I was standing too close to the screen. As I stepped back, the view changed and become much clearer.

I think adversity is like that. The closer you are, the more difficult it is to see, so that when you take a step back, you gain better perspective.

It also helps to let go of your first reaction, especially if it is keeping you stuck in negativity. Sometimes I have to tell myself that it isn’t ultimately helpful to be in that place. So, I invite myself to suspend those feelings temporarily, so I can investigate my other options.

Can I see anything beneficial for me? Are there simple things I can do that would change my situation, even a little? Are there others who might be willing to help me if I reach out? Is there anything for me to be grateful for? Can I develop some useful skills by recognizing I am often stronger and more resilient after the hardship is over?

How I answer these questions makes all the difference to me. I suspect the same might be true for you too.