Category: antidote

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Mistakes

I am curious about something.

Part of me wishes you were right here so we could talk about this. But from what I can see, many of you who read these posts, live on the other side of the world.

I strongly believe it doesn’t matter where any one of us lives when it comes to being human. We have such similar tendencies, one of which seems to be the idea that it is possible to make “mistakes”.

What I want to ask you is, what if we gave ourselves permission to accept and believe that there are no mistakes? What if we opened our minds to the idea that everything that happens, including our own actions, fits in a grander order, one we generally fail to see? What if, we extended grace to ourselves?

You might be thinking that I’m trying to give us a way out of the harmful, hurtful actions we’ve taken. I’m not.

Each time we do something that hurts someone, we can take responsibility, apologize and try to make amends.

These aren’t the mistakes I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the ones that weigh us down so heavily we can barely manage to move. The ones we keep hidden or camouflaged or blame others for. The ones that weaken us, hold us, harm us.

What if we shifted our perspective and believed in the grander scale of things, where we could properly fit everything that happens? What if we could see how beauty can come from any action, any “mistake” that is made?

I’m not saying it would be easy. It wouldn’t.

What I am saying is that it would be worth it.

Imagine if mistakes we’ve made disappeared, even if it took a minute, an hour, a day, a week for it to happen. Imagine how light we would feel. Imagine if every time you felt you’d made a mistake, you replaced the feeling with love and told others you were sorry if you hurt them. Wouldn’t all of the pain and suffering of our imagined mistakes vanish?

It seems to me that what we perceive as mistakes are in fact golden opportunities. We can be right with the world. We can feel light and be the light.

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Holding and Releasing

I’ve been thinking about what it means to hold onto things and the value there can be in releasing them.

Here’s a simple, quick test for you.

Stand up and pick up something in each hand, like a book or other small object, then raise both of your arms, stretching them away from your body at shoulder height. Okay, now hold this position for as long as you can. You can also modify this if you can’t stand up at the moment. Simply hold the objects as if you were standing.

It’s incredible to me how fatiguing this exercise can be, despite the limited amount of weight you’re holding. Of course, the fact is, you’re also holding up the weight of each of your arms. After a little research, I discovered a 190-pound persons arms weight about 10 pounds each, which adds to the difficulty of sustained holding.

Why does any of this matter unless you are a body builder and need to increase your strength? Well, for me, it’s because the physical challenge of this exercise has emotional, intellectual, and spiritual ramifications.

How, you ask?

Imagine that instead of physical weights, you substitute something else. Here’s a few examples I’d offer, but if something more personally relevant strikes you, please use it in place of what I’ve provided.

Imagine someone in your life just said something mean to you, or you remember a time a year ago, ten years ago or from your childhood where you felt ignored, abused, or devalued.

If it was easy to conjure up this image, it’s clearly something you’re still holding on to. Something that has weight and the longer you hold it, the heavier it gets. You may think you’ve let it go, but if you still remember it, you probably haven’t.

And what about a time when you couldn’t get something done because it was too hard. You didn’t understand it or didn’t have enough time or a good enough teacher to help you. And because of this, you failed. How heavy is the feeling of failure to you?

Can you visualize a time when your spirit suffered because you felt too weak or too small? Perhaps someone else convinced you that you were not spiritually worthy, not lovable, not valuable. I suspect the weight of this cannot be measured.

So, what is the antidote?

From the title of this post, you may realize that, in my view, it is the act of releasing, of letting go of the weight, setting it down or setting it aside, that is the antidote.

Easier said than done, you might be thinking. Or you may be entertaining the question, how is it possible to release what you are still holding?

As with all things, I believe it begins by making a conscious choice, recognizing that you have the power to choose the direction of your life. The decisions and actions of others are their ‘business’, not yours, and you needn’t have any investment in them.

Because you have ‘free will’, you are in charge of what to keep and what to release, no matter what others tell you. And you are the one to decide if you take anything personally that others say to you. You have the freedom to choose, and you can exercise this freedom in every moment of your life.

Some things that we have absorbed over the years have taken root in us, but we can make a practice of releasing them. Each and every time they surface, we can acknowledge them and the weight they place on us and bid them farewell, knowing they are no longer necessary in our lives. We’ve experienced them enough and can let them go.

This may only take one time, but it may also have to be repeated, before we are free from them.

I wish you well with your practice.

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Changing an Attitude

Are you task focused, or can you go with the flow?

I recognize that many times I become very task oriented as I’m sure folks who know me best would confirm. They’d probably tell you about my To Do lists, several of which are color coded. That should give you a pretty clear picture.

Fortunately for my peace of mind and sanity, I’ve altered my views about my lists. I now use them more as guides, rather than as mandatory self-assignments. They currently stand as reminders of things I need to attend to (doctor and dentist appointments) or people I’m getting together with or meetings I have. Things I don’t want to forget.

To be completely open, I do have other lists too, the kind that can become overwhelming and oppressive, if I let them. Maybe you have a few of these too.

Over the course of time an antidote arrived in the form of a complete sentence.

“Aim for progress, rather than completion.”

What an incredible freedom this offers. It allows me to keep an item on my list and make strides with it, but without the burden of feeling like I have to finish it (or else). It helps let me off the hook.

I also discovered a companion to accompany this antidote.

“There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way.”

For me, this one takes a lot of getting used to, especially considering the amount of cultural training I’ve received. My entire educational and work experience demanded and rewarded the completion of tasks be done in the ‘correct’ way. Thinking outside the box was often punished and there were only rewards for compliance with the ‘right’ way. It took an abundance of years for me to understand there are other possibilities and more than ONE right answer.

Then I was struck with a novel question. What if there was no such thing as a ‘right or wrong’ way, only the way I chose? This idea encouraged me to reexamine my entire thinking process and question the underlying assumption of there being ‘one right way’. I came to discover that in many cases, perhaps in all cases, I’d never know until I experienced the final outcome. There are just too many connections along the way to know the truth about any of my choices.

Then came another idea to join the group, a helpful suggestion designed to shift my attitude and attention.

“Focus on feelings, rather than on accomplishments.”

I love this one because it reorders my world and focuses my awareness on what’s most important to me…my feelings.

It’s entirely likely I will not accomplish every one of my aims. For whatever reason, I might get only so far and have to stop or redirect my attention elsewhere. However, the progress I did make and how I felt along the way, I get to keep and savor.

As it turns out, my feelings are the truest barometer of my satisfaction with life. They connect me with my source (divine nature) and with others, all those I love and whom I want to share my life with.

One final idea came along, and it enhances all the others before it.

“Come to a place of peace and joy with everything.”

And, I think to myself, isn’t this what I am really after? And my answer is YES.