Category: appreciation

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Nothing For Granted

I’ve been thinking about how often I seem to take things for granted. Maybe this happens to you too.

I began wondering why. Could it be that my mind is just too busy with other things or is there something deeper going on?

There was a somewhat melancholy feeling running through me and words started flowing onto a page in my journal. I thought I’d share them with you, so that maybe together we could remind ourselves to take nothing for granted.

Nothing For Granted

Life is precious,

Sometimes staying in one place,

Sometimes leaping head.

I want to remember it all.

I wonder to myself about things,

About moments I experience,

What if this were my last hug,

The last spoke word I’ll ever hear,

What if this were my last sunset,

Last long soothing shower I’ll ever have,

Last delicious meal I’ll eat,

Or song I’ll hear,

Or walk I’ll take,

What if it’s the last firefly I’ll see light up

On a hot summer night,

Last starlit sky,

Last new spring green explosion of leaves I’ll see,

Or the last brilliant colorful autumn extravaganza,

What if it’s the last time I’ll feel the warmth of a cozy blanket,

Or the sunshine on my face,

What if this was the last time I’ll feel my wife’s lips against mine,

Would it change what it means to me

To be alive,

Would I treasure it,

Savor it,

Breath into it.

Would I try to hold onto it for dear life.

I wonder,

What do I want my life to be like.

So,

I sit with all of this

And let it wash over me

And I know what I want,

I want everything

To mean something to me,

Every sting,

Every fall and rise,

Every illusive dream,

Hurt, hope, every breath,

Every face and heart connection,

I want the whole collection of life,

Because it all matters.

And what I want most

Is to feel alive

And connected

And

I want to take nothing for granted,

Ever

I am curious what things you’d put on your list. Maybe you are too.

Be well.

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What Will You Remember Most

I ran across an email about Charles Schultz philosophy on life. In case the name didn’t register right away, Charles Schultz is the creator of the comic characters of Peanuts…think Charlie Brown, Lucy, Snoopy and the gang.

If you’ve read his comic columns, you’ll know he packs a lot of wisdom into a few short entries. Clearly his work is beloved by millions, as evidenced by the long tenure of its appearance around the world.

I’m not sure if the quiz in the email is his or someone else’s but either way, it’s pretty valuable and I wanted to pass it along to you.

It starts with a series of questions. See if you can answer any of them.

  1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
  2. Name the last five Heisman Trophy winners.
  3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
  4. Name ten people who have won the Noble or Pulitzer prize.
  5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
  6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How do you think you did? I’m sure my score would be abysmal, but that’s exactly the point.

We’re not very good at remembering the headliners of yesterday, despite the fact that they were the best in their fields at the time.

Their applause died. Their awards have perhaps become meaningless. Their achievements mostly forgotten.

There is a second quiz and I’m sure you’ll do very well on it.

  1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
  2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
  3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
  4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
  5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
  6. Name a half dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

How did that go?

For me, it was not only easier but was much more pleasurable. I loved being able to bring such beautiful, special, blessed people back into my mind. To travel a little more with them.

But one more thing happened. It made me want to reconnect with some of them in person, or at least by email or phone, if they live far away.

The initiator of this quiz, whether it was Charles Schultz or someone else, helps us see that the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money or the most awards.

They are the ones who care about us. Who spend time in our presence, help nourish us with food or ideas or their divine essence.

And I believe the same is true of us. We are involved in others’ lives because we love them and want them to have a healthy, meaningful, joyous life.

So, here’s my addition…a third quiz for you (and for me).

  1. Who do you want to spend more quality time with?
  2. When do you want to make that happen?
  3. What joy do you want to enter your life?
  4. What are you prepared to give and to receive?

Because the New Year is coming, it feels like a great time to make some new things happen.

When I think about it, it matters what I choose, because when my life draws down toward the end, I want to know what my answers will be to the question…what will you remember most.

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Feel Good Opportunity

I confess, I look forward to any opportunity to increase my sense of happiness and joy. Perhaps you do to.

Well, I have a suggestion for you. But first I want to preface by saying that I received this idea one day via email at work. I was so impressed and excited, I decided to invite my coworkers to join me in giving it a try.

Here’s the email I received.

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving space in between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers. That Saturday the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate piece of paper. And listed what everyone said about that individual. On Monday, she gave each student his or her list. Before long the entire class was smiling. “Really?”, she heard whispered. “I never knew I meant anything to anyone!” and “I didn’t know others liked me so much”, were most of the comments. No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and with one another. That group of students moved on. Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and the teacher attended his funeral. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin. He looked so handsome and mature. The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a walk by his coffin. The teacher was the last to bless the coffin. As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as a pallbearer came up to her. “Were you Mark’s math teacher?” She nodded, “yes”. Then he said, “Mark talked about you a lot.” After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak to his teacher, “We want to show you something,” his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. “they found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.” Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded, and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things Mark’s classmates had said about him. “Thank you so much for doing that,” Mark’s mother said. “As you can see, Mark treasured it.” All of Marks’ former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, “I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home.” Chuck’s wife said, “Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.” “I have mine too,” Marilyn said, “It’s in my diary.” Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group, “I carry this with me at all times. Vicki said without batting an eyelash, “I think we all saved our lists.” That’s when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

This story had such a profound impact on me that I decided to try it at work. I had no idea whether my coworkers would participate, but I hoped they would. I explained the idea and provided an employee list of everyone at our agency, leaving space for them to make positive comments and telling them they could use the back of the paper too, if they wanted. I gave them some time to complete it and return it to me and told them I would give each of them their custom list with everyone ese’s comments once I had a chance to write them out.

I wondered if there would be any crazy comments that I might feel compelled to edit but there weren’t. They were all wonderful and very complimentary. It was a joy to complete each employees list and to see what they all said about me.

I handed each person their list.

As with the teacher, I didn’t hear much feedback, only that it was a nice thing to do.

Personally, I love my list. There were so many complimentary things said about me. I immediately posted on my office bulletin board and often stood in front of it and reread them all, especially on some of my tougher days at work.

Many years later, I still have my list and every once in a while, I’ll run into a former coworker, and they’ll tell me they still have theirs too. So cool!

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Everyone Is Worthy

I want to share a story from my life with you.

I know from personal experience, as I’m sure you do too, that sometimes we’re not treated as if we are worthy. It isn’t a very good feeling. I try to remember this and acknowledge the innate value we each possess.

One day many years ago, during a particularly hot summer, a man rang our doorbell. As I opened the door he stepped back and began his speech. He was trying to sell magazines to fund his tuition for college. He said it was a special program designed for people like him. Before I could ask, he told me who ‘people like him’ were. He’d had a tough youth, which was another way of saying he’d been in trouble all his life. He told me he’d grown up in the projects in downtown Albany and used to sell crack. He said he was really good at it, but not good enough. He finally learned you couldn’t survive very long doing that.

I think it’s possible to tell if another person is lying to you by looking into their eyes, if you can look long enough. I also think there are people who can stand the stare for a long time without showing the truth. I knew I wouldn’t have the length of time it would take, so I just decided to believe him.

I wasn’t the only one home that day. My son, Tommy, was there too. He was playing games in his bedroom, like any other eight-year-old would do and waiting for me to come back. I guess I was gone too long, so he came looking for me. He found me sitting on the front porch talking with a man he didn’t know. He watched and listened to us through the screen door. After a couple of minutes, he came out, sat next to me, and asked what we were doing. The man showed him the magazine choices we could make and made sure Tommy saw the one all about video games. He told Tommy that the subscription prices were the best and it would help him to be able to go to college and change his life. He told Tommy a bit about how it was for him growing up and how much trouble he’d gotten into. And that he’d been really bad but was hoping to get another chance. The order form had other people’s names on it, and he hoped we’d sign up for a couple of magazines. Tommy and I looked the form over. Tommy quietly looked up at me and said, “are we really going to order these Dad?”. I told him we were, and he looked at me with a funny, questioning expression.

The man seemed pleased with our order and told me he’d accept cash or a check. I asked him if he was thirsty and when he said yes, I offered him a soda, which he happily accepted. I went inside to get the soda and a check. I gave them to him, and we talked about things for a while. He wasn’t in a big hurry and seemed to like hanging around with us. Somehow, we got on to the subject of birthdays. I asked him if he could wait a minute because I had something for him, but I had to get it from inside the house. He said he’d wait. After a minute I was back and he eyed me kind of sideways, trying to figure out what I was doing.

I handed him some folded bills and told him it might help with his second chance. He looked at me in a way no one else ever had. It was part surprise and part disbelief. A look I’ll never forget.

He asked me why I was doing this. I asked if he had a birthday and he said, “sure.” I told him that as far as I was concerned, today was his birthday and this was his birthday gift.

He just sat there shaking his head for a long, long time. His eyes got a little misty and he looked away. When he looked back at me, he said, “nobody has ever done anything like this for me.” It apparently was beyond him to understand why anyone would do such a thing for someone they didn’t even know. In that moment, truth came into his eyes. The truth about the magazines and the truth about his second chance. He left a little while later. As he walked away Tommy asked me whether we were ever going to see the magazines. I told him that I didn’t think so. That same puzzled look came back to him, and he looked up at me saying, “then why did you give him the money?”

The man, who was almost to the corner by now, turned back to us. He smiled and waved. I looked down at Tommy and said, “that’s why.”

We never did get the magazines. And I never saw the man again. But it really doesn’t matter to me because we all changed that day and it is still one of my favorite days ever.

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A Beautiful Messy Life

I want to paint you a picture, something vivid you can see instantly in your mind’s eye. I am restricted to using words, but I believe this will not interfere with your ability to create your own clear images.

Here we go.

Imagine your house or apartment with your car parked outside in the driveway or on the street. Inside, there are several rooms with a variety of furnishings. There are also people there, your family or friends.

Okay, got it?

Now imagine your kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes and pots and pans. You open your cupboards and refrigerator and discover they’re almost empty and need to be restocked. In the bedroom, some clothes are strewn about, while others are heaped on an unmade bed. Children’s toys are littered throughout the living room and your kids’ bedrooms. You check the mail and there are bills there you’re not sure how to pay, like the daycare and mortgage or rent. You look out the window and remember that your car won’t start and if you want to get somewhere, you’ll need someone’s help or you’ll have to ride your bike. While you’re walking around your house or apartment, you’re followed by your faithful dog, begging for a walk, some water, and a treat. You stop for a glass of water and wonder to yourself; how will you ever pay for college and still afford to retire?

You may not be able to identify with all of these. You may need to substitute your own things, things that are just as important to you and your family. But the point remains the same, the picture feels daunting and overwhelming.

Why would I bother to bring this up? Why remind you of how difficult things can be, because surely you know this already.

Well, the answer to that is the point of this post and something I often desperately need to remember.

Let’s take the list and break it down. Let’s see if it is possible to shift our mindsets and create beauty out of chaos.

Having a kitchen full of dirty dishes, pots and pans means you’ve eaten and are not hungry. Your cupboards and refrigerator can be restocked because you have access to grocery stores with food on their shelves.

A messy bedroom means a lot of things; you have clothes to wear, sheets and a blanket to stay warm in and a bed to lay comfortably on. The fact that there are toys everywhere means your children have something to play with, probably enough to share with their siblings or friends.

And sure, you have bills, but this suggests you are surrounded by opportunities. To own a house or be able to rent an apartment, to be able to send your children to daycare or school, where they are cared for, taught, and encouraged is a beautiful thing.

Seeing your car that won’t start could remind you that we take for granted all the times it does work, the places it takes us, the freedom it offers. Having a dog or other pet that waits for and greets us with loving attention as soon as you arrive home can remind us how precious a gift they are to us.

Still wondering how you’ll pay for all those important things yet to come in your life? No doubt you are and it’s very difficult to see clearly into the future. This is where hope, faith, and trust come in.

Every dream, aspiration, goal, and aim are based on our own personal belief system. Do we see the dirty dish or what it represents, a well-fed family? Do we see a messy bed or the beautiful place we sleep and recharge? Are the toys on the floor a source of displeasure or a cause for thanksgiving, that we are rich enough to generously offer our children the gift of play in their lives?

When I look around my house now, I see an entirely different scene. I see a beautiful messy life filled with activity, opportunity, and love. I’m going to keep somewhere intentionally messy to remind myself of how wonderful, fulfilling, and gorgeous my life is.

Care to join me?

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Wall of Fame

An interesting thought came to me in the form of a question. If I chose people from my life to place on a ‘wall of fame’, so that I could honor them and their place in my life, who would they be?

I imagined this as a tribute to acknowledge their supportive or encouraging or inspiring connection to me. And I discovered that a deep sense of gratitude grew inside me as soon as I began making my choices.

I imagined a large outdoor wall with plenty of room for me to create using whatever materials I wanted.

If you joined me in this project and had your own wall of fame to build and decorate, who would appear there for you?

I decided to look outside my family for the names of those I would place on my wall, even though they were my first choices. I think I wanted to explore what outside influences have served to shape my life and so I allowed my mind to drift, inviting memories to flood in.

At first, some traditional groups came forward, starting with my fourth-grade teacher, Mrs. Hosey. I knew from the moment I met her that she would be one of my all-time favorites. There was something extra to her and I could tell she really liked me. This had to have been true because seventeen years after I left fourth grade, she made a special trip to open an account at a branch of a bank I worked for, just to see me. What a treasure!

Curiously, no other teacher made my list until I got to college. Elementary, Junior High (yes, I’m that old) and Senior High teachers are all a kind of blur in my mind.

College produced several ‘inductees’, Dr Keiter and Dr Setzer, both religion professors, and Dr Bocher, a science professor offered me freedom and form and demonstrated their belief in me as a student and as a person. In fact, I believe Dr Keiter saved my life, because had it not been for his courses, I probably would have failed out, been drafted and gone to Vietnam.

A solid string of others entered my mind, Mrs. Ruling, who gave me a job at Central Stores at college (where professors got their supplies) and referred me for my first job after graduating. And Bill Stropes, my supervisor at Holiday Inn, for promoting me to maintenance from my janitor position. What separated him from so many others though was that he treated me fairly, despite my incredibly long hair and goatee. He looked beyond his first impression and saw me for who I was. He was a very special man.

Others who I raised up onto my wall came from the ministry. They answered as many of my questions as they could, then watched over me as I steered my own course, even though it veered away from them. Later Jim and Crystal entered my life and enriched it beyond what I thought possible.

And there was a host of coworkers, bosses and customers who made my list. To have folks who love and support you, who challenge and engage you, who push and pull you, makes all of the difference. Several coworkers became my best friends: Doug, Dan, and Marty. Others endeared themselves to me through their efforts and deep connections: Sue, JoAnn, Cindy, Amy, Lyne, Carla, Lynn and San. And a few of my bosses opened their arms and hearts to me and treated me with respect and admiration; Gary, Margaret, Rita.

I’ve found over my life that special people can come from anywhere and appear at any time. They may be there for one special moment or stay throughout my life.

Name after name came to me from my present life, especially folks from Unity Church, Kripalu, and my spirit families. My wall filled up so quickly that I had to add more space. So many have walked next to me and touched my heart. More than I can name here.

I wonder, who would make it onto your wall? What criteria would you use? What sort of designs or decorations would you place next to their names?

I marvel at the wonderful sense of gratitude this created in me and I hope it does the same for you.