Category: ask

How do you deal with contradictions in your life?

Are they easy for you to separate into decipherable components or do they pose serious challenges for you? Navigating contradictions seems to be a part of our lives, whether we like it or not.

Here are two examples of contradictions in the English language.

The word sanction can mean either to give official permission or approval OR conversely, to impose a penalty. Imagine the difficulty that would be created if someone used the word, sanction, and you weren’t sure what they meant.

Then there is the word, oversight, which means both to oversee or supervise someone or something OR to fail to see, observe, or to disregard or ignore something.

This is only one challenge faced by those attempting to learn English. There are so many others, but I’m focusing on the particular dilemma created when the same word has two opposing meaning.

You may be wondering, does this happen in our daily lives or you may see the connection immediately.

The messages we receive every moment of our lives can have this same kind of effect on us, forcing us to determine which meaning we are supposed to understand.

Often, we have to listen to the tone of voice used or the volume of the speaker or the gestures they use when they talk, further complicating the situation.

I find that I confuse people sometimes. I think I’m being clear, but they don’t respond the way I expect. Either it’s me or it’s them or there are just too many ways to interpret the words I used.

On the receiving end, it’s the same thing. Even when I listen carefully, I sometimes don’t get what they’re saying and sometimes it seems contradictory, especially if they aren’t patient. If either one of us gets angry or frustrated, things seem to go off track.

Okay, so I’ve illustrated a problem I encounter and perhaps you do too, so now what?

One answer that comes to me is not one I used to be good at, but after having practiced a lot, I’m getting better.

Ask.

I find that it’s unrealistic for me to be clear every time I speak and it’s equally unfair to expect this of anyone else. We have lots of things on our minds. We have different goals, patience levels, available time, and communication skills.

But we can each ask questions. If something is unclear, we can pause the conversation and ask what the other person means. We can paraphrase what they’ve said and ask if we understand correctly. And we can ask as soon as we have a question, so that we don’t get lost before the next step in the conversation.

I know this seems simple and it is, but we may feel that we ‘should’ understand already and by asking a question we risk giving the other person the impression that we are not smart enough to follow what they’re saying. Or that they may get annoyed with us for interrupting them.

To me, some of the most important benefits of asking questions during conversations is that we can feel in sync with others, and better understand them so that we receive valuable information or become more sensitive to their feelings or to convey our feelings to them.

Without asking questions how else can we do that?

During my life I’ve discovered the incredible power that questions possess. They invite and offer depth of connection with others and it only takes a second to ask a question.