Category: caring

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Post #291 Love Bucket List 07162023

Recently I wrote a post and mentioned that I’ve had a bucket list for a long time and have had the opportunity to accomplish many of the items on it. Of course, I keep adding new things, which probably means it will never be complete. I’m okay with that.

You may have your own bucket list and be working your way through the joys of checking things off and loving the experiences you’ve chosen. I certainly hope so.

What struck me the other day was that I want to create an entirely new kind of bucket list. One that reaches deep within me, all the way to my core. It’s a bucket list filled with actions I take that connect me with others. Each action is powered by love, asking nothing in return, simply extending the love I feel inside me and offering it outward into the world.

My whole life I’ve heard that love is the most powerful, valuable, important thing in our lives. I’ve heard sermons, read books, seen movies, all focused on love. I’d be willing to bet you’ve encountered the same thing.

The downside of this for me is that what I hear and see is too generic, too ethereal, or too subtle.

I recognize it’s very difficult to capture the essence of love. It’s such a huge concept. How can anyone measure its depth, explain its mystery, or share its wonder?

Perhaps it can’t be done. But what I think can be done is to live it and show it through my actions. This is the reason I decided to create a Love Bucket List.

I’d like to share some items that showed up on my list with you.

One) when speaking with anyone, look into their eyes and connect with them.

Two) when someone is sad, offer them sympathy, not just with words or a card, but with a light touch, a hug, or a reassuring glance.

Three) when someone is hurting, regardless of the reason, offer empathy and a shoulder for them to cry on.

Four) encourage myself to offer acts of kindness no matter their size, because they all mean something to the receiver.

Five) forgive before being asked for forgiveness, allowing your heart to be wide open and free.

Six) offer compassion to everyone you meet along your path, knowing life can be difficult and beyond one’s limits.

Seven) extend warmth and caring in simple acts, like buying lemonade from a child or opening a door for someone.

Eight) remember you come from love and return to love so that you can assist others during the tough times they face, offering reassurance that, in the end, all will be well.

Nine) walk next to others, not ahead or behind, but next to them, offering support and comfort for their journey.

My list continues from these beginnings, taking on a life of its own and allowing me to extend further and further into my heart and back out into the world.

When I reread this list another important thought occurred to me. These items appear to be extensions of myself in an outward direction, but I also need to extend love inward, to my own heart. I need to support my own growth and treasure my own inner essence.

I have come to learn that love is a deep well connecting me to my divine source. When I depend solely on my own strength and power, I quickly experience an exhaustion of what I have available to me, but when I sit still and go within and connect directly with the divine, I am never exhausted and there is always love present, both for me and for the world.

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A Simple Act of Caring

Do you usually dream at night?

When you do, do you remember them or do they just disappear, leaving a trail that’s too hard to follow?

Sometimes I remember them, but they don’t make any sense to me. They’re so full of places, events, and people, all jumbled together.

Recently though I came across a fantastic book titled, Infinite Purpose by Liv Lane and Lori Portka. One chapter is devoted to dreams and the emphasis it focused on surprised me. Rather than attempting to decipher all the parts of an individual dream, the suggestion was to take the dream as a whole and follow the theme to see where it led.

The authors recommended that you try it for a week and see what you experience.

I decided to take their suggestion and discovered a whole new world. I was able to capture the essence of the dream and find some profound insights.

This morning I woke up and was able to remember an entire story. Many of the details remained fresh and clear, but it was the central theme that was important to me.

There was an elderly lady who was conducting a transaction, perhaps in a bank and she was extremely dissatisfied with the service and the outcome and demanded that her voice be heard. A meeting was scheduled for the next day to attempt to review her transaction and a member of senior management was called in for support.

The meeting time arrived, and all were assembled. At first the staff tried to explain, but soon discovered the elderly lady was not interested in hearing their rationales. A different tact was taken, and a more general conversation ensued. This pleased her and it soon became apparent that she had no desire to discuss the transaction from the prior day. What she did seem interested in was being heard and seen, as a person.

Toward the end of the conversation, she became very quiet and closed her eyes. Her breathing slowed, then ceased.

The staff were concerned and tried to wake her, but she did not respond. One attempted to take her pulse, but there was none. It was then that they realized she had died.

One staff member looked at her carefully and was surprised to find she’d died with an enormous smile on her face.

I’m sure there could be many interpretations for this dream, but what jumped out at me was this…everyone wants to be listened to, to be valued, to matter to someone, anyone, even if they have to be angry and demand attention to make it happen, as the elderly lady did.

All she really wanted was to be seen, heard and at a deeper level, loved.

There is a powerful message in this dream for me, one I would have previously missed.

During my working life I was involved in two ‘relationship’ fields, the first in banking and the second in human service. One thing they both centered on was recognizing the inherent value and worth of each individual. Demonstrating caring, support and encouragement meant everything to the customers and folks being served.

Simple acts of caring feed both the giver and receiver.

I try to remember this and am often granted opportunities to show caring, whether it’s reaching for a product on a high shelf for an elderly person, opening a door or looking into the eyes of someone I thank for their service. There are a million ways to connect and each one offers tangible ways to care, should we choose them.

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Trusting

Are there a lot of people in your life that you trust? Or have you been burned once too often to offer your trust to others?

A memory jumped into my head when I started to think about the subject of trust.

Can you picture a playground teeter-totter, also known as a see- saw? In case you are not familiar with them I’ll give you a quick explanation. Imagine a long board placed over a mid-point pivot (think fulcrum) with handles near each end. It’s meant for two people, usually children. One sits at one end and holds on to the handle that span the width of the board. The other child sits at the opposite end hanging on to their own handle.

At rest, one end of the teeter-totter sits on the ground, while the other end is up in the air, so the two children need to hold the board parallel to the ground, throw their legs over the board, hang on to the handles and balance there. Then one child pushes off the ground and rises upward while the other child falls downward, requiring them to bend their knees. After a moment the downward child pushes upward causing the upward child to fall toward the ground. The cycle is repeated over and over until at least one child tires of the game.

A discovery may occur to one or both of the children. The closer they sit to the middle, the less height they get. This is the safest position but offers very little excitement. The further the children get to the ends of the board the higher they go and the greater the thrill.

Here’s the trust part.

If a child decides to get off quickly when they are at the low point, the child at the peak crashes to earth in a free fall. From experience I can tell you this can be quite painful. At first, you’re shocked and weightless, then you realize there’s no way to land easily, no matter how strong your legs are.

Here’s another thing that happens.

It challenges your friendship.

While at the peak of your teeter-totter experience you were completely defenseless and the child at the other end, who could protect you, let you fall. A total breach of playground etiquette.

And dangerous for you.

It seems to me that there are lots of situations in life just like this.

You come to rely on an expected level of care from others. You may feel it is implied and doesn’t need to be defined or formally agreed to. It ought to just happen that others are concerned about you and try to help you, especially if they are your family or friends.

I wonder about lots of things. It’s just the way my mind works. I usually let it go and try to follow its path. In this case it led me to looking up the definition of the word ‘trust’. I discovered it’s both a noun and a verb. As a noun it’s an idea, as a verb it’s an action.

It represents a belief in someone or something’s reliability, truth, ability or strength.

How do you decide to trust someone? Do they have to have a track record with you of previously proven support?

Does your trust evaporate if they fail to meet your expectations? Do you base your level of trust of others on how trustworthy you think you are?

I find it challenging to answer these questions. I’m struck by the tenuous principles involved in trusting. I wonder which elements I need to see and feel before I extend my trust. I wonder too, what others need or want from me prior to giving me their trust.

Perhaps the answer is simpler than I might think. Perhaps it’s not about anyone else but me. Not about their actions or intentions, but all about how I want to live in this world.

Do I want the safe ride in the middle of the teeter-totter or the thrill ride, living the fullest life offered? It’s possible I might get hurt, but it’s also possible I will find rich rewards through trusting.

I guess it’s a decision offered to each of us. I hope the one you make brings you joy.