Category: challenge

Posted on

One More Day

Have you ever been in a rainstorm that was so hard you had to use your fastest wiper blade setting and even then, it was difficult to see?

I was in one of those recently. Usually, I’m not overly concerned but I found this storm a bit nerve wracking. And then I came upon a section of the road that had high walls on both sides. Despite the drainage built into the road, all of the water from the heavy downpour was trapped and flooding the highway.

There was nothing I could do except to keep going.

The car next to me hit a wall of water and splashed it up and over my minivan, burying me inside the wave. I couldn’t see anything but water cascading over me. One second, two, three. Nothing.

I held on to the steering wheel in hopes that I would come out the other side and still be in my lane. And that there wouldn’t be anyone there. And that the car behind me wouldn’t run into the back of me when it appeared. And that the car to my left, that began the shower, wouldn’t veer over into my lane.

I kept my eyes open and said, “Oh, my God!” three times before the wall of water fly off my windshield.

Surprisingly, no other cars were on the road anywhere near me. I drove along, hands on the wheel, eyes starring disbelieving ahead of me to a clear wide-open road, as if it was any other day.

Wow!

I’ve never experienced anything like that and frankly, I hope I never will again.

I continued on, expressing my gratitude for coming through that experience safely. I tried to slow my breathing and take it all in.

A question formed in my mind.

How was it possible for all of the cars to make it safely through that dangerous place?

I’m sure there are a host of ideas and explanations, but what I really wanted to know was, would that experience change me? Would I reflect on it as a turning point in my life? A dividing line of some sort? A second chance?

I’ve been thinking about that lately.

I know there have been other times in my life where I skirted death. Maybe the same thing has happened to you. Maybe more than once.

Did it change you? Did you step back and wonder?

After considering this for a little while I’ve come to the conclusion that I can change my outlook any time I want to. Any time I choose to. I don’t need a hugely significant frightening experience like this to prompt me into action.

I can give myself a second chance any moment of my life. And so can you.

No matter what is happening, you have the power to choose your attitude. You can take one step, and then another. You can build a new you.

Every time you wake up, you have one more day. You can make it count. You can let joy fill you and overflow, if you choose.

Seeing the open road in front of me after the water fell away reminded me that I have more time and that it’s up to me to decide what to do with it.

So, I’ll leave you with a question…what are you going to do with one more day?

Posted on

Your Autobiography in Five Minutes

I wanted to offer you a chance for something special today. It’s not my ordinary post because this one is more interactive if you choose it to be.

Would you like to participate in a challenge of sorts? If not, I understand, but if you’d like to learn something important about yourself, please consider joining me in writing a quick autobiography. Something that tells YOUR story. Your story, told by you.

Of course, it can take more than five minutes, but the essence of this exercise is to force you to grab the headlines of your life. To sift through what could be many years and let the prime stuff float to the top.

Here’s your chance to tell your story from your own point of view. You may wish to share it with others, but if you’d rather you can keep it to yourself.

Feel free to create your own format but try to stick with the five-minute timeframe and see what happens.

If you’d rather have some suggestions, here are some sample questions to get you started. Please feel free to substitute or add your own questions.

When and where did you arrive on this beautiful planet?

Who is your immediate family?

What effect have they had on you?

What are the most important events in your life?

What are the most fulfilling things you do during the day?

What have you accomplished during your life?

There, that’s it, unless you want to take a bit more time and consider adding a few more questions of your own.

In fairness, I’ll share some of my answers with you since I’m the one suggesting this exercise.

Personally, I found this exercise quite revealing.

I arrived in August of 1952, in Ogdensburg, New York to a wonderful set of parents and a sister who keeps track of all of my childhood memories. I owe so much to them for giving me a healthy, happy childhood. For buying me clothes, food, and providing me with a warm house to live in. And for moving us from my hometown, so that I could meet my extraordinary wife and have two spectacular children, who have brought three fabulous grandchildren into our lives. I love how my parent’s biographies led to mine, which along with my wife, link to the next generation and the next, forming a sacred continuum. I feel blessed to have my family in my life. They stretch me, give joy to me, push me in directions I didn’t think I was capable of, make me laugh, teach me things and both give and receive love.

It is really hard to choose only a few events in my life to claim as important because there are so many. I wonder how could I select only a handful? Beyond getting married, having children and being at the births of our grandchildren, getting off academic probation my Freshman year at college and not having to go to Vietnam, choosing not to go to seminary and become a minister, doing big and little things with my family, buying our house, paying for our children to go to college and saving for retirement rank right up there.

What about the most fulfilling things I do during the day? I start every morning by writing down at least five things I’m grateful for, my exercise routine, having breakfast with my wife, connecting with my children and grandchildren, writing posts and new books, walking in the sunshine, visiting my mom who turns 100 soon and connecting with friends far and wide.

And finally, what have I accomplished in my life? I have made a lot of friends, traveled to beautiful places, lived by my own moral code, shown love to others, especially my family and friends, donated to those in need, written books that will hopefully outlive me by generations and shared what I feel is the truth.

The curious thing about this autobiography was not only what I put in but what I left out. All the challenges, pain and suffering, heartache, and troubled times faded out of the picture. They just weren’t important enough to be mentioned. That says a lot to me.

I wonder what you chose to include and exclude.

I hope this was valuable to you and highlights the best of your life.

Posted on

Completion

A while ago I mentioned to you that I had chosen a task which would significantly challenge me. My son, Tommy, had told me about something called a Misogi.

Research informed me that it is an ancient Japanese Shinto practice where monks and their student would embark on a long journey high up into the mountains in search of a waterfall. The students, wearing thin short robes, would stand under the cold streaming water performing a ritual intended to purify their bodies and their minds.

An updated version is practiced by folks desiring to challenge and perhaps in some way, purify themselves. Those interested must choose something which they believe has a fifty percent or better chance of failure, and which will not harm themself or others.

I spent a bit of time wondering about this. It felt necessary. Important. Vital to me, especially because I wanted to perform it prior to my birthday.

I cast about for a difficult task and chose to walk from one end to the other and back on a Rail Trail close to my home. I speculated the distance would be somewhere between 18 and 19 miles.

The longest distance I’d ever walked in my life was a little over 16 miles and that was many years ago when I was in far better physical shape. Nothing much hurt in my body and I felt relatively fit.

I wondered, was it even possible for me to complete this journey?

Despite understanding how challenging it would be, I knew deep inside me that it was important. I could not have told you why, I just knew.

And so, I began to figure things out. I’d need to go on some ‘practice walks’, distances that would offer me a sense of what I might experience on my Misogi and prepare my body and my mind.

My first long walk was a little over 8 miles and my second just shy of 10 miles. Each of them provided keen insights I felt would ultimately benefit me.

Tommy asked if he could join me, which I immediately jumped at, knowing the shared experience would last a lifetime.

Today is my 71st birthday and I wanted to let you know that we completed the full distance (19.5 miles) last Saturday, August 19, 2023.

The significance of this adventure is still dawning on me.

We had a wonderful time catching up and sharing our lives, further bonding us. I am so grateful that we could do this together and know it would have been so much more difficult had I done this solo. We compared notes about our physical aches and pains and often checked our mileage to the finish line. When we made it, we celebrated with orange bubble gum cigars.

During the days that followed, I wondered whether there was anything in my life that was purified? Were some ‘contaminants’ removed? Did I feel cleansed in some way?

What was the purpose of my Misogi? Did I prove something to myself? Would I do it again?

If you thought about it, what Misogi would you choose for yourself? How demanding would it be? Can you tolerate the thought of failure? Are you driven by the allure of success?

In the end, I believe I wanted to test my sense of resolve. Could I, would I complete my chosen task, or would I give in? This task became less about success or failure and more about connecting to my inner strength. A strength that could overcome obstacles and challenges, regardless of the difficulties.

I freely admit I hit a physical pain wall at about 14 miles, and there was a moment of temptation to stop and give up. But something inside me refused to seriously consider the idea. I tapped into a reserve. I willed my body to continue moving for the next 5.5 miles, one stride at a time, knowing I could do it.

I think this is why I did this. To prove to myself that I could if I willed it.

I hope you can tap into your own inner reserve and accomplish whatever you set out to achieve in your life.

Posted on

Adversity

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word adversity? Do you attach an immediate feeling to it? If so, is it a positive or negative sense?

I’d be willing to bet that the word adversity has a negative connotation for you. According to an internet source the word adversity comes from the Latin word ad versus, which literally means “turned against” and figuratively means “hostile or unfavorable.” The example that’s given to illustrate this is that when things seem against you — circumstances or a stroke of bad luck — you are facing adversity.

How often would you say you encounter adversity in your life?

I wonder if each one of us could say- every day!

Does it seem possible to experience a day without some form of adversity? Imagine, you get up late, are stuck in traffic or a long line at a check-out counter, your boss is in a bad mood, you don’t know what to have for dinner, there are too many activities to go to during your day, you are feeling physically or emotionally drained, or mental fatigued. The list can be pretty daunting some days.

There are folks who will tell you to just settle down and not get so bothered, after all none of your issues are…as bad as theirs or others in the world. So much for unhelpful advice.

When you are faced with some form of adversity what do you do? Where do you turn for help? Perhaps you have a trusted family member or friend who dispenses good, sound, wise counsel. If you do, you are very fortunate. If you don’t have someone in your life like this, maybe you’d like a few hints.

As with any advice offered it has to feel right to you, so please take what works and ignore the rest.

I read a quote from Maya Angelou that feels like a very helpful place to start.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

Admittedly, she is taking a proactive stance and is acknowledging a perceived end benefit where adversity is a good thing. She draws out the benefits and offers encouragement. However, this might not feel true to you during your encounter with what feels like adversity to you.

I think that is what’s most difficult about this process. It requires a shift before things feel better. When you are down, unhappy, or depressed, shifting can be too difficult.

Perhaps it would be more helpful to start closer to the beginning. When adversity strikes, consider stepping back a bit to gain a clearer view. Take an honest look at your situation. Is the issue inside or outside of you? What do you know about what’s happening? Can you see it from different directions than your own? Are there a range of reactions for you to choose from on how to move forward? Are there skills you could work on that would help you?

I derive a lot of lessons from simple things in my life when I’m paying attention. I was looking out at the backyard through my screened porch. I noticed the view was unclear because I was standing too close to the screen. As I stepped back, the view changed and become much clearer.

I think adversity is like that. The closer you are, the more difficult it is to see, so that when you take a step back, you gain better perspective.

It also helps to let go of your first reaction, especially if it is keeping you stuck in negativity. Sometimes I have to tell myself that it isn’t ultimately helpful to be in that place. So, I invite myself to suspend those feelings temporarily, so I can investigate my other options.

Can I see anything beneficial for me? Are there simple things I can do that would change my situation, even a little? Are there others who might be willing to help me if I reach out? Is there anything for me to be grateful for? Can I develop some useful skills by recognizing I am often stronger and more resilient after the hardship is over?

How I answer these questions makes all the difference to me. I suspect the same might be true for you too.

Posted on

Misogi Challenge

When was the last time you challenged yourself?

Was it a long time ago? Was the challenge difficult or easy to complete? Did it truly stretch you and demand something special from you?

Recently my son, Tommy, told me about the ‘Misogi Challenge’. He pointed me to a blog by John Gamades, called Depth Not Width, in which he quoted Jesse Itzler.

According to the blog, Jesse says, “The notion around the misogi is you do something so hard one time a year that it has an impact the other 364 days of the year.”Jesse adds,“Put one big thing on the calendar that scares you, that you never thought you could do, and go out and do it.” 

There are of course other ways to view this experience.

In traditional Japanese culture, misogi involves immersing oneself in cold water or standing beneath a waterfall to purify the body and mind.

But in contemporary times, misogi has taken on a broader meaning. It’s a challenge that pushes you to your limits and forces you to confront your fears, doubts, and weaknesses. The choice or focus of your misogi is expected to have a 50% or greater chance of failure. In addition, a misogi should not kill you or harm others.

Once you complete the challenge, it’s a reminder that you are stronger than you believe and that more is possible than you can imagine. Misogi is an opportunity to reset yourself for the year to come.

I’ve been thinking about this idea for a while now and wondering what I could do to push my own limits.

This brings up several questions. What are my limits? How do I know what they are until I try to do something? Even then, how can I tell whether I can push past them?

I like the idea of challenging myself and I’ve done a lot of things that went far beyond what I initially thought was possible for me.

But what about now? What is so big that it has a 50% chance of failure, but won’t kill me or harm others?

An idea crystalized for me.

I happen to live across the street from the Helderberg Hudson Rail Trail in Albany County. According to the official website, the trail runs from Grove Street in Voorhessville to South Pearl Street in Albany, a one-way distance of 9 miles. One portion of the trail is a steady, fairly long, steep grade that runs for about 2 miles.

I immediately thought about walking the full length of the trail, but that seemed too short to push me beyond my limits, since I already walk 2-3 miles a day.

So, I decided the challenge would be to walk from one end to the other and back again, a total of 18 miles. Plus, I would wear a backpack filled with lots of water, my break and lunch food and some added weight, to make the walk more difficult.

I should add that my feet are not in the best shape. I have arthritis in each of my toes and neuromas in both feet, which cause pain due to swelling around the nerves. I am currently having laser treatments and hope for significant improvement, but I may not know for sure prior to my walk.

I asked myself, “how do I rate the difficulty of this challenge and how does that translate to the benchmark of less than a 50% chance of completion?”

It certainly feels daunting. I’ve never walked that far at one time before and definitely not carrying any weight. I have no idea whether the pain in my feet will be too intense or whether the weather will be too hot and drain and fatigue me.

You could legitimately ask…then why attempt it?

I’ve thought about that too.

And here is what I decided. I want to prove to myself that I am stronger than I think I am, and more capable and determined. I want to feel the boost in physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual energy and excitement that comes from achieving something beyond myself. And something beyond limits that I’ve accepted. I want to embrace new visions for my future, knowing I possess everything it takes to succeed.

Although the task may be rated as less than 50% chance of completion, I believe I have a 100% chance of success, since Tommy will be walking next to me.

So, what challenge do you accept from yourself?

Posted on

Challenging Yourself

Do you remember the last time you challenged yourself to do something you’d never done before?

If you answered, “yes”, was it scary, daunting, exciting, or maybe all three?

Often, I find that I like to stay within my comfort zone, that quiet place where I feel safe and warm. But every once in a while, I sense a need to step out of the box I’ve built and try something completely new.

One such opportunity came along while I was reviewing my email. I got an offer through Word Press, which is where my website is hosted, about an intriguing writing contest.

I’ve never entered one and wondered how it would work.

So, I investigated and discovered that it was organized by a woman named Lydia Lukidis and was titled the Fall Writing Frenzy Contest. Those entering would be requested to write a story of 200 words or less based on a photograph. Many choices were offered, and you would have a couple of weeks to complete your entry and then submit.

I scrolled through the photos and was immediately drawn to one provided by Danielle Colucci (for Unsplash). The photo showed a stone alleyway bordered by buildings along both sides, with a hillside in the background. One of the buildings has a porch light on which casts a reddish glow on several stones of the alleyway. It was taken at dusk with a fading blue sky and gray clouds. Although a story started to form immediately, it would not come into focus.

I tried and tried, but nothing would take shape and I found it quite frustrating until I realized I was trying to write it from my head and what drew me to the picture was from my heart.

So, I let go and sat back and waited for my heart to fill in the words. I found I had to walk away, think about other things, and then come back. Once I did, I could lean into writing what my heart wanted to say.

What came to me felt like a true story. It touched me deeply and I wanted to share it with you.

Will The Light Be On (my title)

She knew I had to leave. My family would starve without food. Without me.

I remember the last thing I said to her. I told her that I loved her and would be back soon. And then I kissed her, gently brushing my lips against hers and walked out of the door and her life.

She must have believed that I lied to her, because it’s been three years since I’ve seen her face, heard her voice, held her in my arms.

How could she have known that I was taken, forced into the back of a truck, and made to be another’s servant, working in their fields from before the sun rose until after it fell out of the sky.

They gave me only enough food for one day’s strength. What they did not know was, she was my food. She was my hope. Hope that I would one day see her again, be with her, marry her.

So, one day I ran. I ran so fast and so far, they would never catch me.

And now I am here, turning the corner to her street. If the light is on, I’ll know she still loves me. (end)

One of the things I learned during this creative process is that I cannot discover anything new if I remain standing in one place, locked into doing the same things over and over again.

I know that it takes courage to step into the unknown, but there is so much freedom and joy waiting there for us.

While checking to see if my contest entry was received, I found I have no record of it being sent. At first that really disturbed me, but after I thought about it for a few minutes, I relaxed and noticed that the real value to me was in accepting my own challenge, enjoying the creative process, and loving the resulting story that still warms my heart each time I reread it.

I hope you enjoy the story too.