Category: challenges

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Nothing For Granted

I’ve been thinking about how often I seem to take things for granted. Maybe this happens to you too.

I began wondering why. Could it be that my mind is just too busy with other things or is there something deeper going on?

There was a somewhat melancholy feeling running through me and words started flowing onto a page in my journal. I thought I’d share them with you, so that maybe together we could remind ourselves to take nothing for granted.

Nothing For Granted

Life is precious,

Sometimes staying in one place,

Sometimes leaping head.

I want to remember it all.

I wonder to myself about things,

About moments I experience,

What if this were my last hug,

The last spoke word I’ll ever hear,

What if this were my last sunset,

Last long soothing shower I’ll ever have,

Last delicious meal I’ll eat,

Or song I’ll hear,

Or walk I’ll take,

What if it’s the last firefly I’ll see light up

On a hot summer night,

Last starlit sky,

Last new spring green explosion of leaves I’ll see,

Or the last brilliant colorful autumn extravaganza,

What if it’s the last time I’ll feel the warmth of a cozy blanket,

Or the sunshine on my face,

What if this was the last time I’ll feel my wife’s lips against mine,

Would it change what it means to me

To be alive,

Would I treasure it,

Savor it,

Breath into it.

Would I try to hold onto it for dear life.

I wonder,

What do I want my life to be like.

So,

I sit with all of this

And let it wash over me

And I know what I want,

I want everything

To mean something to me,

Every sting,

Every fall and rise,

Every illusive dream,

Hurt, hope, every breath,

Every face and heart connection,

I want the whole collection of life,

Because it all matters.

And what I want most

Is to feel alive

And connected

And

I want to take nothing for granted,

Ever

I am curious what things you’d put on your list. Maybe you are too.

Be well.

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Outside Your Comfort Zone

I wanted to ask you a question.

How do you deal with things outside your comfort zone?

Does it freak you out or paralyze you for a while? Or are you able to extend yourself without much effort and roll with things?

My follow up question would be…how do you think your comfort zone was created?

When I look back over the years, I suspect mine has widened and narrowed many times depending on what I’m experiencing at the time.

Next month I’ll be going to my fiftieth college graduation celebration, a milestone to be sure. I still remember how I felt on my first day. I was very worried I would never fit in, wouldn’t make any friends, wouldn’t be able to “hack it” (as I would have said at the time). And I felt that way for quite a long time. But I did meet friends and did fit in and after a miserable academic beginning I was able to redeem my grades and graduate.

There were other times too when my comfort zone was exceeded, many of them dealing with firsts…first day on the job, first time speaking to a crowd of my peers and bosses, first time I gave a sermon in church. My list goes on and on.

I bet yours does too.

It would be nice to think that I am passed all of that and that I’ve pushed my zone so far that nothing I do bothers me or challenges me. But that would not be the truth. I still do plenty of things that press hard against my perceived limits.

And that is the exact point of this post.

Pushing past our own self-imposed limits.

I’d like to encourage you to consider giving yourself permission to do something, anything that challenges you beyond what you think are your limits.

I’d like to advocate for you and tell you that you CAN do extraordinary things.

You are probably saying something out loud like, where does this person get off telling me I CAN do extraordinary things? He doesn’t even know me!

Well, in one way that is true. In all likelihood, I don’t know you personally and you’d have a case to make that therefore I cannot comment on your capabilities.

But here’s the thing…I can tell you this because you are here reading this post, which says to me that you are searching and I’m willing to bet part of your search is for someone to “see” you. To see the powerful, radiant being you are. Sure, you have your share of fears and have probably been knocked down a few times, but you likely also got back up.

I know that every person on this planet has the capacity for MORE, even if it’s only one more step. I’m here to champion the idea of your taking one more step and to tell you it could lead to the beginning of something grand and wonderful.

You need examples?

Okay, I am afraid of failure. I also happen to know the easiest way to fail…never trying in the first place. So, I gather my courage, reflect on past successes, give myself wholly to the task at hand and use a sacred formula for overcoming obstacles and moving beyond my comfort zone.

I’m going to share it with you. I spend time conceiving what I aim to experience. I know very well that if I can conceive something, it can be mine. Once I have conceived it, I sit with it until I believe it will happen for/to me. Of course there can be lingering doubts, but I tell them to step aside because I’m busy believing. And then, I take action. Often, it is a series of actions. And during the whole process I focus on my feelings and how joyful I feel that I am doing something I feel is meaningful.

So, here’s my practical example. I’m going to facilitate my own retreat on a subject that is very near and dear to me, talking with (god). I have been having personal, intimate conversations with (god) for over 27 years and I want to share the simple process I use so that others can have their OWN conversations. Stepping out and doing everything for the retreat myself is very challenging and really pushes me beyond my comfort zone.

Here’s another element that helps.

I tell myself to move forward, to take one step at a time and to keep going. There are always excuses I can offer myself, but I remind myself not to accept any of them and to keep moving forward.

I believe in you and know you can do the same thing. I hope you decide to give it a try.

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Kicked Out of the Nest

I’ve always heard that if young birds don’t leave the nest, one of their parents will kick them out, forcing them to fly.

Apparently, this is a myth. According to experts, this doesn’t happen, although young birds are definitely coaxed into flying. Despite thinking it’s safe in the nest, having a group of loud squawking birds sitting together is an invitation to many predators, so it’s in the young bird’s interest to jump out and fly away.

The moral of this story has become self-evident to me over the years.

I like to stick around where it feels safe. I know the rules, even if I don’t always like them all. I have a good idea what I can and cannot do and my options seem pretty clear. Part of me isn’t interested in venturing outward, where everything seems confusing and uncertain.

But, like a young bird, it isn’t always safer in the nest and taking flight and finding new and better places to be is to my advantage, no matter how difficult or challenging it can be.

Recently, I experienced this situation again. For me, there is a period of discomfort that occurs, mostly on an emotional level. When I feel ousted from my nest, my first reaction is either fear or anger. When I gain a little distance, I see that fear and anger are really the same emotion, just acted out differently.

Many years ago, our wise minister (Jim Fuller) mentioned how important it was for all of us to feel our feelings. I understood his point but was not very good at accepting or processing my feelings. I was a ‘thinker’, so feelings seemed to take second place, which really meant no place at all.

I decided I ought to give it a more serious try, so I began a feelings journal where I promised to be honest and write down exactly what I was feeling and then sit with them. Not try to change my feelings or ignore them or discount them. Just be with them. As time went on, I came to learn that my feelings were guides for helping me navigate a better life course.

So, back to the nest.

Each time I am forced out of my cozy nest, which happens with regularity, I allow myself to feel my feelings, then sit and rest with them. Once the initial energy subsides, I can see there is a purpose and a new direction for me to travel. A direction that opens me up and offers me a prosperity I would never have known if I’d chosen to stay in the nest.

I know this is hard. I know you might think there is nothing out there beyond your comfort zone…but there is.

I’m writing this to invite you to give yourself a chance to discover a bigger, brighter, bolder world.

Every time this has happened to me, I have grown and experienced satisfaction and joy.

If you give yourself a chance, I hope you find new dimensions and beautiful experiences waiting for you.

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Take Aways

Are you someone who likes a challenge? Are you someone who invests themselves deeply in life and reaches for meaning in every experience? If you are, I have something for you to try.

It’s the modern-day version of an ancient Shinto practice called, Misogi. The idea is to choose a physical challenge that has less than a 50% chance of success and does not hurt you or anyone else (obviously trying to distance this experience from the extreme sports world).

Last year, my son, Tommy, and I decided to walk a nearby rail trail from one end to the other and back again. The distance turned out to be 19.5 miles, which is farther than I’d ever walked before in one stretch, and that was many years ago. It took us eight hours and included a long downhill grade of about 2 miles and consequently the same uphill grade. For a reference, I should mention that I was 70 years old at the time and had several physical limitations.

This year we decided to swim the circumference of Mirror Lake, a small body of water that lies just behind the Main Street in downtown Lake Placid. We estimated the distance as between 2.2-2.7 miles.

The farthest I’d ever swam was perhaps 1.0 mile and I took a big break in the middle.

My plan was to train over a period of 8-10 weeks, increasing my distance to at least 1 mile comfortably. That plan was scrapped due to a significant knee issue requiring a cortisone shot and a challenging right shoulder problem. For many weeks I wondered if I would even be able to participate.

But that’s a part of the process, recognizing that things are not going to be ideal. Life simply does not line up to make all things easy for us. In fact, I’ve come to believe, that at least in part, the challenges we overcome offer far greater meaning to us than a simple easy pathway would.

Beyond getting ready physically there is a major mental component to the preparation. I spent several weeks questioning myself. I wanted to know why this was so important to me. Why did I need to challenge myself and what did I have to prove?

Interestingly, this prompted some major inner dialogues.

If you haven’t been reading my posts this may come as a shock to you, but I have conversations with (god) all the time. The voice of (god) often changes but the essence remains the same. In this particular case, it was a feminine voice, and she suggested I call her, Misogi.

After expressing some of my issues surrounding this whole challenge, I became quiet enough to listen to her.

She explained to me that the challenge of a Misogi has absolutely nothing to do with the beginning or destination, and everything to do with the journey. She counseled me to pay attention during the swim to what was happening inside of me. There would be observations and revelations waiting for me, she promised.

She was right.

I wrote some of them down to share with you. I did this so that you could see there is depth here. And there will be depth for you, as you contemplate your own versions of a Misogi. I believe we learn from each other, then go off and create and experience our own beautiful lives. We are steppingstones for each other.

One- doing this with my son swimming by my side was fantastic. Sharing a vision and a practice with someone important to you always makes any experience grander and more valuable.

Two- being in the water for five hours felt immersive, like we were a part of nature, an intimate participant and observer and it allowed us to swim within twenty feet of a beautiful loon gliding across the surface of the lake.

Three- the scenic splendor of the high peaks was awesome, especially the clear unobstructed views we had from the water.

Four- finding out what we were capable of, surmounting obstacles, and maintaining focus and purpose despite painful leg cramps (even my leg cramps had leg cramps there were so many).

Five- although I’d reduced my emphasis on completing the full distance, I recognized that I still wanted to succeed and pushed myself over my limits to see what doing so would feel like. It was so worth the effort. We completed the full 2.2 miles in five hours. No one’s record pace, but we had done what we set out to do, and there was, in fact, some real sweetness to that.

I personally don’t think it matters what you choose as your Misogi. What does matter is that you choose something that feels important to you. An if you do decide to choose a Misogi of your own, I hope you find values and benefits awaiting you during your journey.

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Time to Reconsider

I have many teachers in my life, some exist in proximity to me, others are farther away. Each of them reminds me of things I want to learn to release or to be at peace with. They are predominantly things that irritate, annoy or upset me.

I guess by now I ought to be used to this, but I’m not.

If I am not careful, I get sucked into their orbit and react in kind. This does not serve me.

To be at peace, I know I need to release any attachment to my version of what is ‘right’. I wonder to myself, how is this done?

At first glance, I’m tempted to accept and embrace what my culture has taught me, which is that I deserve to feel the way I do, about anything. If I can find someone who shares my feelings or who otherwise supports my right to feel the way I do, I have no incentive to make any changes, despite the amount of conflict and internal suffering I experience.

Feeling justified is an end unto itself and it halts all other thoughts and holds me in place.

The other thing it does is it creates a host of troublesome feelings inside me and ultimately keeps me from any sense of peace or freedom.

It’s too high a price to pay.

My feelings create a crack in the doorway, a place where some light comes in. And when the light hits my feelings, I sense there is the possibility for change.

Perhaps my view of the world is wrong. Perhaps there’s another way to view my situation that would be better for me. Perhaps I don’t have to stay in the rut created by constant reinforcement.

This feels like good news to me. I try to open my eyes and heart further. What change could I make that would allow my life to be more peaceful, contented, even joyful?

The first thing that occurs to me is that I could remind myself that there are numerous ways to live in this world. This translates as, my way may not be the best or only way and others’ views might make more sense.

It takes some inner strength to say this out loud to myself. For whatever reason, it’s challenging for me to think I have it wrong, but what a wonderful opportunity it is for me to entertain this idea.

This whole concept is one of suspended belief and judgement. A sort of time out or pause, so that I can reconsider what I believe.

It’s a mind opening invitation I can give myself.

If I sit back and think about any given situation from a neutral position, maybe I’ll see a bigger picture, one that may offer me a wider view and provide space to see if what I believe still rings true.

It feels like a wise choice to make and I’m going to give it a try.

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What If Today…

I want to share something that I wrote for a dear friend of mine recently. It was intended to provide a spark to ignite a different way of viewing life. It was something that I needed. As with all of my posts, the thoughts and words arrive for me and then moved outward into the world.

The post is a dream in a way. Of a richer life. And of course, as it is in all cases, it depends on what we choose. I wonder to myself what will I choose, I wonder too, what will you choose?

What if today…

What if today…I choose to believe…to truly accept and embrace…that every single thing that happens to me is here to benefit me. What if I choose to see beyond appearances and all of the things that blind me. What if I give myself permission to believe that I am loved and cared for and know that everything I experience in my life is there to offer me something of value. That no matter what the world tells me, I can choose my own path. What if I embrace that my heart and spirit are the ones that set me free.

What if today I release any need to control the uncontrollable. What if I spruce up my ability to yield and let go of all the things that weigh me down…to set them aside and feel the precious liberation and the expansive freedom that choice creates.

What if today I collect all the most lovable parts of me and hug them and ask them to spread their joy throughout my body…my life.

What if today I allow every sorrow, pain, challenge, and concern to take the day off…to rest…what if I placed them all gently in the ocean of bliss that is my true home, where they can be washed clean.

What if, for one day, I give up needing to be in charge of anything and allow life to flow gently through me.

What if today…I breathe in peace and breathe out love.

What if today…is that day.

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Contradictions

How do you deal with contradictions in your life?

Are they easy for you to separate into decipherable components or do they pose serious challenges for you? Navigating contradictions seems to be a part of our lives, whether we like it or not.

Here are two examples of contradictions in the English language.

The word sanction can mean either to give official permission or approval OR conversely, to impose a penalty. Imagine the difficulty that would be created if someone used the word, sanction, and you weren’t sure what they meant.

Then there is the word, oversight, which means both to oversee or supervise someone or something OR to fail to see, observe, or to disregard or ignore something.

This is only one challenge faced by those attempting to learn English. There are so many others, but I’m focusing on the particular dilemma created when the same word has two opposing meaning.

You may be wondering, does this happen in our daily lives or you may see the connection immediately.

The messages we receive every moment of our lives can have this same kind of effect on us, forcing us to determine which meaning we are supposed to understand.

Often, we have to listen to the tone of voice used or the volume of the speaker or the gestures they use when they talk, further complicating the situation.

I find that I confuse people sometimes. I think I’m being clear, but they don’t respond the way I expect. Either it’s me or it’s them or there are just too many ways to interpret the words I used.

On the receiving end, it’s the same thing. Even when I listen carefully, I sometimes don’t get what they’re saying and sometimes it seems contradictory, especially if they aren’t patient. If either one of us gets angry or frustrated, things seem to go off track.

Okay, so I’ve illustrated a problem I encounter and perhaps you do too, so now what?

One answer that comes to me is not one I used to be good at, but after having practiced a lot, I’m getting better.

Ask.

I find that it’s unrealistic for me to be clear every time I speak and it’s equally unfair to expect this of anyone else. We have lots of things on our minds. We have different goals, patience levels, available time, and communication skills.

But we can each ask questions. If something is unclear, we can pause the conversation and ask what the other person means. We can paraphrase what they’ve said and ask if we understand correctly. And we can ask as soon as we have a question, so that we don’t get lost before the next step in the conversation.

I know this seems simple and it is, but we may feel that we ‘should’ understand already and by asking a question we risk giving the other person the impression that we are not smart enough to follow what they’re saying. Or that they may get annoyed with us for interrupting them.

To me, some of the most important benefits of asking questions during conversations is that we can feel in sync with others, and better understand them so that we receive valuable information or become more sensitive to their feelings or to convey our feelings to them.

Without asking questions how else can we do that?

During my life I’ve discovered the incredible power that questions possess. They invite and offer depth of connection with others and it only takes a second to ask a question.

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Unintended Outcomes

I wanted to provide you with an opportunity to explore something with me if you’d like.

Let’s suppose that the following happens…EVERYTHING you think you want, actually comes true. Not just some things, but EVERYTHING. You don’t have to work for it or negotiate or trade, whatever you want, it’s yours.

What would you choose?

I invite you to take a minute or two, if you have the time right now, or save this exercise for when you have a couple minutes. Sit back with a pen or pencil and pad/notebook and brainstorm, recording what comes to you.

Would you choose things that provide you with fame or fortune or popularity or trophies? Or would you choose things that would increase your bank accounts or investment portfolio or your compensation package?

Would you opt to live longer or healthier or pain and disease free? Or perhaps you’d decide to make things better for others, so you might give away tons of money, or medicines to the poor or education to those who don’t have access.

Maybe you’d bypass the monetary or health things and go straight to the choices that would provide you with happiness and joy and dynamic relationships and overall contentment.

If you were free to choose anything and made a set of decisions, what do you think the ramifications would be? Might there be some unintended outcomes that would occur?

I wanted to dive into this myself, because I felt there was so much room to learn something important, something I might not access any other way. I sensed it could take me a little time to discover, but the journey would be well worth it.

Here’s the first thing that happened to me.

I thought to myself, if I got everything I wanted, no mess, no fuss, just immediately there for me…a feeling of dissatisfaction would come over me. I would feel it was too easy and I would take everything for granted. Things would lose a lot of their meaning and value to me.

If I hadn’t had to work for them, hadn’t traded any of my time or spent any energy in exchange for them, I think that whatever value they initially provided me with would be lost quickly.

The next thing I felt was a sense that not having to work for things would take away or sap my resourcefulness. I wouldn’t have to think or plan or interact with things. And I would shy away from anything that was difficult or challenging.

And then I thought, what will all these easily obtained things mean to me over time? Would they grow and expand in meaning and become favored things I treasure? My answer was ‘no, they would not’. For things to mean something to me, I need to exchange something for them. Some time, energy, skill, money, effort, something.

Although my initial list contained items like, best-selling author, wealthy donor, healthy beyond expectations, well respected, I felt I needed to take a second look.

There were unintended outcomes involved. I discovered each one of these attractive items to me wasn’t anything I would ever be in control of. They are the choices others make.

And finally, the primary outcome of having everything given to me is that my drive, my personal mission, and my desire to experience the world would be drained from me.

I’ve come to realize that it might be nice to occasionally have some things come easily to me, but for the important stuff, I want to be directly involved. I want to work hard, give of myself, connect directly with others in meaningful ways and reap a sense of personal satisfaction from what I choose to do with my life.

I want to see what it’s like to make all of my own decisions and experience all of the natural outcomes, no matter what they are.

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Staying In Your Own Lane

It’s interesting to me how various phrases come into our working vocabulary. One I’ve recently heard is the phrase, ‘stay in your own lane’, by which the person generally means, mind your own business, and stop interfering in mine.

There can be especially troublesome moments, at work and in other settings, when someone who has an insufficient knowledge or ability to handle things, attempts to interject themselves in tasks that are not assigned to them. Although it’s difficult to redirect these folks, it’s often necessary in order to inform them that you have things covered and it’s your job, not theirs.

Overstepping is particularly challenging when the person refuses to stop, either by their intentional or unintentional actions and it may require supervisory intervention.

Why all this focus on ‘staying in your own lane’?

The answer is, because I’ve been having conversations with Lia, an ethereal feminine voice of god who has been offering me wisdom and guidance about this very subject, but from an entirely different direction.

How so, you may ask?

It all started with a conversation about the challenges I felt about being able to stay connected to the divine. What I want most in my life is to feel a direct, unwavering, deep connection with the divine, so that the whole of my life revolves around it.

What I discover on a daily basis is that there are numerous distractions that push or force or entice me away from this straight line. There are so many of them that I easily get caught up in them and lose my focus. Although I tell myself that they are worth my attention, what really happens is that they sap my strength and dissipate my power, which makes it difficult and near impossible to maintain my true aim, union with the divine.

I cannot stay in my own desired lane.

No outside force is doing this to me. They may try, but because I have free will, whatever happens is either because I allow it, or I choose it.

Of course, I turned to Lia and asked for her guidance. Here is what she told me.

“Until you practice ‘staying in your own lane’ (in my case, paying attention to my most important aim of deeply connecting with the divine), you think it is not possible, but as you practice, you see that it is possible. When a distraction arrives (anything I initially perceive as not heading me toward the divine), the first and most essential step is to take notice of its arrival. Spend a moment truly seeing it for what it is, an opportunity to teach you something valuable. Allow it to offer you its insight, thank it, then move back into your lane.”

I wondered if there was more. There was.

Lia continued, “Distractions are not permanent, but rather temporary events, guideposts to help redirect you with a greater awareness, and improve your focus.”

That made sense to me, especially if after some practice, it became a relatively quick process for me. If I could make the choice to acknowledge them, see their value and release them, I would easily be able to return to my straight path and then stay in my lane.

I expressed a deep sense of gratitude to Lia for sharing these valuable insights with me and I hope they are of worth to you as well.

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Bucket List

I was at our local YMCA recently and came across a sheet laying on the check-out table. It was their version of a summer bucket list containing fifty or so items they were suggesting for summer activities. It was wide ranging, but as you might expect, heavily slanted toward physical health.

I’ve always liked the idea of bucket lists and began my own when I was in high school and have made numerous additions to it over the years. Many of the items have been ‘checked off’ and reading them gives me great pleasure.

A few items have dropped off my list due to spousal veto’s, such as hang gliding and roller blading, as she cites ‘excess ambition and potential physical damage with extensive recuperation time’ as her reasons. I feel compelled to concede, knowing she is no doubt correct.

Other items have been released, most notably, owning a castle on the Rhine. I can perhaps visit a castle on the Rhine, if we go on a European River Cruise, which IS on my bucket list. I think that would be a great substitute, after all the heating bills in the winter must be daunting.

I would love to know what others put on their lists and their reasons for their choices.

I thought I would share a few of mine with you, maybe to get you started on your own or just for a fun read. I split the groupings up into those I’ve already done and those presently on my To Do list.

Experienced

Built a treehouse for our children with my dad.

Laid on a bed of nails (Baltimore Science Museum)

Walked 500 miles between my college (Hartwick) campus and my wife’s campus (State University at Oneonta) over a three year period

Marched in a Parade (as By Scout Den leader)

Blown an Alphorn (Switzerland)

Spent a night in a train car (during camping trip in heavy rain)

Served at a Soup Kitchen

Written a Country Western song for my wife

Helped out after 9/11 (on-site financial support and food supply)

Swam with dolphins (Key Largo)

Sponsoring two children through Compassion (Maria and Sara)

Won a stuffed animal at an Amusement Park

Skied one Black Diamond trail (mostly slid my way down)

Signed up as Organ Donor (unrelated to the black diamond trail)

Bowled over 200 (221)

Scored below 80 in golf (79)

Present Bucket List (some of them)

Attend Special Events: graduations and weddings for our three grandchildren

Hold any great grandchildren born during our lifetime

Participate in the Polar Plunge (Lake George January 2024)

Walk the Rail Trail from end to end and back with Tommy

Extensive Creek Walk with Jenny

Have 50th Wedding Anniversary party (only one requested gift-each attendee offers 50 memories)

Visit some National Parks (Zion, Bryce, Arches, Antelope Canyon)

Travel to different cities in the US on vacation

Fast for 36 hours

Make deep connections with others

Teach/facilitate a Retreat/Workshop at Kripalu

Write more Little Buddha books (perhaps a total of 10)

Get in touch with old friends

Travel to a country to see the Aurora Borealis

Learn more about nature (add ID apps to my phone)

Read a challenging book

Make new friends

Shoot a bull’s-eye in archery

These are just a few items because there are so many more I could write down. The thing I like most about doing this is that it engages me in this present wonderful life.

I can dream of anything, knowing that if I really truly want to experience it, there is a way. If I conceive it and believe it and take action, all things are possible. What a gift!

I hope that you fill up your own Bucket List with things that light you up and give meaning and purpose to your life.