Category: compassion

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Sharing Pain

An important question surfaced recently that I wanted to share with you.

It’s really more of a confession of sorts because I don’t feel it casts me in the greatest light. But I’m committed to telling my story as is, rather than what I want others to think it is. At least, that’s what I try to do.

My question is this…why do I feel a need to share about my physical pains with others?

Surely, they have their own. Do they really need to hear about mine? And I wonder, will it turn into a contest of whose pains are worse, a game that seeks to constantly up the ante?

Telling another about my pains and suffering might be okay if someone specifically asked me and wanted to know. Or if I was at a medical office, and they needed to understand my story in order to provide helpful solutions.

But ordinarily, do others need to be bothered by my list of aches and pains? I’m pretty sure they don’t.

If I’m paying close enough attention though, I hear my words and recognize I’m sharing my pains and sorrows and most of the time it’s unsolicited.

I encourage myself to sit back and open to what fills the silence. I allow myself to let everything come in, no matter how it feels.

Here’s what happens.

A series of answers march forth, one after the other, trying to educate me.

First to appear is a sense that I am asking for others sympathy, as if that will provide me with some useful energy. I’ve discovered, it doesn’t.

Next is a feeling that some part of me needs to complain, to say how hard I have it and how unfair it all is, in an attempt to elicit empathy or sympathy. Occasionally it works, but seriously, how often do others want to have to provide this to me. Afterall, they have their own issues and concerns and probably need the same thing from me.

Other times, I have a desire to be released from my pains and sorrows and am looking for legitimate opinions and suggestions from others on how to accomplish this. I need relief. But one thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I don’t always listen to what they have to say, or I listen and yet fail to do the things that might make my situation better.

This seems ridiculous to me. To receive great advice then disregard it…what sense does that make? Not much.

I wonder to myself, could there be something valuable in divulging my conditions? Might it open a door to a worthwhile conversation with someone, something beyond ‘misery loves company’?

It struck me that if I was open and sensitive to others, I might find some common ground, some territory to have a meaningful discussion, one that might go beyond physical issues. It might transcend the usual dialogue and delve into areas of commonality. We might be able to talk about our genuine feelings about our physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual lives.

That felt very different to me. Beautiful, in fact.

Maybe it’s not about what I share, but how I share. Perhaps it’s about coming from a place of compassion and love, rather than a place of need and fear. I think that next time I’m going to try to keep this in mind and rather than coming from fear I will seek to come from love, the source of all good things in life

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Post #291 Love Bucket List 07162023

Recently I wrote a post and mentioned that I’ve had a bucket list for a long time and have had the opportunity to accomplish many of the items on it. Of course, I keep adding new things, which probably means it will never be complete. I’m okay with that.

You may have your own bucket list and be working your way through the joys of checking things off and loving the experiences you’ve chosen. I certainly hope so.

What struck me the other day was that I want to create an entirely new kind of bucket list. One that reaches deep within me, all the way to my core. It’s a bucket list filled with actions I take that connect me with others. Each action is powered by love, asking nothing in return, simply extending the love I feel inside me and offering it outward into the world.

My whole life I’ve heard that love is the most powerful, valuable, important thing in our lives. I’ve heard sermons, read books, seen movies, all focused on love. I’d be willing to bet you’ve encountered the same thing.

The downside of this for me is that what I hear and see is too generic, too ethereal, or too subtle.

I recognize it’s very difficult to capture the essence of love. It’s such a huge concept. How can anyone measure its depth, explain its mystery, or share its wonder?

Perhaps it can’t be done. But what I think can be done is to live it and show it through my actions. This is the reason I decided to create a Love Bucket List.

I’d like to share some items that showed up on my list with you.

One) when speaking with anyone, look into their eyes and connect with them.

Two) when someone is sad, offer them sympathy, not just with words or a card, but with a light touch, a hug, or a reassuring glance.

Three) when someone is hurting, regardless of the reason, offer empathy and a shoulder for them to cry on.

Four) encourage myself to offer acts of kindness no matter their size, because they all mean something to the receiver.

Five) forgive before being asked for forgiveness, allowing your heart to be wide open and free.

Six) offer compassion to everyone you meet along your path, knowing life can be difficult and beyond one’s limits.

Seven) extend warmth and caring in simple acts, like buying lemonade from a child or opening a door for someone.

Eight) remember you come from love and return to love so that you can assist others during the tough times they face, offering reassurance that, in the end, all will be well.

Nine) walk next to others, not ahead or behind, but next to them, offering support and comfort for their journey.

My list continues from these beginnings, taking on a life of its own and allowing me to extend further and further into my heart and back out into the world.

When I reread this list another important thought occurred to me. These items appear to be extensions of myself in an outward direction, but I also need to extend love inward, to my own heart. I need to support my own growth and treasure my own inner essence.

I have come to learn that love is a deep well connecting me to my divine source. When I depend solely on my own strength and power, I quickly experience an exhaustion of what I have available to me, but when I sit still and go within and connect directly with the divine, I am never exhausted and there is always love present, both for me and for the world.

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Bridges

Are you a fan of bridges or do they scare you a bit?

I’ve driven and walked over lots of bridges and most are okay. But then there are a few that are truly nerve-wracking because they are so high or seem to sway with the wind or the end seems to disappear before it reaches the other side, leaving you wondering if you’ll ever set foot on firm ground again.

I know a few people who will drive out of their way to avoid going over certain bridges. I recently discovered that there is a recognized phobia for this condition, referred to as gephyrophobia, and that it often produces panic attacks. I feel badly for those afflicted with this condition and know of many bridges that would produce these effects.

This morning I was thinking about bridges of a different sort. The ones it would be wonderful to build between people.

We have such strong opinions and reactions regarding how we view the world, and they can create large chasms between us. I wondered to myself, what causes all of these and easily came up with an extensive list. No doubt you could add to it with ideas of your own.

Political ideologies, religious dogmas, social mores, economic stratification, injustices, wars, philosophical differences. And, branching off each of these are even more opinions and hardened ideas that make it very challenging.

So, how are we to bridge the gaps?

I suppose it is up to each of us to decide what approach might work for us. I’m wondering, do you have a proven method, or would you like a suggestion?

If you have something that works for you, I hope you share it with others, because it often feels that our human race could benefit from a lot of bridging.

If you’re open to an idea, I have one to share.

The idea begins by visualizing a bridge in your mind. There are two ends, and each has a firm foundation, which suggests something to me. It feels as though both ends are necessary and important. But there is a feeling of them standing alone and apart, so that without the lanes that crossed between them, they cannot support each other, and they are less because of this.

The visualization shifts.

One side of the bridge is now connected to my head, where all thoughts about the world reside. It is powerful and capable of great things, but it falls short of being complete.

On the other side is my heart where feelings exist. It is a loving, caring place, but it too is incomplete.

The two sides need each other to be wholly effective. And they also need a way to communicate. They need the lanes in between them, and they need to partner together, otherwise nothing significant can be accomplished.

And they need to find common ground and a reason to work toward mutually beneficial outcomes.

I often find that I learn best through examples, so here’s one that came to my mind.

While driving in a city, I’ll often notice a person standing by the side of the road holding a sign, asking for money. My head recognizes that there are many opinions regarding those who do this. Some folks feel they should get a job like everyone else. Others resist offering them money because they feel they’ll use it for liquor or drugs or something else objectionable. And while folks may be sensitive to their plight, they don’t want to encourage them to continue and feel there must be a better way.

On the other side of my bridge, my heart fills with love, sympathy, and empathy for them. It hopes that they will receive whatever they truly need, whether it’s money, a smile, or a word of encouragement.

But without a bridge between my head and my heart no action will ever occur. For me, that’s where compassion comes in. It’s when the love in my heart finds direction through an outpouring of compassion. It overflows into my mind and creates a desire to offer aid, support, and kindness.

Compassion builds bridges. Simple acts of encouragement, caring and sharing from the abundance we each have within us. Compassion builds lanes between the two foundations, making the entire bridge come to life.