Category: cultural training

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Time to Reconsider

I have many teachers in my life, some exist in proximity to me, others are farther away. Each of them reminds me of things I want to learn to release or to be at peace with. They are predominantly things that irritate, annoy or upset me.

I guess by now I ought to be used to this, but I’m not.

If I am not careful, I get sucked into their orbit and react in kind. This does not serve me.

To be at peace, I know I need to release any attachment to my version of what is ‘right’. I wonder to myself, how is this done?

At first glance, I’m tempted to accept and embrace what my culture has taught me, which is that I deserve to feel the way I do, about anything. If I can find someone who shares my feelings or who otherwise supports my right to feel the way I do, I have no incentive to make any changes, despite the amount of conflict and internal suffering I experience.

Feeling justified is an end unto itself and it halts all other thoughts and holds me in place.

The other thing it does is it creates a host of troublesome feelings inside me and ultimately keeps me from any sense of peace or freedom.

It’s too high a price to pay.

My feelings create a crack in the doorway, a place where some light comes in. And when the light hits my feelings, I sense there is the possibility for change.

Perhaps my view of the world is wrong. Perhaps there’s another way to view my situation that would be better for me. Perhaps I don’t have to stay in the rut created by constant reinforcement.

This feels like good news to me. I try to open my eyes and heart further. What change could I make that would allow my life to be more peaceful, contented, even joyful?

The first thing that occurs to me is that I could remind myself that there are numerous ways to live in this world. This translates as, my way may not be the best or only way and others’ views might make more sense.

It takes some inner strength to say this out loud to myself. For whatever reason, it’s challenging for me to think I have it wrong, but what a wonderful opportunity it is for me to entertain this idea.

This whole concept is one of suspended belief and judgement. A sort of time out or pause, so that I can reconsider what I believe.

It’s a mind opening invitation I can give myself.

If I sit back and think about any given situation from a neutral position, maybe I’ll see a bigger picture, one that may offer me a wider view and provide space to see if what I believe still rings true.

It feels like a wise choice to make and I’m going to give it a try.

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To Be Bold

What does the word bold mean to you?

One dictionary definition goes like this. Bold is an adjective that is used to describe something. It’s used in reference to a person, action, or idea, showing an ability to take risks, to be confident and courageous.

It can also mean that something, an object, or design, has a strong or vivid appearance.

As a noun, it can be used, as in ‘bold typeface’, where something is bolded.

Now that we have a working definition, would you say that you are bold? Do you stand out from the crowd? Are you confident, courageous, and willing to take risks?

It’s unlikely that anyone always acts the same way all the time, but it feels to me as though we have strong tendencies and lean in certain directions. I’m willing to bet that our childhood experiences shaped these directions and probably still does.

How often would you say you act ‘out of character’? Do you find yourself in certain situations that bring out a different side of your personality? Do you know what are the triggers?

Part of my cultural training centered on not standing out too far. I was coached to believe that it was not safe, and I would not be accepted by others, that I wouldn’t fit in. I don’t mean that someone sat me down and drummed these messages directly into me. No, it was far more subtle. Like most things, we absorb them. It seems to me we’re often not even aware we’re being trained, but opinions, biases, and beliefs creep in and become a part of us.

I’ve witnessed others who must have received a different set of ideas. Ideas that generated strong beliefs they use to work their way through this life. They seem comfortable in their own skins. They lead and stand out.

I wonder, why they are so at ease? How can they be so bold?

What occurs to me is that there is something INSIDE them that powers them. Something they rely on and that fuels them forward when others tend to stand still.

I want to know what it is. I want to be like that.

So, I go inside myself on a treasure hunt, looking for the good stuff that will allow me to be bold. I’m actually not surprised by what I find. I know it’s been there for a really long time. There is a host of words, thoughts, and beliefs that I discover.

I’m aware that it’s not that the bold ideas are not a part of me, they are, but they are waiting for me to acknowledge them and act on them.

It’s like the one more drop of water that breaks open the dam, sending forth a flood. I just need one more drop of water.

And it comes in the form of a truth I’ve heard many times. I’ve been told that I am divine, inherently valuable, and worthy. I’ve been told that how others see me or the way I see myself based on my outward appearance and actions, cannot and does not change this truth. I am a part of the whole, the holy, the one presence, source.

All that is left for me to do is to release my dependence on outside appearances and accept my inner knowing, to reveal and embrace the truth of my divinity and know I am whole and can be bold.

The further truth is, you are the same, you are part of the one, the whole, the holy, source. Accepting and embracing this truth can make you bold too.

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Starting Over

If someone approached you and asked, would you like to start over, would you accept their invitation?

Would there be any hesitation on your part? Maybe you’d need to spend a moment considering what aspects of your life you’d want to change, to begin again.

If I gave you a few moments and invited you to do a little inventory, what do you suppose you’d come up with?

I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of weeks now. While it might have begun as a fun exercise, it’s turned into something much more engaging, and I find myself drawn toward it in a way I didn’t expect.

I started out wondering about things like, my eating habits, physical exercise routines, sleep patterns, and how I spend my leisure time. These things are important to me, and I have made numerous changes, and each change feels positive to me and gives me a sense of satisfaction, as long as I consider them ‘aims’ and not ‘objectives’ (see my post on this subject for more, if interested).

I found I needed to move beyond these. Something else was calling to me. It didn’t appear immediately, as if it might want to stay hidden.

What could it be?

As I often do, I sat back and gave myself a few moments of quiet to consider. I wanted to open up some space inside me to receive an answer. I’m tempted to move too quickly, as if I will run out of time, so I don’t always give myself a chance to listen. I have to temper that default setting, so I sat in silence and waited.

What filled the gap surprised me.

I felt an overwhelming sense of pressure on my chest, like a very heavy weight was laying across me, forcing me downward. I knew at once what it was.

It was the weight of all of my cultural training. All the things I’ve been taught to believe, regardless of whether they make any sense. It’s interesting to me that they are not all spoken things. Many have been absorbed from what I see modeled around me. I take them all in and they sort themselves into places inside me. They fit into file cabinets I can’t see but know are there and they come out whenever their name is called.

I know it’s going to be challenging to sort through them in order to know which to keep and which to release. So much so, that I’m not sure I’m equal to the task. That is until I realize how much the ones that don’t benefit me, weigh me down and hold me in place.

I am tired of this constant process. I am tired of living with these inconsistencies and untruths. And this becomes fuel for me. It propels me forward.

You might be wondering, what cultural trainings I am talking about. I am too. I don’t believe I know them all. But I do know enough of them to get started.

Here’s one.

Part of American culture is expressed in the statement, “All men are created equal.” I have so many problems with this. For one, it’s the use of the word, “men”, rather than “people”. I rail against the idea that my wife, daughter, granddaughter, mom, sister, and all other women would be immediately excluded. Some would say, give our forefathers some slack, they were only using the language of their time.

I can’t. I won’t. It would not have been any more ‘right’ then, than now.

Even if this word were changed, the idea itself is only given lip service in our culture. We are not treated equally. Anyone with eyes can see this any day of the week.

We are not equal, but I don’t believe that’s even the key. What feels right to me is that we are all unique, all worthy of love, all part of the divine. What separates us from seeing this is what our cultural training teaches us.

That’s one thing I aim to change while I start over.

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Inner Voices

My last post raised a few questions and I’d like to move deeper and share some possible answers with you. Ones that may be worth considering.

For those who may not have had a chance to read my last post, it centered on why we might choose experiences that are challenging for us, rather than ones that are easier and more comfortable. It also offered a new way of gaining insight into our lives by listening to our inner voices.

I shared my belief that each of us has a physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and ego voice which wants to be heard. And, that these voices all have something of value to add to our lives, but that when one overshadows the others, some chaos can ensue.

Does this make any sense to you? Does it dovetail with any of your experiences?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how my inner voices react to the cultural training I’ve received throughout my life. What seems true for me is that each voice is strongly influenced but not uniformly. It also seems to depend on the situation.

What has shifted into focus is that I sense inadequacies in my cultural training. I am questioning all those things which have entered my consciousness and become a part of me. Rather than allowing them to continue, I feel a need to reconsider whether they are still true for me.

I sense that my most of my cultural training (all the things I’ve been taught to believe by those of influence in my life) are distortions of what is, in fact, true.

Hints of the original messages offered to me are surfacing. A part of me needs to understand what they have to share with me. I need to look beyond the default settings I have established and beyond the automatic responses they create in my life.

Lately I’ve begun to realize that my ego voice, in its effort to protect me, uses my cultural training to establish a threat assessment for everything I encounter. Based on its assessment it sends what it considers to be important messages to my other voices. Most of the time the messages are fear based. Whereas the effect can be beneficial because it generates action on my part, I sense there is a much more gentle and effective method to accomplish this.

That’s where something I call my ‘translation table’ comes into play. Simply put, this is an idea, a process, where I evaluate whether my cultural training makes sense, rather than reflexively accepting it as true.

My translation table seeks more information and asks important questions. What do I sense in my physical body? How do I feel emotionally about what I am encountering? What do I think about it and whether it is logical, factual, or reasonable?  Does it connect in any way with my spiritual blueprint? What am I protecting and is there a better way?

Often, I find that examples help flesh things out and provide useful insights, so I’d like to share one of mine with you.

One message I’ve received through my cultural training is that I don’t ‘deserve’ (fill in the blank). That I am not inherently deserving. Instead, I must earn everything and even then, I am not safe. It can easily be taken away from me. If I think about it, the origin of this becomes clear. Mostly it is schooling and church, but also the comments of others; parents, friends, and those in the workplace.

I step back a moment and allow my inner voices freedom. I have an immediate physical reaction. It makes me feel weak and sluggish, sure signs it does not support me, nor speak my truth. Emotionally this belief drains me, sapping my energy. As I think about it, it becomes obvious that it only represents a story I’ve been told and is not factual. My ego weighs in, indicating that this claim of not deserving creates more work, because it broadens the need for protection.

And finally, my spiritual voice speaks. It tells me this idea; this concept and cultural belief is not a part of MY spiritual blueprint. It reminds me that every choice and decision is MINE to make, and I am not forced to accept anything which does not feel ‘right’ to me. I can safely release any cultural training which does not support or benefit me. Simply let them go. This frees up an enormous amount of space inside me, space now available for what does feel true. Space I can use to embrace beliefs that improve my life and offer me freedom. Allowing my inner voices the opportunity to share with me is a true gift and brings me abundant peace and clarity. I hope yours will do the same for you