Category: difficulties

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Outside Your Comfort Zone

I wanted to ask you a question.

How do you deal with things outside your comfort zone?

Does it freak you out or paralyze you for a while? Or are you able to extend yourself without much effort and roll with things?

My follow up question would be…how do you think your comfort zone was created?

When I look back over the years, I suspect mine has widened and narrowed many times depending on what I’m experiencing at the time.

Next month I’ll be going to my fiftieth college graduation celebration, a milestone to be sure. I still remember how I felt on my first day. I was very worried I would never fit in, wouldn’t make any friends, wouldn’t be able to “hack it” (as I would have said at the time). And I felt that way for quite a long time. But I did meet friends and did fit in and after a miserable academic beginning I was able to redeem my grades and graduate.

There were other times too when my comfort zone was exceeded, many of them dealing with firsts…first day on the job, first time speaking to a crowd of my peers and bosses, first time I gave a sermon in church. My list goes on and on.

I bet yours does too.

It would be nice to think that I am passed all of that and that I’ve pushed my zone so far that nothing I do bothers me or challenges me. But that would not be the truth. I still do plenty of things that press hard against my perceived limits.

And that is the exact point of this post.

Pushing past our own self-imposed limits.

I’d like to encourage you to consider giving yourself permission to do something, anything that challenges you beyond what you think are your limits.

I’d like to advocate for you and tell you that you CAN do extraordinary things.

You are probably saying something out loud like, where does this person get off telling me I CAN do extraordinary things? He doesn’t even know me!

Well, in one way that is true. In all likelihood, I don’t know you personally and you’d have a case to make that therefore I cannot comment on your capabilities.

But here’s the thing…I can tell you this because you are here reading this post, which says to me that you are searching and I’m willing to bet part of your search is for someone to “see” you. To see the powerful, radiant being you are. Sure, you have your share of fears and have probably been knocked down a few times, but you likely also got back up.

I know that every person on this planet has the capacity for MORE, even if it’s only one more step. I’m here to champion the idea of your taking one more step and to tell you it could lead to the beginning of something grand and wonderful.

You need examples?

Okay, I am afraid of failure. I also happen to know the easiest way to fail…never trying in the first place. So, I gather my courage, reflect on past successes, give myself wholly to the task at hand and use a sacred formula for overcoming obstacles and moving beyond my comfort zone.

I’m going to share it with you. I spend time conceiving what I aim to experience. I know very well that if I can conceive something, it can be mine. Once I have conceived it, I sit with it until I believe it will happen for/to me. Of course there can be lingering doubts, but I tell them to step aside because I’m busy believing. And then, I take action. Often, it is a series of actions. And during the whole process I focus on my feelings and how joyful I feel that I am doing something I feel is meaningful.

So, here’s my practical example. I’m going to facilitate my own retreat on a subject that is very near and dear to me, talking with (god). I have been having personal, intimate conversations with (god) for over 27 years and I want to share the simple process I use so that others can have their OWN conversations. Stepping out and doing everything for the retreat myself is very challenging and really pushes me beyond my comfort zone.

Here’s another element that helps.

I tell myself to move forward, to take one step at a time and to keep going. There are always excuses I can offer myself, but I remind myself not to accept any of them and to keep moving forward.

I believe in you and know you can do the same thing. I hope you decide to give it a try.

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Kicked Out of the Nest

I’ve always heard that if young birds don’t leave the nest, one of their parents will kick them out, forcing them to fly.

Apparently, this is a myth. According to experts, this doesn’t happen, although young birds are definitely coaxed into flying. Despite thinking it’s safe in the nest, having a group of loud squawking birds sitting together is an invitation to many predators, so it’s in the young bird’s interest to jump out and fly away.

The moral of this story has become self-evident to me over the years.

I like to stick around where it feels safe. I know the rules, even if I don’t always like them all. I have a good idea what I can and cannot do and my options seem pretty clear. Part of me isn’t interested in venturing outward, where everything seems confusing and uncertain.

But, like a young bird, it isn’t always safer in the nest and taking flight and finding new and better places to be is to my advantage, no matter how difficult or challenging it can be.

Recently, I experienced this situation again. For me, there is a period of discomfort that occurs, mostly on an emotional level. When I feel ousted from my nest, my first reaction is either fear or anger. When I gain a little distance, I see that fear and anger are really the same emotion, just acted out differently.

Many years ago, our wise minister (Jim Fuller) mentioned how important it was for all of us to feel our feelings. I understood his point but was not very good at accepting or processing my feelings. I was a ‘thinker’, so feelings seemed to take second place, which really meant no place at all.

I decided I ought to give it a more serious try, so I began a feelings journal where I promised to be honest and write down exactly what I was feeling and then sit with them. Not try to change my feelings or ignore them or discount them. Just be with them. As time went on, I came to learn that my feelings were guides for helping me navigate a better life course.

So, back to the nest.

Each time I am forced out of my cozy nest, which happens with regularity, I allow myself to feel my feelings, then sit and rest with them. Once the initial energy subsides, I can see there is a purpose and a new direction for me to travel. A direction that opens me up and offers me a prosperity I would never have known if I’d chosen to stay in the nest.

I know this is hard. I know you might think there is nothing out there beyond your comfort zone…but there is.

I’m writing this to invite you to give yourself a chance to discover a bigger, brighter, bolder world.

Every time this has happened to me, I have grown and experienced satisfaction and joy.

If you give yourself a chance, I hope you find new dimensions and beautiful experiences waiting for you.

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Time to Reconsider

I have many teachers in my life, some exist in proximity to me, others are farther away. Each of them reminds me of things I want to learn to release or to be at peace with. They are predominantly things that irritate, annoy or upset me.

I guess by now I ought to be used to this, but I’m not.

If I am not careful, I get sucked into their orbit and react in kind. This does not serve me.

To be at peace, I know I need to release any attachment to my version of what is ‘right’. I wonder to myself, how is this done?

At first glance, I’m tempted to accept and embrace what my culture has taught me, which is that I deserve to feel the way I do, about anything. If I can find someone who shares my feelings or who otherwise supports my right to feel the way I do, I have no incentive to make any changes, despite the amount of conflict and internal suffering I experience.

Feeling justified is an end unto itself and it halts all other thoughts and holds me in place.

The other thing it does is it creates a host of troublesome feelings inside me and ultimately keeps me from any sense of peace or freedom.

It’s too high a price to pay.

My feelings create a crack in the doorway, a place where some light comes in. And when the light hits my feelings, I sense there is the possibility for change.

Perhaps my view of the world is wrong. Perhaps there’s another way to view my situation that would be better for me. Perhaps I don’t have to stay in the rut created by constant reinforcement.

This feels like good news to me. I try to open my eyes and heart further. What change could I make that would allow my life to be more peaceful, contented, even joyful?

The first thing that occurs to me is that I could remind myself that there are numerous ways to live in this world. This translates as, my way may not be the best or only way and others’ views might make more sense.

It takes some inner strength to say this out loud to myself. For whatever reason, it’s challenging for me to think I have it wrong, but what a wonderful opportunity it is for me to entertain this idea.

This whole concept is one of suspended belief and judgement. A sort of time out or pause, so that I can reconsider what I believe.

It’s a mind opening invitation I can give myself.

If I sit back and think about any given situation from a neutral position, maybe I’ll see a bigger picture, one that may offer me a wider view and provide space to see if what I believe still rings true.

It feels like a wise choice to make and I’m going to give it a try.

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Unintended Outcomes

I wanted to provide you with an opportunity to explore something with me if you’d like.

Let’s suppose that the following happens…EVERYTHING you think you want, actually comes true. Not just some things, but EVERYTHING. You don’t have to work for it or negotiate or trade, whatever you want, it’s yours.

What would you choose?

I invite you to take a minute or two, if you have the time right now, or save this exercise for when you have a couple minutes. Sit back with a pen or pencil and pad/notebook and brainstorm, recording what comes to you.

Would you choose things that provide you with fame or fortune or popularity or trophies? Or would you choose things that would increase your bank accounts or investment portfolio or your compensation package?

Would you opt to live longer or healthier or pain and disease free? Or perhaps you’d decide to make things better for others, so you might give away tons of money, or medicines to the poor or education to those who don’t have access.

Maybe you’d bypass the monetary or health things and go straight to the choices that would provide you with happiness and joy and dynamic relationships and overall contentment.

If you were free to choose anything and made a set of decisions, what do you think the ramifications would be? Might there be some unintended outcomes that would occur?

I wanted to dive into this myself, because I felt there was so much room to learn something important, something I might not access any other way. I sensed it could take me a little time to discover, but the journey would be well worth it.

Here’s the first thing that happened to me.

I thought to myself, if I got everything I wanted, no mess, no fuss, just immediately there for me…a feeling of dissatisfaction would come over me. I would feel it was too easy and I would take everything for granted. Things would lose a lot of their meaning and value to me.

If I hadn’t had to work for them, hadn’t traded any of my time or spent any energy in exchange for them, I think that whatever value they initially provided me with would be lost quickly.

The next thing I felt was a sense that not having to work for things would take away or sap my resourcefulness. I wouldn’t have to think or plan or interact with things. And I would shy away from anything that was difficult or challenging.

And then I thought, what will all these easily obtained things mean to me over time? Would they grow and expand in meaning and become favored things I treasure? My answer was ‘no, they would not’. For things to mean something to me, I need to exchange something for them. Some time, energy, skill, money, effort, something.

Although my initial list contained items like, best-selling author, wealthy donor, healthy beyond expectations, well respected, I felt I needed to take a second look.

There were unintended outcomes involved. I discovered each one of these attractive items to me wasn’t anything I would ever be in control of. They are the choices others make.

And finally, the primary outcome of having everything given to me is that my drive, my personal mission, and my desire to experience the world would be drained from me.

I’ve come to realize that it might be nice to occasionally have some things come easily to me, but for the important stuff, I want to be directly involved. I want to work hard, give of myself, connect directly with others in meaningful ways and reap a sense of personal satisfaction from what I choose to do with my life.

I want to see what it’s like to make all of my own decisions and experience all of the natural outcomes, no matter what they are.