Category: emotional health

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Am I A Victim

Am I a victim or do I have a choice?

That may seem like a simple question, but I don’t think it is, and here’s why.

It feels to me that the world tries to fill our heads with strong opinions about this and reinforces the whole idea of victimhood. So much so that it may be our first reaction. We simply accept ourselves as the victims of our circumstances.

When I sit back for a moment, I realize this may even be our default setting, an immediate prescribed reaction to events we encounter.

I wonder, how can this possibly benefit us?

My first thought is, it’s an easy escape. We don’t have to be held accountable and there’s usually someone else to blame. We don’t have to take any responsibility or even make changes to fix things.

We’re simply off the hook. After all, we’re the victim, aren’t we?

This whole thought process bothers me to my core. I understand why we might gravitate to this way of thinking, but to me no one is served by it. Not really.

I do not believe I came here to this earth to be a powerless victim of my own thinking or because of someone else’s actions.

Of course, I realize there are things outside my control. Lots of them. And many of them create situations I’d rather not experience. But that doesn’t mean I am powerless.

In fact, once it becomes obvious to me that I’m falling into the grips of victimhood, that’s the time for conscious decision making.

This starts with a giant step back and some deep breathing.

I need to take a wide view of the situation and truly consider all of the choices available to me.

I’m sure there are many ways to evaluate before choosing a path forward and everyone ought to use the one that offers them the best outcome- the one that works to achieve their ultimate benefit.

The question may be- how?

I have a suggestion you might want to consider.

Hang on, because it comes from a surprising place. As some of you know, I have certain recollections about heaven. I remember things and one of them is the ceremony that centered around me before I came to earth. During the ceremony I created a framework, a basic plan of things I wanted to experience. I think of it as my spiritual DNA. It remains flexible throughout my earth life, so I am able to make any changes I desire.

When I was constructing this basic plan, I chose to live in the world and be impacted by my cultural training, BUT I also chose to retain the ability to choose what best served me, despite what my culture believed.

In a way it doesn’t really matter if you decide to believe me about remembering heaven, because we all end up in this same place having to decide what path best suits us.

What I am suggesting is that we do not have to accept the ‘victim’ role. It is an option, not a requirement. It’s a choice.

We can acknowledge its presence, but give ourselves permission to make a better choice, one that serves our immediate and long-term aims.

I feel all decisions are open to me. I may not always like the immediate outcomes, but I do still have a choice, and I believe that it is always possible to find a wonderful path forward.

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talking with (god) retreat

I have two questions for you. Both are very important.

The first question is, are you ready for a life changing experience and the second is, would you like to discover answers to your biggest questions in life?

These are not idle questions. They are fundamental and potentially life altering, depending on how you answer them.

I am offering a retreat, the details of which appear later in the post, but for right now I want to share a few important things with you.

I have been having my own direct, intimate, personal conversations with spirit, divine, creator, or whatever name I choose for (god) at the time. After reading Neale Donald Walsch’s book, Conversations With God, I thought to myself, if he can talk with god and receive answers, so can I.

So, for the last 27 years I’ve been having my own talks with (god) and have received incredibly profound answers to my most challenging questions. During all that time, I’ve never experienced even one harsh word from god. The voice I hear is filled with love and compassion and as long as I quiet the noise inside my head, I hear answers to everything I ask. I need to point out, they are often not the answers I expected, but are always the answers I need.

If this sounds too fantastic to you and you want to stop reading, I’ll understand.

But if you’d like a deeper connection with god (or whatever name you use), please keep reading.

I am comfortable promising, that if you attend, you will be guided toward some insights you seek and feel a profound sense of love, as you work through the issues that challenge or possibly confuse you. This retreat will offer you opportunities to share your experiences with others, at your comfort level, and in a beautiful loving sacred space. Each attendee will have the freedom to explore their journey through journaling, conversations, meditation, music, art, walking and relaxation.

If this sounds appealing to you, I invite you to join us. The talking with god retreat will be held from Friday, December 13, 2024 (6:30pm registration) through Sunday, December 15, 2024 (closing at 11:30am) and will be held at the Dominican Retreat Center at 1945 Union Street, Niskayuna, New York 12309.

The cost is $295, which includes two-nights’ accommodations, four nourishing meals and a gift copy of my book, talking with (god) to the first thirty participants to register.

To register, please contact me (Rob H Geyer) at rhgeyer@gmail.com or call my cell phone (518) 469-8676.

I believe this is one retreat you will not want to miss.

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Nothing For Granted

I’ve been thinking about how often I seem to take things for granted. Maybe this happens to you too.

I began wondering why. Could it be that my mind is just too busy with other things or is there something deeper going on?

There was a somewhat melancholy feeling running through me and words started flowing onto a page in my journal. I thought I’d share them with you, so that maybe together we could remind ourselves to take nothing for granted.

Nothing For Granted

Life is precious,

Sometimes staying in one place,

Sometimes leaping head.

I want to remember it all.

I wonder to myself about things,

About moments I experience,

What if this were my last hug,

The last spoke word I’ll ever hear,

What if this were my last sunset,

Last long soothing shower I’ll ever have,

Last delicious meal I’ll eat,

Or song I’ll hear,

Or walk I’ll take,

What if it’s the last firefly I’ll see light up

On a hot summer night,

Last starlit sky,

Last new spring green explosion of leaves I’ll see,

Or the last brilliant colorful autumn extravaganza,

What if it’s the last time I’ll feel the warmth of a cozy blanket,

Or the sunshine on my face,

What if this was the last time I’ll feel my wife’s lips against mine,

Would it change what it means to me

To be alive,

Would I treasure it,

Savor it,

Breath into it.

Would I try to hold onto it for dear life.

I wonder,

What do I want my life to be like.

So,

I sit with all of this

And let it wash over me

And I know what I want,

I want everything

To mean something to me,

Every sting,

Every fall and rise,

Every illusive dream,

Hurt, hope, every breath,

Every face and heart connection,

I want the whole collection of life,

Because it all matters.

And what I want most

Is to feel alive

And connected

And

I want to take nothing for granted,

Ever

I am curious what things you’d put on your list. Maybe you are too.

Be well.

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Act of Kindness- Balloons

This is a story that I created for a contest submission about an act of kindness as told from a different perspective than my own. The part I played is true. I was the balloon man. The rest of the story is told from a small boy, Joey, and his mother, Janice’s perspective. The essence of the contest was to perhaps inspire the reader to perform their own act(s) of kindness. There part is up to you.

Joey looked up into his mother’s eyes and asked the question he’d been carrying around for a while.

“Mommy, why did this happen to me?”

She noticed the start of tears forming in the corners of his eyes, tried to smile at him and did her best to answer.

“I don’t know, honey. Sometimes there aren’t good answers for why things happen to one person and not to another.”

“Is this hard for you, sweetie?”

“Kind of,” he responded, clearing away the tears as they ran down his cheeks.

She was awed by his gently courage and sat next to him remembering the moment in the doctor’s office when the word was first spoken. Cancer.

From then on, it was a blur for her. She was so relieved that Daniel, her husband, was there to pay attention. It’s not that she didn’t want to know, especially since she’d be the one taking care of Joey, since Daniel had to leave again. He’d gotten his orders and had to report soon. Even in a situation like this, wars went on.

“Mommy,” Joey said, interrupting her thoughts, “How long will I be in the hospital this time?”

“Oh, Joey, I’m sorry but I don’t know, The doctors hope it will be shorter than last time, but they’re not sure yet.”

***

After several weeks went by Joey was released from the hospital. His mom, Janice, held his next appointment card in her hand and they left unsteadily for home.

***

“When do we go to Dr. Richard’s office?”, Joey asked.

“We leave in fifteen minutes. Can you go find your stuffed dog, Patches, so we’ll be ready to leave?”

Janice noticed how Joey held his body, hunched forward slightly with his eyes staring down at the floor.

“Are you feeling upset honey?”, she asked, already anxious about his answer.

“A little”, he said, trying to hide the fear he felt inside. Joey smiled crookedly at his mom and turned to look for Patches.

As they headed to the car, Joey tipped his head up and asked, “Mommy, could we do something special after the doctor?”

His eyes pleaded for her to say ‘yes’.

Janice tried to keep from crying, knowing how worrisome this appointment was from both of them, after all the test results were supposed to be in.

She’d promised to call Daniel as soon as they left the doctor’s office, but she wanted to give Joey something to look forward to, if such a thing was possible.

“I hope so, sweetie”, she finally responded.

***

Janice parked the car, helped Joey out of his seat and walked slowly up the staircase and into the medical building. They rounded a corner in the hallway and Joey shrieked with excitement.

“Balloons, Mommy! Can I have one? I really want one, please Mommy?”

The man holding the string of balloons turned toward Joey and smiled.

Janice knelt down next to Joey to be closer to him and said, “Honey, those aren’t our balloons”, She’d hoped to divert his attention and continue to their doctor’s office for his appointment.

Instead of continuing to walk in the opposite direction, the man turned and approached Joey and Janice. He noticed how Joey’s face brightened and how the light in his eyes radiated with the simple pleasure of seeing the balloons, and the possibility of having one for himself.

The man held out the bouquet of balloons and asked, “Which one would you like, if it’s okay with your mom?”

The man held Janice’s eyes, assuring her that he wanted Joey to have his pick.

“The blue one, no, the purple one, oh, I don’t know, they’re all so beautiful”, Joey answered, with unsuppressed joy.

The man smiled and pulled on two strings, releasing them from the bunch and held them out to Joey.

“Let’s make this easy”, the man said, “how about both?”

Joey screamed with delight, took the balloons, then looked at his mom, silently asking for her permission.

Overcome by this simple act of kindness, Janice nodded to her son and quietly thanked the man.

“You have no idea what this means to both of us”, she said.

“I think I do”, the man responded knowingly.

He turned, walked down the hall and entered a Pediatric Doctor’s office where he joyfully released the rest of his bouquet.

End

Note: This was one of my sixty-three intentional acts of kindness that took almost a month to complete. I did this in appreciation for my sixty-third birthday.

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Outside Your Comfort Zone

I wanted to ask you a question.

How do you deal with things outside your comfort zone?

Does it freak you out or paralyze you for a while? Or are you able to extend yourself without much effort and roll with things?

My follow up question would be…how do you think your comfort zone was created?

When I look back over the years, I suspect mine has widened and narrowed many times depending on what I’m experiencing at the time.

Next month I’ll be going to my fiftieth college graduation celebration, a milestone to be sure. I still remember how I felt on my first day. I was very worried I would never fit in, wouldn’t make any friends, wouldn’t be able to “hack it” (as I would have said at the time). And I felt that way for quite a long time. But I did meet friends and did fit in and after a miserable academic beginning I was able to redeem my grades and graduate.

There were other times too when my comfort zone was exceeded, many of them dealing with firsts…first day on the job, first time speaking to a crowd of my peers and bosses, first time I gave a sermon in church. My list goes on and on.

I bet yours does too.

It would be nice to think that I am passed all of that and that I’ve pushed my zone so far that nothing I do bothers me or challenges me. But that would not be the truth. I still do plenty of things that press hard against my perceived limits.

And that is the exact point of this post.

Pushing past our own self-imposed limits.

I’d like to encourage you to consider giving yourself permission to do something, anything that challenges you beyond what you think are your limits.

I’d like to advocate for you and tell you that you CAN do extraordinary things.

You are probably saying something out loud like, where does this person get off telling me I CAN do extraordinary things? He doesn’t even know me!

Well, in one way that is true. In all likelihood, I don’t know you personally and you’d have a case to make that therefore I cannot comment on your capabilities.

But here’s the thing…I can tell you this because you are here reading this post, which says to me that you are searching and I’m willing to bet part of your search is for someone to “see” you. To see the powerful, radiant being you are. Sure, you have your share of fears and have probably been knocked down a few times, but you likely also got back up.

I know that every person on this planet has the capacity for MORE, even if it’s only one more step. I’m here to champion the idea of your taking one more step and to tell you it could lead to the beginning of something grand and wonderful.

You need examples?

Okay, I am afraid of failure. I also happen to know the easiest way to fail…never trying in the first place. So, I gather my courage, reflect on past successes, give myself wholly to the task at hand and use a sacred formula for overcoming obstacles and moving beyond my comfort zone.

I’m going to share it with you. I spend time conceiving what I aim to experience. I know very well that if I can conceive something, it can be mine. Once I have conceived it, I sit with it until I believe it will happen for/to me. Of course there can be lingering doubts, but I tell them to step aside because I’m busy believing. And then, I take action. Often, it is a series of actions. And during the whole process I focus on my feelings and how joyful I feel that I am doing something I feel is meaningful.

So, here’s my practical example. I’m going to facilitate my own retreat on a subject that is very near and dear to me, talking with (god). I have been having personal, intimate conversations with (god) for over 27 years and I want to share the simple process I use so that others can have their OWN conversations. Stepping out and doing everything for the retreat myself is very challenging and really pushes me beyond my comfort zone.

Here’s another element that helps.

I tell myself to move forward, to take one step at a time and to keep going. There are always excuses I can offer myself, but I remind myself not to accept any of them and to keep moving forward.

I believe in you and know you can do the same thing. I hope you decide to give it a try.

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What Were You Made For

It’s likely that you watched, listened to or heard about Billie Eilish’s song, What Was I Made For, which was the Official Music Video for the film, Barbie.

No doubt everyone has their own opinions about the song. I find it eerily haunting and beautiful. The undercurrent feels eye opening to me, especially when you consider how it fits into the movie.

Of course, you can take the song and movie at face value, but there is so much underneath of benefit and worth.

What would you answer if I asked you this deceptively simple question…what were you made for?

Perhaps you’ve already arrived at your answer.

But for those of you who have not previously considered this, what are you inclined to respond?

I always feel it’s fair that I answer the questions I ask, so here’s my response.

I need to back up a little.

I still carry with me some memories from heaven. There was a ceremony I participated in, and many choices were made. I do not remember all of them, but there are some that are clear to me. I probably ought to say, they become clear to me as my life goes on.

I believe I chose where, when and to whom I was born. It feels obvious to me that the experiences I’ve encountered fit neatly into my life plan. I realize and believe that each choice is fully and completely under my control because I have free will. This is not to say that I haven’t been manipulated or coerced or brainwashed into making choices others wanted. But the truth for me is that I allowed or sanctioned or surrendered and accepted the path others wanted me to take in order to please them or keep me from their wrath.

That is until I decided to put my self first. You may be thinking, that’s kind of selfish, isn’t it? And you would be correct.

I realized I am here, on this earth, to create and experience my life. MY life.

I love others here and I certainly want to show love, support, and encouragement, but not at the cost of losing myself in the process.

I don’t believe that is what I was made for.

I was made to explore, discover, absorb, create, connect, give and receive love. I was made to be able to make my own choices, follow my own path, and share whatever radiance that burns inside of me.

I believe you have this same birthright. It’s part of your spiritual DNA. It’s one of the reasons you were given free will, so you could choose and chart your own path.

However, for you to answer this really important question has nothing to do with what I think or what I say. It’s entirely up to you.

So, what were you made for?

Whatever the answer is, I believe it already exist inside of you and if you give yourself a chance to listen, you’ll hear the sweet quiet voice guiding you toward your own answers and choices.

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Kicked Out of the Nest

I’ve always heard that if young birds don’t leave the nest, one of their parents will kick them out, forcing them to fly.

Apparently, this is a myth. According to experts, this doesn’t happen, although young birds are definitely coaxed into flying. Despite thinking it’s safe in the nest, having a group of loud squawking birds sitting together is an invitation to many predators, so it’s in the young bird’s interest to jump out and fly away.

The moral of this story has become self-evident to me over the years.

I like to stick around where it feels safe. I know the rules, even if I don’t always like them all. I have a good idea what I can and cannot do and my options seem pretty clear. Part of me isn’t interested in venturing outward, where everything seems confusing and uncertain.

But, like a young bird, it isn’t always safer in the nest and taking flight and finding new and better places to be is to my advantage, no matter how difficult or challenging it can be.

Recently, I experienced this situation again. For me, there is a period of discomfort that occurs, mostly on an emotional level. When I feel ousted from my nest, my first reaction is either fear or anger. When I gain a little distance, I see that fear and anger are really the same emotion, just acted out differently.

Many years ago, our wise minister (Jim Fuller) mentioned how important it was for all of us to feel our feelings. I understood his point but was not very good at accepting or processing my feelings. I was a ‘thinker’, so feelings seemed to take second place, which really meant no place at all.

I decided I ought to give it a more serious try, so I began a feelings journal where I promised to be honest and write down exactly what I was feeling and then sit with them. Not try to change my feelings or ignore them or discount them. Just be with them. As time went on, I came to learn that my feelings were guides for helping me navigate a better life course.

So, back to the nest.

Each time I am forced out of my cozy nest, which happens with regularity, I allow myself to feel my feelings, then sit and rest with them. Once the initial energy subsides, I can see there is a purpose and a new direction for me to travel. A direction that opens me up and offers me a prosperity I would never have known if I’d chosen to stay in the nest.

I know this is hard. I know you might think there is nothing out there beyond your comfort zone…but there is.

I’m writing this to invite you to give yourself a chance to discover a bigger, brighter, bolder world.

Every time this has happened to me, I have grown and experienced satisfaction and joy.

If you give yourself a chance, I hope you find new dimensions and beautiful experiences waiting for you.

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One More Day

Have you ever been in a rainstorm that was so hard you had to use your fastest wiper blade setting and even then, it was difficult to see?

I was in one of those recently. Usually, I’m not overly concerned but I found this storm a bit nerve wracking. And then I came upon a section of the road that had high walls on both sides. Despite the drainage built into the road, all of the water from the heavy downpour was trapped and flooding the highway.

There was nothing I could do except to keep going.

The car next to me hit a wall of water and splashed it up and over my minivan, burying me inside the wave. I couldn’t see anything but water cascading over me. One second, two, three. Nothing.

I held on to the steering wheel in hopes that I would come out the other side and still be in my lane. And that there wouldn’t be anyone there. And that the car behind me wouldn’t run into the back of me when it appeared. And that the car to my left, that began the shower, wouldn’t veer over into my lane.

I kept my eyes open and said, “Oh, my God!” three times before the wall of water fly off my windshield.

Surprisingly, no other cars were on the road anywhere near me. I drove along, hands on the wheel, eyes starring disbelieving ahead of me to a clear wide-open road, as if it was any other day.

Wow!

I’ve never experienced anything like that and frankly, I hope I never will again.

I continued on, expressing my gratitude for coming through that experience safely. I tried to slow my breathing and take it all in.

A question formed in my mind.

How was it possible for all of the cars to make it safely through that dangerous place?

I’m sure there are a host of ideas and explanations, but what I really wanted to know was, would that experience change me? Would I reflect on it as a turning point in my life? A dividing line of some sort? A second chance?

I’ve been thinking about that lately.

I know there have been other times in my life where I skirted death. Maybe the same thing has happened to you. Maybe more than once.

Did it change you? Did you step back and wonder?

After considering this for a little while I’ve come to the conclusion that I can change my outlook any time I want to. Any time I choose to. I don’t need a hugely significant frightening experience like this to prompt me into action.

I can give myself a second chance any moment of my life. And so can you.

No matter what is happening, you have the power to choose your attitude. You can take one step, and then another. You can build a new you.

Every time you wake up, you have one more day. You can make it count. You can let joy fill you and overflow, if you choose.

Seeing the open road in front of me after the water fell away reminded me that I have more time and that it’s up to me to decide what to do with it.

So, I’ll leave you with a question…what are you going to do with one more day?

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Take Aways

Are you someone who likes a challenge? Are you someone who invests themselves deeply in life and reaches for meaning in every experience? If you are, I have something for you to try.

It’s the modern-day version of an ancient Shinto practice called, Misogi. The idea is to choose a physical challenge that has less than a 50% chance of success and does not hurt you or anyone else (obviously trying to distance this experience from the extreme sports world).

Last year, my son, Tommy, and I decided to walk a nearby rail trail from one end to the other and back again. The distance turned out to be 19.5 miles, which is farther than I’d ever walked before in one stretch, and that was many years ago. It took us eight hours and included a long downhill grade of about 2 miles and consequently the same uphill grade. For a reference, I should mention that I was 70 years old at the time and had several physical limitations.

This year we decided to swim the circumference of Mirror Lake, a small body of water that lies just behind the Main Street in downtown Lake Placid. We estimated the distance as between 2.2-2.7 miles.

The farthest I’d ever swam was perhaps 1.0 mile and I took a big break in the middle.

My plan was to train over a period of 8-10 weeks, increasing my distance to at least 1 mile comfortably. That plan was scrapped due to a significant knee issue requiring a cortisone shot and a challenging right shoulder problem. For many weeks I wondered if I would even be able to participate.

But that’s a part of the process, recognizing that things are not going to be ideal. Life simply does not line up to make all things easy for us. In fact, I’ve come to believe, that at least in part, the challenges we overcome offer far greater meaning to us than a simple easy pathway would.

Beyond getting ready physically there is a major mental component to the preparation. I spent several weeks questioning myself. I wanted to know why this was so important to me. Why did I need to challenge myself and what did I have to prove?

Interestingly, this prompted some major inner dialogues.

If you haven’t been reading my posts this may come as a shock to you, but I have conversations with (god) all the time. The voice of (god) often changes but the essence remains the same. In this particular case, it was a feminine voice, and she suggested I call her, Misogi.

After expressing some of my issues surrounding this whole challenge, I became quiet enough to listen to her.

She explained to me that the challenge of a Misogi has absolutely nothing to do with the beginning or destination, and everything to do with the journey. She counseled me to pay attention during the swim to what was happening inside of me. There would be observations and revelations waiting for me, she promised.

She was right.

I wrote some of them down to share with you. I did this so that you could see there is depth here. And there will be depth for you, as you contemplate your own versions of a Misogi. I believe we learn from each other, then go off and create and experience our own beautiful lives. We are steppingstones for each other.

One- doing this with my son swimming by my side was fantastic. Sharing a vision and a practice with someone important to you always makes any experience grander and more valuable.

Two- being in the water for five hours felt immersive, like we were a part of nature, an intimate participant and observer and it allowed us to swim within twenty feet of a beautiful loon gliding across the surface of the lake.

Three- the scenic splendor of the high peaks was awesome, especially the clear unobstructed views we had from the water.

Four- finding out what we were capable of, surmounting obstacles, and maintaining focus and purpose despite painful leg cramps (even my leg cramps had leg cramps there were so many).

Five- although I’d reduced my emphasis on completing the full distance, I recognized that I still wanted to succeed and pushed myself over my limits to see what doing so would feel like. It was so worth the effort. We completed the full 2.2 miles in five hours. No one’s record pace, but we had done what we set out to do, and there was, in fact, some real sweetness to that.

I personally don’t think it matters what you choose as your Misogi. What does matter is that you choose something that feels important to you. An if you do decide to choose a Misogi of your own, I hope you find values and benefits awaiting you during your journey.

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Inspiration

If I gave you a minute and asked you to tell me the name of the first person who comes to mind when you hear the word, “inspiration”, who would it be?

Did the name come quickly to you, or did you have to stretch a bit?

Did fantastic memories of the person flood your mind and make your heart feel more alive? Or did it take several moments for the connections to happen?

Maybe there are a lot of folks in your life who jump into your mind, so it took a few minutes to see which one ended up topping your list.

And now here’s a twist of a question…are YOU on your own list?

I asked myself this question and was somewhat shocked to find that it was my name that appeared at the top of my list. I realize I risk something by saying this to you. You could think that I am self-absorbed or conceited or something else with negative connotations. But…

I’m saying it anyway.

The main reason is because I have (mostly) released the idea of being small in this world. I know that’s what the world tends to do to us. It wants us to submerge ourselves and not stand out. It’s one way of keeping us safe. But at what cost?

It forces us to look outside ourselves for everything, as if we are not enough or don’t count for anything.

I will not accept this.

I don’t need others to think I am important or to focus on me. I don’t need (or want) others to single me out or place me on any kind of pedestal.

But I do want to acknowledge my own inner worth and value. For me. Not for anyone else, as if this earth world is some type of contest I need to win.

I choose to speak what feels like the truth to me. I choose to shine as brightly as I can, to light up my portion of the world with brilliance. I choose to be on fire and to do all of the things that make me feel alive.

I choose to be inspired by my own actions and to give the best of myself to the world.