Category: growth

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Nothing For Granted

I’ve been thinking about how often I seem to take things for granted. Maybe this happens to you too.

I began wondering why. Could it be that my mind is just too busy with other things or is there something deeper going on?

There was a somewhat melancholy feeling running through me and words started flowing onto a page in my journal. I thought I’d share them with you, so that maybe together we could remind ourselves to take nothing for granted.

Nothing For Granted

Life is precious,

Sometimes staying in one place,

Sometimes leaping head.

I want to remember it all.

I wonder to myself about things,

About moments I experience,

What if this were my last hug,

The last spoke word I’ll ever hear,

What if this were my last sunset,

Last long soothing shower I’ll ever have,

Last delicious meal I’ll eat,

Or song I’ll hear,

Or walk I’ll take,

What if it’s the last firefly I’ll see light up

On a hot summer night,

Last starlit sky,

Last new spring green explosion of leaves I’ll see,

Or the last brilliant colorful autumn extravaganza,

What if it’s the last time I’ll feel the warmth of a cozy blanket,

Or the sunshine on my face,

What if this was the last time I’ll feel my wife’s lips against mine,

Would it change what it means to me

To be alive,

Would I treasure it,

Savor it,

Breath into it.

Would I try to hold onto it for dear life.

I wonder,

What do I want my life to be like.

So,

I sit with all of this

And let it wash over me

And I know what I want,

I want everything

To mean something to me,

Every sting,

Every fall and rise,

Every illusive dream,

Hurt, hope, every breath,

Every face and heart connection,

I want the whole collection of life,

Because it all matters.

And what I want most

Is to feel alive

And connected

And

I want to take nothing for granted,

Ever

I am curious what things you’d put on your list. Maybe you are too.

Be well.

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What If Today…

I want to share something that I wrote for a dear friend of mine recently. It was intended to provide a spark to ignite a different way of viewing life. It was something that I needed. As with all of my posts, the thoughts and words arrive for me and then moved outward into the world.

The post is a dream in a way. Of a richer life. And of course, as it is in all cases, it depends on what we choose. I wonder to myself what will I choose, I wonder too, what will you choose?

What if today…

What if today…I choose to believe…to truly accept and embrace…that every single thing that happens to me is here to benefit me. What if I choose to see beyond appearances and all of the things that blind me. What if I give myself permission to believe that I am loved and cared for and know that everything I experience in my life is there to offer me something of value. That no matter what the world tells me, I can choose my own path. What if I embrace that my heart and spirit are the ones that set me free.

What if today I release any need to control the uncontrollable. What if I spruce up my ability to yield and let go of all the things that weigh me down…to set them aside and feel the precious liberation and the expansive freedom that choice creates.

What if today I collect all the most lovable parts of me and hug them and ask them to spread their joy throughout my body…my life.

What if today I allow every sorrow, pain, challenge, and concern to take the day off…to rest…what if I placed them all gently in the ocean of bliss that is my true home, where they can be washed clean.

What if, for one day, I give up needing to be in charge of anything and allow life to flow gently through me.

What if today…I breathe in peace and breathe out love.

What if today…is that day.

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Growth and Expansion

Here’s a post you might want to ignore because I’m going to challenge you.

The challenge is about growth and expansion. I want to see if right now is the time for you to take a look at your life and decide whether you want more.

I hope your answer is ‘yes’ because I believe in you and your capacity for change, especially in those areas you feel drawn toward.

Recently, I watched a movie and one of the main characters made a statement that he wanted his name to mean something. Can you identify with this? I know I can.

He wanted to amount to something, and I had the definite sense he’d been told by others that it would never happen. Has anyone ever said that to you or perhaps made you feel your life didn’t matter in some way?

What others say to us can have a profound effect on our lives, both positively and negatively. It’s important to remember that ultimately, we are in charge. We are the ones who get to decide what to accept and what to reject. So, it matters a great deal what we end up telling ourselves.

If you stopped reading for a moment right now and thought about it, what beliefs are you embracing about yourself? What gives your life meaning and purpose? How does what you believe find its way into your everyday choices and actions?

These questions make me wonder several things.

Were you brought up to believe in yourself? Did others affirm that you could or would be successful in life? Or were you told that you would never amount to anything? That you weren’t good enough or fast enough or smart enough? Did you let others convince you or did you seek your own path?

I’d like to offer you a fresh start, a new opportunity, and a new way of viewing your life.

Want in?

How about this.

The first moment you get a chance (you may not have a pen and notebook immediately available) begin by writing down a list of ten things (or more, if you like) that call to you. By ‘call to you’ I mean topics that feel personally important to you to explore. Brainstorm your list, which means you don’t evaluate, you just write. They could be related to physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual pursuits. Whatever they are, write them down.

Once they’re on the page, you can take a second look and spend some time sitting with each of them to see which have the loudest voice inside you. It’s also here you can evaluate and see which seem the most realistic to you to accomplish, but don’t shy away if your inner voice calls you back to one of them. That’s a sure sign of its importance in your life.

Okay, you have your list, you’ve selected the ones that raised their hands and you’re ready to go. Pick one that you feel most drawn to and energizes you.

Now it’s action time.

Tell yourself that you have the power to make progress on this item, that it has called to you because it wants to live through you. It wants to come alive in this world and you are the one to give it life. Jump in. Get excited. Think of one or two or three practical steps you can take and then take them. And as you act, give yourself credit for choosing to grow and expand your universe, no matter what size your actions take.

I know you can do it!

Now go prove to yourself that you can do it. And with every action you take, shift your perspective, and believe in yourself. Grow and expand. You deserve it.

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The Greatest Reward

I sat at my desk, ready to write whatever came to me. Not surprisingly, it was a question rather than a statement. It’s often this way for me. I find that questions are creative sparks that generate the heat of discovery.

Here’s the question that arose.

What are the things I’ve done which have returned the greatest pleasure?

For the purpose of this post, I changed the last word from pleasure to reward.

Why?

Well, mostly because I’ve learned so much from unpleasurable events in my life. They’ve led to significant rewards, despite what my initial thoughts were about them.

If you came from the financial world like I did, you might be tempted to think in terms of ‘return on investment’. The notion that there is an important relationship between the amount of time, energy, and resources you expend and the resultant benefits, usually stated in dollars and cents, that you receive.

Fortunately for me, I left the business world a long time ago and have shifted away from this kind of thinking. So, when the question placed itself before me, I was able to allow it the full freedom of expression.

What a gift, to be able to sit back and see what fills the empty space.

Can you take a moment to relax, breathe in and out gently, perhaps close your eyes, and I know it might feel strange, but give yourself permission to smile. Feel for your own empty space and drift along, allowing your memories the chance to come and be with you.

I promise, it can be incredibly fun.

As a way of helping you get started, I’d like to share a small sampling of the ‘greatest rewards’ that came to me. One or two may even surprise you.

Saying “I do” to my wife and joining our lives together. Sharing our living dreams and knowing we are there for each other. And even after over forty-eight years of marriage, we still hold hands on our afternoon walks.

The births of our children. No other single thing has created more pleasure for my wife and me than the births and lives of our two beautiful children. And of course, by extensions, the births of our grandchildren.

Stopping in traffic to hand a folded twenty-dollar bill to someone in need by the side of the road, knowing they now have options and perhaps, a bit more hope.

The cold I am currently getting over because it reminds me that my body is an amazing thing and is capable of healing and restoration, far beyond what I give it credit for.

Making a paper ‘Best Waitress Award Certificate’ while at lunch and handing it to our waitress along with a generous tip, because she did such a great job.

Writing a series of books (Little Buddha, Books One-Four, so far) because they absolutely elevate my level of joy, since I love the characters so much. Then being able to share the stories with others during a book study group and discovering the characters are as important to them as they are to me.

Going for a nature walk and breathing in the fresh air, allowing it to spread throughout my body and fill me with happiness.

My morning meditation after my shower because it offers me depth and disappearance. I can fade from this world for a short time and reconnect with the divine.

There were so many others and there will be more because this is a practice that yields rich dividends for me.

I hope it offers you the same.

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Learning Gratitude

Is it possible to learn gratitude or does it come naturally?

Maybe, it’s both.

If I asked you, what do you think you’re likely to answer?

More and more I hear about gratitude as a practice, something you incorporate into your life, so when I read a book recently that focused some attention on this, I decided it was time to see what it meant to me.

While in Maine this past summer on vacation I came across an intriguing book. It’s written by Chris Gentry and is titled, The Little Book of Prosperity. It’s divided into twelve chapters, which I discovered were organized in a very thoughtful progression. It starts with goals and dreams, then taking action and growth. These chapters are followed by self-confidence, gratitude, and positive self-talk. The book escalates into a chapter on master mind (groups) and concludes with positivity, decision, perseverance and giving back. I dutifully read and did the encouraged exercises in order with one exception. I waited until the end to complete my dream collage.

I found each chapter provided a great deal of inspiration and support for my earth adventure. When I arrived at the section about gratitude I decided to proceed slowly.

At the end of the chapter, Chris recommended that readers commit to a daily practice of gratitude for ninety days. He suggested that each morning a journal be kept where you would record at least five things you were grateful for. The items could be anything, big or small, quick or long lasting, it didn’t matter as long as they were true for you.

I decided to embrace this practice and see what sort of change(s) it made in my life. I confess it was difficult to do every day because sometimes I got distracted or felt too busy. I had to remind myself of my commitment and that I would never know the worth of this if I didn’t give it my best shot.

So, in late September 2021 I began keeping track. I noticed that the ‘quality’ of the items I chose varied substantially and their range was extremely wide. As a sometimes overachiever I added some items in the evening and occasionally noted more than the suggested five items. Since I was doing this for me and not as an assignment to be handed in, I felt fine with setting up my own rules.

Several times through the first ninety days I lost steam and considered abandoning the challenge. That only lasted a day or two and I ended up sticking with the program and being very grateful that I did.

When the ninety days was up, it wasn’t even a consideration as to whether to continue or not. I found the practice to be so valuable that I incorporated it in my daily routine. When I’m too rushed, I give myself permission to record my five (or more) items when I get to it, as long as it’s the same day. It’s now been 146 days and I can foresee this continuing far into the future.

Why? And what could be in it for you, if you decide to embrace this as one of your practices?

My simple answer is…A LOT.

The most striking impact this had on me is the change it brought about in the way my day began. It helped set an extremely positive tone. It raised my conscious awareness of how many wonderful things I experience in my life. And although this was a morning practice, my attitudinal shift stayed with me throughout the day. I found myself feeling thankful for so many things I’d previously taken for granted, which added remarkably to my positive outlook on life. It also broadened what I considered valuable and worthwhile and helped make me more aware of expressing gratitude to others.

And I discovered that the changes in me were reflected in who and what I encountered during the day, which was a huge bonus.

If you decide to give this a try, I’d love to know what your experience is like. And if you know or ever stumble across Chris Gentry, please be sure to tell him how grateful I am for his contribution to me and the world.

PS- I did try to reach out to him but wasn’t successful.

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Are You Going the Right Direction

Is it challenging for you to answer the question, “are you going the right direction?”

For me, part of the difficult is in defining the word, ‘right’. Somehow, I feel an assumption exists based either on what I want to experience or what others expectations are of my choice of direction.

It’s fairly easy if we’re talking about physical direction. If you’re old school like I am, you can get out your map and plot a course to arrive at your destination. Those with GPS only need to enter the addresses and let the machine take over the guidance. If they get off course somewhere along the way, it’s okay, they’ll be told a recalculation is in process and then a new set of turns to take.

What makes some of this interesting is that you never know if your planned route is the best. There could be an accident, road construction, or an unexpected traffic jam, any of which could pose problems for you.

But the ‘right’ direction applies to so much more than where you are going physically. It could be your intellectual pursuits, emotional stability, or spiritual direction.

How can you know when you’re on the right track?

Perhaps one of the answers lies in whether you’re achieving your goals and objectives, but what if you haven’t identified them yet? What then?

Setting down what you hope to achieve isn’t always easy. There may be some benchmarks the world offers, but they may not suit you personally.

Often, we think we must accomplish a standard set of goals to feel successful. Goals that bring us more credentials, money, prestige, awards, or notoriety. But are these the only achievements worth directing our efforts toward?

How can you tell what your most beneficial direction would be? Is it an intellectual, emotional, or spiritual decision?

Some part of me wonders whether if, ‘what actually happens in our life’, IS the answer to that question.

I probably need to explain this statement a bit.

What I’m trying to say is that our lives have a way of moving forward, and that each open space we experience eventually fills up and what fills the space, IS the answer/decision/direction. This certainly seems to suggest that we’re not particularly conscious during the process and that it just sort of happens.

An entirely different way to approach this is to take charge.

My nature is that of a goal setter and planner for most experiences in my life. This is an effective way to map a direction, but it isn’t for everyone. There are those who treasure the ‘stop and smell the roses’ approach, which offers wonderful opportunities to engage directly with life.

And there are those that place a premium on flexibility which allows one to pursue whatever objective or goal they choose without stressing about how or when it will be achieved. This also provides some space to discover that it’s more about the journey, than it is about the destination.

I wonder too, which direction will be the most worthwhile for me, the one my head plans or the one my heart seeks?

Over the course of my life there’s been a transition from prioritizing what my thinking mind wants to what my heart feels. It’s a huge shift and I heartily endorse it, while realizing it isn’t for everyone or for every occasion. The reason I’ve chosen it is because my sense of inner satisfaction is so deep when I trust my feelings to guide my way and choose my direction for me.

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The Trouble with Choosing Sides

Imagine you are standing amongst a group of kids. You’re facing two other kids who are looking at you with a careful, critical eye. You can see little wheels spinning in their heads while they make their choices. Basically, they are thinking one of two things.

Who will help me win the game we’re about to play (“I want them on my team”) or who will lose it for us (“I absolutely don’t want them on my team”)?

I was a part of this scene dozens of times during my childhood, both as the one making the choices and as the one hoping not to be chosen last.

There is a tremendous emotional imprint made during these sessions which can last a lifetime. It can also affect your self-esteem level, which carries forward to many other situations.

I realize that choosing sides seems to be a part of life and perhaps I would be wise just to accept it.

But I can’t. There is too much at stake.

Every way you look there are expectations for you to make a decision on who to support. Which sports team, political party, religion, talking head, family member, TV show, you name it. You are expected to agree with a certain number of important figures in your life, family members, teachers, business leaders, all to show your allegiance.

But what if you disagree with the crowd? Or, as some others will see it, worst yet, have no opinion at all?

There could be some trouble in that for you, couldn’t there?

Earlier in my life I didn’t have many opinions and I only reluctantly chose sides. Well, except for football, because of course I knew who the best team was. Or did I?

Being forced to choose a side is a tricky thing. Suppose you have no real opinion, or you don’t truly know all of the facts, or you don’t care which side seems to be ‘more right’? In many situations you are expected to choose a side…the ‘right side’ of course. Staying neutral can be dangerous and can place you outside of your group, family, or nation.

Okay, so why would anyone hesitate?

Well, the first reason is that once you choose a side, it makes it very difficult to understand those on the other side. It’s as if your brain goes on strike. It says, “I’ve come to a conclusion and I’m sticking with it and now I don’t have to think any more…case closed”!

You want to talk about dangerous, there it is.

A second reason is that you might feel as though you are missing something. How could there be all these other people who have decided another way is better? What do they know that you don’t? Are there some facts you are unaware of? Maybe it would be valuable to talk with them and find out.

And here’s another thing that happens when you choose a side. Huge rifts are created, and greed and envy polarize positions making it impossible to see beyond them. Wars and territorial issues surface. Borders and fences of all sorts are erected. And emotional attachments harden hearts.

So, what if we didn’t choose sides? Would society collapse? Would there be chaos?

What if we searched for some common ground? What if we were willing to listen so that we could truly know the fuller story? What if we were willing to compromise for the sake of unity? What if winning and losing became unimportant, but everyone gaining peace and harmony took center stage?

And there is more at stake because having to take sides has an emotional impact on each one of us. Being forced to comply with arbitrary positions corrupts us, makes us smaller and weaker as people and blankets our free will which is one of our greatest gifts.

Well, perhaps I am choosing a side after all, one where we aim toward peace and understanding and harmony. I can live with that one.

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Giving In

What if we gave in?

I want to be clear here.

I am not talking about giving up or resigning from life. What I am talking about is a kind of letting go and not holding on so tightly to specific results.

When there is only one outcome that we find acceptable, we are limiting life and all the other wonderful opportunities that could happen. It’s as if we are creating roadblocks that prevent us from seeing and experiencing a larger world.

I’ve done this so many times in my life.

It’s hard not to. We are often programmed to want what we want. To set goals and achieve them. To create wish lists. To ask for very specific things; a certain car or watch or book…you name it. And sometimes we can even become obsessed by what we hope to possess.

We tend to think that we need to visualize or manifest only one thing or one outcome or we risk feeling like a failure.

So, what I’m really asking is whether we are capable of giving up this kind of thinking, this kind of asking, and this kind of expecting?

What if we gave in and it expanded our world?

Think of it as opening to a full allowance for everything to be possible, not just the one result our conscious mind can dream up. Our lives are so much bigger than that.

When I consider this, I wonder, what would that look like? How would that feel? What could happen if I could shift my attitude and mind-set?

My immediate answer is…anything could happen!

At first this sounds a bit scarry. ‘Anything’ is pretty wide open and could include things I’m not ready for. Perhaps this is one of the reasons we tend to want specific outcomes, so that we both get what we want and don’t get surprised by other things.

But how do we really know that what we think we want is what is best for us? I think the answer to that is, we don’t.

How could we?

And this begs another question, a far deeper one.

Will life, the universe, god, or whatever concept that feels right to you, provide whatever is best for us, if we give it a chance, and don’t shut the door and focus on only one thing?

Can we find a way to trust that?

That is a very tough question and one I’ve struggled with over the years.

What form of proof would you require before you could accept that what you experience in life is exactly right for you?

On my best days I am patient and open. I encourage myself to pay attention and carefully watch what happens. I counsel myself to accept what appears in my life, believing it is meant for me. I let go of what I’ve established as my goals, aims or desires and allow what comes to fill, feed and nourish me. When this happens, I recognize a greater truth, that I am cared for and all things in my life serve me. It may take a bit of time before I see how they do, but if I let go of my expectations, I come to see this clearly.

There is an awesome grace in giving in and letting go of whatever creates disharmony in our world and I am grateful each time I allow this to happen.

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Sitting For Ideas

Can you imagine finding a quiet comfortable place to sit, then closing your eyes and peacefully waiting for marvelous ideas to arrive inside your mind? Ideas that would improve your life, offer you specific direction and help you to navigate the world.

There is such a place and it’s inside of every one of us.

One of my favorite mentors is Napoleon Hill. I’ve written about him before and probably mentioned that, when he was a cub reporter, he was given the opportunity to interview Andrew Carnegie, who was one of the wealthiest men in the world.

Carnegie took a liking to Napoleon and extended to him introductions to many of the most successful people in business, finance, and the scientific world. Napoleon would spend his next ten years assembling their best ideas and placing them in his book, Think Big and Grow Rich, which is still one of the top ten best-selling self-help books ever published.

Elmer Gates was one of Napoleon’s interviews. Elmer was a prolific inventor and at the turn of the 20th Century owned the largest private laboratory in the world. Napoleon was curious to know where all his ideas came from. When he arrived at Elmer’s office, the secretary asked him to take a seat and told him it might be a while, because Mr. Gates was ‘sitting for ideas’.

Eventually Elmer came out to meet Napoleon and invited him into his office and explained about his delay. He told Napoleon that when confronted with a problem or seeking a solution for a workable invention, he would ‘sit for ideas’. By this he meant that he would enter a darkened room which had only a desk, a chair, a pencil, a pad, and a flashlight. Without distractions, he would sit and wait for ideas, and when something came to him, he would write it down, then go back to sitting until the next idea came. Elmer told Napoleon that this was how he was able to discover answers and solutions that had evaded his busy waking mind.

Given Elmer Gates enormous success it makes me wonder what I can gain from this strategy.

I’m not immediately drawn to the darkened room approach, and you may not be either, but I feel there is something of significant value here.

Perhaps it is that, releasing distractions, creating a peaceful open environment, and embracing an attitude of expectation are key components to success.

I have little doubt that each of us would be well served by distancing ourselves, for even short periods of time, from life’s distractions. Shifting our environment, whether that is a darkened room, a long hot shower, a walk in nature or a meditation period, would give us time and space that could be greatly beneficial.

For me, there are many mornings when I wake up filled with thoughts and ideas. So many, that I have to begin writing them down the moment they come to me. That’s why there are pads all over my house, so that none of my ideas escape. I refer to this process as my overnight download.

I don’t know where the ideas come from. I could speculate, but what feels important to me is their arrival, not their source.

Elmer Gates is not the only person to take advantage of seeing beyond the observable world. Michelangelo said that every block of stone has a masterpiece inside of it and that the job of the sculptor is to let it out.

I believe that in order to find the masterpiece living inside of each of us we need to open ourselves to a truth. A truth that we are a part of the divine, whole and holy. A truth that every answer exists within us, and it is our task to set it free. Believing this and expecting to discover our answers is the gateway to all ideas becoming real.

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Profound Puddles in Your Life

Tell me, have you fallen lately? I don’t mean this literally. I mean, have you taken a step that you thought would lead you forward, only to find you missed your goal completely, and maybe landed in one of life’s puddles.

When I was in Junior High School, I went out for the tennis team. It was going to be a stretch for me to make the squad, but I thought it might be good for me. Well, that’s not entirely true. My parents thought it would be good for me.

When I got there, seven other guys were waiting for the coach to arrive. We lined up and were assigned to four courts and told to volley with a partner. The coach watched us for a while, then asked us to gather around for his decision.

I’d made the team, he told me. I was pretty enthusiastic about it, that is until I discovered everybody who showed up made the team.

Over the next couple of practices, we all played against each other to establish our ranking. The top ranked player was number one of course. When our names were posted I scanned down the list. There I was, I’d been assigned as player number eight. Well, nowhere to go but up, I thought.

Every day after school we’d head out to the courts for practice and matches. When the weather was great, everything went along nicely. But often the courts would be full of puddles from our frequent rain showers, and we’d be forced to push the water off them, using long poles with wide flat rubber heads. They were supposed to clear the surface. They didn’t and we would have to do our best to play around the more obstinate puddles.

I don’t know if you’ve ever played tennis on a court with puddles, so I’ll give you some insight. When a fast-moving tennis ball hits a puddle, it skids wildly. There is no predicting which direction it will travel and it’s a rare thing to be able to return the ball back over the net. Not only that, striking a soggy tennis ball is like hitting a grapefruit.

Fortunately, practices were short those days.

As a side note, I eventually moved up to number six, but never played against kids from other schools, since only the top four played official matches. Actually, this was okay with me.

Over the course of my life, I’ve discovered that the tennis court is not the only place that has puddles.

The puddles I’m talking about now are those that potentially await us all. The death of someone close to us, an intense physical challenge, a financial set back, a string of endless arguments, the loss of a job, an accident, or the end of an important relationship.

They don’t happen every day, but you never really know when they’ll appear. Some days I feel surrounded by them. And some of them are quite deep.

Maybe you’ve stepped in a few yourself.

So, what do we do when confronted by life’s challenging puddles?

We have a lot of choices. We can swear at them and blame everyone and everything around us. I do this occasionally, even though I know it isn’t helpful. In those weak moments, I try to give myself some slack. I try to stand as far away from my circumstances as I can and be an observer, hoping the distance gives me better perspective. If I am kind to myself, I can see more clearly and often find some value within the experience.

Other times, I am able to adapt to the puddles I fall into. It’s not that I enjoy them, but I don’t resist them as much, which makes it a lot easier on me. I try to accept that difficulties happen to everyone and that there is almost always a pathway out. I try to shift my thinking away from my anger or resentment and toward solutions and growth. It doesn’t always work, but it’s a lot better than remaining in the puddle.

On my best days, I go inside myself. I rest for a while and slow down. I remind myself that everything that happens in my life is there to serve me in some fashion if I’ll only take the time to look closely and listen to my heart. Finding the beautiful message opens my world and allows me to release any unhelpful thoughts.

When I do this, I don’t mind running along and jumping in the puddles.