Category: harmony

As a kid I used to ask my parents, “why?”

I rarely received a satisfactory answer. I wasn’t sure what that meant. Maybe they didn’t know either. More likely, they didn’t feel it necessary to answer or they just plain didn’t want to. They were probably too busy for the onslaught of follow up questions I was no doubt going to ask.

In order to avoid this, I was told, “because I said so.” And that was supposed to be that…done deal…conversation over.

Well, I’m a grown up (mostly) and I still want to know, “why?”

The issue is, who do I ask now?

Do I have to answer all of my own questions from here on in? If so, I’m going to be in trouble because this world is far too complicated for me to figure everything out that I’m curious about.

I have a mile long list of questions I’d like the answers to. Maybe you have a few on your list too. It would be fun to compare notes sometime. But until then, here’s something I’d like to understand.

Why can’t we all get along?

I try to sit back and listen so that I might discern some of the reasons. The first thing that jumps out at me is that we’ve all received strong cultural training, whether from our parents, other family members, teachers, bosses, leaders, really everyone that surrounds us.

We seem to start out with a blank baby slate. Nothing on it at all, just some inner coding to help us get what we feel we need: food, tender loving care, clean diapers, a nice crib. “Why” doesn’t seem to matter.

But as we grow older, we become a part of an opinion factory. We are told what to think and how to act or we observe it. Either way it becomes a part of us. We absorb everything around us and filter it through our training. If it doesn’t fit, we set it aside.

And in that very moment, “why” becomes lost. We act by rote.

I wonder, how could it be different from this? How might we be trained so that we could be open and so that we could listen and ask questions and hear answers?

And while it would be nice to start over, fresh and clean, that’s not very realistic, so I search for an alternative. From the place I am right now, can I become a blank slate, ready to have an open dialogue with others, ready to talk about all of the “whys”?

What would make this possible?

My first impression is that compassion, sympathy, and empathy need to take center stage. I need to acknowledge that I have pre-formed opinions about almost everything. And further, I need to consider that none of them might be accurate or fair.

If I can accept this starting place, I think I have a chance. I think I can ask real questions and hear real answers. I think I can fit the new answers in around all the other things I’ve been told and let them influence each other.

And perhaps I’m asking the wrong question.

Maybe the question ought to be…”how” can we get along? Maybe “why” is a rabbit hole, a deep set of tunnels where everyone gets lost.

I like the idea of “how” because it’s active and leads me forward, rather than “why” that often leads me in circles.

“How” is hopeful and full of potential. “How” is worth exploring. It’s connective and alive. So, I think I’ll release needing to know “why” and focus my time and energy on “how”. Maybe you’ll want to join me.

“How” is a way forward that folks can work on together. We can explore our views and preconceptions with each other and seek commonalities, then build from there, believing that there are answers and solutions for everything.