Category: insight

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Self-Acceptance

While away on a break from writing original posts I thought I’d share some of my favorites with you from the past three and a half years. In mid-March I’ll return with more original posts. Until then, please enjoy these.

I’ve found that I cannot grow without first accepting who I am. When I fail to do this, there are inevitable conflicts that arise.

Let’s say, for example, that I want to lose some weight. Some part of me has already determined that I am not acceptable the way I am. Maybe this would be okay if my health was at stake, and I truly needed to lose weight to save my own life.

But that’s not my case right now.

I want it for other reasons. I’m not sure I even know what they all are. A couple pop into my mind. I believe I would be physically more comfortable shedding some pounds. My clothes would fit better. And I would look better.

Hold on, wait a minute. I need to ask myself an important question.

Who would I look better to? Who do I feel I need to please? What benefit is it to me to please someone else? What do I need from them, that would cause me to alter how I look at myself?

I have to stop and answer these vital questions.

If I am trying to lose weight for someone else, haven’t I already contaminated my purpose?

There’s more to it. If I am trying to lose weight and get on the scale every day and am disappointed with my results, a part of me refuses to accept me as I am. There is a sense of sadness and maybe anger.

I am forced to wonder; will I ever be able to accept me as I am? Is there some magic number on the scale that will satisfy me?

Let’s say for the sake of argument that there is a magic number and that I convince myself that I will always be happy with this number. The obvious challenge now is, how do I stay there? What amount of time and energy and commitment will it take to remain at this ‘ideal’ weight? This arbitrary number I’ve chosen, becomes my prison sentence.

So, I ask, what is it going to take to release this kind of thinking?

A companion question comes up. What is the comparison between remaining at this restrictive target weight and seeking and finding self-acceptance of who and what I am and, in this case, what I look like to myself?

Which is the far greater prize?

If I listen carefully, I hear my answer. ‘You are loved, just the way you are.  You do not need to do anything to be worthy of love.’

The voice goes on to say, ‘Love is yours for the asking. You are acceptable just as you are. Once you know this as true for you, you can change anything in your life. You can change anything, not because of fear, but because of love. You can add more love into your life and shift whatever you choose, not because you feel you need to, but because you see new possibilities and hold new dreams.’

This is what I was waiting for. A way to release my fears and embrace self-acceptance, knowing it belongs to me.

I hope that you know it belongs to you too.

As you’ve been reading this, our focus has been on weight loss, but self-acceptance is so much more than this. It applies to every aspect of our lives, and the answer is always the same. ‘You are loved just the way you are.’

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Somehow Everything Serves Me

While away on a break from writing original posts I thought I’d share some of my favorites with you from the last three and a half years. In mid-March I’ll return with more original posts. Until then, please enjoy these.

Does this seem like a radical statement and unlikely to be true? Is it enough to shy away from even reading this post or is there a chance that you hope that it is true and want to know more?

For the majority of my life I would have said ‘yes’, it is a radical statement and ‘yes’, it’s unlikely to be true. I would have followed that up with answering that ‘yes’, it is enough to make me move on and ‘no’, I don’t want to know any more. I know enough already.

I felt it would take a major shift to change my outlook, one I did not believe was possible.

I’d suffered numerous outcomes in my life that I could broadly describe as ‘bad or negative’. Things had happened that hurt me and distanced me from others. I’d fallen and failed and frozen in place and thought to myself, what good can ever come from ‘this’, whatever ‘this’ was.

Perhaps you’ve experienced your own challenges, pain, frustration and resentments in your life. Many are probably the ‘fault’ of others or fall loosely into the category, ‘it is what it is’. Some problems may be the result of actions you’ve taken or not taken. Others are because of words exchanged, sometimes in the heat of the moment.

When I first considered the statement that, ‘somehow everything serves me’, I wondered, how could this be true? How could something so painful or which felt so wrong, ever offer me any benefit or value?

I discovered that asking this question out loud or thinking it inside of me was a part of the wall that separated me from an answer. Asking this implies, at least to some extent, that I don’t believe that everything could possibly serve me. And, if I already held that opinion, there was no room for any benefit or value to show itself.

There was another hurdle to jump over.

What did the statement mean to me when it said, ‘serves me?’ Did that mean that there should be some obvious connection I could see that linked a ‘negative’ experience with an eventual ‘positive’ result? And, how exactly would I be ‘served’? Would I even notice?

I find I learn best when I have an example to follow. I promised myself to remain open to the idea that it could be possible that somehow everything serves me. I promised to be observant, during the search and afterward, in watching for the benefit or value as it was brought my way.

I felt it would be a good idea to choose something big as my example. Something with a little meat on it. It turns out that wasn’t all that difficult.

I lost my job. By lost, I mean that it was taken away from me. One day I had it and the next day I didn’t. I’ve read that this rates as the #5 most stressful experience in life and I can see why. It changes everything; financial, emotional, social, intellectual, physical, you name it.

I confess my initial reaction was one of being totally overwhelmed, and I believe that tears were involved. There was only the very smallest part of me that held out any hope that this might ‘serve me’.

I came to realize that it’s possible to stand too close to a situation and that you have to take a few steps backward to be able to see clearly.

As the days went by, I kept my promise to remain open. I allowed myself to grieve and release the heavy weight of my emotions then move on with a watchful eye. I found that I could stand far enough away and make decisions that would help move me forward. I took a critical look at our finances and made sweeping changes. I opened to receive an offer for a new job, even though it wasn’t a part of my original plan. I made concessions and tried to rewrite my story.

Months passed and there they were, sitting right in front of me. A whole host of benefits. I had a new job which offered me the chance for achievable results. I had dramatically reduced my work stress level and responsibilities. I had the chance to revise our finances, which set us up for a better future forecast. And best of all, I found a way to retire years before I would have, had I stayed at my old job. This allowed me to spend more time with Maureen and to share in the radiance of babysitting our granddaughter, and then our grandson.

I’ve discovered that, no matter what example I choose, the outcome is the same. I am served by everything that happens to me in my life. This doesn’t mean that everything is rosy and bright. It’s work, most of the time. But, it is work with a huge payoff, far greater than I’d ever thought possible.

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Contradictions

How do you deal with contradictions in your life?

Are they easy for you to separate into decipherable components or do they pose serious challenges for you? Navigating contradictions seems to be a part of our lives, whether we like it or not.

Here are two examples of contradictions in the English language.

The word sanction can mean either to give official permission or approval OR conversely, to impose a penalty. Imagine the difficulty that would be created if someone used the word, sanction, and you weren’t sure what they meant.

Then there is the word, oversight, which means both to oversee or supervise someone or something OR to fail to see, observe, or to disregard or ignore something.

This is only one challenge faced by those attempting to learn English. There are so many others, but I’m focusing on the particular dilemma created when the same word has two opposing meaning.

You may be wondering, does this happen in our daily lives or you may see the connection immediately.

The messages we receive every moment of our lives can have this same kind of effect on us, forcing us to determine which meaning we are supposed to understand.

Often, we have to listen to the tone of voice used or the volume of the speaker or the gestures they use when they talk, further complicating the situation.

I find that I confuse people sometimes. I think I’m being clear, but they don’t respond the way I expect. Either it’s me or it’s them or there are just too many ways to interpret the words I used.

On the receiving end, it’s the same thing. Even when I listen carefully, I sometimes don’t get what they’re saying and sometimes it seems contradictory, especially if they aren’t patient. If either one of us gets angry or frustrated, things seem to go off track.

Okay, so I’ve illustrated a problem I encounter and perhaps you do too, so now what?

One answer that comes to me is not one I used to be good at, but after having practiced a lot, I’m getting better.

Ask.

I find that it’s unrealistic for me to be clear every time I speak and it’s equally unfair to expect this of anyone else. We have lots of things on our minds. We have different goals, patience levels, available time, and communication skills.

But we can each ask questions. If something is unclear, we can pause the conversation and ask what the other person means. We can paraphrase what they’ve said and ask if we understand correctly. And we can ask as soon as we have a question, so that we don’t get lost before the next step in the conversation.

I know this seems simple and it is, but we may feel that we ‘should’ understand already and by asking a question we risk giving the other person the impression that we are not smart enough to follow what they’re saying. Or that they may get annoyed with us for interrupting them.

To me, some of the most important benefits of asking questions during conversations is that we can feel in sync with others, and better understand them so that we receive valuable information or become more sensitive to their feelings or to convey our feelings to them.

Without asking questions how else can we do that?

During my life I’ve discovered the incredible power that questions possess. They invite and offer depth of connection with others and it only takes a second to ask a question.

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Facing the Right Direction

I learned an amazing fact recently about sunflowers that has a lot to do with how to live a rich, centered, balanced life.

Imagine a field full of sunflowers. Can you see it in your mind? If you need a little help, the internet has lots of photos.

If the sun is out, take a second and see what you notice.

If you said, they’re all facing the same direction, you’re correct. And the direction they’re facing is always toward the sun. Each of their faces is upturned to capture as much sunshine as possible. They’re known as heliotropic because their heads follow the sun as it arcs through the sky.

In the morning sunflowers face east and as the day progresses, they end up facing west. Even more fantastic to me is that once the sun goes down, each sunflower turns and faces east again, waiting for the sun to come up in the morning.

What I find so compelling about this is that sunflowers know instinctively what their energy source is and orient themselves around it. They know the sun will feed them, so they follow it the whole day.

What if we oriented ourselves around what truly feeds and nourishes us?

What kind of life would that provide us?

The question that arises for me is, what is the best source of nourishment? I realize that what I choose will make all of the difference in my life. This idea makes me want to choose very carefully.

If you sat back in this moment, what would you choose?

There are a lot of things to pick from. Money, fame, job advancement, athletic excellence, social influence, strong relationships, popularity.

How do you decide what to choose? Maybe, you don’t want to choose only one. Maybe you want or need more. Maybe you want them all.

Thinking about my answer prompts me to consider whether the list is complete. Are there other things more important than the ones that first came to me?

It only takes a second to reveal my answer. None of these is what I want most. None of these will nourish me over the course of my life and I would be wise to look deeper.

So, I do and discover that what truly is the source of everything valuable in my life is love. If I connect to love in every situation, like the sunflowers connect to the sun, I will always have what I need and want. I will always be fulfilled.

Recently my nine-year-old grandson asked me a fascinating question. He was in the living room and called out to me in the kitchen asking, “What’s the most powerful thing in the world?”

I thought for a moment and said, “love”.

My thirteen-year-old granddaughter overheard both his question and my answer and said to me, “I knew you’d choose that.”

So, there it was, perhaps 30 seconds of elapsed time to reveal some magic and magnificence. He asked an incredibly important question and she reflected to me her awareness, her insight into me, with my answer. I felt ‘seen’. I was touched deeply by this impromptu exchange, and I thought about sunflowers and the way they move with the sun and recognized I am like them because I move to see and feel love.

Love centers me, balances me, and gives me everything I could ever hope for.

If I was ever asked, I would encourage anyone to find their sources of love and follow them throughout the day, then sit waiting for them to appear the next morning, like the sun gazing down on a field of sunflowers.

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Sacred Timing

I’m going to admit something right up front…I’m frustrated with an issue I think ought to be going a certain way and isn’t.

Does this happen to you? Maybe a little? Maybe a lot?

Whenever I’m faced with this kind of situation, I know I need to dig deeper and I sense a need to explore, even if I don’t have any idea which direction to move.

This same kind of experience has happened many times in my life. Certainly, enough times for me to recognize the telltale signs.

Maybe you face the same thing and maybe it’s difficult for you to make any headway too. If so, here’s a few thoughts that might assist you or provide some clarity.

The first thing to show up is an increasing sense of annoyance and frustration at not being able to make sense of something or fit it together properly. It’s rapidly followed by a realization that I feel blocked by some inconvenient, inexplicable obstacle in my way. Regardless of logic, reason, or any amount of brainstorming, I cannot uncover any solution.

It’s a terrible feeling for someone who likes order (like me).

Right at the moment there is a small spark igniting inside me providing a tiny amount of light, just enough for me to see. Just enough for me to believe there is an answer somewhere if I only look in the correct place.

But where is the right place? When you are faced with your own situations where answers are out of reach, where do you look?

A little light bulb goes off and I hear a small voice inside me saying, “You’re not finding the solution because it’s not time yet.”

What does that mean? Is there really a right and wrong time for any of us to experience something? Is there such a thing as “sacred timing”?

I want to know the answer, so I say to my small voice, “I don’t understand why. I sense you are telling me the truth, but I need to know more. I’m not good with mysteries like this. Can you please give me a little direction here?”

There is silence and I know I’ll benefit from calming myself down and preparing to listen carefully. I quiet my breathing and wait.

I believe ALL answers are open and available to me, but that doesn’t mean they will appear according to my perceived or expected timetable.

“There is sacred timing with all things,” the voice tells me. “When no solution appears, despite your best attempts, that’s a clue for you that you are not ready for the answer.”

I resist wanting to hear this and ask, “Not ready according to who?” I realize my response is a little edgy, but I can’t help it. Okay, I don’t choose to help it (which is different).

The voice takes no offense at my tone and offers me sweetness in return. “Not ready according to you”, it says, followed by “who else?”

This change of direction unbalances me, so I ask, “Am I to believe that I am blocking my own way forward and that I am manufacturing my own obstacles?”

“Yes. Sit back and let that sink in.”

I sit back and try to loosen my defensiveness and release my narrow thinking. I truly want to know what’s happening and somehow this change in my attitude opens a door. It swings away from me revealing something I had not expected.

What I originally wanted would have focused me on a priority that does not serve me. By that I mean, I might have achieved an intellectual goal, but I would have missed my true spiritual aim. By delaying, I offered myself time to see clearly what is most important to me.

The voice speaks softly to me, “You see now what I’m saying, that inside you there is a true voice that always offers you your best, most beautiful life. And it does this in accordance with sacred timing. You can always trust in this. Should you forget upon occasion, let a spark light your way and remember this conversation.”

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Why

As a kid I used to ask my parents, “why?”

I rarely received a satisfactory answer. I wasn’t sure what that meant. Maybe they didn’t know either. More likely, they didn’t feel it necessary to answer or they just plain didn’t want to. They were probably too busy for the onslaught of follow up questions I was no doubt going to ask.

In order to avoid this, I was told, “because I said so.” And that was supposed to be that…done deal…conversation over.

Well, I’m a grown up (mostly) and I still want to know, “why?”

The issue is, who do I ask now?

Do I have to answer all of my own questions from here on in? If so, I’m going to be in trouble because this world is far too complicated for me to figure everything out that I’m curious about.

I have a mile long list of questions I’d like the answers to. Maybe you have a few on your list too. It would be fun to compare notes sometime. But until then, here’s something I’d like to understand.

Why can’t we all get along?

I try to sit back and listen so that I might discern some of the reasons. The first thing that jumps out at me is that we’ve all received strong cultural training, whether from our parents, other family members, teachers, bosses, leaders, really everyone that surrounds us.

We seem to start out with a blank baby slate. Nothing on it at all, just some inner coding to help us get what we feel we need: food, tender loving care, clean diapers, a nice crib. “Why” doesn’t seem to matter.

But as we grow older, we become a part of an opinion factory. We are told what to think and how to act or we observe it. Either way it becomes a part of us. We absorb everything around us and filter it through our training. If it doesn’t fit, we set it aside.

And in that very moment, “why” becomes lost. We act by rote.

I wonder, how could it be different from this? How might we be trained so that we could be open and so that we could listen and ask questions and hear answers?

And while it would be nice to start over, fresh and clean, that’s not very realistic, so I search for an alternative. From the place I am right now, can I become a blank slate, ready to have an open dialogue with others, ready to talk about all of the “whys”?

What would make this possible?

My first impression is that compassion, sympathy, and empathy need to take center stage. I need to acknowledge that I have pre-formed opinions about almost everything. And further, I need to consider that none of them might be accurate or fair.

If I can accept this starting place, I think I have a chance. I think I can ask real questions and hear real answers. I think I can fit the new answers in around all the other things I’ve been told and let them influence each other.

And perhaps I’m asking the wrong question.

Maybe the question ought to be…”how” can we get along? Maybe “why” is a rabbit hole, a deep set of tunnels where everyone gets lost.

I like the idea of “how” because it’s active and leads me forward, rather than “why” that often leads me in circles.

“How” is hopeful and full of potential. “How” is worth exploring. It’s connective and alive. So, I think I’ll release needing to know “why” and focus my time and energy on “how”. Maybe you’ll want to join me.

“How” is a way forward that folks can work on together. We can explore our views and preconceptions with each other and seek commonalities, then build from there, believing that there are answers and solutions for everything.

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Valuable Questions

I’ve discovered how incredibly valuable questions are in my life. Have you noticed this being true for you too?

A well-timed question can open doors you thought might never be opened or guide you in directions that provide insights you hadn’t anticipated.

Asking questions can narrow our focus so that we can feel, sense, or work our way forward. They can also prompt us to dive deeper and find meaning and purpose.

Asking questions was one of the main reasons why my friend, Cheri Warren (Website www.creativewarrens.com. Instagram @cheriwphoto. Facebook.com/creativewarrens) and I developed the Four Word Questions Oracle deck, also known as Self Discovery Cards. In addition to the questions I offer, Cheri provides stunning artwork which adds imagination, color, and beauty to the cards, making them immensely appealing. Together, we believe they have the power to spark your creativity and offer you clarity and insight in your everyday lives.

To give you a better idea of how it works I’d like to share a quick example, so you can see exactly what I mean.

There are 52 cards in the deck, along with two instruction cards, one section of which outlines three ideas for card spreads. A card spread is where you select four individual cards which represent meaningful aspects in your life. In the case of my example, I chose the card spread that focuses on, ‘influences, obstacles, solutions, and outcomes’.

It would take some time to review all four of the cards I selected, so I thought I’d center on one card for now.

The first card I chose proposed this question, “once free, what then?”, and represented the ‘influences’ part of the spread.

Occasionally, at first glance nothing of importance comes to mind, but I know if I stick with it, benefits will follow, as was the case with this card.

I wondered, what are the negative influences in my life? What impacts me the most and impedes my sense of progress, happiness, and hope?

Of course, each of us is surrounded by both positive and negative influences, but I don’t seem to pay as much attention to the positive, as I do the negative. How about you?

Maybe that’s because I tend to take the positives for granted, so my focus shifts to the negatives, the dramatic or the troublesome aspects of my life. And along comes this question reminding me that I have a choice. Further, it prompts me to ask a follow up question, sort of a part A and part B question.

If I allowed myself to release the elements of my life that I label ‘negative’, and free myself from them, ‘what then’?

The promise of liberation from these negative influences and the chance to embrace what I consider to be the ‘positives’, entices me forward.

There is excitement in the idea that this is up to me. No one outside of me is actually in control of my direction, despite any appearances to the contrary. I can choose my attitude and decide what to pay attention to.

Not bad observations for a card that at first glance did not seem to offer me much.

The rest of the reading increased in value and allowed me to adopt new beliefs, ones that serve me and bring happiness and joy into my life.

I believe this deck offers everyone this same opportunity and it is why Cheri and I believe in it so much. If you’d like a deck of your own, go to Cheri’s website: https://www.creativewarrens.com/self-discovery-cards and follow the simple directions.

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An Important Look Back

It was three years ago yesterday that I began writing these posts and I’m surprised and delighted that I’ve been doing them twice a week since then.

When I sat and thought about this, I realized that a lot has happened in the world over the last three years, especially due to COVID. And whereas that was and is hugely impactful, it’s not the only thing that matters.

If I asked you, what would you tell me about what has happened in your life? What would make it onto your personal highlight reel?

Have you found or lost someone significant in your life? Been released from a job or signed onto a new one? Have you traveled? Read a good book that still captivates you? Learned something new? Added to your family? Grown taller or shorter? I’ve lost a half inch in height, maybe you have too.

There is so much going on in our daily lives, it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. We get wrapped up in all of the little stuff and sometimes miss what we ourselves say is most important to us.

When I stop for a moment and broaden my view, I find it enlightening. Opening up to a longer time span helps me to put things into better perspective. So, when I recognized that I’ve been offering my commentary through these posts for three years, I wanted to settle back and take a look at some highlights, and perhaps learn something important about myself.

I decided to write down some events and see if any patterns emerged.

Maybe you’ve done this same thing or perhaps you’d like to do it now and join me in a little life review.

Before I share some of my observations with you, I’d like to suggest a framework for us to use. It consists of four parts: 1) physical wellness, 2) human relationships, 3) creative expression and 4) spiritual connections. Of course, please feel free to use whatever framework you find most comfortable and let it guide your way.

During the last three years I’ve experienced a significant increase in my attention to my physical health and wellbeing, especially over the last year. Visiting my mom at the Nursing Home twice a week clearly had an impact on me and shifted my attention. I’ve made radical changes to my approach to health and have adopted many new (and better) practices to support my wellbeing.

While reviewing for highlights I recognized how fundamentally important human relationships are to me. Being with family and friends, sharing adventures, eating, laughing, traveling, doing arts and crafts, and just plain old spending time doing nothing together. The act of connecting is both sacred and special to me and a center piece of my existence. Despite some sadness in losing folks, there is great happiness and joy in connecting with those who are here, knowing there is deep love between us.

The last three years has been filled with meaningful creative expressions for me. During that time, I wrote three books, co-created an oracle deck, directed, and participated in a play performed at our church, and opened wide to my artistic self, creating what I consider to be beautiful acrylic art pours.

When I had finished focusing on these three aspects, I shifted my attention to the spiritual part of my life. When I am deeply connected spiritually, everything else in my life glows radiantly. Knowing I am part of the divine essence of creation (as are you) allows me to give and receive with joy and love in my heart. This is my lifeblood and I daily nourish my spiritual relationships and connections. This is what gives my life its meaning and value and I am a much better human being because of it.

So, what did you learn during your review? Are there ripe places to be explored? Gaps to be filled in? Wonderful, meaningful ideas to be pursued?

I hope that you found this to be as enlightening an exercise as I did and gained some valuable insight and inspiration.

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Anger

What generates your anger? Is it fear, perhaps of some outcome you don’t want to experience?

This is certainly true for me, and I wonder what I can do about it. Are there ways for me to block it, dissipate it, resolve it, avoid it, or allow it to pass through and out of me?

It feels important to me to understand anger better, so that I can decide how to respond. What I’ve learned so far is that I have trigger points, easily recognizable events that signal my anger is rising. And I understand that I need to make a conscious decision as soon as I feel the first spark fly.

I cannot always do this. It would surely be nice, but I can’t so far and I realize I may need some help to get there.

I wonder, why do I want to express my anger? What do I get out of it? It might feel good temporarily, in the heat of the moment, but I’m reasonably sure that it will wear off and I’ll be left feeling badly, knowing I could have responded better.

So, I’m back to my original question of why I get so angry sometimes. I’ve certainly seen it modeled in my life and I have precious little exposure to anyone who doesn’t express anger in theirs.

There are some folks who have been so thoroughly trained not to show anger that they hold it deep inside themselves until it explodes, often without any warning. That must be an incredibly difficult way to live.

What I want is to be in the presence of someone who allows anger to pass right through them without holding onto any of it. I want to know that secret.

But, since I haven’t met anyone like that, I am choosing to walk another path, one that leads to Lia, the ethereal feminine voice of god that speaks to me and offers guidance and support.

I sit back, relax, breathe in and out slowly and prepare myself to listen. I ask for help and open space for Lia’s magnificence to make a divine connection.

As always, she comes to me, ready to invite me into her depth. Here are the words she spoke to me.

“Like all things born of fear, anger arrives to redirect you to the truth. It is another message, a way of showing you the path that leads to love.”

“Anger prompts you to pay close attention to your heart. To release what your mind suggests, and your ego tells you is important and encourages you to shift to your heart and your spirit.”

“You know this is the truth because you FEEL it and you KNOW it. It is not up to me to convince you of anything. I merely point out the path you say you most want, the one that leads to joy.”

“When anger arises in you or in reaction to another, decide what is important to you, releasing fear and embracing love. It really is that simple.”

“If you wish to be free, choose love.”

I tried to absorb all of what she told me. I sat and let it soak in, every bit of it and I wondered whether there was anything else she wanted to tell me. I quieted, waited, and asked Lia if there was something more it would be helpful for me to know.

“Yes, know that practice creates change and change creates new patterns. Choose the patterns that reveal love.”

I am so grateful to know there is hope for me and for you too, if you choose this path.

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A Beautiful Messy Life

I want to paint you a picture, something vivid you can see instantly in your mind’s eye. I am restricted to using words, but I believe this will not interfere with your ability to create your own clear images.

Here we go.

Imagine your house or apartment with your car parked outside in the driveway or on the street. Inside, there are several rooms with a variety of furnishings. There are also people there, your family or friends.

Okay, got it?

Now imagine your kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes and pots and pans. You open your cupboards and refrigerator and discover they’re almost empty and need to be restocked. In the bedroom, some clothes are strewn about, while others are heaped on an unmade bed. Children’s toys are littered throughout the living room and your kids’ bedrooms. You check the mail and there are bills there you’re not sure how to pay, like the daycare and mortgage or rent. You look out the window and remember that your car won’t start and if you want to get somewhere, you’ll need someone’s help or you’ll have to ride your bike. While you’re walking around your house or apartment, you’re followed by your faithful dog, begging for a walk, some water, and a treat. You stop for a glass of water and wonder to yourself; how will you ever pay for college and still afford to retire?

You may not be able to identify with all of these. You may need to substitute your own things, things that are just as important to you and your family. But the point remains the same, the picture feels daunting and overwhelming.

Why would I bother to bring this up? Why remind you of how difficult things can be, because surely you know this already.

Well, the answer to that is the point of this post and something I often desperately need to remember.

Let’s take the list and break it down. Let’s see if it is possible to shift our mindsets and create beauty out of chaos.

Having a kitchen full of dirty dishes, pots and pans means you’ve eaten and are not hungry. Your cupboards and refrigerator can be restocked because you have access to grocery stores with food on their shelves.

A messy bedroom means a lot of things; you have clothes to wear, sheets and a blanket to stay warm in and a bed to lay comfortably on. The fact that there are toys everywhere means your children have something to play with, probably enough to share with their siblings or friends.

And sure, you have bills, but this suggests you are surrounded by opportunities. To own a house or be able to rent an apartment, to be able to send your children to daycare or school, where they are cared for, taught, and encouraged is a beautiful thing.

Seeing your car that won’t start could remind you that we take for granted all the times it does work, the places it takes us, the freedom it offers. Having a dog or other pet that waits for and greets us with loving attention as soon as you arrive home can remind us how precious a gift they are to us.

Still wondering how you’ll pay for all those important things yet to come in your life? No doubt you are and it’s very difficult to see clearly into the future. This is where hope, faith, and trust come in.

Every dream, aspiration, goal, and aim are based on our own personal belief system. Do we see the dirty dish or what it represents, a well-fed family? Do we see a messy bed or the beautiful place we sleep and recharge? Are the toys on the floor a source of displeasure or a cause for thanksgiving, that we are rich enough to generously offer our children the gift of play in their lives?

When I look around my house now, I see an entirely different scene. I see a beautiful messy life filled with activity, opportunity, and love. I’m going to keep somewhere intentionally messy to remind myself of how wonderful, fulfilling, and gorgeous my life is.

Care to join me?