Category: insight

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Exile

Have you ever felt exiled? Sent away to be by yourself as an outcast? Or maybe shunned for some reason?

It’s a terrible feeling.

Fortunately, I’ve only experienced this for brief periods of time, but certainly long enough to feel compassion for those who encounter it as part of their normal day to day existence.

How does this happen? Who gets to say whether someone is allowed to be a part of a group or needs to be ignored or worse yet, forcibly removed?

Who gets to decide which language is correct, which skin color is acceptable, which spiritual or religious beliefs are permitted, which set of skills or abilities makes one useful or worthwhile?

When I tried to answer this question for myself, it was plain to see, that it’s me. I am part of the decision, either because I agree with it, or because I don’t object to it. Perhaps the same applies to you. Maybe you have your own set of beliefs that create restrictions and establish boundaries, like I do.

I think it’s an easy thing to slip into, so much so that we even do it to ourselves. We act in certain ways and feel guilt or shame or unworthiness. One part of us shuns another part of us. It blames our ‘bad’ behavior on our parents, our teachers, leaders, anyone but us, if it can.

I search for something existing below the surface of all of this. I want to find where this began and maybe fix it or heal it. Something, anything, to shift away from these feelings of pain and suffering.

In my exploration, I discovered that the sense of being exiled or shunned existed at a fundamental level and represented one of my biggest mistakes of understanding.

I was brought up to believe there was a right way and a wrong way to do things. My training was similar to others in that I accepted what the leaders in my community told me. They were the experts and were not to be questioned. I was coached to be respectful of them, which included not asking deep questions and that it was not my place to probe like this.

What I later learned was that it made them uncomfortable, and I noticed that they had no real expertise that would shed light on things for me, so I exiled myself from them and went my own way.

It was then that I recognized I’d been living a life of ‘separation’. My mistake was to see myself as separate from god, not a part of god. I’d been told this view was blasphemous, true heresy.

But I came to realize it was the truth for me, so I sought out a personal relationship with god. One based on honesty and integrity and love.

I asked god if we could talk, one to one, about anything, everything. And god responded that it was god’s fondest desire to spend time with me and with anyone who wanted god in their life. God told me that no matter what I asked, what mood I was in, what questions I had, god would answer me.

God healed my separation, restored our relationship, made me feel whole, holy, divine. I’ve spent the last twenty-six years having intimate conversations with god, asking questions, and receiving answers. The only ‘requirement’ is that I be quiet enough in order to listen and hear what god has to tell me. Once told, it is still my decision what to do. If I want to, I can run off completely ignoring god’s insight and counsel or I can pay attention, release my cultural training, tune in to what god shares with me and reclaim my sense of wholeness. To me, the decision is easy.

I know what I want to feel and what I want to experience in my life, and I know how to bring this about. I know casting off any sense of separation is the first step, then inviting god to join me in conversation and listening to what god has to share. When I do this, everything falls into place. It does for me, and it can for you, if that is what you ask for.

NOTE: should you be interested in beginning your own personal relationship I’ve shared my story, along with other’s insights in my book, talking with (god), available on Amazon in print or eBook formats. Open Amazon, enter Rob H. Geyer books in the search bar and all of my books will appear.

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Closets

I believe this is the first post that I have written that forced itself out of me. The topic kept coming back and despite the fact that I resisted it, it would not be denied.

Why? What was I trying to avoid? I wasn’t sure but I knew I had to explore it.

Have there been times in your life when you knew something important was about to happen, but there was an element of concern in your mind? Maybe I ought to be clearer, I don’t mean ‘concern’, but straight up ‘fear’.

That’s the sense I had when the topic, ‘closets’, came into view.

The first thought I had was simple enough. After all we have lots of closets in our house, most of them pretty full. Some have clothes, shoes, boot, jackets, hats, and other articles of clothing. Others have towels, sheets, our vacuum, extra Kleenex and toilet paper, and a host of miscellaneous things.

Okay, no big deal there.

I did notice that closets are places to hide things you don’t want to see out in the open, because they would be too messy or take up too much space you need for other things.

This observation seemed to offer a clue, but the picture still wasn’t clear.

I remembered a saying about closets, that they are a place to store your skeletons. I checked out Wikipedia and discovered the saying came from 19th century England and was an idiom used to describe an undisclosed fact about someone which, if revealed, would damage perceptions of the person.

So, now I’m getting closer. Closets are an important hiding place for what you don’t want others to know about you. They house secrets and hide what we might describe as shameful things. I wondered; don’t we all have things we hope never see the light of day? Things we’ve thought or done that if others knew, would alter their opinions of us?

That’s closer to my fear about not wanting to write this post, but not the end point yet.

It only took a second longer to realize that closets have a much more significant reference point…’coming out of the closet’, where an individual reveals their sexuality, rather than hiding it. For those brave people who take this extraordinary step in their lives, I want to say, bravo to you.

Allowing others in society to dictate who a person can or cannot be through the use of shame, denial, stigma, humiliation, or any other form of control, devalues all humanity, especially those who refuse to continue hiding who they really are.

Unfortunately, many feel a strong sense of need to adhere to a set of religious beliefs that have been taught to them. Beliefs that are fear based rather than love based.

I fully realize this is an emotionally charged topic and is often seen as divisive, with only polar views, so that any stand I voice may be both popular and unpopular.

Okay, now it’s obvious to me why I wanted to resist this post.

But I have to take a stand.

I believe in love. Love opens, expands, embraces, forgives, accepts, is compassionate, caring and, valuing. It is the foundation of everything.

I also believe that the only role that fear plays is to be a messenger, a guide, a redirection from itself back to a state of love. Fear is meant to be temporary. Love is meant to be permanent.

I stand with all those who believe in love and encourage all those who believe in fear to use it to return to love.

Everything is out in the open in love and nothing is hidden, nor does it need to be. I believe we all are meant to be who we are in this life. We have free will for this very purpose and it is not up to anyone to control another’s view of their life. I believe love offers us all a chance to embrace our lives in the ways we choose.

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Holding and Releasing

I’ve been thinking about what it means to hold onto things and the value there can be in releasing them.

Here’s a simple, quick test for you.

Stand up and pick up something in each hand, like a book or other small object, then raise both of your arms, stretching them away from your body at shoulder height. Okay, now hold this position for as long as you can. You can also modify this if you can’t stand up at the moment. Simply hold the objects as if you were standing.

It’s incredible to me how fatiguing this exercise can be, despite the limited amount of weight you’re holding. Of course, the fact is, you’re also holding up the weight of each of your arms. After a little research, I discovered a 190-pound persons arms weight about 10 pounds each, which adds to the difficulty of sustained holding.

Why does any of this matter unless you are a body builder and need to increase your strength? Well, for me, it’s because the physical challenge of this exercise has emotional, intellectual, and spiritual ramifications.

How, you ask?

Imagine that instead of physical weights, you substitute something else. Here’s a few examples I’d offer, but if something more personally relevant strikes you, please use it in place of what I’ve provided.

Imagine someone in your life just said something mean to you, or you remember a time a year ago, ten years ago or from your childhood where you felt ignored, abused, or devalued.

If it was easy to conjure up this image, it’s clearly something you’re still holding on to. Something that has weight and the longer you hold it, the heavier it gets. You may think you’ve let it go, but if you still remember it, you probably haven’t.

And what about a time when you couldn’t get something done because it was too hard. You didn’t understand it or didn’t have enough time or a good enough teacher to help you. And because of this, you failed. How heavy is the feeling of failure to you?

Can you visualize a time when your spirit suffered because you felt too weak or too small? Perhaps someone else convinced you that you were not spiritually worthy, not lovable, not valuable. I suspect the weight of this cannot be measured.

So, what is the antidote?

From the title of this post, you may realize that, in my view, it is the act of releasing, of letting go of the weight, setting it down or setting it aside, that is the antidote.

Easier said than done, you might be thinking. Or you may be entertaining the question, how is it possible to release what you are still holding?

As with all things, I believe it begins by making a conscious choice, recognizing that you have the power to choose the direction of your life. The decisions and actions of others are their ‘business’, not yours, and you needn’t have any investment in them.

Because you have ‘free will’, you are in charge of what to keep and what to release, no matter what others tell you. And you are the one to decide if you take anything personally that others say to you. You have the freedom to choose, and you can exercise this freedom in every moment of your life.

Some things that we have absorbed over the years have taken root in us, but we can make a practice of releasing them. Each and every time they surface, we can acknowledge them and the weight they place on us and bid them farewell, knowing they are no longer necessary in our lives. We’ve experienced them enough and can let them go.

This may only take one time, but it may also have to be repeated, before we are free from them.

I wish you well with your practice.

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What Is Valuable

I am constantly coming up with questions I feel are important for me to consider.

One consistent thing that others have told to me over the years, whether at work, home, church, or casual conversations, is that I ask good questions. I take from that, that there is some immediately perceived value they sense. It’s probably not so much about my question, as what it stirs inside them that they feel would be worth considering.

So, here’s my latest question…what makes anything valuable?

I played with it for a little while and realized it could be asked another way too…what make something valuable?

If you’re interested, you can play along too, coming up with your own answers. In fact, I encourage you to jump in and see what rises up in your consciousness.

For me, I sense a need to define ‘valuable’ before I can explore the question fully.

I think my temptation is to accept a worldview of the word as referring to an object worth a great deal of money, such as land, gold, houses, or jewelry.

Fortunately, that’s not the only meaning. It can just as easily mean having qualities worthy of respect, admiration, or esteem.

I think my tendency is to consider what a person, place or thing means to me personally. The closer my connection, the more valuable something becomes to me.

If I sit back for a moment, it occurs to me that nothing is inherently valuable. It only becomes valuable once we desire to own or experience it. I find there needs to be some personal connection, some investment I believe is worth my time or other resources to trade for what I want to possess.

So, what would I be willing to pursue that would be worth this trade?  What would you trade?

As I think about this, I realize my answers have changed a great deal over the years. As a child, it was all about toys and playing with friends and my family. Once I went to school, the toys changed, but playing with friends and family didn’t. Eventually, freedom become incredibly important to me. I wanted to be able to roam around on my bike and explore and then when I got my driver’s license, my world expanded further. In college, it was never so much about my studies, it was about my friends (especially my girlfriend- my eventual wife) and again, the freedom to explore the surrounding countryside.

Then of course more things changed. I had a job, a career, a family of our own, a car, a house. All of those things were valuable to me. And all of those things were worth the trade of my time and talents.

Now that I am retired, my wife’s and my ability to remain connected to our children and grandchildren is extremely valuable to us. Beyond that I treasure having the freedom to pursue my personal creativity, whether its writing or artwork.

I also greatly value my physical, emotional, and intellectual health. Most of all though, it is my spiritual health I value, and it guides my life. I yield to this desire easily because I know that above all else, I am made of spirit. I know I am a part of the divine essence. I came from there and return to there. Knowing this in my heart offers me a genuine sense of being valuable in this world.

So, my final answer to the question of ‘what makes anything valuable’ is that we are all from the same source, the same spirit essence. We are all inherently valuable. We don’t need to accomplish anything in our lives to be valuable. It is our very nature.

I hope you feel the power and truth of this.

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Post #291 Love Bucket List 07162023

Recently I wrote a post and mentioned that I’ve had a bucket list for a long time and have had the opportunity to accomplish many of the items on it. Of course, I keep adding new things, which probably means it will never be complete. I’m okay with that.

You may have your own bucket list and be working your way through the joys of checking things off and loving the experiences you’ve chosen. I certainly hope so.

What struck me the other day was that I want to create an entirely new kind of bucket list. One that reaches deep within me, all the way to my core. It’s a bucket list filled with actions I take that connect me with others. Each action is powered by love, asking nothing in return, simply extending the love I feel inside me and offering it outward into the world.

My whole life I’ve heard that love is the most powerful, valuable, important thing in our lives. I’ve heard sermons, read books, seen movies, all focused on love. I’d be willing to bet you’ve encountered the same thing.

The downside of this for me is that what I hear and see is too generic, too ethereal, or too subtle.

I recognize it’s very difficult to capture the essence of love. It’s such a huge concept. How can anyone measure its depth, explain its mystery, or share its wonder?

Perhaps it can’t be done. But what I think can be done is to live it and show it through my actions. This is the reason I decided to create a Love Bucket List.

I’d like to share some items that showed up on my list with you.

One) when speaking with anyone, look into their eyes and connect with them.

Two) when someone is sad, offer them sympathy, not just with words or a card, but with a light touch, a hug, or a reassuring glance.

Three) when someone is hurting, regardless of the reason, offer empathy and a shoulder for them to cry on.

Four) encourage myself to offer acts of kindness no matter their size, because they all mean something to the receiver.

Five) forgive before being asked for forgiveness, allowing your heart to be wide open and free.

Six) offer compassion to everyone you meet along your path, knowing life can be difficult and beyond one’s limits.

Seven) extend warmth and caring in simple acts, like buying lemonade from a child or opening a door for someone.

Eight) remember you come from love and return to love so that you can assist others during the tough times they face, offering reassurance that, in the end, all will be well.

Nine) walk next to others, not ahead or behind, but next to them, offering support and comfort for their journey.

My list continues from these beginnings, taking on a life of its own and allowing me to extend further and further into my heart and back out into the world.

When I reread this list another important thought occurred to me. These items appear to be extensions of myself in an outward direction, but I also need to extend love inward, to my own heart. I need to support my own growth and treasure my own inner essence.

I have come to learn that love is a deep well connecting me to my divine source. When I depend solely on my own strength and power, I quickly experience an exhaustion of what I have available to me, but when I sit still and go within and connect directly with the divine, I am never exhausted and there is always love present, both for me and for the world.

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Garage Sale Insights

It is my personal belief that every single thing I encounter in my life has meaning. The fact is I miss most of the learnings I could be experiencing because I don’t grasp them at the time. Occasionally, something will connect after the fact, but I sense the majority passes me by.

How is it for you? Do you feel that you’re missing some of the valuable things happening in your life? Would you like to find ways to change this and live a richer life?

I’m trying to change some of my ways I experience my life, to deepen my awareness and to connect the dots, so that my life expands, grows, becomes more joy filled.

Now, you might not expect to find anything valuable in hosting a garage sale, but for me, many gifts presented themselves. Perhaps it was because I intended to find them. I chose to open myself up and look closely, believing gifts would appear and enrich my heart.

I wondered, if it is as simple as that, why don’t I do this all of the time? Maybe it’s an issue of practice, as well as attention.

My daughter and I share many traits, one of which is a giving heart. We agreed that we would let every customer pay whatever they felt items were worth. We both recognized this was an unusual choice, since most of those who organize and hold garage sales are trying to maximize their earnings. For us, we wanted to release the things we were selling and have happy customers.

Although we did price some items, if someone asked for a reduced price, we granted it immediately. For the rest of the items we sold, we accepted whatever the customer decided to pay.

This was one of my first learnings.

It seems everyone loves a bargain and there were in fact many who were quite happy to be able to purchase things at minimal costs, but there were also many who would not buy at the deflated prices we suggested. It was simply too good a deal for them, so they paid more than we asked.

Curious…why do you suppose that is?

One conclusion I drew was that they wanted a fairer trade and did not want to take advantage of our generosity. Maybe there are several explanations for this, but it was always fascinating to watch their faces and try to read their thoughts.

Another learning was about the value of human connection.

My daughter, Jenny, and I greeted everyone who came to our garage sale, young, old, and in between. This seemed to surprise many who stopped by. They stood for a moment, looked at us, smiled and said ‘hello’ back. Seeing their returned smiles lit me up and made my day. No one passed by without acknowledging us. It was a beautiful thing, and I am still energized by the recall of it.

It shows me that all of us here on earth can get along, we can make valuable contact with each other, we can extend ourselves, even if just a little bit. This fills me with hope and wonder.

It was also fun to meet neighbors and catch up with friends who stopped to check things out. There is something magical and mysterious about our human connections and I constantly find that I am overwhelmed (in a good way) with how much we want and need each other. Despite enjoying my alone time, I love feeling deeply connected to others, even if it’s during a garage sale.

Jenny and I both felt very satisfied to have released our grip on the things we own, to share them with others and to make a little money for ourselves.

An idea surfaced for each of us, to only buy something new if we were prepared to give up something old. I’m not sure if it will stick, but I’m sure we’ll learn something valuable no matter what happens.

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Staying In Your Own Lane

It’s interesting to me how various phrases come into our working vocabulary. One I’ve recently heard is the phrase, ‘stay in your own lane’, by which the person generally means, mind your own business, and stop interfering in mine.

There can be especially troublesome moments, at work and in other settings, when someone who has an insufficient knowledge or ability to handle things, attempts to interject themselves in tasks that are not assigned to them. Although it’s difficult to redirect these folks, it’s often necessary in order to inform them that you have things covered and it’s your job, not theirs.

Overstepping is particularly challenging when the person refuses to stop, either by their intentional or unintentional actions and it may require supervisory intervention.

Why all this focus on ‘staying in your own lane’?

The answer is, because I’ve been having conversations with Lia, an ethereal feminine voice of god who has been offering me wisdom and guidance about this very subject, but from an entirely different direction.

How so, you may ask?

It all started with a conversation about the challenges I felt about being able to stay connected to the divine. What I want most in my life is to feel a direct, unwavering, deep connection with the divine, so that the whole of my life revolves around it.

What I discover on a daily basis is that there are numerous distractions that push or force or entice me away from this straight line. There are so many of them that I easily get caught up in them and lose my focus. Although I tell myself that they are worth my attention, what really happens is that they sap my strength and dissipate my power, which makes it difficult and near impossible to maintain my true aim, union with the divine.

I cannot stay in my own desired lane.

No outside force is doing this to me. They may try, but because I have free will, whatever happens is either because I allow it, or I choose it.

Of course, I turned to Lia and asked for her guidance. Here is what she told me.

“Until you practice ‘staying in your own lane’ (in my case, paying attention to my most important aim of deeply connecting with the divine), you think it is not possible, but as you practice, you see that it is possible. When a distraction arrives (anything I initially perceive as not heading me toward the divine), the first and most essential step is to take notice of its arrival. Spend a moment truly seeing it for what it is, an opportunity to teach you something valuable. Allow it to offer you its insight, thank it, then move back into your lane.”

I wondered if there was more. There was.

Lia continued, “Distractions are not permanent, but rather temporary events, guideposts to help redirect you with a greater awareness, and improve your focus.”

That made sense to me, especially if after some practice, it became a relatively quick process for me. If I could make the choice to acknowledge them, see their value and release them, I would easily be able to return to my straight path and then stay in my lane.

I expressed a deep sense of gratitude to Lia for sharing these valuable insights with me and I hope they are of worth to you as well.

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Adjectives

If you were offered the opportunity to choose a set of adjectives to describe yourself, what would they be?

Maybe like me, you’re a little foggy about the meaning of the word, adjective. Here’s a bit of help.

An adjective is a word that modifies or describes a noun (a word used to identify a person, place, or thing) or pronoun (identifying a specific person, place, or thing).

Adjectives can be used to describe the qualities of someone or something independently or in comparison to something else. For example, my sister is older than me (not that she admits it freely) or Einstein was smarter than the average scientist.

So much for the grammar lesson (not my favorite, and maybe not yours either).

So, back to my original question. What words did you choose? And, perhaps even more interesting, why did you choose the words you did? If you were asked, are they words you believe currently apply to you or maybe they are ones you’d like to apply to you in the future.

I remember once in high school, I found a long list of adjectives and decided to ask several of my friends to check off which ones they felt described me. I’m not sure if I tried to choose the ones I thought applied to me or just reacted to the ones they chose.

It was enlightening to run through their lists and compare them with each other and with what I thought about myself. As I recall, not all of them were ‘positive’ words, meaning I didn’t like the way they felt to me. Some of them were downright objectionable, but most I thought were pretty nice and I came away feeling good about myself.

I wonder what would happen if I repeated this exercise today?

Would I take it personally if I didn’t like all of the words they chose? Would it alter how I felt about them? Or how they felt about me?

How prepared would I be to accept their view? How prepared would they be to give me an honest assessment?

Sometimes we don’t want to know what other folks are thinking about us. It could be too threatening, and it could expose our vulnerabilities, bringing them to the surface. I think very few people would willingly choose to want that.

If you’ve been with me for a while, you know I always do whatever I’m asking you to do, so here’s my list.

Self-reliant, resourceful, loving, caring, helpful, creative, organized, funny (both intentional and unintentional), devoted, headstrong, resistant to authority, driven, too concerned about what others think, a dreamer.

I realize it’s a mixed bag and probably always will be. Notice I didn’t add the word, ‘perfect’. I acknowledge that there will always be room for me to improve (in my eyes and others) and grow and learn. I accept this as the truth.

What do you think your list says about you? Are there some hints available to you? And, now that you’ve done this once, might you want to repeat it and see what changes?

It dawned on me that my list contains words that came out of traumas in my life, especially the first two (self-reliant and resourceful). Something about my upbringing and adaptation to my cultural training encouraged (or the word could be, ‘forced’) me to look inward for my own guidance and support. I felt I could not entirely trust that I would be taken care of in all the ways I thought I needed, so I decided to be my own ‘boss’ and resolve whatever problems came my way, largely without the help of others.

It’s funny to me how, taking a good look at the adjectives I chose, they shed a great deal of light on how I live in this world and the decisions and choices I make. I wonder, is the same true for you

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Power Sources

The title to this post could imply many things. I’m curious, what was the first thing that popped into your mind?

Electricity, gasoline, wind, water, sun light, geothermal?

Or did you go a different direction?

Maybe politics, finances, athletics, social status, influence, popularity?

There are other avenues as well; food, animals, plants, bees?

And whereas all of these, and many more represent power sources, the ones I was thinking about were the internal ones that reside within us and the ones we gravitate to that exist outside ourselves.

Our cultural training offers us a host of options to choose from. Personally, I’ve found that many of these are quite unreliable. At first, they seem attractive, but they don’t offer much depth and can easily slip away.

Here’s an example.

One external power source that’s popular occurs when we listen to and value what others say to us instead of considering and deciding what we think and believe. Trading our power for the temporary power we receive from others does not seem beneficial or sustainable to me. Allowing the opinions of others to guide our lives may be helpful at times, but once we have a sense of who we are and where we want to go in life, it can be extremely counterproductive if we use it exclusively, rather than exercising our own internal power.

I admit that the power offered us by others can be very seductive. Receiving positive comments, congratulations and rewards can make us feel good, but if it happens in place of how we feel about ourselves, it robs us of our own power.

Comparing ourselves with others does the same thing, whether it’s about our weight, sales numbers, bank balances or popularity. Having someone, anyone else, determine our worth or value leads inevitably to a loss of our genuine power.

Shifting away from what others think, say, or do and embracing our own internal sources of power to enhance our lives is worth whatever amount of time it takes.

Creating our own sense of direction and pursuing our dreams and desires provides a pathway toward self-improvement. We can open doors into music, reading, connecting with others, writing, artwork, and all sorts of physical practices.

And during these experiences we can tell ourselves that we possess the ultimate power, which is the ability to use our free will to decide the course of our lives. We can set the stage for pursuing whatever direction we choose and can establish our own criteria for a satisfying life.

Holding onto our own power yields our best chance to create and experience whatever we choose, rather than be held captive to others’ expectations or demands.

Perhaps this feels like too much of a challenge to you. It could be that you’ve been conditioned to follow the lead of others and you strongly sense a need for support and guidance to help you exercise your own free will.

I have a suggestion for you if this is the case. It comes from my own life experience over the last twenty-six years. If you’ve read anything I’ve written, you can probably already guess what it is.

If you need guidance, aid, and support, I recommend that you begin by engaging with whatever your concept is for (god).

In my case, I have constant conversations with Lia, a feminine, ethereal part of (god) who talks with me and provides wise council, often opening my eyes to things I do not see clearly.

I can tell you with the certainty that comes from literally thousands of conversations that she loves and supports me. She offers clarification and insight and never attempts to ‘overpower’ me. In fact, she reminds me that I am in charge of my own life and am my own greatest power.

Should you want to have your own conversation with Lia or with whatever name for (god) that feels right to you, I encourage you to take just one step in that direction and see what happens. I believe there is enormous power inside you waiting to be released.

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Anger

I was sitting at my desk giving myself permission to follow any thought that came into my mind. I wasn’t reaching for a specific destination, just kind of waiting to see what would show up.

An image appeared. It was an old-fashioned typewriter, perhaps a Remington. For those unfamiliar with these, allow me to explain briefly. You have to insert a piece of paper, threading it carefully so that when you turn a knob, it the paper into view. Each time you hit the return arm, it advances the paper and returns its position to the far left. There are several rows of individual buttons with letters, numbers or characters and you have to depress them to print on the paper. As you depress a button a long metal arm raises up and strikes an inked cloth ribbon, which makes an impression on the piece of paper.

Using this kind of typewriter is more of an art than a science. If you happen to hit multiple buttons at the same time, the striker arms will lock together, forcing you to separate them and start over.

If you hit a wrong button, you have to correct your mistake, which would mean inserting a piece of ‘correct tape’ over the mistake and hitting the same button again to make the page white, ready for the correct letter.

Believe me, it was maddening if you were only a marginally capable typist like me. I remember needing quite a bit of correct type to fix my errors.

Recalling this, I discovered I was still in touch with how angry it sometimes made me.

The next image that came to me was somewhat bizarre. I imagined hitting a series of different buttons. Each time I hit a letter, I sensed a whole word appear and felt its depth.

H…helpless, F…frustrated, A…afraid, V…vulnerable, B…blamed, I…inconsiderate, D…danger.

What was happening? It took a moment to realize there was a pattern here. Each of these words represented a source of anger for me. I sat back to consider and saw more letters appear. I…insecure, O…oppressed, H…hopeless, M…mean, E…expectations.

Wow, the last one caught me off guard. It had more juice than the others. I wondered why?

To gain some clarity I decided to ask Lia, a divine feminine voice that offers me spiritual insight.

“What gives,” I asked, “can you help me understand my anger better?”

“Yes,” she responded adding, “anger is one of your egos most effective tools.”

“Really,” I questioned?

“Your ego’s chief role is to protect you. It’s important though to understand my use of the word ‘you’ here. Over the course of your life your ego has established firm boundaries. It does this to provide you with a sense of safety.”

“From whom,” I asked?

“From everything ‘not you’. To do this your ego builds what I’ll call ‘expectation models’. You create these models to determine what is acceptable to you. All things which do not fit within your expectation models are seen as ‘threats’ and will often manifest anger in you.”

“Are you saying that my sources of anger are triggers for me and that they arise because they’re identifying events outside my expectations of the way I think things should be?”

“Yes, exactly. All anger occurs when there is a gap between what you expect to happen (based on your expectation models) and what you think/believe you want to happen. The wider the gap, the greater the fear and consequently, the amount of anger that appears.”

“So, what I’m actually doing is protecting my self-image so that I feel safe, right?”

“Yes, although a part of you knows better. It senses there is a better way.”

“Which is,” I asked?

“If your aim is to live a joyful, contented, happy life, it would be wise to begin relaxing your expectation models. When a trigger arises, consciously recognize how you feel and decide if this feeling serves you in some way. Does it bring you joy? If it does not, make a conscious decision to release your anger, in favor of living a joy filled life.”

“Living a joy filled life is my greatest desire, so I’m going to do as you suggest. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me.”