Category: mental health

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Staying In Your Own Lane

While away on a break from writing original posts I thought I’d share some of my favorites with you from the past three and a half years. In mid-March I’ll return with more original posts. Until then, please enjoy these.

It’s interesting to me how various phrases come into our working vocabulary. One I’ve recently heard is the phrase, ‘stay in your own lane’, by which the person generally means, mind your own business, and stop interfering in mine.

There can be especially troublesome moments, at work and in other settings, when someone who has an insufficient knowledge or ability to handle things, attempts to interject themselves in tasks that are not assigned to them. Although it’s difficult to redirect these folks, it’s often necessary in order to inform them that you have things covered and it’s your job, not theirs.

Overstepping is particularly challenging when the person refuses to stop, either by their intentional or unintentional actions and it may require supervisory intervention.

Why all this focus on ‘staying in your own lane’?

The answer is, because I’ve been having conversations with Lia, an ethereal feminine voice of god who has been offering me wisdom and guidance about this very subject, but from an entirely different direction.

How so, you may ask?

It all started with a conversation about the challenges I felt about being able to stay connected to the divine. What I want most in my life is to feel a direct, unwavering, deep connection with the divine, so that the whole of my life revolves around it.

What I discover on a daily basis is that there are numerous distractions that push or force or entice me away from this straight line. There are so many of them that I easily get caught up in them and lose my focus. Although I tell myself that they are worth my attention, what really happens is that they sap my strength and dissipate my power, which makes it difficult and near impossible to maintain my true aim, union with the divine.

I cannot stay in my own desired lane.

No outside force is doing this to me. They may try, but because I have free will, whatever happens is either because I allow it, or I choose it.

Of course, I turned to Lia and asked for her guidance. Here is what she told me.

“Until you practice ‘staying in your own lane’ (in my case, paying attention to my most important aim of deeply connecting with the divine), you think it is not possible, but as you practice, you see that it is possible. When a distraction arrives (anything I initially perceive as not heading me toward the divine), the first and most essential step is to take notice of its arrival. Spend a moment truly seeing it for what it is, an opportunity to teach you something valuable. Allow it to offer you its insight, thank it, then move back into your lane.”

I wondered if there was more. There was.

Lia continued, “Distractions are not permanent, but rather temporary events, guideposts to help redirect you with a greater awareness, and improve your focus.”

That made sense to me, especially if after some practice, it became a relatively quick process for me. If I could make the choice to acknowledge them, see their value and release them, I would easily be able to return to my straight path and then stay in my lane.

I expressed a deep sense of gratitude to Lia for sharing these valuable insights with me and I hope they are of worth to you as well.

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Retreat

While away on a break from writing original posts I thought I’d share some of my favorites with you from the past three and a half years. In mid-March I’ll return with more original posts. Until then, please enjoy these.

Have you ever gone on a retreat? It doesn’t have to have been for a specified amount of time, just long enough for you to feel separated from your normal existence. A pause, a time out, just for you.

If you haven’t, I’d like to invite you to give it a try.

I know, it can feel like there are a million reasons why you can’t do it. Not enough time, money, family coverage and I’m sure every reason is legitimate.

But what if you could spare an hour, an afternoon, or a day, and if you’re very fortunate, even more time? How might you benefit?

Okay, maybe it can’t be a block of time. Imagine if you were to be  able to separate out a half hour every day, where it was ‘your time’, able to be spent in ways that rejuvenated you or where you could map out some new and exciting directions?

This is certainly something I wished I’d paid more attention to earlier in my life. I can see now how beneficial it would have been to have had a few dedicated hours of ‘me time’.

Of course, if you’re in partnership with another or part of a family group, it’s important to make sure you’re also supporting others needs for the same thing. This mutual caring is part of a loving relationship and at the core of holding good intentions for others growth.

Maybe it would help you decide to give this a try if you knew some of the benefits, so I’d like to share some of those that have come my way.

For several years I’ve made it a point to block out time for a retreat. Often, it’s part of a formal program, but within the program there are many hours each person has to themselves. Time which can be used in whatever way brings them fulfillment.

Recently I attended a workshop (retreat) and discovered a variety of ways to enrich my life.

At the beginning I encouraged myself to be open to connecting with others, to letting them in, so that we could form friendships. This isn’t always easy for me because I have to overcome my own past history, where as a child, I went to summer camp and found it challenging to make new friends. But I recognize that releasing my fears clears the way for all that others will bring into my life and for what I might be able to offer them.

In addition to having some trouble making new friends, my childhood history includes bouts of loneliness and that comes to sit with me every time I go on a retreat. Knowing this, I try to find the courage to accept the feelings when they arrive, to let them have their say and then to move past them by taking the first step in connecting with others. I’ve discovered that taking some form of action often allows me to move through most any ‘pain’ I encounter.

During each retreat I consciously choose to explore new opportunities, try new foods, create art, write poetry, probe new thoughts, and spend time giving of myself to others, and if given to, I try to accept their gifts with grace.

Most of all, I attempt to speak my truth, to say what feels important to be shared, to support others growth and to affirm everyone’s value.

Of course, this type of group retreat provides the opportunity for connection and interaction with others. But I also do retreats by myself, and this creates different and beautiful experiences as well. So, no matter what you choose, whether you are with others or all by yourself, there are wonderful experiences awaiting you.

Early on I discovered there was only one way to truly find out if a retreat would be worth it. I had to go on one.

I hope there is some time in your busy life where there is a retreat waiting you.

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Pep Talk

I have two questions for you. Don’t worry, they’re pretty easy.

The first is…do you believe you know when someone is not telling you the truth?

I can’t say with any sense of confidence that I always can. I think there are many times when others fool me. I might have an impression one way or the other, but I’m not one hundred percent sure.

I wonder what your answer is and how sure you are.

My second question is…do you know when you are telling yourself something untrue?

This one is easier for me, how about you?

I believe I almost always know when I’m trying to convince myself that something is true. There is a certain feeling I experience. A kind of ‘knowing’.

I wonder if you experience this same inner sense.

Okay, so you may be wondering why I asked you these two questions and what it has to do with a ‘pep talk’.

I’ll start by introducing two concepts that are popular in our culture. The first is the idea of ‘fake it until you make it’ and the second is the notion that ‘you can make something come true merely by attempting to manifest or attract it’.

Let me first say that if these work for you, please ignore everything I’m going to say. Somehow, you’ve discovered a way to reap the rewards of this kind of thinking.

But for me, neither idea works as advertised and the main reason is that they both represent lies I would be telling myself. Because I can tell when I’m not being truthful with myself, I cannot create fake feelings or manifest anything I don’t believe possible.

I simply won’t buy this kind of story without some evidence to support it, no matter how much I might want it. If you’re like me, telling yourself a fictional story (ie: that you are rich beyond your wildest dreams) does not make it so. And similarly, trying to convince yourself that you can attract anything just because you would like it to be so, does not work.

Certainly, I have hopes and dreams and want things but in order for me to experience them I need to find a different way.

Here’s the pep talk part.

I believe each of us has incredible promise and potential, in some part received at birth, in other parts taught to us or discovered by us. Capitalizing on what we already have and taking the next step, that is a way forward for each of us.

Asking for help, putting forth effort, taking advantage of opportunities, either presented to us or pursued by us, these are ways to experience what we want in life.

Expecting it to come to us by some mysterious means or without effort on our part seems to me an entirely unrealistic notion.

I firmly believe each of us in capable of taking the next step, whatever it might be, either with others help or because we actively pursue it ourselves. Taking one step leads to taking another and before you know it, you’re taking aim toward what you intend to experience.

I’d like to cheerlead you in this process. I encourage you to take action, no matter the size, then take some more. Don’t worry if the steps are sometimes sideways or backwards, just keeping moving. Congratulate yourself for what you accomplish and savor the experience. And once in a while tell yourself ‘BRAVO’ for your efforts…you are a superstar.

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Good Advice

I love reading the thoughts and advice of folks who have been around the block a time or two. I’m fast approaching their age and have seen for myself how valuable listening to others wisdom can positively impact my life.

I’d like to share something written by Regina Brett, a 90-year-old woman from Cleveland, Ohio. Her advice was printed in the local newspaper, The Plain Dealer.

She offers 45 lessons life has taught her. Obviously, they may not all apply to each of us, but there are so many good ones. I thought I’d pass them all along to you and you can decide for yourself which ones might make your world a better place.

Occasionally, I’ve added my own editorial comment in parentheses after her suggestion.

Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good

When in doubt, just take the next small step.

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.

Pay off your credit cards every month.

You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

It’s okay to get angry with God. He can take it. (or substitute ‘She’ or other pronoun or your word for God)

Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up your present.

It’s okay to let your children see you cry. (even if you are a man)

Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry, God never blinks.

Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger. (Not so sure about this one)

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is you to you and no one else.

When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer. (as long as it doesn’t hurt others)

Burn the candle, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie, don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

Over prepare, then go with the flow.

Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

The most important sex organ is the brain.

No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

Frame every so-called disaster with these words, “In five years will this matter?”

Always choose life.

Forgive everyone everything.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

Believe in miracles.

God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

Growing old beats the alternative– dying young.

Your children get only one childhood.

All that truly matter in the end is that you loved.

Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

The best is yet to come.

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

Yield.

Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s a gift.

So, there they are. I hope some of them are worth taking along on your life journey. Be well.