Category: mistake

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Mistakes

I am curious about something.

Part of me wishes you were right here so we could talk about this. But from what I can see, many of you who read these posts, live on the other side of the world.

I strongly believe it doesn’t matter where any one of us lives when it comes to being human. We have such similar tendencies, one of which seems to be the idea that it is possible to make “mistakes”.

What I want to ask you is, what if we gave ourselves permission to accept and believe that there are no mistakes? What if we opened our minds to the idea that everything that happens, including our own actions, fits in a grander order, one we generally fail to see? What if, we extended grace to ourselves?

You might be thinking that I’m trying to give us a way out of the harmful, hurtful actions we’ve taken. I’m not.

Each time we do something that hurts someone, we can take responsibility, apologize and try to make amends.

These aren’t the mistakes I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the ones that weigh us down so heavily we can barely manage to move. The ones we keep hidden or camouflaged or blame others for. The ones that weaken us, hold us, harm us.

What if we shifted our perspective and believed in the grander scale of things, where we could properly fit everything that happens? What if we could see how beauty can come from any action, any “mistake” that is made?

I’m not saying it would be easy. It wouldn’t.

What I am saying is that it would be worth it.

Imagine if mistakes we’ve made disappeared, even if it took a minute, an hour, a day, a week for it to happen. Imagine how light we would feel. Imagine if every time you felt you’d made a mistake, you replaced the feeling with love and told others you were sorry if you hurt them. Wouldn’t all of the pain and suffering of our imagined mistakes vanish?

It seems to me that what we perceive as mistakes are in fact golden opportunities. We can be right with the world. We can feel light and be the light.

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Blame

Okay, so here’s a topic I’m intimately acquainted with both as a receiver and, sad to say, as a giver…blame.

I wish it weren’t so, but it is.

I wonder if you can identify with this too.

Clearly, I understand what blame means and certainly how it feels, but I thought I’d start my post by laying a firmer foundation.

The Merriam Webster dictionary offers three meanings; (1) to find fault with, (2) to hold responsible and (3) to place responsibility for. It seems to me the three are very close in meaning. Each appears necessary to have two positions, one, the individual who has done someone wrong and two, another person to point it out to them.

How often are you blamed for doing something that someone else finds unacceptable? Are others quick to choose you to blame? How does it make you feel?

And because we have all received our share of blame, has it seeped into you far enough that you end up often blaming others for their mistakes or omissions? It is certainly an easy thing to do.

I encouraged myself to move deeper into this sensitive topic because I knew there was hidden value waiting for me. I sensed no enjoyment present though, since the sting of blame lives pretty close to my surface.

Throughout my life I’ve been blamed for many things, some of which I have to admit are legitimate, but many are not. The blame I’ve received does not belong to me. In some cases, the ‘blamer’ is the responsible party, but won’t admit it, so is quick to point their finger at me first.

I don’t know about you, but I find it extremely difficult to accept someone else’s blame. I would much rather they share with me how something I said or did made them feel and ask me to change the way(s) I approach them. When they move immediately to blame, I become defensive.

Of course, when I have the presence of mind to realize what I’m saying or doing, I recognize the same tendencies in me I find so hard to accept in others. This makes me wonder, is there a better path? Can I find a truer, more open way of living?

Perhaps an answer lies further below the surface.

To me, blame is a ‘separation’ word. Someone is either right or wrong, good or bad and there is a need for accountability. Blame divides people.

What if we could exchange the idea of blame for something else? What if we substituted the word ‘mistake’. Would this make a difference in the world? Rather than there being a need to force one person into submission, maybe we could work toward fixing what went astray. We could view the mistake as a learning tool for everyone involved. We could explore other ways a situation could be handled and choose one that elevates all instead of having one person bear the blame.

Personally, I like the sounds of that. I think I’ll spend some time giving it a try, realizing that I’ll need to be aware of what I’m thinking, feeling, and doing when situations arise.

One other curious thing about blame came into view for me.

I wondered when and where the word came into existence. As with so many words, one source indicated it arose from the Greek culture, estimating its arrival around 1200 AD. I have no idea about the authenticity of this, but what I found interesting was the question it prompted for me…did people blame each other before there was a word for it? Probably.

For me, there are a handful of words I’d like to eliminate from my vocabulary. Here’s three I know for sure…should, shame, and blame. Maybe you’d like to join me in eliminating them from yours too.