Category: safety

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Removing Obstacles

Here’s a bold statement.

Everything I experience in my life means something and there is always a message there for me. I firmly believe this is true for me and I also believe it is true for you.

Here’s how it comes about. I’ll take ‘obstacles’ as my example.

I find that sometimes if I’m not feeling well, I don’t always want to get better right away, because then I won’t hear the message. I’ve discovered there is value in being patient, waiting, and listening. Then when I hear or feel something, it’s wise for me to encourage it to surface and come fully to my attention.

At one time in my life, I didn’t feel it was safe to breathe. Partly this was due to COVID and its respiratory implications, but not solely. There were other reasons why I was concerned about breathing. I felt like I needed a filter, something that would prevent irritants and pollutants from entering into me.

Although initially I was safety conscious about external things getting through my defenses, I soon realized that the internal things within me could be every bit as harmful. I also sensed that many things I feared were not real, they only felt real. The distinction however escaped me.

As I thought more about this, some specific fears surfaced. One of these was the fear of rejection. The belief that others would not be interested in anything I had to say, nor would they read what I had written. I felt strongly motivated to prevent this from happening, and recognized two detrimental aspects were involved.

I felt I was a prisoner because I thought I needed others attention. When this is your frame of reference, you never feel safe. A companion realization was that I had no control over what others thought, said, or did. No matter how attractive, insightful, or funny a thing was that I created, it might not catch others attention.

It’s easy to see how this is a recipe for an internal disaster. How is it that I sense rejection without knowing if it’s even present? This is what fear does to me though. It pushes me toward extremes and doesn’t want me to sit back or pause or consider. Fear likes it when I’m reactive.

Taking even one moment away from fear and asking the question, why do I need others to accept me or what I say or write? When I give myself this opportunity, there is space to breathe and embrace new directions. I can give myself a moment to ask, why is what I am doing important to me? What am I really after?

Because I paused, my answer is clear to me. I want to live from a heart of joy. One of the critically important steps for me to realize is that having to work my way through the obstacle of fear of rejection is a giant step along my path.

Without releasing this fear there would be no way forward. I see that it sat in my way, not as an obstacle, but as a signpost, guiding me to a better destination.

In this way my fear of rejection was an integral part of my path to living a joy-filled, joy-full life. And it can be for you too. You may need to substitute your own obstacle in place of my fear of rejection, but each and every obstacle is guiding us to our ultimate aim(s) in life.

Rather than resisting or turning back, when you meet your next obstacle, recognize that you have a choice. You can choose to see them as signposts telling you that they are not the way forward. You can shift and find what does work for you, what feels ‘right’ to you and what brings you joy or whatever you desire to reveal in your life.

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Knowing The Reasons

What are you thinking when you’re driving in your car and you’re approaching a traffic signal? Maybe your thoughts are different depending on what color it is.

If it’s red, do you slow down and prepare to stop. If it’s green, do you proceed through it, continuing on your way.

But what about if it is yellow?

Do you slow down or speed up? Maybe that depends on how far you are from the intersection and your internal calculations about whether you can make it through before it turns red?

Why the traffic quiz?

Well, I’m wondering if the answer to these questions reflects how we live the other parts of our lives and the decisions we’re likely to make.

How much risk are we willing to take and what does that say about us?

Since I asked the question, it’s fair that I have to answer it.

My inclination is to gauge the likelihood I can safely make it through a traffic signal, regardless of the color. If it has just turned, the decision is easy. But if it’s been the color it is or I wasn’t able to see the signal because I’m behind something too big to see around or I wasn’t paying close attention, then I’m left with a bit of guesswork.

I believe this is when my default settings take over.

Surprisingly to me, I feel I have different sets of defaults, which means I don’t always have the same reactions or make the same decisions. Sometimes I’ll do the unsafe thing and go through a ‘pink’ traffic light (read this as, it’s actually ‘red’ but just barely). Sometimes I’ll jam on the brakes and manage to stop before going through. Not my wife’s favorite.

So, what do I think this says about me?

Actually, a lot.

I also sense that the decisions I make about everything else mean a lot too. There is always something operating in the background, inspiring, resisting, coaching, avoiding.

The question for me becomes, do I see what moves and motivates me? And if I see it, do I encourage it to inform me and modify my actions, allowing me to choose wisely? To choose consciously?

I’m quite sure the answer is that I don’t always choose wisely. I can see from the results of my decisions that I’m not experiencing the outcomes I had in mind. So, then what?

So, then I’m faced with a different question. Perhaps a two-part question. What are my motivations and what actions will assist me in experiencing my best results?

I think back to the example I began this post with and wonder, what is beyond the traffic light and why do I want to get there and why does it matter when I get there? Not knowing the answers to these questions makes a difference. It makes it challenging to see the bigger picture, the one that’s most important.

In the same way, not knowing what motivates me, what outcomes I want for myself or others and what difference it makes as a part of the grand scheme of my life all matters. The reasons are part of the decisions I make. Knowing the reasons is important, whether it’s a simple traffic light or a critical decision regarding some direction in my life.

Making conscious choices is important to me, so uncovering my reasons sheds valuable light and allows me to see more clearly. Any and all time I spend encouraging myself to see below the surface serves and benefits me. As a reminder, I try to remember this when approaching a traffic signal, no matter what color it is.