Category: shift perspective

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Kicked Out of the Nest

I’ve always heard that if young birds don’t leave the nest, one of their parents will kick them out, forcing them to fly.

Apparently, this is a myth. According to experts, this doesn’t happen, although young birds are definitely coaxed into flying. Despite thinking it’s safe in the nest, having a group of loud squawking birds sitting together is an invitation to many predators, so it’s in the young bird’s interest to jump out and fly away.

The moral of this story has become self-evident to me over the years.

I like to stick around where it feels safe. I know the rules, even if I don’t always like them all. I have a good idea what I can and cannot do and my options seem pretty clear. Part of me isn’t interested in venturing outward, where everything seems confusing and uncertain.

But, like a young bird, it isn’t always safer in the nest and taking flight and finding new and better places to be is to my advantage, no matter how difficult or challenging it can be.

Recently, I experienced this situation again. For me, there is a period of discomfort that occurs, mostly on an emotional level. When I feel ousted from my nest, my first reaction is either fear or anger. When I gain a little distance, I see that fear and anger are really the same emotion, just acted out differently.

Many years ago, our wise minister (Jim Fuller) mentioned how important it was for all of us to feel our feelings. I understood his point but was not very good at accepting or processing my feelings. I was a ‘thinker’, so feelings seemed to take second place, which really meant no place at all.

I decided I ought to give it a more serious try, so I began a feelings journal where I promised to be honest and write down exactly what I was feeling and then sit with them. Not try to change my feelings or ignore them or discount them. Just be with them. As time went on, I came to learn that my feelings were guides for helping me navigate a better life course.

So, back to the nest.

Each time I am forced out of my cozy nest, which happens with regularity, I allow myself to feel my feelings, then sit and rest with them. Once the initial energy subsides, I can see there is a purpose and a new direction for me to travel. A direction that opens me up and offers me a prosperity I would never have known if I’d chosen to stay in the nest.

I know this is hard. I know you might think there is nothing out there beyond your comfort zone…but there is.

I’m writing this to invite you to give yourself a chance to discover a bigger, brighter, bolder world.

Every time this has happened to me, I have grown and experienced satisfaction and joy.

If you give yourself a chance, I hope you find new dimensions and beautiful experiences waiting for you.

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Complaining Or Not

This is what I was thinking recently.

I need to release my complaints in a different way. I feel justified about expressing them, which ultimately hurts me, because the way I live and express my life either supports and enhances my life OR it creates suffering for me.

I recognize it is my choice.

I am in charge of my attitude and reactions, not a victim or a bystander.

If I truly wish to live a joy-filled life, which is what I say I want, I have to ask myself, how is this going to happen if I fill my time by finding constant fault with the world?

If I looked at my life as having limited time, say 85 years, why would I want to spend any of that time needlessly suffering by choosing to find fault with it?

Every moment I spend complaining is a moment of suffering, and it is something I am doing to myself.

It would be such a wise decision to shift my perspective based on what I really want.

What I really want is to create and experience the maximum amount of joy during my life. This means releasing my need to complain and find, discover, and reveal things that enhance my sense of wonder, curiosity, peace, and joy.

The constant choice is up to me.

Today I’m going to let go of all things that cause me suffering and embrace those which create and enhance my joy.

Today I’m going to be my own best friend.

I invite you to join me, if it feels right to you.

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Time to Reconsider

I have many teachers in my life, some exist in proximity to me, others are farther away. Each of them reminds me of things I want to learn to release or to be at peace with. They are predominantly things that irritate, annoy or upset me.

I guess by now I ought to be used to this, but I’m not.

If I am not careful, I get sucked into their orbit and react in kind. This does not serve me.

To be at peace, I know I need to release any attachment to my version of what is ‘right’. I wonder to myself, how is this done?

At first glance, I’m tempted to accept and embrace what my culture has taught me, which is that I deserve to feel the way I do, about anything. If I can find someone who shares my feelings or who otherwise supports my right to feel the way I do, I have no incentive to make any changes, despite the amount of conflict and internal suffering I experience.

Feeling justified is an end unto itself and it halts all other thoughts and holds me in place.

The other thing it does is it creates a host of troublesome feelings inside me and ultimately keeps me from any sense of peace or freedom.

It’s too high a price to pay.

My feelings create a crack in the doorway, a place where some light comes in. And when the light hits my feelings, I sense there is the possibility for change.

Perhaps my view of the world is wrong. Perhaps there’s another way to view my situation that would be better for me. Perhaps I don’t have to stay in the rut created by constant reinforcement.

This feels like good news to me. I try to open my eyes and heart further. What change could I make that would allow my life to be more peaceful, contented, even joyful?

The first thing that occurs to me is that I could remind myself that there are numerous ways to live in this world. This translates as, my way may not be the best or only way and others’ views might make more sense.

It takes some inner strength to say this out loud to myself. For whatever reason, it’s challenging for me to think I have it wrong, but what a wonderful opportunity it is for me to entertain this idea.

This whole concept is one of suspended belief and judgement. A sort of time out or pause, so that I can reconsider what I believe.

It’s a mind opening invitation I can give myself.

If I sit back and think about any given situation from a neutral position, maybe I’ll see a bigger picture, one that may offer me a wider view and provide space to see if what I believe still rings true.

It feels like a wise choice to make and I’m going to give it a try.

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What If Today…

I want to share something that I wrote for a dear friend of mine recently. It was intended to provide a spark to ignite a different way of viewing life. It was something that I needed. As with all of my posts, the thoughts and words arrive for me and then moved outward into the world.

The post is a dream in a way. Of a richer life. And of course, as it is in all cases, it depends on what we choose. I wonder to myself what will I choose, I wonder too, what will you choose?

What if today…

What if today…I choose to believe…to truly accept and embrace…that every single thing that happens to me is here to benefit me. What if I choose to see beyond appearances and all of the things that blind me. What if I give myself permission to believe that I am loved and cared for and know that everything I experience in my life is there to offer me something of value. That no matter what the world tells me, I can choose my own path. What if I embrace that my heart and spirit are the ones that set me free.

What if today I release any need to control the uncontrollable. What if I spruce up my ability to yield and let go of all the things that weigh me down…to set them aside and feel the precious liberation and the expansive freedom that choice creates.

What if today I collect all the most lovable parts of me and hug them and ask them to spread their joy throughout my body…my life.

What if today I allow every sorrow, pain, challenge, and concern to take the day off…to rest…what if I placed them all gently in the ocean of bliss that is my true home, where they can be washed clean.

What if, for one day, I give up needing to be in charge of anything and allow life to flow gently through me.

What if today…I breathe in peace and breathe out love.

What if today…is that day.

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Blame

I have to admit it…being blaming for something is one of my least favorite things. I don’t like it when I AM the reason for something going wrong and get blamed, but I especially don’t like it when I am NOT the reason.

It seems so unfair, and it hurts. Partly I suppose because it damages my self-image.

And then there are the times I blame others.

One such instance happened recently. My wife and I were away and when we returned our driveway was full of snow. Okay, no problem, we’d just park in the road, I’d get the snowblower going and make quick work of clearing our driveway so we could park safely and unload our stuff.

The problem occurred in my very first pass down the driveway because underneath all of the snow was our newspaper which had been canceled while we were away. It wasn’t supposed to have been there. Naturally snowblowers and heavy newspapers do not get along. Before I could do anything, the newspaper was sucked into the snowblower and jammed beyond my ability to dislodge. Result = one useless snowblower and time to get some physical exercise shoveling.

My first reaction was yelling out loud. Not words exactly, but a lot of loud noise. This has happened before!

This reaction came with a great deal of blame. My wife had called the newspaper to cancel so they either didn’t cancel, or the newspaper carrier delivered one anyway. As far as I was concerned, the newspaper and carrier were both at fault.

And they were both the cause of several unfortunate results; having to shovel heavy wet snow, need to contact snowblower repair folks, cost of the repairs and length of time without it so that if it snows before I get it back, more shoveling for me. All because someone didn’t do their job.

I wanted to hold someone accountable. A part of me wanted them to have to pay for my inconvenience and the repair costs.

I confess it took a while for me to sit back far enough from the blaming to recognize what effect it was having on me. I was angry, frustrated and fuming, all things which prevented me from seeing clearly.

Once I gained a little distance, I saw how my upset was prolonging my negative feelings and delaying me from finding a resolution to the problem.

I had to stop and ask myself an important question. What if life is offering me something of benefit wrapped up in this problem? What if its value is far greater than the cost of the upset and the snowblower repair?

But what could that be?

I really had to work hard to shift my perspective. What made it possible for me was my ultimate belief that everything in my life actually ‘serves’ me in some way. Everything benefits me, no matter how it first appears. These ideas fueled my inner search.

I wondered, what if I accepted that sometimes things happen PERIOD. No one did it on purpose. No one was trying to harm or upset me. What if I just accepted that it happened and could be resolved? What if I did this quickly so that I avoided feeling angry and gave others the benefit of the doubt and didn’t blame them?

How would that change my world?

What if instead of blaming others I forgave them? How much would that save me from suffering? How much better would that be for my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing?

My answer is…it would fantastic. It would be an extraordinary decision.

I’m not saying that I’m adept at this yet. Clearly not. But what I did discover was that there is another way, a better way and hopefully I’ll choose that next time and save myself a whole lot of misery.