Embracing Imperfection

I’d like to make a case for imperfection. This is not a minor suggestion, especially not coming from me, since I am by nature a perfectionist. Those who know me well, probably see ample evidence of this, so you can take their word for it too.

I can spot the ways this shows up in my life and maybe you’ll identify with some of them. I look down at my right hand and see an age spot there, what my granddaughter, Tessa, calls a “boo-boo”. Even her kissing it won’t make it go away.

I have several scars, only one from surgery for which I am very thankful. There are spots on the carpet next to my living room chair, a few small dings in my car and some unidentifiable stains on our beautiful front porch. It is my belief that I am not responsible for any of these, but who can know for sure?

There are also imperfections in my life. Two speeding tickets, a job loss, words I said that weren’t nice, people I’ve let down, investments that went south. You get the picture.

If you gave yourself a couple of minutes you could probably create your own list.

I’ve come to realize several things about all of this.

The first is that perfection is a person standard. I might share the same ideals with some, but others would no doubt see them differently.

Second, the price of my suffering depends on how high I set the bar. I don’t always see ‘perfection’ in the same light. There is sort of a sliding scale depending on how strict I’m feeling at the time.

Third, if I give myself some slack, I can see that there is almost no value to perfection. In fact, more and more, I see there is great value in imperfection. The slight crease in a page often turned because I’ve read a favorite book many times. The beautiful and intriguing laugh lines next to my wife’s eyes that say to me that she still enjoys my jokes. Feeling tired from a long walk that fed my soul, but exhausted my body, when it wouldn’t have a few years ago.

If I pay attention, I encounter lessons in imperfection all the time.

Here’s one.

When our upstairs bathroom was remodeled, I decided I wanted one of those mirrors that affixes to the wall and extends outward, so that I could bring it closer to me, which would really help when shaving. I bought one and began the installation process by using the template to mark the places to drill holes in the wall. I drilled the holes and screwed the back plate to the wall, then fitted the fixture over the top of the back plate. It fascinated and horrified me that once the fixture was secured it was off center, so that as the arm extended, it was angled rather than straight.

Maybe this might not bother you and I congratulate you if this is the case. But, for me, this was totally unacceptable.

I considered my options.

Taking it off the wall and starting the process over again was my first thought. However, there were a number of logistical problems with this I won’t bore you with.

So, what else?

Could I do the unthinkable? Could I accept the imperfect installation, especially knowing I would see this every day of my life?

I want you to know that it was not lost on me that while I was trying to make this decision, I was staring at my reflection in the off-center mirror. I saw a man with obvious blemishes of one kind or another. I saw a man who prized perfection, but could not achieve it. And I saw something else.

Something snapped in me. Something wonderful.

I discovered the beauty of imperfection. I accepted that the mirror was okay, just as it was. It was still usable and functional. And I released my need for the mirror to be exactly as I intended it to be and let it be as it was. I decide that my usual suffering was no longer as valuable as my accepting life as it came to me. And I shifted my perception and looked below my surface, realizing I too am perfect just as I am, with all of my imperfections.

Note: To make a comment, please click on the Post Name, then scroll to the bottom of the page, write your comment in the box and hit enter.

More Heaven

Imagine that you are a being of light. You have form, but no tangible substance. And as light, you flow.

Imagine that you know everything there is to be known. For you, there are no unanswerable questions. You are pure awareness, pure consciousness.

You are part of the ocean of bliss. It is your home and you call it, heaven.

I was a part of this bliss. I am still a part of this.

This matters to me because the awareness of this represents an unbreakable promise, that I will return home, after my earth life is complete. There is immense freedom in this assurance.

There was a moment in time where I chose to shift my awareness and decided to live a life of a spiritual being, as a human being.

There was a ceremony for me in heaven. A passage. A losing and a gaining.

I chose to experience the ‘great forgetting’, where I released my awareness of all things, so that I could live without knowing the answers to all of my questions. I chose to shift my perspective so that I could create and experience every part of my human life with newness. And I accepted the gift of free will, the most precious of all gifts.

With free will, there are no requirements or obligations upon me. This is an incredibly beautiful thing, when I wholly accept and embrace it.

This matters to me because I am able to choose my own direction without restrictions, regardless of what my culture teaches. I can consciously choose to correct whatever I see or feel are my mistakes, not because I have to, but because I want to. Everything is open to me.

With the gaining, there was also a giving, because in this transition I chose to believe in separation. I chose to leave behind the truth, that I am part of the one, the whole, the holy.

I chose to accept what my culture taught me, that I have missing pieces and that I should live my life searching for them.

I accepted that (god) was not personally knowable or touchable and that my only way to the truth was through someone else’s voice.

And I did not see that fear was my beautiful messenger.

I did not realize that all of what happened to me was a part of my plan, so that I could create and experience anything I desired.

Understanding this, matters to me because I can wake up and abandon this illusion if I choose. I can give up my search for any missing pieces, in favor of accepting the truth. The truth that I am already whole. And I can live this human life, knowing that (god) lives within me, in each and every moment, and that when my human life is complete, I will be reunited with bliss and admitted to heaven.

Note: To make a comment, please click on the Post Name, then scroll to the bottom of the page, write your comment in the box and hit enter.

Expectations

I still find it upsetting when my expectations are not met. It doesn’t seem to matter what size they are, the unsatisfied feelings I get are pretty much the same. Some part of me knows there is a wealth of value in every experience of my life, but, when I’m in the moment, I often can’t see that.

Here’s a real-life example.

Despite all of my best efforts, my first website post wasn’t visible on Sunday, October 4, 2020 at 7:30am as I’d promised and I’d expected.

I confess, I panicked. I sat in front of my computer, frustrated, unhappy and frankly more than a little angry. And, I had no idea how to fix the problem. I believe I might even have said a bad word or two. Okay, I did say a bad word of two.

Even though I eventually found a work-around, I realized I had many more changes that needed to be made so that you could navigate more easily. And, so that you can share your comments and read those which others have written. I’m still working on these.

Looking back, I understand that I reacted very emotionally. Nothing specifically wrong with that, after all, I am human. But, were my reactions helpful and what might have served be better?

Well for one thing, I could have stopped and allowed myself to sit in stillness. I could have breathed in and out slowly until my emotions came to a halt. And, I could have allowed a part of me to stand at a distance and observe what was going on inside of me. From this place I could have acknowledged my feelings, encouraged them to speak to me and embraced them. If I had, I might have understood what was beneath the surface. I might have realized that each feeling came to serve me and offer me a message.

Many years ago, my wonderful friend and Unity minister, Jim Fuller, shared in one of his sermons that it is very important to ‘feel your feelings’. This idea was a foreign concept to me and had not been a part of my cultural training. And yet, I sensed how significant and necessary it could be for me.

So, I began expressing my feelings in a daily journal. It’s been almost six years and I’m still writing every day and discovering truths hidden beneath the surface.

And now, back to my opening paragraph about my unmet expectations. When I stood still and gently breathed in and out and let my intense emotions drain away, I found that my fear of failure sat directly on top of me. Fear that I could not manage the technology necessary to communicate with you. Fear, that despite my deep desire, I could not keep my promises to you and share my thoughts based on when I said I would.

So, I turned to Lia, one of my names for (god), which stands for ‘love in action’, and asked for her wisdom.

She reminded me of a simple, yet powerful message she’s offered me in the past, “just show love”. These words sunk into me and allowed the power of my expectations, and the fears underneath them, to fade away, replaced by a marvelous sense of love.

I hope to remember this wisdom sooner next time.