Tag: reasons

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Knowing The Reasons

What are you thinking when you’re driving in your car and you’re approaching a traffic signal? Maybe your thoughts are different depending on what color it is.

If it’s red, do you slow down and prepare to stop. If it’s green, do you proceed through it, continuing on your way.

But what about if it is yellow?

Do you slow down or speed up? Maybe that depends on how far you are from the intersection and your internal calculations about whether you can make it through before it turns red?

Why the traffic quiz?

Well, I’m wondering if the answer to these questions reflects how we live the other parts of our lives and the decisions we’re likely to make.

How much risk are we willing to take and what does that say about us?

Since I asked the question, it’s fair that I have to answer it.

My inclination is to gauge the likelihood I can safely make it through a traffic signal, regardless of the color. If it has just turned, the decision is easy. But if it’s been the color it is or I wasn’t able to see the signal because I’m behind something too big to see around or I wasn’t paying close attention, then I’m left with a bit of guesswork.

I believe this is when my default settings take over.

Surprisingly to me, I feel I have different sets of defaults, which means I don’t always have the same reactions or make the same decisions. Sometimes I’ll do the unsafe thing and go through a ‘pink’ traffic light (read this as, it’s actually ‘red’ but just barely). Sometimes I’ll jam on the brakes and manage to stop before going through. Not my wife’s favorite.

So, what do I think this says about me?

Actually, a lot.

I also sense that the decisions I make about everything else mean a lot too. There is always something operating in the background, inspiring, resisting, coaching, avoiding.

The question for me becomes, do I see what moves and motivates me? And if I see it, do I encourage it to inform me and modify my actions, allowing me to choose wisely? To choose consciously?

I’m quite sure the answer is that I don’t always choose wisely. I can see from the results of my decisions that I’m not experiencing the outcomes I had in mind. So, then what?

So, then I’m faced with a different question. Perhaps a two-part question. What are my motivations and what actions will assist me in experiencing my best results?

I think back to the example I began this post with and wonder, what is beyond the traffic light and why do I want to get there and why does it matter when I get there? Not knowing the answers to these questions makes a difference. It makes it challenging to see the bigger picture, the one that’s most important.

In the same way, not knowing what motivates me, what outcomes I want for myself or others and what difference it makes as a part of the grand scheme of my life all matters. The reasons are part of the decisions I make. Knowing the reasons is important, whether it’s a simple traffic light or a critical decision regarding some direction in my life.

Making conscious choices is important to me, so uncovering my reasons sheds valuable light and allows me to see more clearly. Any and all time I spend encouraging myself to see below the surface serves and benefits me. As a reminder, I try to remember this when approaching a traffic signal, no matter what color it is.

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In Pain, Consider Gratitude

You may think I am crazy, and perhaps in some ways I am.

The thought of offering gratitude when you are in pain runs contrary to how we’ve grown up in the world and I was tempted to shy away from this post topic. But, I couldn’t, mostly because that’s where I have been for the last several days.

It’s one of those inexplicable cases where I felt fine one moment and not the next. No obvious precipitating event seemed to lead to my misery.

I simply had progressively worsening pain in my right groin area that made it extremely difficult to move, bend or raise and lower my right leg. As a consequence, I relied almost exclusively on my left side and upper body to carry my weight, causing additional problems.

I’ve had something similar to this happen to me before, but never with as much pain.

I tried to understand why this was happening to me. I recognize this is one of my default settings- needing to know the reason(s) for things in my life. But, I also recognize now how useless pursuing this line of thought is. It doesn’t resolve the problem, takes me away from helpful courses of action and even if I knew exactly how the problem occurred, what benefit would that serve at the moment?

So, I tried to take a step back and accept that something had happened and it was now up to me to choose how to react.

My first thought was to feel a little sorry for myself because I anticipated that the pain was going to be with me for several days, given how sharp and intense it was.

I’ve learned to try to follow my natural reactions, but not get caught up and stuck in them. So, I pushed a little further.

Yes, there was pain, but what else. Was there something hidden that could be revealed? Could I discover any reason(s) to be grateful for this experience?

Now that is a challenging question and one I don’t feel I was completely ready for. And yet, I knew it was important to consider it. So, I asked myself, what gratitude exists here for me?

The first thought that came to me was that there are folks who are available to me to help; my wife, chiropractor, doctor, family, friends, the pharmacy. I wasn’t alone in this.

I got into the spirit of this exercise.

Instead of being angry that I didn’t get my usual 7-8 hours of sleep, I was grateful for the four hours of sleep I did get. I was grateful that I would be able to seek medical help. I was grateful that my back was okay, despite the extra load placed on it, which is a huge thing for me.

I thought about the timing of this event and expressed gratitude that it had happened when it did, rather than during my recent vacations. It would have severely limited my ability to enjoy them fully. But it happened after them and long enough before our next vacation, so I have time to recover.

I continued listing reasons to be grateful and allowed my physical suffering to exist, but not to overwhelm me. I admit this takes a certain amount of commitment and concentration, but the value to me has been extraordinary, not only for this episode, but to carry with me into the future.

This idea may seem too challenging and not one you can easily accept, but had I not opened to the idea, I would not have discovered gratitude’s great power and beauty. I ask only that you consider seeing if it might offer you the same.

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