Tag: shift

Posted on

Endings and Beginnings

It occurred to me recently that there are a lot of examples of endings in my life. Some of them are okay with me, but others are filled with sadness. Perhaps you face the same thing in your life, despite our examples being different.

I’ve been spending a great deal of time preparing for a garage sale that my daughter, Jenny and I are having soon. It involves a huge number of decisions on my part. Maybe like others, my basement is a certifiable disaster area. Years ago, we had a flood and I had to throw out a ton of stuff but felt other things would be safe. It turns out, they weren’t. Over the years they’ve acquired a terrible, damp, moldy smell and they have to go.

Fortunately, there are salvageable items. Enough so that I had to make literally 50 trips from the basement to the garage.

Among the items were my golf clubs, which generated my first ‘ending’. I’ve kept them in the basement even though I haven’t played in years and am unlikely to ever play again. But I kept them there because I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that I was done playing. I have very pleasant memories of playing golf, being out on the course, walking on the freshly cut grass, among family or friends, sharing both the good and bad shots. Even though my back won’t tolerate playing any more, I was reluctant to give them up. It was too sad an ending for me.

On several racks, taking up a lot of space, was all of my camping gear. My best friend, Doug, and I did a great deal of camping and canoeing together, and we both loved it. Being out in nature, testing ourselves and our skills against the challenges, was a wonderful experience. To put these things in the trash or the garage sale meant I was done with them. That it’s over. More sorrow for me.

There are other endings that surround me.

When I was seventeen and on my high school’s JV soccer team I was on the field and got hit directly in the face with a soccer ball. It hurt but I recovered. Unfortunately, my two front teeth took the brunt of the force, and both were damaged. Over the years they discolored and a couple weeks ago, my left front tooth had to be extracted. I’m now left with a big gap until it can be repaired. The surgery and recovery were quite painful, and I really miss my tooth. I can’t bite anything with my other front tooth at this point, so have to cut up my food. I miss eating like I used to, and it feels like an ending to me.

Other endings surfaced when I started thinking about this topic. Among them are the loss of friends, whether to cancer or suicide or moving away. No matter the reason, it’s hard to take because they each represent an ending to me and are filled with sadness.

I needed to sit back, to pause and consider, what does all of this mean to me? Where do I put the pain, sorrow, and sadness? What other way might I see this to gain a different perspective?

The answer that showed up was, that all endings are also new beginnings. Or they can be if I allow and encourage them to be.

I wondered what I would have to do to make this real. Perhaps it was as simple as telling myself it would serve me best to make the shift.

So, I sat and consciously, intentionally, reviewed each ‘ending’ and reframed them as new beginnings. I recognized that I could get lost in the sorrow of each of my endings, but I could also shift my perspective and view them as new beginnings and the start of new adventures.

I decided to give my golf clubs to my grandson, Evan, so that they can be his and that he can have a bit of my legacy. I decided that although I wouldn’t be camping outside in the same way as before, I could go anywhere and do anything I wanted. There are thousands of VRBOs and Air B&Bs available to me. I decided that even though I have lost some friends, I am capable and desirous of making new friends and sharing new adventures with them. And I’ve committed to believing that there will be good bone growth, so that a new tooth (crown) can be placed where there is currently a gap, restoring my dental health.

What I discovered, while allowing myself to feel the full weight of the sorrow of some endings, was that I have other choices too. I can release the sadness and embrace the enchantment of new beginnings, making my world a better place for myself.

Posted on

A Long Walk

You may remember, if you’ve been reading my posts lately that I’m going to take a very long walk on August 19, as a part of a challenge I’ve offered myself. Along with my son, we’ll be walking a local rail trail from end to end and back, a total of 18-19 miles.

In preparation, I thought it would be a good idea to get in some practice walks, so a few days ago I set out with my lunch, snacks, plenty of water and a few other things stuffed in my backpack. I had a route planned but wasn’t exactly sure what length it would cover.

It turns out it was just over 8 miles in length. I felt very happy that I could walk that distance in my first time out.

Surprisingly, my walk revealed several things to me, unrelated to the challenge to come and I thought I would share a few of them with you.

The central focus was about being present while I was walking.

I discovered that there is such a difference between driving and walking. Driving is certainly a great way to get from place to place quickly but you generally sacrifice not seeing what you are passing. Walking offers you a chance to slow down and notice things. You can pause and consider and explore.

The main road I was walking on extends straight for about three miles. At one end I stood trying to see all the way to the opposite end. I couldn’t. As I walked, I would occasionally stop and look behind me at where I’d been and then ahead to where I was going.

I found it a curious thing to consider, because we are always somewhere in the middle of our journey here on earth. We can only see just so far. I wonder, would we want it any other way? I’m not sure I would, because the mystery and magic of not knowing, of being surprised by the next turn or path change might rob me of some powerful source of wonder.

As I continued on, I became aware of the stores, offices and houses I was passing, each with their own personalities. I wondered, were the color choices deliberate? Did their owners make them in order to attract those passing by?

I also wondered about the various signs they posted out front of their properties or in their windows. Ads tempting me to buy sugary drinks, tasty foods, quick deliveries, caring medical services, beneficial financial products. I thought about what I was drawn to and how easily I am influenced by advertisements. I believe I was much more effected because I was walking and could take my time to consider. When I’m driving, I don’t notice things as much, since I’m more interested in getting where I’m going.

This raised several questions in my mind; how do we ‘market’ ourselves, what signage would I put up to ask others to choose me, and what reasons would I offer them?

Another thought came to me.

What if I chose to walk everywhere, or at least to all of the places relatively close to my home? As I considered this, it occurred to me that within easy reach are my chiropractor, attorney, bank, eye care, doctor, grocery store, restaurants. Why do I always choose to drive to them? Is it because I save time or that I’m too lazy to walk instead? What would I gain if I walked? Better exercise, save the planet a little from my car emissions, notice more about the world I live in?

I also realized that slowing my pace by walking allowed me to be much more observant. I noticed so many beautiful flowers, the patterns in the way the grass was cut in yards I passed, the look and feel of the woods along the sides of the roads and how so many vines drape themselves from the branches. I noticed the condition of the houses and wondered what that suggested about the folks who lived there and the lives they lead. I noticed the speed of the drivers and how they occupied themselves while waiting at the intersections for the light to change.

I discovered that slowing my pace provided me the opportunity for some empty space to show up inside of me. Space I didn’t rush to fill. I just left it there, liberated, and free.

Perhaps, if you get the chance, some mystery and magic is waiting for you when you take your next long walk. I certainly hope so.

Posted on

Adjectives

If you were offered the opportunity to choose a set of adjectives to describe yourself, what would they be?

Maybe like me, you’re a little foggy about the meaning of the word, adjective. Here’s a bit of help.

An adjective is a word that modifies or describes a noun (a word used to identify a person, place, or thing) or pronoun (identifying a specific person, place, or thing).

Adjectives can be used to describe the qualities of someone or something independently or in comparison to something else. For example, my sister is older than me (not that she admits it freely) or Einstein was smarter than the average scientist.

So much for the grammar lesson (not my favorite, and maybe not yours either).

So, back to my original question. What words did you choose? And, perhaps even more interesting, why did you choose the words you did? If you were asked, are they words you believe currently apply to you or maybe they are ones you’d like to apply to you in the future.

I remember once in high school, I found a long list of adjectives and decided to ask several of my friends to check off which ones they felt described me. I’m not sure if I tried to choose the ones I thought applied to me or just reacted to the ones they chose.

It was enlightening to run through their lists and compare them with each other and with what I thought about myself. As I recall, not all of them were ‘positive’ words, meaning I didn’t like the way they felt to me. Some of them were downright objectionable, but most I thought were pretty nice and I came away feeling good about myself.

I wonder what would happen if I repeated this exercise today?

Would I take it personally if I didn’t like all of the words they chose? Would it alter how I felt about them? Or how they felt about me?

How prepared would I be to accept their view? How prepared would they be to give me an honest assessment?

Sometimes we don’t want to know what other folks are thinking about us. It could be too threatening, and it could expose our vulnerabilities, bringing them to the surface. I think very few people would willingly choose to want that.

If you’ve been with me for a while, you know I always do whatever I’m asking you to do, so here’s my list.

Self-reliant, resourceful, loving, caring, helpful, creative, organized, funny (both intentional and unintentional), devoted, headstrong, resistant to authority, driven, too concerned about what others think, a dreamer.

I realize it’s a mixed bag and probably always will be. Notice I didn’t add the word, ‘perfect’. I acknowledge that there will always be room for me to improve (in my eyes and others) and grow and learn. I accept this as the truth.

What do you think your list says about you? Are there some hints available to you? And, now that you’ve done this once, might you want to repeat it and see what changes?

It dawned on me that my list contains words that came out of traumas in my life, especially the first two (self-reliant and resourceful). Something about my upbringing and adaptation to my cultural training encouraged (or the word could be, ‘forced’) me to look inward for my own guidance and support. I felt I could not entirely trust that I would be taken care of in all the ways I thought I needed, so I decided to be my own ‘boss’ and resolve whatever problems came my way, largely without the help of others.

It’s funny to me how, taking a good look at the adjectives I chose, they shed a great deal of light on how I live in this world and the decisions and choices I make. I wonder, is the same true for you

Posted on

Fatherhood

It’s not often that one of my posts lands on a calendar day of celebration, but it does today, Father’s Day.

It provided me with a chance to pause and reflect about what it means to me to be a father and grandfather. For that matter, I also considered what it means to be a son, in relationship to my own father.

I realize that not everyone has a wonderful relationship with their father. I’m sure there are lots of reasons for this. Conflicts seem inevitable in every relationship and when you add in the father’s and children’s expectations, it can become pretty challenging.

I have a great deal of compassion for those with relationships that have gone off the rails, regardless of the causes. And I hope that enough of the conflicts can be worked out, so that there can be a restored sense of love and caring.

As I thought back about my own life, I came to realize something that surprised me. My first inclination was to think about what a father ‘does’. His active pursuit. How he is directly involved and the proactive steps he takes. The ways he participates in the lives of his children.

But that’s only half of the story to me.

Beyond this ‘active’ portion of fatherhood, there is another aspect that feels extremely important to me. I’ll call it a ‘reflective or responsive’ way of living and relating to one’s children.

I’d like to share some examples with you of things I’ve encountered along the way as a father. I’m not saying that I’ve always done them all or done them well but having a focus and an aim has certainly helped me, and hopefully helped my children.

Most all of them relate to being a good role-model, especially while reflecting and responding.

I start by ask myself whether I am prepared to learn from my children, not just be their teacher? As a father, am I prepared to receive, as well as give, providing space for my children to grow, expand, and exercise their love for me and for others?

Can I be a sponge, soaking up their lives, as they live and pour themselves into the world, sometimes in messy ways?

Can I be the source for tolerance, giving them room to share their own convictions, opinions, and choose their own directions?

Can I help them set a firm foundation, where truth is valued, honesty is exchanged, support is given, listening becomes the key and acceptance is encouraged?

It’s a great and wonderful thing to be a dad. It’s also a huge responsibility because it calls for so much from me. My inner sense of love and devotion is my source of power and I find that it is constantly renewing every time I’m with them or think about them.

I wonder to myself, can I help them soar and watch with delight as they spread their own wings, trying new ideas and changing directions?

Can I hear what they are saying without feeling a need to react from my own life experiences, opinions, and values? Can I accept that they have their own dreams and desires and once I know about these, can I support them, even if I feel differently?

Can I offer guidance without strings attached, so they can embrace what feels right and worthwhile to them, without fearing I will be upset or disagree with their direction and choices?

Can I show love regardless of any decisions they make and keep my heart open, so they know I am always available to them and always love them?

All of these questions are important to me because my children are not here to serve as extensions of me. My children are here to live their own wonderful existence.

The most beautiful part of fatherhood to me, is that I have the opportunity to live side by side with them, joined in love. It truly is a most wonderful gift for me, and I hope it is for them as well.

Posted on

Adversity

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word adversity? Do you attach an immediate feeling to it? If so, is it a positive or negative sense?

I’d be willing to bet that the word adversity has a negative connotation for you. According to an internet source the word adversity comes from the Latin word ad versus, which literally means “turned against” and figuratively means “hostile or unfavorable.” The example that’s given to illustrate this is that when things seem against you — circumstances or a stroke of bad luck — you are facing adversity.

How often would you say you encounter adversity in your life?

I wonder if each one of us could say- every day!

Does it seem possible to experience a day without some form of adversity? Imagine, you get up late, are stuck in traffic or a long line at a check-out counter, your boss is in a bad mood, you don’t know what to have for dinner, there are too many activities to go to during your day, you are feeling physically or emotionally drained, or mental fatigued. The list can be pretty daunting some days.

There are folks who will tell you to just settle down and not get so bothered, after all none of your issues are…as bad as theirs or others in the world. So much for unhelpful advice.

When you are faced with some form of adversity what do you do? Where do you turn for help? Perhaps you have a trusted family member or friend who dispenses good, sound, wise counsel. If you do, you are very fortunate. If you don’t have someone in your life like this, maybe you’d like a few hints.

As with any advice offered it has to feel right to you, so please take what works and ignore the rest.

I read a quote from Maya Angelou that feels like a very helpful place to start.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

Admittedly, she is taking a proactive stance and is acknowledging a perceived end benefit where adversity is a good thing. She draws out the benefits and offers encouragement. However, this might not feel true to you during your encounter with what feels like adversity to you.

I think that is what’s most difficult about this process. It requires a shift before things feel better. When you are down, unhappy, or depressed, shifting can be too difficult.

Perhaps it would be more helpful to start closer to the beginning. When adversity strikes, consider stepping back a bit to gain a clearer view. Take an honest look at your situation. Is the issue inside or outside of you? What do you know about what’s happening? Can you see it from different directions than your own? Are there a range of reactions for you to choose from on how to move forward? Are there skills you could work on that would help you?

I derive a lot of lessons from simple things in my life when I’m paying attention. I was looking out at the backyard through my screened porch. I noticed the view was unclear because I was standing too close to the screen. As I stepped back, the view changed and become much clearer.

I think adversity is like that. The closer you are, the more difficult it is to see, so that when you take a step back, you gain better perspective.

It also helps to let go of your first reaction, especially if it is keeping you stuck in negativity. Sometimes I have to tell myself that it isn’t ultimately helpful to be in that place. So, I invite myself to suspend those feelings temporarily, so I can investigate my other options.

Can I see anything beneficial for me? Are there simple things I can do that would change my situation, even a little? Are there others who might be willing to help me if I reach out? Is there anything for me to be grateful for? Can I develop some useful skills by recognizing I am often stronger and more resilient after the hardship is over?

How I answer these questions makes all the difference to me. I suspect the same might be true for you too.

Posted on

Bucket List

I was at our local YMCA recently and came across a sheet laying on the check-out table. It was their version of a summer bucket list containing fifty or so items they were suggesting for summer activities. It was wide ranging, but as you might expect, heavily slanted toward physical health.

I’ve always liked the idea of bucket lists and began my own when I was in high school and have made numerous additions to it over the years. Many of the items have been ‘checked off’ and reading them gives me great pleasure.

A few items have dropped off my list due to spousal veto’s, such as hang gliding and roller blading, as she cites ‘excess ambition and potential physical damage with extensive recuperation time’ as her reasons. I feel compelled to concede, knowing she is no doubt correct.

Other items have been released, most notably, owning a castle on the Rhine. I can perhaps visit a castle on the Rhine, if we go on a European River Cruise, which IS on my bucket list. I think that would be a great substitute, after all the heating bills in the winter must be daunting.

I would love to know what others put on their lists and their reasons for their choices.

I thought I would share a few of mine with you, maybe to get you started on your own or just for a fun read. I split the groupings up into those I’ve already done and those presently on my To Do list.

Experienced

Built a treehouse for our children with my dad.

Laid on a bed of nails (Baltimore Science Museum)

Walked 500 miles between my college (Hartwick) campus and my wife’s campus (State University at Oneonta) over a three year period

Marched in a Parade (as By Scout Den leader)

Blown an Alphorn (Switzerland)

Spent a night in a train car (during camping trip in heavy rain)

Served at a Soup Kitchen

Written a Country Western song for my wife

Helped out after 9/11 (on-site financial support and food supply)

Swam with dolphins (Key Largo)

Sponsoring two children through Compassion (Maria and Sara)

Won a stuffed animal at an Amusement Park

Skied one Black Diamond trail (mostly slid my way down)

Signed up as Organ Donor (unrelated to the black diamond trail)

Bowled over 200 (221)

Scored below 80 in golf (79)

Present Bucket List (some of them)

Attend Special Events: graduations and weddings for our three grandchildren

Hold any great grandchildren born during our lifetime

Participate in the Polar Plunge (Lake George January 2024)

Walk the Rail Trail from end to end and back with Tommy

Extensive Creek Walk with Jenny

Have 50th Wedding Anniversary party (only one requested gift-each attendee offers 50 memories)

Visit some National Parks (Zion, Bryce, Arches, Antelope Canyon)

Travel to different cities in the US on vacation

Fast for 36 hours

Make deep connections with others

Teach/facilitate a Retreat/Workshop at Kripalu

Write more Little Buddha books (perhaps a total of 10)

Get in touch with old friends

Travel to a country to see the Aurora Borealis

Learn more about nature (add ID apps to my phone)

Read a challenging book

Make new friends

Shoot a bull’s-eye in archery

These are just a few items because there are so many more I could write down. The thing I like most about doing this is that it engages me in this present wonderful life.

I can dream of anything, knowing that if I really truly want to experience it, there is a way. If I conceive it and believe it and take action, all things are possible. What a gift!

I hope that you fill up your own Bucket List with things that light you up and give meaning and purpose to your life.

Posted on

Power Sources

The title to this post could imply many things. I’m curious, what was the first thing that popped into your mind?

Electricity, gasoline, wind, water, sun light, geothermal?

Or did you go a different direction?

Maybe politics, finances, athletics, social status, influence, popularity?

There are other avenues as well; food, animals, plants, bees?

And whereas all of these, and many more represent power sources, the ones I was thinking about were the internal ones that reside within us and the ones we gravitate to that exist outside ourselves.

Our cultural training offers us a host of options to choose from. Personally, I’ve found that many of these are quite unreliable. At first, they seem attractive, but they don’t offer much depth and can easily slip away.

Here’s an example.

One external power source that’s popular occurs when we listen to and value what others say to us instead of considering and deciding what we think and believe. Trading our power for the temporary power we receive from others does not seem beneficial or sustainable to me. Allowing the opinions of others to guide our lives may be helpful at times, but once we have a sense of who we are and where we want to go in life, it can be extremely counterproductive if we use it exclusively, rather than exercising our own internal power.

I admit that the power offered us by others can be very seductive. Receiving positive comments, congratulations and rewards can make us feel good, but if it happens in place of how we feel about ourselves, it robs us of our own power.

Comparing ourselves with others does the same thing, whether it’s about our weight, sales numbers, bank balances or popularity. Having someone, anyone else, determine our worth or value leads inevitably to a loss of our genuine power.

Shifting away from what others think, say, or do and embracing our own internal sources of power to enhance our lives is worth whatever amount of time it takes.

Creating our own sense of direction and pursuing our dreams and desires provides a pathway toward self-improvement. We can open doors into music, reading, connecting with others, writing, artwork, and all sorts of physical practices.

And during these experiences we can tell ourselves that we possess the ultimate power, which is the ability to use our free will to decide the course of our lives. We can set the stage for pursuing whatever direction we choose and can establish our own criteria for a satisfying life.

Holding onto our own power yields our best chance to create and experience whatever we choose, rather than be held captive to others’ expectations or demands.

Perhaps this feels like too much of a challenge to you. It could be that you’ve been conditioned to follow the lead of others and you strongly sense a need for support and guidance to help you exercise your own free will.

I have a suggestion for you if this is the case. It comes from my own life experience over the last twenty-six years. If you’ve read anything I’ve written, you can probably already guess what it is.

If you need guidance, aid, and support, I recommend that you begin by engaging with whatever your concept is for (god).

In my case, I have constant conversations with Lia, a feminine, ethereal part of (god) who talks with me and provides wise council, often opening my eyes to things I do not see clearly.

I can tell you with the certainty that comes from literally thousands of conversations that she loves and supports me. She offers clarification and insight and never attempts to ‘overpower’ me. In fact, she reminds me that I am in charge of my own life and am my own greatest power.

Should you want to have your own conversation with Lia or with whatever name for (god) that feels right to you, I encourage you to take just one step in that direction and see what happens. I believe there is enormous power inside you waiting to be released.

Posted on

Misogi Challenge

When was the last time you challenged yourself?

Was it a long time ago? Was the challenge difficult or easy to complete? Did it truly stretch you and demand something special from you?

Recently my son, Tommy, told me about the ‘Misogi Challenge’. He pointed me to a blog by John Gamades, called Depth Not Width, in which he quoted Jesse Itzler.

According to the blog, Jesse says, “The notion around the misogi is you do something so hard one time a year that it has an impact the other 364 days of the year.”Jesse adds,“Put one big thing on the calendar that scares you, that you never thought you could do, and go out and do it.” 

There are of course other ways to view this experience.

In traditional Japanese culture, misogi involves immersing oneself in cold water or standing beneath a waterfall to purify the body and mind.

But in contemporary times, misogi has taken on a broader meaning. It’s a challenge that pushes you to your limits and forces you to confront your fears, doubts, and weaknesses. The choice or focus of your misogi is expected to have a 50% or greater chance of failure. In addition, a misogi should not kill you or harm others.

Once you complete the challenge, it’s a reminder that you are stronger than you believe and that more is possible than you can imagine. Misogi is an opportunity to reset yourself for the year to come.

I’ve been thinking about this idea for a while now and wondering what I could do to push my own limits.

This brings up several questions. What are my limits? How do I know what they are until I try to do something? Even then, how can I tell whether I can push past them?

I like the idea of challenging myself and I’ve done a lot of things that went far beyond what I initially thought was possible for me.

But what about now? What is so big that it has a 50% chance of failure, but won’t kill me or harm others?

An idea crystalized for me.

I happen to live across the street from the Helderberg Hudson Rail Trail in Albany County. According to the official website, the trail runs from Grove Street in Voorhessville to South Pearl Street in Albany, a one-way distance of 9 miles. One portion of the trail is a steady, fairly long, steep grade that runs for about 2 miles.

I immediately thought about walking the full length of the trail, but that seemed too short to push me beyond my limits, since I already walk 2-3 miles a day.

So, I decided the challenge would be to walk from one end to the other and back again, a total of 18 miles. Plus, I would wear a backpack filled with lots of water, my break and lunch food and some added weight, to make the walk more difficult.

I should add that my feet are not in the best shape. I have arthritis in each of my toes and neuromas in both feet, which cause pain due to swelling around the nerves. I am currently having laser treatments and hope for significant improvement, but I may not know for sure prior to my walk.

I asked myself, “how do I rate the difficulty of this challenge and how does that translate to the benchmark of less than a 50% chance of completion?”

It certainly feels daunting. I’ve never walked that far at one time before and definitely not carrying any weight. I have no idea whether the pain in my feet will be too intense or whether the weather will be too hot and drain and fatigue me.

You could legitimately ask…then why attempt it?

I’ve thought about that too.

And here is what I decided. I want to prove to myself that I am stronger than I think I am, and more capable and determined. I want to feel the boost in physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual energy and excitement that comes from achieving something beyond myself. And something beyond limits that I’ve accepted. I want to embrace new visions for my future, knowing I possess everything it takes to succeed.

Although the task may be rated as less than 50% chance of completion, I believe I have a 100% chance of success, since Tommy will be walking next to me.

So, what challenge do you accept from yourself?

Posted on

Releasing Outside Validations

Do you look outside yourself for validation from others? Or, are you fully content to gauge your own successes and sense of worth?

While I’d love to say that this is not a problem for me and that I’ve graduated to not caring what others think, I’m not there yet.

But I want to be, so when something triggers me, I turn to Lia, the feminine ethereal voice of god who speaks with me and offers wise counsel.

If you struggle with this same issue perhaps, you’d like to hear the things she told me recently. Here are her words to me.

“All numbers (think grades, bank balances, job title, and other external measures of ‘success’) are outside validations which you presently use to rate yourself and your value. They were conceived as part of your cultural training, but none of these represent the truth which is that you came from heaven as a divine being and no number can make you any more or less perfect.”

That’s a huge statement for me to consider, but I understand the essence of it because I see my true worth is inside of me, planted there before I came here.

She continued, “Your cultural training is dedicated to localizing you, to keep you separate from all other entities here, so that you are seen as an individual. It does this through the collective ego (the sum total of all egos of those living on earth with you). The collective ego then stratifies all entities by means of ‘numbers and grades’ and other identifiers (skin color, IQ, skill sets…). The collective ego uses a great deal of energy to accomplish this, just as your personal ego does for you. The energy your ego uses is drawn from your other individual aspects (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) and drains them of the energy they need in order to perform. The collective ego also does this, but on a much larger scale.”

I took a moment to absorb this, and Lia went on, “Both your ego and the collective ego pursue protection and expansion of you as their mission. They assess risks and take actions to protect their territories, both at rest and during expansion.”

“Your ego creates an external image of you, which it attempts to maintain and enhance, and it uses ‘numbers and grades’ as one of its main power sources. This is where outside validations come in. They are two-edged swords. If allowed, your ego will spend a great deal of time drawing power from what it sees as positive outside validations from others, but it will also expend much energy defending against criticisms it receives to its created image.”

This is making sense to me in a way I’d never considered before, and a question crystalizes for me.

What kind of life do I want to lead? Is my desire to live a joy-filled life? If so, I need to be aware of what drains my energy and what enhances it. If I allow myself to be subject to outside validations, I now more fully realize the kind of life this will create.

I realize too it would be wise for me to choose carefully and to pay attention to how and where I use my energy. Releasing any need or desire I have for outside validations will prevent any unnecessary energy drains.

I understand this may be easier said than done, but I know it’s important enough to try. As in the past, I recognize the value of shifting toward my aims. So, I consider, what are my aims?

What draws me forward, lights me up, gives me hope, and fills my heart? What feels divine to me and creates joy?

I spent time writing down answers to these questions and discovered a wonderful list of inside ‘validations’. Validations that are reflections of who I am, a divine being living an earth life. I found answers that touch my spirit and set me free.

My hope is that you create your own personal list and that it helps guide you toward experiencing your own sense of joy and best life.

Posted on

Effective Affirmations

Is there a difference between types of affirmations? From my point of view there is a significant difference.

But before I explore this with you, I thought it might be helpful to start in the same place, with a workable definition of the word- affirmation.

According to one internet source there are two definitions of note. In the first case it is an action or process of affirming something. In the second case, it is a state of offering emotional support or encouragement.

From the beginning of my usage of dictionaries I’ve found it troublesome and annoying when the word you are looking to understand is used in the definition. It always makes me wonder what the dictionary writers were thinking?

Fortunately, in this case several synonyms were offered for the word affirmation; assertion, declaration, statement, guarantee, to name a few.

In popular culture there are many folks who use affirmations as a way of obtaining something in specific, an outcome they want to occur. It may be to improve their health, increase their money or investments, get a new or better job, find a spouse or friend, afford a new car or house or just about anything.

The focus becomes very directed toward a specific result. The process to achieve the desired outcome is generally to phrase an ‘affirmative statement’ in a way that confirms the wish, want or desire.

Inherent in the process is a conviction that whatever is the subject of the desire will in fact come about, so the language becomes an important part. In many cases that I am familiar with, the person making the affirmative statement does so in a way that states they already possess the desired outcome.

Here’s an example.

“I am wealthy, and money naturally and effortlessly comes to me.”

The expectation is that making this statement alone will produce the results the individual wants. There are of course different ways to phrase affirmations, but the idea remains that a definitive statement made to a perceived power source capable of granting the request, is expected to happen. The power source might be God, the universe, an angel, or something specific to the affirmer.

I do not subscribe to this style of affirmation and here’s why.

I do not believe we can deceive ourselves. We in fact know whether we are or are not wealthy and whether money ever comes naturally or effortlessly to us. We are eminently capable of detecting a lie, from others and from ourselves. If we are not wealthy, merely telling ourselves that we are does not make it true. This kind of affirmation to me is a deception and will rarely result in any type of success.

What do I propose instead?

I believe strongly that we are capable of creating and experiencing any kind of life we choose. We always know if we are leading the life we desire and cannot fool ourselves. What we can do is focus our attention and make statements of what we are willing to do in order to experience something specific.

For example, “I am becoming healthier daily by (insert the actions you are prepared to perform).”

Shifting from wishful thinking to an action-based affirmation contains real power. Identifying specific actions you are willing and prepared to take in support of your affirmation will create tangible results. As long as you take these actions consistently and modify (if necessary) you will experience your affirmation statement.

Using this kind of affirmation statement and taking action is a winning formula for success that you can rely on.