Tag: struggle

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I’ll Be Happy When

Is there a right time to be happy in this life?

My answer to this seemingly simple question makes a big difference in the quality of my life.

I’ve spent a great deal of time living a conditional life. You may know what I mean already, but if not, here are some examples of a statements I’ve made.

I’ll be happy when I reach a specific goal.

I’ll be happy when my TO DO list is complete.

I’ll be happy when the balance in my account is high enough.

It’s possible you could add statements of your own, especially if you’re a pro at this like I am. I want to say, ‘like I was’, but I’m not there yet. I still struggle with this affliction.

The funny (and not so funny) thing is that I’m usually not happy when I achieve my objective. Sure, there is a momentary high, but very soon after, I set a new goal, add another item to the list or increase the account balance target.

I accept that this whole delayed happiness issue I have is fixable and I’ve made observations over the course of time which have helped. Here’s four that I’ve discovered.

The chances of my being happy decrease the more I look forward or look backward.

The chances of my being happy increase when I live in the present moment.

The chances of my being happy decrease with each prerequisite I attach to a goal or desire.

And the chances of my being happy increase when I release all the conditions I’ve attached.

Yes, it’s all up to me. But that’s fair because I’m the one who views the world this way. Yes, I had help. I learned by watching and listening to others. I saw what they did and copied them.

I was taught to have goals and aims and to accomplish wonderful things. You may have been to. And some of us were taught to wait to be happy until we’d fully achieved our goals. Perhaps the reason was so that we would continue to strive. Maybe otherwise we would be satisfied with less than our goal. Maybe we’d just be slackers.

I’ve always known that living a conditional life would be painful. I think I could tell from the beginning it didn’t feel right. But when you are a kid, you are trained to comply, so I did.

The problem with this is you can’t grow up without questioning things. Without knowing why they are important. And I want to grow up. I want to chuck all the conditions I attach to thoughts and ideas and dreams out the window.

I think that’s where they all belong. Maybe you’ll want to join me in this adventure.

My first step is to be happy to begin with. I’m not prepared to wait any longer. My life is far too short to wait any longer. I’m going to celebrate the simple things, like breathing, walking, sleeping, eating, loving. I’m going to learn from my rich history. I’m going to spend more time doing the things I love, because they are awash in happiness. And when I feel the need to pursue a goal or aim, I’m going to ask myself…why? Why is this important to me? If I can’t answer that, well then, it’s not going to make the list.

So, if you walk by my house someday, be careful, because I may still be throwing my unnecessary ‘conditions’ out of the window and I know you don’t want them either.

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Ants and Uncles

Have you ever heard of the expression, ‘cry uncle’ or ‘say uncle’? In case you haven’t, it means to submit or give in to someone else.

During my childhood, this most often happened when two of my friends were fighting, and one had the other in a headlock. The ‘locker’ would make the ‘lockee’ utter the phrase, ‘say uncle’, before releasing their grip. Usually it required some tightening before this occurred.

As you can imagine, it’s not a pleasant experience for the ‘lockee’.

It seems to me that there is a grown-up version of this practice. Every so often I witness one person trying to force another into a verbal headlock, demanding their submission.

Maybe all they really want is for the other person to agree with them. But, more often than not, it becomes a classic power struggle, where one person wins and the other losses. This doesn’t feel good either.

Why is winning so popular? Why do we sometimes feel such a need to be in control of others?

Intriguing questions.

Here’s another, which at first glance, may seem unrelated.

Do you have any idea how much an ant can lift? According to scientists who study ants, they can lift between 10-50 times their own body weight. So, if I had their strength, that would mean that on my best day I could lift over 9,000 pounds. That’s the weight of one of those monster trucks that drives over the top of a bunch of cars, crushing them to pieces.

Wow, are ants amazing creatures or what?

Here’s another thing you might not know. The average colony is made up of thousands of ants. There are even ‘super colonies’ that number more than three million ants living together.

That’s shocking to me.

During the early spring, for some reason, ants want to live in our house. I have no idea what they are looking for or how they get in, but for a period of several months they apparently want to commune with Maureen and me.

Ordinarily, if I can, I coax them into an old empty Dove soap box (which I call the ‘bug box’) and escort them back outside. I have no real idea, but I suspect some are repeat offenders.

Occasionally, before transporting them, I will sit and watch them. I’ve seen them lift what I consider to be HUGE things and then easily carry them away. They never seem to give up nor submit to any of the challenges they face.

Perhaps one reason is that there aren’t other ants telling them they CAN’T lift or carry the item they intend to walk away with. Without being told it’s IMPOSSIBLE, they just go ahead, bite down on the item and move along.

I admire them a great deal. I think it’s awesome that they don’t say ‘uncle’ when faced with difficulties and that they aren’t adversely influenced by other ants.

I want to be more like them. I want to believe all things in my life are possible. I want to believe I am capable of lifting things far greater than I’ve previously thought could be done. I want to do amazing things, like they do.

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