Tag: calm

Posted on

New Attitudes

As I mentioned in my last post, I’d like to share a bit about changing into new clothes, which really means shifting into new attitudes about life.

When our children were growing up it was challenging to feel as though we’d ever get everything done in a day. We knew we had to find ways to organize things better. One way we chose was to lay out an outfit the night before for the following day for each of our children.

Of course, by ‘we’ I really mean mostly Maureen. The idea was to avoid confusion and simplify wardrobe selections, thereby creating more time to do other necessary things. Sometimes it even worked.

Our daughter, Jenny, took over this task early on, preferring her choices to her mom’s and definitely to mine. It took our son a few more years before he really cared what he wore enough in order to choose his own outfits.

I didn’t have a real dilemma with this chore, since I was required to wear a suit and tie every day. I only had a few suits to choose from and mostly blue or white shirts.

But, choosing what clothes to wear is simple in comparison with choosing what attitudes you want to guide your life. That’s why it was so helpful to hear what Lia had to say to me about shifting and setting new intentions.

Following my conversation with Lia, I opened up and allowed possibilities to enter in to me. I asked myself what I wanted most to experience in my life. That turned out to be a very important question to ask. I jotted down some ideas and then asked another question; what attitudes would help me create this life I say I want.

I’d love to know what you would say and find out what directions your life would take if you chose to make the shift(s).

Here’s some of what I discovered. Perhaps a bit of it will appeal to you.

The new outfits (attitudes) that appeared were these; to be calm, so that I am able to receive all things without difficulty. Optimistic, where I believe in the best outcomes, before they arrive. Resourceful, open-minded enough to explore and use what is available to me. Giving, offering a part of who and what I am to others. Loving, remembering my true nature and seeing beyond and below the surface.

More followed; caring, extending my heart outward. Quick to release anger, recognizing that it hurts me in the process and give myself the gift to release and the return to calmness. Flexible, able to shift, no matter what the circumstances. Open, realizing I don’t know it all and benefit from being open-minded and open-hearted. Patient, understanding that it is in my best interests to wait before responding.

Though I thought I was done, still more came; sharing, putting ‘out there’ what I have received. Healing, allowing all of my pain to be released, freeing up space within me. Energetic, active in pursuing fun and what feels right to me. Creative, using multiple medias and approaches and ideas to help myself and others grow.

And I thought about one of the guiding principles in my life, my desire to connect deeply with others. It’s what I most want to experience and so, two additional new ‘outfits’ came into view. Inspiring, to speak of what I believe and what feels like the truth to me and offer ideas to help others find their own way in this life. I hope to be a guide, and a wayshower, offering insight and suggestions, always knowing that we each travel our own paths, but knowing too that we can do so hand in hand, if we choose.

Note: To make a comment, please click on the Post Name, then scroll to the bottom of the page, write your comment in the box and hit enter.

Posted on

Calming the Inner Voice

Is it quiet inside your mind?

You know the answer. Sometimes you may not like the answer, but you surely know it.

What I hear, when speaking with friends, is that quite often there is a lot of background noise. A sort of low-level incessant chatter which makes it hard to concentrate. And sometimes it’s not one voice but many, each clamoring for attention.

For me, I hear a kind of general chatter, but there are times I hear some very distinct voices. I swear there is a whiny two-year-old that shows up, especially when there is something I want, and he tries to take over everything, so that he can get his own way.

Some days the noise inside my head feels like I’ve turned on my TV set and EVERY channel has come on at once. I try to tune them out, but it’s nearly impossible.

Perhaps this or something like it happens to you too.

When our children, Jenny and Tommy, were growing up, they would often have multiple electronic devices on while studying. It amazed me that they were able to concentrate and get anything done. When I asked them about it, they kind of shrugged and went on about their business, like it was no big deal.

For me, it is a big deal. I find that I need quiet to focus and concentrate.

And then there is an associated issue that enters the mix.

I believe that one of my voices is responsible for loading programs into my mind, so that for every situation there is a ready-made response. It’s a kind of auto-pilot setting.

I understand this is for my convenience. After all, who would want to have to think about every step necessary to accomplish a task each time they did it?

The down side seems to be that not every situation is identical. There are nuances to be considered and it might be the case that new answers are required.

So, what to do about the noise level and the automatic responses, which might not be suitable?

I’ve been fortunate to have had many great teachers in my life. That is not to say that I liked them all. I didn’t. Some of them were very unpleasant, but they offered me valuable lessons, quite often I feel without intending to.

One teaching was the wisdom of letting go.

I believe that we each have a natural center of balance inside of us. If we are being pushed away from our center by loud inner (or outer) voices or, because we are listening too intently to our auto-pilot, we tend to know it. There is a huge pay-off for recognizing this and then taking immediate action.

Here’s an example.

Imagine that you’ve been listening to the news on the car radio. Its stressing you out. And then, when you get home and come inside, you turn on the TV or decide to check out Facebook to see what’s happening. When you do, you realize it’s more of the same, which increases your stress level. This picture can seem very familiar, as if you’ve experienced this before. Hmm, it appears your auto-pilot may be engaged.

The lesson of letting go starts with recognizing how you feel. The moment you detect stress is the ideal time to stop, to consciously slow your breathing and then ask yourself, ‘what am I feeling’?

Being honest and paying close attention and naming your feeling(s) allows you time to return to your natural center of balance. From here, you can acknowledge the way you feel and then consciously choose what to do next (disengaging your auto-pilot).

All decisions are open to you. You may sense an answer or direction, or you may decide to talk with a trusted friend or counselor. You may even choose to speak with (god). Or you may decide to simply be kind to yourself and release whatever feelings you are experiencing.

I hope for calmness for you.

Note: To make a comment, please click on the Post Name, then scroll to the bottom of the page, write your comment in the box and hit enter.

Posted on

Worthiness

Do you seem to have an endless list of things to do and not enough time to do them? Even the most important ones?

There’s probably some club you could join where everyone feels this way. Of course, it’s likely you wouldn’t have time to go to any of the meetings.

I could be in this club.

I have a TO DO list almost a mile long and as soon as I start to feel I’m getting ahead, I add new things to it. Most of the time I add more than I complete.

I asked myself recently how I felt about this. The answer was, burdened.

My thinking mind said, ‘but there’s so much to do and we need to get it done. We have to organize and prioritize. We can do this, we just need to make some adjustments. Let’s identify ways to handle this.’

My thinking mind set about brainstorming ideas; I could get up earlier, avoid distractions and break up my TO DO list into smaller more manageable pieces.

Perhaps these were reasonable fixes, but the feeling part of me knew each of these ideas would only add more items to my already bulging list.

An idea dawned on me.

Maybe the answer wasn’t to identify and fix the reasons why I couldn’t get everything done.

Maybe the answer or answers would appear if I explored the belief(s) that drove my need to check off all of the items.

This felt promising.

I began to wonder what would happen if I didn’t complete each of my self-assigned tasks. As I looked at each item, I discovered a common theme. I would not feel good about myself.

But why?

That now seemed like the critical question to ask. What did completing items from my list really do for me? Well, it gave me a sense of accomplishment. Beneath this, where my beliefs live, I realized there was more. It also gave me a sense of worthiness, which came through the praise of others and my own self-congratulations.

So, why is this necessary?

That answer eluded me at first, until I went inside and looked into my heart and spirit, and then I knew. I saw clearly how my ego was driven by fear and how it believed this fear was necessary in order to protect the self-image it had created. An image that firmly rested on praise from the outside and the inside. My ego believed it was vital to create opportunities (like the TO DO list) that would serve as nourishment to keep me healthy.

In the past I would have begun an internal argument with my ego. I would have attempted to convince my ego that it was wrong and that this approach would always lead to unhappiness.

But, I’ve learned that my ego plays a necessary part in my life and I no longer argue with it. Instead, I offer it love, which is the only thing that allows it to relax and calm down. I thank it for doing its job and keeping me safe. I offer it my gratitude and then share from my heart and spirit a more powerful truth. That I am inherently worthy and valuable. That I am radiant and beautiful and beloved. That I am a child of god and never need to prove myself, to be found worthy.

Looking beneath the surface, beyond my worldly concerns and thinking mind, I find a place of love. My true home.

In this light, I can let go of the significance of all of my TO DO items and they can each patiently wait their turn now.

To make a comment, please click on the Post Name, then scroll to the bottom of the page.