Worthiness

Do you seem to have an endless list of things to do and not enough time to do them? Even the most important ones?

There’s probably some club you could join where everyone feels this way. Of course, it’s likely you wouldn’t have time to go to any of the meetings.

I could be in this club.

I have a TO DO list almost a mile long and as soon as I start to feel I’m getting ahead, I add new things to it. Most of the time I add more than I complete.

I asked myself recently how I felt about this. The answer was, burdened.

My thinking mind said, ‘but there’s so much to do and we need to get it done. We have to organize and prioritize. We can do this, we just need to make some adjustments. Let’s identify ways to handle this.’

My thinking mind set about brainstorming ideas; I could get up earlier, avoid distractions and break up my TO DO list into smaller more manageable pieces.

Perhaps these were reasonable fixes, but the feeling part of me knew each of these ideas would only add more items to my already bulging list.

An idea dawned on me.

Maybe the answer wasn’t to identify and fix the reasons why I couldn’t get everything done.

Maybe the answer or answers would appear if I explored the belief(s) that drove my need to check off all of the items.

This felt promising.

I began to wonder what would happen if I didn’t complete each of my self-assigned tasks. As I looked at each item, I discovered a common theme. I would not feel good about myself.

But why?

That now seemed like the critical question to ask. What did completing items from my list really do for me? Well, it gave me a sense of accomplishment. Beneath this, where my beliefs live, I realized there was more. It also gave me a sense of worthiness, which came through the praise of others and my own self-congratulations.

So, why is this necessary?

That answer eluded me at first, until I went inside and looked into my heart and spirit, and then I knew. I saw clearly how my ego was driven by fear and how it believed this fear was necessary in order to protect the self-image it had created. An image that firmly rested on praise from the outside and the inside. My ego believed it was vital to create opportunities (like the TO DO list) that would serve as nourishment to keep me healthy.

In the past I would have begun an internal argument with my ego. I would have attempted to convince my ego that it was wrong and that this approach would always lead to unhappiness.

But, I’ve learned that my ego plays a necessary part in my life and I no longer argue with it. Instead, I offer it love, which is the only thing that allows it to relax and calm down. I thank it for doing its job and keeping me safe. I offer it my gratitude and then share from my heart and spirit a more powerful truth. That I am inherently worthy and valuable. That I am radiant and beautiful and beloved. That I am a child of god and never need to prove myself, to be found worthy.

Looking beneath the surface, beyond my worldly concerns and thinking mind, I find a place of love. My true home.

In this light, I can let go of the significance of all of my TO DO items and they can each patiently wait their turn now.

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3 Replies to “Worthiness”

  1. This sentence, in particular, really struck me: “It also gave me a sense of worthiness, which came through the praise of others and my own self-congratulations.”

    I grew up under the critical eye of a father who suppressed his feelings and whose main focus in life was being able to financially support his family. A father who believed there was no such thing as an accident. In his eyes, I was stupid and not funny, and he could not understand me (because I am more emotionally motivated).

    My TO DO list is, in many ways, an effort to prove something to my father.

    Thank you for this, Rob. Something new to ponder and to inspire further growth!

    Like

    1. It was shocking to me to see below the surface and discover what was motivating me. Shocking, but also incredibly rewarding. I hope you receive messages that enlighten you and serve you.

      Like

  2. Hi Rob – Oh yeah! I think this happens with everyone on their journey. I have a dear friend who used to feel that sense of satisfaction from responding to every e-mail in her box. I would watch her and she would get this very happy smile on her face and she would be banging away on the keys answering many things that didn’t require an answer. BUT, the satisfaction her ego got from ticking them off her list was evident in every fiber in her body. Eventually, she saw this the way you describe in your post. I was blessed to be the one she wanted to share this with.

    Thanks for being you and sharing so deeply!

    Like

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