Tag: deserving

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Suspending Judgement

I’d like to ask you three questions.

Here are two simple requests before I do, which are really the same thing stated two different ways:

1. Please don’t THINK about your responses and

2. Be SPONTANEOUS.

When was the last time you felt judged?

For some, this might have happened a minute ago, for others it might be longer. For some unfortunate folks, their response might be, “it happens all the time!”

Okay, question two.

When was the last time you judged someone?

We’d probably prefer not to answer, or we might be tempted to give ourselves some latitude with our answer. This type of judgement can happen so quickly we’re not even aware we’ve done it.

And lastly, question three.

When was the last time you judged yourself for something?

This might be the most difficult to answer. It can be challenging to give ourselves a pass and not find fault with our actions. In addition, we’re pretty good at repeating patterns that have been taught to us, where judgements have been placed upon us so often that it’s no longer necessary for someone else to initiate them, since we now do it to ourselves. Regrettable, self-judgements can become one of our automatic responses in life.

I’m curious. Which of these three questions was the easiest to answer?

Question one often permits us to blame folks outside of ourselves, question two offers us an awareness of our role in the judgement process of finding fault with others and question three focuses on self-criticism.

I wonder how often our patterns run on autopilot. I also wonder what amount of time we accept others judgements versus create judgements about others. Perhaps they are part of a circle of judgement where they run together and become almost unrecognizable to us.

When I get wrapped up in this process, I find it difficult to stand back, even while knowing I need to observe it all from a distance. On my good days I stand far enough away to see that all forms of judgement hurt everyone involved, both the sender and receiver.

So, I ask myself three new questions, why do we do it, who does it serve and how does it prosper anyone?

My answers to these questions seem simple enough to me…we do it because we allow it to happen, it serves no one and it prospers no one.

The truth hits me hard, I judge as a way of placing myself above others, as if I am special and others are not, as if they are less somehow than me, therefore subject to judgement. It’s a terrible feeling and I want to make changes, but how?

I believe for me that it starts with a clear view about who we all are. We are co-journeyer’s, all from the same heaven, all returning to the same heaven. But while we are here, we’re having different experiences and making different choices, some more challenging than others.

What if I recognized that everyone deserves consideration, no matter what? What if I realized that I know virtually nothing about someone else’s inner life and therefore their outer actions? What if I could give them (and myself) the benefit of the doubt that they are doing the best they can at the moment, whether I can understand that or not?

Ultimately, these decisions will impact me and also everyone I come into contact with. If a goal of mine is to experience a joy-filled life I’m sure that suspending any judgements will assist me greatly.

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Deserving

Do I deserve to experience what I want in this life? Do you?

I don’t believe this is a simple or straightforward question. The concept of deserving is far too complicated for that.

I need a place to start.

The place I’m choosing has to do with whether I deserve to lose weight, but you can substitute any other objective or goal if you’d like.  

So, do I deserve to lose weight? Actually, the better question is do I believe I deserve to lose weight? If I can’t answer ‘yes’ to that question, it’s doubtful I’ll ever achieve what I’m setting out to accomplish.

I also need to focus on what the word ‘deserve’ means. Here’s what the Oxford dictionary definition says, “to do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment)”.

So, to me it’s an action word requiring me to essentially earn a reward. I feel there is also an implication involved that I must give something up in exchange for the reward, in this case, most of the foods I enjoy.

And what I hear myself say is that if I can’t or don’t do this all the time, then I don’t deserve to lose weight.

What a terrible idea to hold on to.

I sense there is a part of me that is keeping track of everything, especially those things that relate directly to my stated goal. So, whenever this part observes me thinking that I ate some forbidden treat, the obvious conclusion is that I do not deserve to lose weight.

I believe the mere thought (belief) that I do not deserve to lose weight creates its own reality, despite any of the other positive things I have done.

I call this process, ‘putting on mental weight’. And I’ve noticed it results in also putting on physical weight.

Does this make any sense to you?

I wonder, might this same principle apply to other areas in my life? To my relationships, finances, mental health, work life or family concerns?

I wonder too, is there a part of me that has already established criteria based on some form of a ‘deserving model’ that I’ve built or accepted?

It takes only a moment to decide the answer to this question.

YES, clearly over the course of time I’ve created numerous models that rest firmly under the surface of my life. I’m sure it would be enlightening if I understood how they were formed, but I’ve learned from experience that to uncover them would be time consuming and ultimately not worth the investment.

What seems far more important is what I choose to do right now, which leads me back to my original question about deserving. Do I or don’t I deserve to lose weight (or anything else in life)? After a few moments, a one word answer comes to me…sometimes.

That’s a terrible answer and it leaves me hanging.

Fortunately, I hear another voice inside me. It is insistent, yet gentle and commands my attention, drawing me in. It is Lia, a part of god who speaks to me in an ethereal feminine voice, and she has come to tell me the truth.

“You are a radiant being filled with love and light. This is your true nature. You can accept what the world tells you, if you choose, but nothing it says will change this fundamental truth. There is no such thing as deserving or not deserving. It is merely an arbitrary decision, a reflection of what the world views as real. If you decide to abide by what the world tells you, you will suffer needlessly. I encourage you to release all thoughts and beliefs that govern or limit your decisions and grant yourself the freedom to experience your life fully. This is why you came here, to live a full life, unhindered by self-limitations and with all things open to you.”

After a pause, Lia added these words, “Whether it is your weight, or any other aspect of your life, you may experience it in any way that you choose.”

I sat, blown away by the grace of this.