Do I deserve to experience what I want in this life? Do you?
I don’t believe this is a simple or straightforward question. The concept of deserving is far too complicated for that.
I need a place to start.
The place I’m choosing has to do with whether I deserve to lose weight, but you can substitute any other objective or goal if you’d like.
So, do I deserve to lose weight? Actually, the better question is do I believe I deserve to lose weight? If I can’t answer ‘yes’ to that question, it’s doubtful I’ll ever achieve what I’m setting out to accomplish.
I also need to focus on what the word ‘deserve’ means. Here’s what the Oxford dictionary definition says, “to do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment)”.
So, to me it’s an action word requiring me to essentially earn a reward. I feel there is also an implication involved that I must give something up in exchange for the reward, in this case, most of the foods I enjoy.
And what I hear myself say is that if I can’t or don’t do this all the time, then I don’t deserve to lose weight.
What a terrible idea to hold on to.
I sense there is a part of me that is keeping track of everything, especially those things that relate directly to my stated goal. So, whenever this part observes me thinking that I ate some forbidden treat, the obvious conclusion is that I do not deserve to lose weight.
I believe the mere thought (belief) that I do not deserve to lose weight creates its own reality, despite any of the other positive things I have done.
I call this process, ‘putting on mental weight’. And I’ve noticed it results in also putting on physical weight.
Does this make any sense to you?
I wonder, might this same principle apply to other areas in my life? To my relationships, finances, mental health, work life or family concerns?
I wonder too, is there a part of me that has already established criteria based on some form of a ‘deserving model’ that I’ve built or accepted?
It takes only a moment to decide the answer to this question.
YES, clearly over the course of time I’ve created numerous models that rest firmly under the surface of my life. I’m sure it would be enlightening if I understood how they were formed, but I’ve learned from experience that to uncover them would be time consuming and ultimately not worth the investment.
What seems far more important is what I choose to do right now, which leads me back to my original question about deserving. Do I or don’t I deserve to lose weight (or anything else in life)? After a few moments, a one word answer comes to me…sometimes.
That’s a terrible answer and it leaves me hanging.
Fortunately, I hear another voice inside me. It is insistent, yet gentle and commands my attention, drawing me in. It is Lia, a part of god who speaks to me in an ethereal feminine voice, and she has come to tell me the truth.
“You are a radiant being filled with love and light. This is your true nature. You can accept what the world tells you, if you choose, but nothing it says will change this fundamental truth. There is no such thing as deserving or not deserving. It is merely an arbitrary decision, a reflection of what the world views as real. If you decide to abide by what the world tells you, you will suffer needlessly. I encourage you to release all thoughts and beliefs that govern or limit your decisions and grant yourself the freedom to experience your life fully. This is why you came here, to live a full life, unhindered by self-limitations and with all things open to you.”
After a pause, Lia added these words, “Whether it is your weight, or any other aspect of your life, you may experience it in any way that you choose.”
I sat, blown away by the grace of this.