Tag: divine

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Power Sources

The title to this post could imply many things. I’m curious, what was the first thing that popped into your mind?

Electricity, gasoline, wind, water, sun light, geothermal?

Or did you go a different direction?

Maybe politics, finances, athletics, social status, influence, popularity?

There are other avenues as well; food, animals, plants, bees?

And whereas all of these, and many more represent power sources, the ones I was thinking about were the internal ones that reside within us and the ones we gravitate to that exist outside ourselves.

Our cultural training offers us a host of options to choose from. Personally, I’ve found that many of these are quite unreliable. At first, they seem attractive, but they don’t offer much depth and can easily slip away.

Here’s an example.

One external power source that’s popular occurs when we listen to and value what others say to us instead of considering and deciding what we think and believe. Trading our power for the temporary power we receive from others does not seem beneficial or sustainable to me. Allowing the opinions of others to guide our lives may be helpful at times, but once we have a sense of who we are and where we want to go in life, it can be extremely counterproductive if we use it exclusively, rather than exercising our own internal power.

I admit that the power offered us by others can be very seductive. Receiving positive comments, congratulations and rewards can make us feel good, but if it happens in place of how we feel about ourselves, it robs us of our own power.

Comparing ourselves with others does the same thing, whether it’s about our weight, sales numbers, bank balances or popularity. Having someone, anyone else, determine our worth or value leads inevitably to a loss of our genuine power.

Shifting away from what others think, say, or do and embracing our own internal sources of power to enhance our lives is worth whatever amount of time it takes.

Creating our own sense of direction and pursuing our dreams and desires provides a pathway toward self-improvement. We can open doors into music, reading, connecting with others, writing, artwork, and all sorts of physical practices.

And during these experiences we can tell ourselves that we possess the ultimate power, which is the ability to use our free will to decide the course of our lives. We can set the stage for pursuing whatever direction we choose and can establish our own criteria for a satisfying life.

Holding onto our own power yields our best chance to create and experience whatever we choose, rather than be held captive to others’ expectations or demands.

Perhaps this feels like too much of a challenge to you. It could be that you’ve been conditioned to follow the lead of others and you strongly sense a need for support and guidance to help you exercise your own free will.

I have a suggestion for you if this is the case. It comes from my own life experience over the last twenty-six years. If you’ve read anything I’ve written, you can probably already guess what it is.

If you need guidance, aid, and support, I recommend that you begin by engaging with whatever your concept is for (god).

In my case, I have constant conversations with Lia, a feminine, ethereal part of (god) who talks with me and provides wise council, often opening my eyes to things I do not see clearly.

I can tell you with the certainty that comes from literally thousands of conversations that she loves and supports me. She offers clarification and insight and never attempts to ‘overpower’ me. In fact, she reminds me that I am in charge of my own life and am my own greatest power.

Should you want to have your own conversation with Lia or with whatever name for (god) that feels right to you, I encourage you to take just one step in that direction and see what happens. I believe there is enormous power inside you waiting to be released.

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Different Skin Daily

The other day I was struck by a thought. I let the thought pull me toward itself without resistance, despite not clearly knowing its full impact.

I waited a moment for better clarity and there it was in the form of a question.

What if tomorrow I woke up with different skin?

It might be a different color or a different texture. It might be old wrinkly skin, or the smooth pinkish skin of a new baby. It might be that of a burn victim, or a leper or a model’s perfect air brushed skin.

It could be I open my eyes and see myself as black or white or brown or red or yellow or some shade in between. What if it was possible to wake up with green or blue or purple skin?

The idea twisted a bit, and the question became, what if I woke up every day with different skin? Would that change my outlook on life?

Would I become more tolerant and open-minded, or would it move me in another direction, one where I played favorites, treating one skin color better than another?

I wondered whether changing my skin every day would be enough time to form any lasting opinions or would I need more time, like a week or a month or maybe a year.

I also wondered whether I would like some skins and dislike others. If I constantly changed, would that provide me with a broader sense of feelings that would create genuine compassion.

If I changed skins daily, would I have any control over the next one to arrive? Would there be ones I would try to avoid?

These questions generated a great deal of contemplation.

Why did this question appear inside of me? Is there a message attached that I need to listen to? If there is, what does the message mean to me?

I asked myself, how many skin types are there? Would this constant changing go on for as long as I lived? If so, could I stand it, adjust to it, learn from it?

In this present moment it feels quite daunting to consider, so I sat back, closed my eyes, and slowed my breathing, hoping to gain some valuable perspective.

An impression appeared.

I sensed that whatever skin covered my body was not the issue. The issue was how I felt about it and what thoughts passed through my mind. Because I’ve already lived a long life, I have absorbed biases through my cultural training. Assuredly, many of these biases are not real and not based on facts. And yet, they exist inside of me.

Based on the idea of ever-changing skin, my focus sharpened, and it set me back on my heels. I immediately realized how easy it was for me to judge each skin and to choose an attitude to go along with each one.

I needed to take a step back…a big step back.

Some part of me searched for a sense of fairness and compassion. I sensed a desire to love each and every skin I wear. I began to look beneath the skin, to where every one of us is the same. A divine being, living an earth life, creating, and experiencing what it means to be human.

This skin experiment has offered me an opportunity to see to a greater depth and deepen my love for all beings, regardless of how they appear.

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Anger

I was sitting at my desk giving myself permission to follow any thought that came into my mind. I wasn’t reaching for a specific destination, just kind of waiting to see what would show up.

An image appeared. It was an old-fashioned typewriter, perhaps a Remington. For those unfamiliar with these, allow me to explain briefly. You have to insert a piece of paper, threading it carefully so that when you turn a knob, it the paper into view. Each time you hit the return arm, it advances the paper and returns its position to the far left. There are several rows of individual buttons with letters, numbers or characters and you have to depress them to print on the paper. As you depress a button a long metal arm raises up and strikes an inked cloth ribbon, which makes an impression on the piece of paper.

Using this kind of typewriter is more of an art than a science. If you happen to hit multiple buttons at the same time, the striker arms will lock together, forcing you to separate them and start over.

If you hit a wrong button, you have to correct your mistake, which would mean inserting a piece of ‘correct tape’ over the mistake and hitting the same button again to make the page white, ready for the correct letter.

Believe me, it was maddening if you were only a marginally capable typist like me. I remember needing quite a bit of correct type to fix my errors.

Recalling this, I discovered I was still in touch with how angry it sometimes made me.

The next image that came to me was somewhat bizarre. I imagined hitting a series of different buttons. Each time I hit a letter, I sensed a whole word appear and felt its depth.

H…helpless, F…frustrated, A…afraid, V…vulnerable, B…blamed, I…inconsiderate, D…danger.

What was happening? It took a moment to realize there was a pattern here. Each of these words represented a source of anger for me. I sat back to consider and saw more letters appear. I…insecure, O…oppressed, H…hopeless, M…mean, E…expectations.

Wow, the last one caught me off guard. It had more juice than the others. I wondered why?

To gain some clarity I decided to ask Lia, a divine feminine voice that offers me spiritual insight.

“What gives,” I asked, “can you help me understand my anger better?”

“Yes,” she responded adding, “anger is one of your egos most effective tools.”

“Really,” I questioned?

“Your ego’s chief role is to protect you. It’s important though to understand my use of the word ‘you’ here. Over the course of your life your ego has established firm boundaries. It does this to provide you with a sense of safety.”

“From whom,” I asked?

“From everything ‘not you’. To do this your ego builds what I’ll call ‘expectation models’. You create these models to determine what is acceptable to you. All things which do not fit within your expectation models are seen as ‘threats’ and will often manifest anger in you.”

“Are you saying that my sources of anger are triggers for me and that they arise because they’re identifying events outside my expectations of the way I think things should be?”

“Yes, exactly. All anger occurs when there is a gap between what you expect to happen (based on your expectation models) and what you think/believe you want to happen. The wider the gap, the greater the fear and consequently, the amount of anger that appears.”

“So, what I’m actually doing is protecting my self-image so that I feel safe, right?”

“Yes, although a part of you knows better. It senses there is a better way.”

“Which is,” I asked?

“If your aim is to live a joyful, contented, happy life, it would be wise to begin relaxing your expectation models. When a trigger arises, consciously recognize how you feel and decide if this feeling serves you in some way. Does it bring you joy? If it does not, make a conscious decision to release your anger, in favor of living a joy filled life.”

“Living a joy filled life is my greatest desire, so I’m going to do as you suggest. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me.”

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To Be Bold

What does the word bold mean to you?

One dictionary definition goes like this. Bold is an adjective that is used to describe something. It’s used in reference to a person, action, or idea, showing an ability to take risks, to be confident and courageous.

It can also mean that something, an object, or design, has a strong or vivid appearance.

As a noun, it can be used, as in ‘bold typeface’, where something is bolded.

Now that we have a working definition, would you say that you are bold? Do you stand out from the crowd? Are you confident, courageous, and willing to take risks?

It’s unlikely that anyone always acts the same way all the time, but it feels to me as though we have strong tendencies and lean in certain directions. I’m willing to bet that our childhood experiences shaped these directions and probably still does.

How often would you say you act ‘out of character’? Do you find yourself in certain situations that bring out a different side of your personality? Do you know what are the triggers?

Part of my cultural training centered on not standing out too far. I was coached to believe that it was not safe, and I would not be accepted by others, that I wouldn’t fit in. I don’t mean that someone sat me down and drummed these messages directly into me. No, it was far more subtle. Like most things, we absorb them. It seems to me we’re often not even aware we’re being trained, but opinions, biases, and beliefs creep in and become a part of us.

I’ve witnessed others who must have received a different set of ideas. Ideas that generated strong beliefs they use to work their way through this life. They seem comfortable in their own skins. They lead and stand out.

I wonder, why they are so at ease? How can they be so bold?

What occurs to me is that there is something INSIDE them that powers them. Something they rely on and that fuels them forward when others tend to stand still.

I want to know what it is. I want to be like that.

So, I go inside myself on a treasure hunt, looking for the good stuff that will allow me to be bold. I’m actually not surprised by what I find. I know it’s been there for a really long time. There is a host of words, thoughts, and beliefs that I discover.

I’m aware that it’s not that the bold ideas are not a part of me, they are, but they are waiting for me to acknowledge them and act on them.

It’s like the one more drop of water that breaks open the dam, sending forth a flood. I just need one more drop of water.

And it comes in the form of a truth I’ve heard many times. I’ve been told that I am divine, inherently valuable, and worthy. I’ve been told that how others see me or the way I see myself based on my outward appearance and actions, cannot and does not change this truth. I am a part of the whole, the holy, the one presence, source.

All that is left for me to do is to release my dependence on outside appearances and accept my inner knowing, to reveal and embrace the truth of my divinity and know I am whole and can be bold.

The further truth is, you are the same, you are part of the one, the whole, the holy, source. Accepting and embracing this truth can make you bold too.

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Out Of Your Mind

Has anyone ever asked you, “Are you out of your mind”, when you proposed an idea to them? If they discounted or criticized your idea, what was your reaction? Did you let your idea die or go ahead with it anyway?

Releasing my dreams, even if they are a little over the edge for someone else, always makes me feel sad. I’ve experienced this often enough that I rarely give in anymore.

When I was a kid, the phrase ‘are you out of your mind’ was very popular.

My friends and I would come up with stupid ideas and dare each other to do them. The common retort was, ‘are you out of your mind’, which would either end the debate or shift the direction to another dare.

Here’s one example.

“Hey, ride your bike down that path and jump the little creek to the other side…I dare you.”

Mind you the creek was NOT little, and it was really hard to get a bike into the air that far, so the usual response was, you guessed it, ‘are you out of your mind?”

The cleverest among us would figure out a counter-dare like, “I dare you to try to swing across from that tree branch”. They would say it louder to eliminate the energy from the first dare.

Fast forward to school age and more stupid ideas, then to college, where no one was looking over your shoulder and the sky was the limit on foolish and sometimes dangerous notions. One in particular is memorable to me. “I dare you to hop that freight train and jump off while it’s moving.” That’s one I accepted, even though I should have said, “what, are you out of your mind?”

Surprisingly, I made it through my college years without serious injury, got married and entered the work world, only to discover it was full of different kinds of danger. Navigating my way through learning my job, getting along with peers, and pleasing my bosses demanded my full attention.

If you haven’t observed this about me by now, I have some pretty strong opinions, which are based on my personal moral code. This put me at odds occasionally with different bosses. I felt there were better ways to accomplish tasks and said so. My friends looked at me, shook their heads, as if I were crazy and said, “are you out of your mind?”

Over the course of my life, I allowed, then encouraged, then embraced a very spiritual life. I have daily conversations with god. Conversations where I both speak to god and hear god speak to me. They are dialogues really; open, honest, direct, and heart centered. I feel listened to, supported, enlightened, and loved. During the past twenty-six years our conversations have become deeper, more grounding and divine. The best thing about them is I know they are not just for me, they’re available to anyone. I know this to be the truth and have such a deep commitment to this idea that I wrote a book about the process titled, talking with (god) which lays out ways anyone can initiate their own conversations and discover their own answers. (see below for details if you are interested)

Over the years I’ve shared this with many people. Some accept it and have discovered their own path to talk with god. Others have questioned me and asked, “are you out of your mind?”

To each of them I’ve responded, “Yes, I am out of my mind, because I’m fully in my heart.” To me, this is when being out of your mind is a divine thing.

I am unconcerned now whether someone believes me. I choose to let the question fall away and center in on what I feel to be the truth, that the best times in our lives are when we are out of our mind and inside of our hearts.

In case you’re interested in a copy of this book, it is available on Amazon in print and eBook versions. In your search bar enter Talking With God by Rob H Geyer and click on the Amazon site.

NOTE: Please ignore the ‘hardback’ option. Amazon has a few wires crossed because if you click on this option, you’re taken to an entirely different book with the same title.

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Happiness and Joy

How do you measure your happiness?

Chances are if you are dieting, it is measured by whether you gain or lose weight. The changes may only be temporary, but they seem very important at the time. Of course, it’s possible to look deeper and evaluate according to the lifestyle changes you’ve made, even if they don’t directly impact your weight, but represent a healthier life plan for you.

Do you have other happiness measures?

Perhaps the size of your bank account, the funds in your investment portfolio, the car you drive, the number of friends you have, your athletic prowess or some other skill you possess?

Maybe your happiness is tied to something else entirely.

When I ponder this, I often land in the same place, asking myself whether my happiness is merely temporary? Is it easily stolen by someone else, based on their comments or opinions? Is my happiness too fragile or dependent on what happens to me?

These questions prompt me to reconsider the basis or source of my happiness. I confess I’ve struggled with this a lot.

I remember a time in college when my whole life seemed to be falling apart. My studies had stagnated, I had the absolute worst dorm room on campus, right next to the stairwell and common area lounge, facing the side of a hill so that little light penetrated and constantly being barraged by noise all day and all night.

Then my grandfather died. I was very close to him, and it hurt to think he was gone, and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. Not only that, but I also wasn’t invited home for the funeral. I guess my parents thought I’d miss too much school. Not one of their best decisions.

It’s likely you’ve had your own experiences of suffering, where happiness seemed a distant memory, if any memory at all.

Of course, life is balanced. There are up periods of happiness, and they are wonderful while they last, but some part of us knows they are temporary. There is an ebb and flow to happiness, and I believe everyone moves through its curve.

I wonder, what do we do when the unhappiness comes for us?

It took a long time for me to realize the problem I have with happiness is the source it arises from…my thoughts. I seem completely reliant on what I am thinking, placing my treasure there. Inside me, I know there must be a better way.

So, I do what I always do when my mind cannot solve a problem in my life, I drop into my heart to see what I am feeling, because my feelings shed light, guiding me forward.

I realize I have to wait, giving my mind a chance to release its hold and allowing my feelings to become clear. While I wait, I breathe in and out slowly, letting my heart open.

An awareness dawns on me. Happiness is fleeting because it is of the mind. It is my head telling me how I should feel. No wonder it comes and goes, because my mind wanders everywhere.

The awareness draws out a truth I have hidden inside. A truth that tells me happiness will always fluctuate.

It shares with me that what I want is…joy. Joy comes from the heart. It raises me up and cannot be stolen or destroyed.

I want to know more. I want to know the source of joy.

I am told, joy is the source. Joy and love are joined, forever in union, always available to me.

How, I ask?

I am told, remember that you are part of this joy, this love. Look outward into the world and see its reflection everywhere. Remember there is joy and love, even in those things you consider to be unhappy. Look past the surface. Look deeper and you will see the truth.

I want to believe this. I want to believe that I am a part of the joy and love that is my source. I want to remember.

For this moment, I understand I am being asked to trust this truth. It is up to me. And it is up to you too. What shall we do?

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Your Real Name

Have you ever lived out in nature? I mean far away from ‘civilization’? Without electricity or running water? Growing your own food?

I haven’t. The closest I’ve come is canoe camping, where a buddy of mine and I went to a lake and skimmed across the water with only what our canoe could hold.

We set up camp on an island and as night fell the sky became inky black. That’s when the magic happened. Without any ambient light anywhere, we were treated to the most spectacular light show of my life. A million, million stars, shinning everywhere in the sky. Unforgettable.

It made me wonder what it must have been like before electricity and campfires.

A time when everything happened according to a rhythm nature was in charge of. Turning off the sun’s rays but leaving on a soft night light high up in the sky with just enough brightness to dream by.

I wonder if I would ever trade all of my conveniences for a life measured out by mother nature. A life where I lived in the present moment, in tune with my surroundings and aware of my small, yet special place in the world.

One of the questions that comes to me when I give myself permission is, what name would I choose to call myself?

If you were out there in a world where nature was queen, what would you ask her to call you?

This is no small thing.

A name means something. Without one, who are you? How are you distinguished from others that roam the earth?

And then I think, what name can say who I am? What name can connect me to others and to their worlds?

I search inside to find my true name. Not the one given to me at birth by my parents. That is the name they wished to call me. I accepted it as my own because I didn’t know I could name myself. No one ever told me I could.

But now I think it’s time to find my name. I feel a real need, a hunger.

I wonder, how does one go about this task?

I sense there is real significance here for me.

If you were sitting here next to me, I would ask you what you think. Are you drawn to wanting to choose a new name for yourself, even if no one else calls you this? Might it mean something to you to know in your own heart who you really are?

I can’t escape thinking about this.

Do I choose a name that describes my physical appearance, something like, Tall Standing Tree? Or maybe, a word that draws out one of my strengths, like Clear Seer? Perhaps, I could choose a name of something I want to be, but am not now, to give myself room to grow, like Great Light?

These names seem to miss the mark.

I know I have to leave my head to find my name. I know my real name lives inside my heart. It is the only place I will find it. So, I go there, in search of who I am to ME. I am not looking for anyone else but ME.

I sink inside and wait. If it’s time, I believe my name will find me.

I hear a sound. An absolutely delightful sound. It is the sound of my name. Not a word, as I expected. A sound I feel and remember. The sound of running water. That is who I am. No wonder I was attracted to nature. It’s where I live. I wonder if you can somehow feel your real name. I hope you do

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A Good Friday Performance Invitation

This is a different post from my normal.

There is a special reason for this. There is something unique and beautiful that will only happen tomorrow on Good Friday, April 7, 2023, at 7:00pm (EST).

That’s when there will be a live performance of the play, Nine, A Holy Week Story of Love. This play was inspired by the events experienced by Yeshiwa (Jesus) and those involved in his life during his last week on earth. Each of the nine stories (Acts) offer an intimate view of how deeply and profoundly we are all loved by God.

If you live near Albany, New York you can attend in person at Unity Church in Albany, 21 King Avenue, Albany, NY 12206, but if you’re far away, you can watch the performance, as it will be Live Streamed on Unity Church in Albany’s website.

Go to Unity Church in Albany’s website (unityalbany.org), select Live Stream and click on the red button in the center of the graphic for the performance of Nine, A Holy Week Story of Love.

To be candid, this may not appeal to all mainstream Christian churchgoers, because there are a few significantly different interpretations of the events that occurred.

Let me offer you a little background.

I have always loved the Easter story and it touches my heart more deeply than any other story from the Bible. I feel connected to each person and sense their emotional and spiritual energy in ways my mind cannot comprehend.

On Good Friday in 2018, I spent three hours, from noon to 3:00pm, standing, sitting, and walking around the sanctuary of Unity Church in Albany (NY), with the hope that I would be able to connect spiritually and come to a greater understanding of the events surrounding Easter. I sensed a strength, peace and clarity and felt a ‘knowing’ arrive within me, as if I were present during that time. It felt intimate and real and I wanted very much to capture each of the stories so that they could be shared with the world. Over the next several weeks I received the words to this play.

But more than the words, I felt the beauty, grace, and loving heart of Yeshiwa (Jesus’s name in his native language of Aramaic) that was and is the center of each of these stories. I do not ask you to believe me. I ask only that you listen to the words and let them reveal to you what truth they have to share.

I cannot have any vested interest in the outcome of your decision. It is yours alone.

What I am vested in is making this available to you so that you can hear, feel, and know what incredible power and love is present and available for you. Every one of you, with no exceptions.

Each of the stories (Acts) focuses on Yeshiwa’s message, which is always about forgiveness, the power of redemption, and the divine intimacy of love.

My sole responsibility was to channel the words as I received them and to be true to their content. You might think that was an easy task. It was not. Imagine for a moment that you felt you had to relate a truth you knew could inflame others. Would you go ahead?

Despite how incredibly powerful these stories are, I agonized about placing them in front of others. Surrendering and trusting was extremely difficult for me. And yet, I knew in the deepest part of me that they belong to the world and so, along with other brave souls, we are offering them to you.

If you are curious to hear them for yourself, please join us. I know their power and I believe you will too.

Should you desire to have a copy for yourself, print and eBook versions are available on Amazon, which you can access on Amazon/Books, then enter, Nine, A Holy Week Story of Love, by Rob H Geyer. The blue background book contains the Cast Version and the sunburst yellow book is the full version.

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Heart Wide Open

What are your biggest dreams? The ones you would love to experience most in your life. Maybe you already have a list, one that you think about often.

If you stopped for a moment or two, what’s at the top of your list? It could be a to have a truly meaningful relationship with a spouse, parent, child, friend, or favorite animal. Perhaps it would be the perfect job, house, car, or vacation.

You might live in a place where there is war, oppression, violence, disease, or other traumatic events, in which case maybe your biggest, wildest dream is peace, health, harmony, caring or prosperity.

You might live with certain oppressions surrounding you and dream of a time where everyone lives in a safe, prosperous place where there is equity and opportunity.

There are so many situations we all face and sometimes we get an uneven mixture of the good and bad stuff, which can make it more difficult to remain calm and optimistic about our life.

One of my biggest dreams is to live with my heart wide open.

The world can seem like an incredibly difficult place to live and the idea of opening our hearts wide to it may feel frighteningly unsafe, especially if we’ve been hurt often, by others or through our own actions.

It’s easily understood why we might tend to cover our hearts or put-up barriers to protect ourselves. I have certainly done this on many occasions. The problem is that every time I do this, it shuts another part of me off from the rest of creation. It limits me and shrinks me. It draws me inward and disconnects me from the beautiful, majestic, magical world where we all live.

I have trained myself to step back whenever I sense a problem confronting me and to give it some distance. That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m giving myself a chance to capture an image that will help guide me to a better way to live.

And one appears, both surprising and delighting me. The vision is of a dreamcatcher, which is a hoop with a web stretching across it, creating connections and empty spaces. For many, the belief is that during the night’s sleep, the web let’s all of the good dreams through, but catches and traps all of the bad dreams, allowing the sleeper to have a wonderful, protected, restful sleep.

A dear friend of mine made one for me and it hangs over my bed, offering me peace and tranquility.

But what does this have to do with living with a heart wide open?

Actually, a lot.

What if I could apply the dreamcatcher idea here? What if I could live, aware of the world, but letting all of the bad stuff stop on the outside of me and only allowing the good stuff in?

A thought springs to mind. According to scientists, we are made up of millions of atoms. When an atom is examined, they find that it is composed of mostly space. In fact, there is a general agreement that the human body is roughly 99.999% empty space. That’s hard to believe. To think that a person we see with our eyes is actually mostly empty space.

What if the same is true of our hearts? What if we could shift our perception of the world and let what we consider to be the ‘bad stuff’ through the empty spaces inside our hearts so that we could focus on the ‘good stuff’? Could we give ourselves this precious permission?

I want to try. I want this because I sense the value and benefit it would offer me.

With my heart wide open, I would be able to hold on to the magnificence and the illuminating divine nature of life. And in that space, I could connect with others in ways I have not yet imagined.

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Starting Over

If someone approached you and asked, would you like to start over, would you accept their invitation?

Would there be any hesitation on your part? Maybe you’d need to spend a moment considering what aspects of your life you’d want to change, to begin again.

If I gave you a few moments and invited you to do a little inventory, what do you suppose you’d come up with?

I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of weeks now. While it might have begun as a fun exercise, it’s turned into something much more engaging, and I find myself drawn toward it in a way I didn’t expect.

I started out wondering about things like, my eating habits, physical exercise routines, sleep patterns, and how I spend my leisure time. These things are important to me, and I have made numerous changes, and each change feels positive to me and gives me a sense of satisfaction, as long as I consider them ‘aims’ and not ‘objectives’ (see my post on this subject for more, if interested).

I found I needed to move beyond these. Something else was calling to me. It didn’t appear immediately, as if it might want to stay hidden.

What could it be?

As I often do, I sat back and gave myself a few moments of quiet to consider. I wanted to open up some space inside me to receive an answer. I’m tempted to move too quickly, as if I will run out of time, so I don’t always give myself a chance to listen. I have to temper that default setting, so I sat in silence and waited.

What filled the gap surprised me.

I felt an overwhelming sense of pressure on my chest, like a very heavy weight was laying across me, forcing me downward. I knew at once what it was.

It was the weight of all of my cultural training. All the things I’ve been taught to believe, regardless of whether they make any sense. It’s interesting to me that they are not all spoken things. Many have been absorbed from what I see modeled around me. I take them all in and they sort themselves into places inside me. They fit into file cabinets I can’t see but know are there and they come out whenever their name is called.

I know it’s going to be challenging to sort through them in order to know which to keep and which to release. So much so, that I’m not sure I’m equal to the task. That is until I realize how much the ones that don’t benefit me, weigh me down and hold me in place.

I am tired of this constant process. I am tired of living with these inconsistencies and untruths. And this becomes fuel for me. It propels me forward.

You might be wondering, what cultural trainings I am talking about. I am too. I don’t believe I know them all. But I do know enough of them to get started.

Here’s one.

Part of American culture is expressed in the statement, “All men are created equal.” I have so many problems with this. For one, it’s the use of the word, “men”, rather than “people”. I rail against the idea that my wife, daughter, granddaughter, mom, sister, and all other women would be immediately excluded. Some would say, give our forefathers some slack, they were only using the language of their time.

I can’t. I won’t. It would not have been any more ‘right’ then, than now.

Even if this word were changed, the idea itself is only given lip service in our culture. We are not treated equally. Anyone with eyes can see this any day of the week.

We are not equal, but I don’t believe that’s even the key. What feels right to me is that we are all unique, all worthy of love, all part of the divine. What separates us from seeing this is what our cultural training teaches us.

That’s one thing I aim to change while I start over.