Tag: inspiration

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Removing Obstacles

Here’s a bold statement.

Everything I experience in my life means something and there is always a message there for me. I firmly believe this is true for me and I also believe it is true for you.

Here’s how it comes about. I’ll take ‘obstacles’ as my example.

I find that sometimes if I’m not feeling well, I don’t always want to get better right away, because then I won’t hear the message. I’ve discovered there is value in being patient, waiting, and listening. Then when I hear or feel something, it’s wise for me to encourage it to surface and come fully to my attention.

At one time in my life, I didn’t feel it was safe to breathe. Partly this was due to COVID and its respiratory implications, but not solely. There were other reasons why I was concerned about breathing. I felt like I needed a filter, something that would prevent irritants and pollutants from entering into me.

Although initially I was safety conscious about external things getting through my defenses, I soon realized that the internal things within me could be every bit as harmful. I also sensed that many things I feared were not real, they only felt real. The distinction however escaped me.

As I thought more about this, some specific fears surfaced. One of these was the fear of rejection. The belief that others would not be interested in anything I had to say, nor would they read what I had written. I felt strongly motivated to prevent this from happening, and recognized two detrimental aspects were involved.

I felt I was a prisoner because I thought I needed others attention. When this is your frame of reference, you never feel safe. A companion realization was that I had no control over what others thought, said, or did. No matter how attractive, insightful, or funny a thing was that I created, it might not catch others attention.

It’s easy to see how this is a recipe for an internal disaster. How is it that I sense rejection without knowing if it’s even present? This is what fear does to me though. It pushes me toward extremes and doesn’t want me to sit back or pause or consider. Fear likes it when I’m reactive.

Taking even one moment away from fear and asking the question, why do I need others to accept me or what I say or write? When I give myself this opportunity, there is space to breathe and embrace new directions. I can give myself a moment to ask, why is what I am doing important to me? What am I really after?

Because I paused, my answer is clear to me. I want to live from a heart of joy. One of the critically important steps for me to realize is that having to work my way through the obstacle of fear of rejection is a giant step along my path.

Without releasing this fear there would be no way forward. I see that it sat in my way, not as an obstacle, but as a signpost, guiding me to a better destination.

In this way my fear of rejection was an integral part of my path to living a joy-filled, joy-full life. And it can be for you too. You may need to substitute your own obstacle in place of my fear of rejection, but each and every obstacle is guiding us to our ultimate aim(s) in life.

Rather than resisting or turning back, when you meet your next obstacle, recognize that you have a choice. You can choose to see them as signposts telling you that they are not the way forward. You can shift and find what does work for you, what feels ‘right’ to you and what brings you joy or whatever you desire to reveal in your life.

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Better Decisions

I want to make better decisions. Ones that cause less pain and suffering. Ones that elevate me. Ones that work to my advantage and serve me. And ones that don’t cost me time, money, effort.

How about you?

Do you ever end up realizing that the choices you’ve made moved you in reverse somehow? Or that they’ve derailed you or created more problems than they’ve solved?

I was reminded recently just how easy it is for me to lose perspective and make a bad decision.

I was putting away some photo albums on a shelf near floor level. I thought it would be easy to lean down and slide them onto the shelf, but the combination of leaning forward while twisting was too much for my back and it immediately informed me of my mistake. It didn’t give me one of those horrific spasms, it merely tightened into a knot and refused to release. I tried icing it, a hot shower, muscle relaxation cream, gently stretching it…all my tricks. But nothing worked. It got worse and I knew if I didn’t get a chiropractic adjustment I was in for a long haul.

The funny (and not so funny) thing was that I believe there was a part of me that knew better than to lean over the way I did. I remember thinking it would be much smarter to move my massage table out of the way, set all of the photo albums on the top of the shelf within easy reach, and put a kneeling pad on the floor, so I could kneel there in comfort close to the shelf.

But I didn’t. I did what seemed easiest and told myself it would be okay, even though I really think I knew better.

So, why didn’t I make a better decision? That’s the questions that is lingering in my head.

Maybe you have situations like this in your life, where one part of you knows what the smart choice is, but another part of you acts before the smart part gets the chance. It’s almost like a contest between smart and easy. I want to call it ‘dumb’, but I’m not fond of offering myself criticism when there is a more productive way to view things.

How is it that you or I can shift toward making better decisions in our lives?

One answer that raises its hand, is to consider the likeliest outcomes of our choices. Using my example, I had to know there was a big risk of injury by not taking my time and using good techniques. I had to know that I might encounter significant pain and suffering, loss of sleep and quality of life. If I had weighed these probable outcomes versus the mild inconvenience of moving the table and getting the kneeling pad, the answer would have been incredibly clear to me. I don’t truly understand why I chose what I did but maybe that doesn’t matter. Maybe what matters is that next time I remember and make a better decision.

I think that’s one key. Remember the outcomes of our actions and consider their impacts, so that future choices are clearer to us. I definitely feel I’ll pay more attention when it comes to my physical movements, at least I certainly hope so.

Other ideas come to mind, and I prepare to listen.  

I could research for the best answers. I could weigh the pros and cons and see what directions they suggested. I could use my intuition to guide me. I could ask someone I trust and see what they suggest. Maybe they’ve encountered the same thing(s) in their life and could offer me sound advice.

One final thought comes to me. I could ask the divine for assistance. For me, this is similar to using my intuition, but even more powerful because it allows me to engage in a dialogue with my divine self, in my case Lia, an ethereal feminine voice that speaks to me whenever I ask for help, support or encouragement. Whichever direction you choose, I hope you find yourself choosing good decisions, ones that lead you forward into happiness and joy

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Anger

What generates your anger? Is it fear, perhaps of some outcome you don’t want to experience?

This is certainly true for me, and I wonder what I can do about it. Are there ways for me to block it, dissipate it, resolve it, avoid it, or allow it to pass through and out of me?

It feels important to me to understand anger better, so that I can decide how to respond. What I’ve learned so far is that I have trigger points, easily recognizable events that signal my anger is rising. And I understand that I need to make a conscious decision as soon as I feel the first spark fly.

I cannot always do this. It would surely be nice, but I can’t so far and I realize I may need some help to get there.

I wonder, why do I want to express my anger? What do I get out of it? It might feel good temporarily, in the heat of the moment, but I’m reasonably sure that it will wear off and I’ll be left feeling badly, knowing I could have responded better.

So, I’m back to my original question of why I get so angry sometimes. I’ve certainly seen it modeled in my life and I have precious little exposure to anyone who doesn’t express anger in theirs.

There are some folks who have been so thoroughly trained not to show anger that they hold it deep inside themselves until it explodes, often without any warning. That must be an incredibly difficult way to live.

What I want is to be in the presence of someone who allows anger to pass right through them without holding onto any of it. I want to know that secret.

But, since I haven’t met anyone like that, I am choosing to walk another path, one that leads to Lia, the ethereal feminine voice of god that speaks to me and offers guidance and support.

I sit back, relax, breathe in and out slowly and prepare myself to listen. I ask for help and open space for Lia’s magnificence to make a divine connection.

As always, she comes to me, ready to invite me into her depth. Here are the words she spoke to me.

“Like all things born of fear, anger arrives to redirect you to the truth. It is another message, a way of showing you the path that leads to love.”

“Anger prompts you to pay close attention to your heart. To release what your mind suggests, and your ego tells you is important and encourages you to shift to your heart and your spirit.”

“You know this is the truth because you FEEL it and you KNOW it. It is not up to me to convince you of anything. I merely point out the path you say you most want, the one that leads to joy.”

“When anger arises in you or in reaction to another, decide what is important to you, releasing fear and embracing love. It really is that simple.”

“If you wish to be free, choose love.”

I tried to absorb all of what she told me. I sat and let it soak in, every bit of it and I wondered whether there was anything else she wanted to tell me. I quieted, waited, and asked Lia if there was something more it would be helpful for me to know.

“Yes, know that practice creates change and change creates new patterns. Choose the patterns that reveal love.”

I am so grateful to know there is hope for me and for you too, if you choose this path.

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Your Autobiography in Five Minutes

I wanted to offer you a chance for something special today. It’s not my ordinary post because this one is more interactive if you choose it to be.

Would you like to participate in a challenge of sorts? If not, I understand, but if you’d like to learn something important about yourself, please consider joining me in writing a quick autobiography. Something that tells YOUR story. Your story, told by you.

Of course, it can take more than five minutes, but the essence of this exercise is to force you to grab the headlines of your life. To sift through what could be many years and let the prime stuff float to the top.

Here’s your chance to tell your story from your own point of view. You may wish to share it with others, but if you’d rather you can keep it to yourself.

Feel free to create your own format but try to stick with the five-minute timeframe and see what happens.

If you’d rather have some suggestions, here are some sample questions to get you started. Please feel free to substitute or add your own questions.

When and where did you arrive on this beautiful planet?

Who is your immediate family?

What effect have they had on you?

What are the most important events in your life?

What are the most fulfilling things you do during the day?

What have you accomplished during your life?

There, that’s it, unless you want to take a bit more time and consider adding a few more questions of your own.

In fairness, I’ll share some of my answers with you since I’m the one suggesting this exercise.

Personally, I found this exercise quite revealing.

I arrived in August of 1952, in Ogdensburg, New York to a wonderful set of parents and a sister who keeps track of all of my childhood memories. I owe so much to them for giving me a healthy, happy childhood. For buying me clothes, food, and providing me with a warm house to live in. And for moving us from my hometown, so that I could meet my extraordinary wife and have two spectacular children, who have brought three fabulous grandchildren into our lives. I love how my parent’s biographies led to mine, which along with my wife, link to the next generation and the next, forming a sacred continuum. I feel blessed to have my family in my life. They stretch me, give joy to me, push me in directions I didn’t think I was capable of, make me laugh, teach me things and both give and receive love.

It is really hard to choose only a few events in my life to claim as important because there are so many. I wonder how could I select only a handful? Beyond getting married, having children and being at the births of our grandchildren, getting off academic probation my Freshman year at college and not having to go to Vietnam, choosing not to go to seminary and become a minister, doing big and little things with my family, buying our house, paying for our children to go to college and saving for retirement rank right up there.

What about the most fulfilling things I do during the day? I start every morning by writing down at least five things I’m grateful for, my exercise routine, having breakfast with my wife, connecting with my children and grandchildren, writing posts and new books, walking in the sunshine, visiting my mom who turns 100 soon and connecting with friends far and wide.

And finally, what have I accomplished in my life? I have made a lot of friends, traveled to beautiful places, lived by my own moral code, shown love to others, especially my family and friends, donated to those in need, written books that will hopefully outlive me by generations and shared what I feel is the truth.

The curious thing about this autobiography was not only what I put in but what I left out. All the challenges, pain and suffering, heartache, and troubled times faded out of the picture. They just weren’t important enough to be mentioned. That says a lot to me.

I wonder what you chose to include and exclude.

I hope this was valuable to you and highlights the best of your life.

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Sharing Pain

An important question surfaced recently that I wanted to share with you.

It’s really more of a confession of sorts because I don’t feel it casts me in the greatest light. But I’m committed to telling my story as is, rather than what I want others to think it is. At least, that’s what I try to do.

My question is this…why do I feel a need to share about my physical pains with others?

Surely, they have their own. Do they really need to hear about mine? And I wonder, will it turn into a contest of whose pains are worse, a game that seeks to constantly up the ante?

Telling another about my pains and suffering might be okay if someone specifically asked me and wanted to know. Or if I was at a medical office, and they needed to understand my story in order to provide helpful solutions.

But ordinarily, do others need to be bothered by my list of aches and pains? I’m pretty sure they don’t.

If I’m paying close enough attention though, I hear my words and recognize I’m sharing my pains and sorrows and most of the time it’s unsolicited.

I encourage myself to sit back and open to what fills the silence. I allow myself to let everything come in, no matter how it feels.

Here’s what happens.

A series of answers march forth, one after the other, trying to educate me.

First to appear is a sense that I am asking for others sympathy, as if that will provide me with some useful energy. I’ve discovered, it doesn’t.

Next is a feeling that some part of me needs to complain, to say how hard I have it and how unfair it all is, in an attempt to elicit empathy or sympathy. Occasionally it works, but seriously, how often do others want to have to provide this to me. Afterall, they have their own issues and concerns and probably need the same thing from me.

Other times, I have a desire to be released from my pains and sorrows and am looking for legitimate opinions and suggestions from others on how to accomplish this. I need relief. But one thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I don’t always listen to what they have to say, or I listen and yet fail to do the things that might make my situation better.

This seems ridiculous to me. To receive great advice then disregard it…what sense does that make? Not much.

I wonder to myself, could there be something valuable in divulging my conditions? Might it open a door to a worthwhile conversation with someone, something beyond ‘misery loves company’?

It struck me that if I was open and sensitive to others, I might find some common ground, some territory to have a meaningful discussion, one that might go beyond physical issues. It might transcend the usual dialogue and delve into areas of commonality. We might be able to talk about our genuine feelings about our physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual lives.

That felt very different to me. Beautiful, in fact.

Maybe it’s not about what I share, but how I share. Perhaps it’s about coming from a place of compassion and love, rather than a place of need and fear. I think that next time I’m going to try to keep this in mind and rather than coming from fear I will seek to come from love, the source of all good things in life

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Unintended Outcomes

I wanted to provide you with an opportunity to explore something with me if you’d like.

Let’s suppose that the following happens…EVERYTHING you think you want, actually comes true. Not just some things, but EVERYTHING. You don’t have to work for it or negotiate or trade, whatever you want, it’s yours.

What would you choose?

I invite you to take a minute or two, if you have the time right now, or save this exercise for when you have a couple minutes. Sit back with a pen or pencil and pad/notebook and brainstorm, recording what comes to you.

Would you choose things that provide you with fame or fortune or popularity or trophies? Or would you choose things that would increase your bank accounts or investment portfolio or your compensation package?

Would you opt to live longer or healthier or pain and disease free? Or perhaps you’d decide to make things better for others, so you might give away tons of money, or medicines to the poor or education to those who don’t have access.

Maybe you’d bypass the monetary or health things and go straight to the choices that would provide you with happiness and joy and dynamic relationships and overall contentment.

If you were free to choose anything and made a set of decisions, what do you think the ramifications would be? Might there be some unintended outcomes that would occur?

I wanted to dive into this myself, because I felt there was so much room to learn something important, something I might not access any other way. I sensed it could take me a little time to discover, but the journey would be well worth it.

Here’s the first thing that happened to me.

I thought to myself, if I got everything I wanted, no mess, no fuss, just immediately there for me…a feeling of dissatisfaction would come over me. I would feel it was too easy and I would take everything for granted. Things would lose a lot of their meaning and value to me.

If I hadn’t had to work for them, hadn’t traded any of my time or spent any energy in exchange for them, I think that whatever value they initially provided me with would be lost quickly.

The next thing I felt was a sense that not having to work for things would take away or sap my resourcefulness. I wouldn’t have to think or plan or interact with things. And I would shy away from anything that was difficult or challenging.

And then I thought, what will all these easily obtained things mean to me over time? Would they grow and expand in meaning and become favored things I treasure? My answer was ‘no, they would not’. For things to mean something to me, I need to exchange something for them. Some time, energy, skill, money, effort, something.

Although my initial list contained items like, best-selling author, wealthy donor, healthy beyond expectations, well respected, I felt I needed to take a second look.

There were unintended outcomes involved. I discovered each one of these attractive items to me wasn’t anything I would ever be in control of. They are the choices others make.

And finally, the primary outcome of having everything given to me is that my drive, my personal mission, and my desire to experience the world would be drained from me.

I’ve come to realize that it might be nice to occasionally have some things come easily to me, but for the important stuff, I want to be directly involved. I want to work hard, give of myself, connect directly with others in meaningful ways and reap a sense of personal satisfaction from what I choose to do with my life.

I want to see what it’s like to make all of my own decisions and experience all of the natural outcomes, no matter what they are.

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A Beautiful Messy Life

I want to paint you a picture, something vivid you can see instantly in your mind’s eye. I am restricted to using words, but I believe this will not interfere with your ability to create your own clear images.

Here we go.

Imagine your house or apartment with your car parked outside in the driveway or on the street. Inside, there are several rooms with a variety of furnishings. There are also people there, your family or friends.

Okay, got it?

Now imagine your kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes and pots and pans. You open your cupboards and refrigerator and discover they’re almost empty and need to be restocked. In the bedroom, some clothes are strewn about, while others are heaped on an unmade bed. Children’s toys are littered throughout the living room and your kids’ bedrooms. You check the mail and there are bills there you’re not sure how to pay, like the daycare and mortgage or rent. You look out the window and remember that your car won’t start and if you want to get somewhere, you’ll need someone’s help or you’ll have to ride your bike. While you’re walking around your house or apartment, you’re followed by your faithful dog, begging for a walk, some water, and a treat. You stop for a glass of water and wonder to yourself; how will you ever pay for college and still afford to retire?

You may not be able to identify with all of these. You may need to substitute your own things, things that are just as important to you and your family. But the point remains the same, the picture feels daunting and overwhelming.

Why would I bother to bring this up? Why remind you of how difficult things can be, because surely you know this already.

Well, the answer to that is the point of this post and something I often desperately need to remember.

Let’s take the list and break it down. Let’s see if it is possible to shift our mindsets and create beauty out of chaos.

Having a kitchen full of dirty dishes, pots and pans means you’ve eaten and are not hungry. Your cupboards and refrigerator can be restocked because you have access to grocery stores with food on their shelves.

A messy bedroom means a lot of things; you have clothes to wear, sheets and a blanket to stay warm in and a bed to lay comfortably on. The fact that there are toys everywhere means your children have something to play with, probably enough to share with their siblings or friends.

And sure, you have bills, but this suggests you are surrounded by opportunities. To own a house or be able to rent an apartment, to be able to send your children to daycare or school, where they are cared for, taught, and encouraged is a beautiful thing.

Seeing your car that won’t start could remind you that we take for granted all the times it does work, the places it takes us, the freedom it offers. Having a dog or other pet that waits for and greets us with loving attention as soon as you arrive home can remind us how precious a gift they are to us.

Still wondering how you’ll pay for all those important things yet to come in your life? No doubt you are and it’s very difficult to see clearly into the future. This is where hope, faith, and trust come in.

Every dream, aspiration, goal, and aim are based on our own personal belief system. Do we see the dirty dish or what it represents, a well-fed family? Do we see a messy bed or the beautiful place we sleep and recharge? Are the toys on the floor a source of displeasure or a cause for thanksgiving, that we are rich enough to generously offer our children the gift of play in their lives?

When I look around my house now, I see an entirely different scene. I see a beautiful messy life filled with activity, opportunity, and love. I’m going to keep somewhere intentionally messy to remind myself of how wonderful, fulfilling, and gorgeous my life is.

Care to join me?

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Exile

Have you ever felt exiled? Sent away to be by yourself as an outcast? Or maybe shunned for some reason?

It’s a terrible feeling.

Fortunately, I’ve only experienced this for brief periods of time, but certainly long enough to feel compassion for those who encounter it as part of their normal day to day existence.

How does this happen? Who gets to say whether someone is allowed to be a part of a group or needs to be ignored or worse yet, forcibly removed?

Who gets to decide which language is correct, which skin color is acceptable, which spiritual or religious beliefs are permitted, which set of skills or abilities makes one useful or worthwhile?

When I tried to answer this question for myself, it was plain to see, that it’s me. I am part of the decision, either because I agree with it, or because I don’t object to it. Perhaps the same applies to you. Maybe you have your own set of beliefs that create restrictions and establish boundaries, like I do.

I think it’s an easy thing to slip into, so much so that we even do it to ourselves. We act in certain ways and feel guilt or shame or unworthiness. One part of us shuns another part of us. It blames our ‘bad’ behavior on our parents, our teachers, leaders, anyone but us, if it can.

I search for something existing below the surface of all of this. I want to find where this began and maybe fix it or heal it. Something, anything, to shift away from these feelings of pain and suffering.

In my exploration, I discovered that the sense of being exiled or shunned existed at a fundamental level and represented one of my biggest mistakes of understanding.

I was brought up to believe there was a right way and a wrong way to do things. My training was similar to others in that I accepted what the leaders in my community told me. They were the experts and were not to be questioned. I was coached to be respectful of them, which included not asking deep questions and that it was not my place to probe like this.

What I later learned was that it made them uncomfortable, and I noticed that they had no real expertise that would shed light on things for me, so I exiled myself from them and went my own way.

It was then that I recognized I’d been living a life of ‘separation’. My mistake was to see myself as separate from god, not a part of god. I’d been told this view was blasphemous, true heresy.

But I came to realize it was the truth for me, so I sought out a personal relationship with god. One based on honesty and integrity and love.

I asked god if we could talk, one to one, about anything, everything. And god responded that it was god’s fondest desire to spend time with me and with anyone who wanted god in their life. God told me that no matter what I asked, what mood I was in, what questions I had, god would answer me.

God healed my separation, restored our relationship, made me feel whole, holy, divine. I’ve spent the last twenty-six years having intimate conversations with god, asking questions, and receiving answers. The only ‘requirement’ is that I be quiet enough in order to listen and hear what god has to tell me. Once told, it is still my decision what to do. If I want to, I can run off completely ignoring god’s insight and counsel or I can pay attention, release my cultural training, tune in to what god shares with me and reclaim my sense of wholeness. To me, the decision is easy.

I know what I want to feel and what I want to experience in my life, and I know how to bring this about. I know casting off any sense of separation is the first step, then inviting god to join me in conversation and listening to what god has to share. When I do this, everything falls into place. It does for me, and it can for you, if that is what you ask for.

NOTE: should you be interested in beginning your own personal relationship I’ve shared my story, along with other’s insights in my book, talking with (god), available on Amazon in print or eBook formats. Open Amazon, enter Rob H. Geyer books in the search bar and all of my books will appear.

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Try Something New

Here’s an idea for you, an invitation, now that we’re about to change seasons. Maybe the folks that manage the calendar don’t agree, but it always seems to me that as soon as the leaves start turning and kids go back to school, it’s a season change.

Anyway, here’s my idea.

Try something new. Maybe even several new things.

It’s one of the most beneficial things you can do for yourself. It sparks your sense of wonder, offers intellectual stimulation, creates interest, tests your powers, and invites exploration and excitement.

It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it catches your fancy. It doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming or require lots of planning. It can be spur of the moment or a new ritual that attracts your interest.

My wife and I just returned from three days in Boston, Massachusetts. It was a fabulous spot to engage our sense of adventure and try new things.

We went for a harbor cruise and learned a lot of interesting facts about Boston, especially about the development of the city as an important seaport. We walked a lot and had dinner in the North End at a couple of nice Italian restaurants.

I am one of the least adventurous eaters around. Plain is the name of my game, but I challenge myself to try new foods while on vacation. This time it was artichoke hearts and cannoli. And no, I don’t mean together. I consider myself one for two, since the cannoli was good.

We also visited two art museums, the Isabella Stewart Gardner Palace, and the Museum of Fine Arts. The first museum had an interior courtyard that rose from the ground floor to a glass ceiling six stories straight up. The flowers in the courtyard were gorgeous and the overlooking windows provided great views from each of the three floors we checked out. The MFA had art from many different periods, including one contemporary exhibit where the canvases were made from various grasses. Yes, actual grass grew on the canvas, covering a photo of a person’s face. Pretty cool.

I’m offering these as examples, but feel free to choose your own ideas to pursue. That’s how this whole thing works.

Besides eating new foods, seeing new sites, and learning interesting facts, there are lots of ways to try something new.

If you’re looking for some suggestions, I came prepared.

Is there a skill you’ve been thinking about but haven’t gotten around to trying, like pickle ball, painting, gardening, building with Legos or photography?

Is now the right time for exploring a new interest, perhaps yoga, meditation, Pilates, or starting a collection, maybe stamps or coins?

And just maybe, now is the time to make a change in the way you’re managing your life.

Could it be simpler? Could you release some tension in your life? What would happen if you started a smiling practice, where instead of allowing frustrating moments to rule your life, you chose to smile.

Would your life be more interesting if you stopped once in a while to count your blessings and offer gratitude for all that you do have. That one appeals to me because I know what a difference it makes in my life when I shift my focus.

What kind of a change would happen inside you if the new thing you tried was to give yourself and others love every chance you could? When the car in front of you is moving at a snail’s pace or you pick the wrong check-out lane again could you step back, let go and think of a wonderful memory in your life to fill the open space.

Whatever you choose, I wish you well and I hope it rewards you in many ways.

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Blame

Okay, so here’s a topic I’m intimately acquainted with both as a receiver and, sad to say, as a giver…blame.

I wish it weren’t so, but it is.

I wonder if you can identify with this too.

Clearly, I understand what blame means and certainly how it feels, but I thought I’d start my post by laying a firmer foundation.

The Merriam Webster dictionary offers three meanings; (1) to find fault with, (2) to hold responsible and (3) to place responsibility for. It seems to me the three are very close in meaning. Each appears necessary to have two positions, one, the individual who has done someone wrong and two, another person to point it out to them.

How often are you blamed for doing something that someone else finds unacceptable? Are others quick to choose you to blame? How does it make you feel?

And because we have all received our share of blame, has it seeped into you far enough that you end up often blaming others for their mistakes or omissions? It is certainly an easy thing to do.

I encouraged myself to move deeper into this sensitive topic because I knew there was hidden value waiting for me. I sensed no enjoyment present though, since the sting of blame lives pretty close to my surface.

Throughout my life I’ve been blamed for many things, some of which I have to admit are legitimate, but many are not. The blame I’ve received does not belong to me. In some cases, the ‘blamer’ is the responsible party, but won’t admit it, so is quick to point their finger at me first.

I don’t know about you, but I find it extremely difficult to accept someone else’s blame. I would much rather they share with me how something I said or did made them feel and ask me to change the way(s) I approach them. When they move immediately to blame, I become defensive.

Of course, when I have the presence of mind to realize what I’m saying or doing, I recognize the same tendencies in me I find so hard to accept in others. This makes me wonder, is there a better path? Can I find a truer, more open way of living?

Perhaps an answer lies further below the surface.

To me, blame is a ‘separation’ word. Someone is either right or wrong, good or bad and there is a need for accountability. Blame divides people.

What if we could exchange the idea of blame for something else? What if we substituted the word ‘mistake’. Would this make a difference in the world? Rather than there being a need to force one person into submission, maybe we could work toward fixing what went astray. We could view the mistake as a learning tool for everyone involved. We could explore other ways a situation could be handled and choose one that elevates all instead of having one person bear the blame.

Personally, I like the sounds of that. I think I’ll spend some time giving it a try, realizing that I’ll need to be aware of what I’m thinking, feeling, and doing when situations arise.

One other curious thing about blame came into view for me.

I wondered when and where the word came into existence. As with so many words, one source indicated it arose from the Greek culture, estimating its arrival around 1200 AD. I have no idea about the authenticity of this, but what I found interesting was the question it prompted for me…did people blame each other before there was a word for it? Probably.

For me, there are a handful of words I’d like to eliminate from my vocabulary. Here’s three I know for sure…should, shame, and blame. Maybe you’d like to join me in eliminating them from yours too.