Releasing Needs

Every so often I get stuck in a thinking loop and can’t get out.

Has that ever happened to you? Something seems to keep playing over and over and won’t let go, sort of like when gum gets stuck on the bottom of your sneaker. Ugh!

In this case, it was more of a ‘phrase’ that got attached to my brain. It repeated and forced me to consider it in more depth, even though I just wanted to get past it.

The phrase was, ‘as soon as you don’t need it, it can happen’.

There wasn’t any particular ‘it’ that I was thinking about. ‘It’ was just a general thought and could stand for anything.

I wanted to dispatch this notion and move on, but I couldn’t, so I surrendered and began to pick the phrase apart.

I was shocked by the depth this statement held for me and wondered if it might hold some value for you, as well.

My temptation was to read it quickly, as if I would inherently understand its meaning. As I struggled with it, I tried inserting different things for the ‘it’, for instance; ‘as soon as you don’t need others help, it can happen (they will help you).’

Hmmm, did that fit at all? My response…not really. There didn’t seem to be a direct connection I could see.

I tried another one, ‘as soon as you don’t need money, it can happen (money will appear)’. There were a couple of things wrong with this. First, who doesn’t need money? Second, if I didn’t need money, what difference would it make if it appeared?

Something was definitely missing, but what?

I tried other substitutions without any success. Perhaps I was going about it the wrong way. Maybe the value was in deconstructing the phrase, so I picked it apart, starting with the word, ‘need’. That seemed to be the key.

‘Need’ is a deep word to me, representing a statement of what I think or feel I want. But why do I want something? Where does the ‘need’ come from?

Clearly, ‘need’ represents an acknowledgement that I am missing something in my life. Whatever word I use in a sentence that follows the word ‘need’, becomes my focus. It represents a lack in my life.

So, what’s the connection that gives rise to meaning here?

After some more struggle I realized, I was trying too hard. I was overthinking. When I do this, I have to coach myself to step back and look at things from a distance. So, I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing and after a few minutes I came back to it.

And there it was, right in front of me.

‘Need’ for me is a loaded word. Every time I use it, it places some distance between me and the object of my need. The mere usage of the word prevents my need from being filled.

‘Need’ acknowledges ‘not having’ and ‘wanting’. It is self-fulfilling and all I end up with is a greater sense of ‘needing’, as if my initial ‘need’ creates more every time I think about it or say it. ‘Need’ blocks access and saps my energy.

Initially, I didn’t understand the ramification of this. It was only when I reached deeper into it that the meaning arose.

The phrase, ‘as soon as you don’t need it, it can happen’ became two sentences, not one.

And it offered me this…surrendering my ‘need’ frees me to receive and it unblocks my way forward. It allows me to think about things from another perspective, one that is creative and energetic. I can rephrase and direct my attention to helpful ideas and solutions that benefit me.

I’m glad I worked my way through this pesky phrase and hope it offers you some meaning too.

Giving Up Sympathy for Myself

When I began writing these posts in October 2020, I felt it would be very important for me to be as honest as I could. I’m not sure if I always am, because we so often tend to fool ourselves. We think one thing but feel another. Which is the truth?

I was struck with a thought lately having to do with how I make my way through an illness or challenge I’m having. It occurred to me that I feel a need for sympathy. Not only my own, but from others as well.

An internal quote materialized out of nowhere.

“The more you are willing to give up your need for sympathy from others, the more easily you’ll be able to accept that all things serve you, even the ones that don’t appear to. Perhaps, especially those.”

Wow, I thought, there’s a lot of meat in that statement.

I sensed two enormous ideas emerge.

One, that everything serves me. I’ve spent a great deal of time considering this with my head only to fall short of understanding it. My head says this couldn’t possibly be true because its view is narrow. It only looks at the present so, of course whatever problem I’m having seems unfortunate to me and I want to dispense with it as soon as possible.

However, when I engage my heart, the meaning becomes clear, or at least clearer. My heart sees into the distance. It waits and watches and connects the dots so that a whole picture is revealed. Once this happens, I can see that what first seemed to be an insurmountable challenge, is actually a powerful message to me. A message that creates clarity and helps guide my thoughts and actions in the future.

The second idea is potent for me. Perhaps others don’t rely on sympathy, but I’ve come to realize that I do.

Feeling that I need the sympathy of others is a huge crutch for me and it prevents me from seeing any depth or from moving on. It makes it difficult to shift and recognize any insights.

The NEED for sympathy becomes my focus and commands my attention, leaving no resources available to me for deciding what would better serve me.

I have to force myself to stop and ask, “what do you want most?”

Part of me responds that I want sympathy from others. It feels good. And yet, I recognize that it is only momentarily satisfying, leaving me unfilled and wanting more.

Another part of me takes a different approach and understands that what I truly desire most is to connect as deeply as possible with the divine inside of me. It knows that every time I focus on soliciting for and accepting sympathy from others, or from myself, there will be a delay in connecting with my heart and my spirit.

I have to decide what is most important to me.

Choosing can be a hard thing to do and I am not always capable of selecting the most beneficial response to the situations I encounter. Maybe this happens to you too.

For now, I’ve decided to give up sympathy for myself and look deeper into the experience so that I can discover the hidden gifts and messages. And I want there to be free space available for me to store the new treasures I find.

I’m pretty sure there will be times I succumb to the charms of seeking sympathy for myself, but my heart feels open and ready to look elsewhere now.

Note: To make a comment, please click on the Post Name, then scroll to the bottom of the page, write your comment in the box and hit enter.