Returning to Heaven

If you are a believer in the concept of heaven, do you wonder how you will get there and what it will be like upon your arrival?

In my last post I shared with you the ‘crossing ceremony’ that happened as I left heaven to come to earth. I asked you to imagine something that is far beyond words and tried to use imagery as a language to convey what the ceremony looked and felt like.

I know you may have your own ideas and I want you to know I honor them. It is not my purpose to ever try to convince you to accept anything I say as your own truth.

I do however feel a strong desire to share my experiences with you, in the hopes that they may provide some value to you. Perhaps you may catch a glimpse of something that has been just out of reach. Perhaps you’ll discover a connection that brings insight, peace, and a sense of love you’ve been longing for.

I realize my words may exceed what you’ve been told during your life and stretch the limits of your acceptance.

I ask only one thing, that you read it and then decide. See if any part of it ‘feels’ true to you. Does it find a way to your heart?

This rendering of words came during a deep meditation. I had no expectations or at least none I was aware of. I sat and melted into a state of openness and drifted without aim.

This is what came to me and surrounded me. I was offered a chance to visit heaven. As best I can, here are the ‘words’ that entered me.

Admitted to Heaven

During my meditation, I gave permission to all of my spiritual guides to come and stand behind me,

Immediately, guides were there, then there were hordes of them, pushing and shoving to stand around me,

A great crowd arrived, and one of the beings said to another, “they’re emptying heaven to stand behind him”, and still more came,

I was crying so hard now, and they lifted me up, and held me over their heads effortlessly on hands of light, and passed me around, as if I weighed no more than a feather,

It was the most beautiful thing,

And I heard many shouting, “He’s back, come see, he’s back”, and heaven lit up,

And I could feel it, they all loved me, truly loved me, an overwhelming love, so beautiful, I never wanted to leave,

I asked, “Can I come home any time I want to?”, “Yes,” they all said.

I lingered there with these beautiful essences, reveling in the bountiful feelings of their love, never wanting to leave.

Their answer to my last question, about whether I could return home any time I wanted, was essential to me. I had to know if I would be able to leave earth and cross over into heaven. I had to know.

Their assurance made (and makes) all the difference to me. I know I am welcome there anytime. I belong there. It is my home and when this earth experience is complete, no matter when that is, I will return to their loving, waiting ‘arms’.

I believe this will happen for all who choose it.

Imagine knowing this deep inside you, that you return home to the heart of love. For me, that changes everything about how I view this world.

The Crossing Ceremony

This is my 198th post. I mention this because I hope you know me by now and that what I choose to write about is personal to me.

I’ve chosen to share the depth of myself and my connection to spirit. I do this so that you can see inside my world and also in the hopes that my sharing may free you to open and allow others to know you, to see you, to learn from you.

We all have so much to offer each other. And the glimpses we choose to give hopefully provide a connection between us, one that increases our awareness and one that builds and cherishes the love we share.

It is in this vein that I invite you to come with me for a spectacular experience. One you likely have forgotten, but will hopefully remember, if it feels true to you.

I remember being in heaven before I came to earth. The memories are shadowy, but enough lingers to connect me. I call it the ‘before life’ and it’s very different from the ‘after life’ that many folks talk about.

I’d like to share one memory with you…the ‘crossing ceremony’.

I need to set the stage a bit, beginning with what heaven feels like. It is ‘bliss’. Since there are no words available to describe it, I’ll use images as my language. So…

Imagine looking out at the dazzling ocean. Imagine being able to use the most incredibly small eyedropper and sliding it into the ocean, then drawing out one single drop of water. If you squeezed the eyedropper, the water would come out and fall back into the ocean, becoming one again. Each of us is a part of this ocean. Each an individual essence and yet part of the one.

Each of us has the free will to remain in heaven where all answers are known before any questions are asked or we may choose to come to earth, to create and experience duality and exercise our free will.

When an essence makes the choice to come to earth there is a ritual that is held called the ‘crossing ceremony’.

So… imagine yourself as an energetic shell in essentially the shape of a human being. You are lying on a surface surrounded by a vast multitude of energetic essences, all crowding in to be an intimate part of the ceremony. These are your closest ‘kin’, and they will always be with you, both in heaven and on earth. While on earth some may appear to be adversaries, but this is not the truth, for there is only one single entity in existence…love.

There is a sound like the beating of a drum, which grows and grows in intensity and then transforms into your heartbeat. You ‘watch’ as your body shell intricately forms a web of impossibly rich interweaving energy connections. As they form and touch, you ‘flesh’ out, and are endowed with the gift or free will, the ability to choose your path, so that whatever you decide becomes possible. You accept all the energy you need in order to accomplish what you choose to create and experience during your earth life.

You begin to develop physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually and you form a ‘spiritual blueprint’, which lays out a moldable, adaptable life plan which is always available to your spiritual self. And lastly, you choose an ego, so that you are protected and can establish boundaries, so that you know where your earth self begins and ends.

You rest a moment then become aware that you still know the answers to all questions and must make a decision before coming to earth. Will you choose to remember or choose to forget what you know. In all but rare cases, essences coming to earth choose to forget what they know, so that their experience of earth life is completely open. This is called ‘the great forgetting’. In many cases there are pieces that remain, and some things are still remembered.

What stands out the most is the overwhelming intimacy of the ceremony. You feel completely and totally infused with love. You are love made real.

In my case, I remember an image of one essence touching my heart and sending me on my way to join my kin in this magnificent place we call earth.

PS

If anyone else remembers this, I’d love to have you leave a comment.

Memories of Heaven

Do you believe in the afterlife? The idea that there is a place where you go once this earth life is over. A life beyond death.

Have you ever wondered about the beforelife? About where you came from, before you arrived here on earth. A life before life.

I have.

In fact, I have distinct memories of heaven. A place of sheer bliss. I’ve never heard of or spoken to anyone else who has these memories. It’s almost impossible to share what it’s like because there are no words to describe it. Words fail because it is a feeling.

Only one tangible memory has stayed with me.

It is the ceremony that took place before I came to this earth world. I was surrounded by my closest ‘kin’. That’s a very important word to me.

To understand ‘kin’, imagine looking out at the ocean. Water everywhere your eye can see. Seamless. Completely one. Then imagine being able to use a fine eyedropper. You slide it into the water, squeeze the bulb and pull out one single drop.

This is you. This is your essence, taken from the vast ocean of bliss. Imagine holding the eyedropper and squeezing the bulb and watching that one single drop fall back into the ocean, again, one with bliss.

The place where that drop was taken and the place where it falls back in are surrounded by other essences. These are your ‘kin’. Your bliss-playmates, those who will connect with you in all of your lifetimes. You have made divine promises to each other. You have such love that you will play any part chosen, despite how it will look from an earth perspective.

Our earth framework makes it impossible to understand this because we need rationality. We expect everything to make ‘sense’ to us. We find it very challenging to accept that some of our most profound teachers appear as enemies. If we could shift and see clearly, we might recognize them as our closest kin, here to serve our lives.

It is these kin who surrounded me in heaven. They aided me in the creation of my spiritual blueprint. A blueprint my physical, emotional, intellectual and ego selves would not remember. Only my spiritual essence would retain this wondrous awareness.

At the end of the ceremony, I accepted what I call, ‘the great forgetting’, because carrying the awareness of heaven with me into the earth world would not allow me to fully experience the duality that exists here. I would know the truth and could not ‘experience’ the world.

I came essentially as a blank slate, ready to receive the world. I came as we all do, as a baby. If you have ever held a baby in your arms and starred deeply into their eyes, you’ll know they still remember the essence of heaven. There is something special about their gaze. A reminder of what lies beyond the veil that separates heaven and earth.

One discovery I have made while here on earth is that revelations are possible. Revelations of the truth. Of things I chose to forget, but now remember. A form of enlightenment, of shining light into the darkness. Of opening to my spiritual blueprint.

I believe that each of us has this same capacity.

I believe that our hearts are the pathway, and that love is our guide.

I realize this is a most unusual post, but it felt completely right for it to be shared now. I don’t know exactly why it chose now to appear, but I trust it and hope my kin will see it.

There Is No Gravity in Heaven

In heaven, nothing holds you down. Of course, this is not a provable phenomenon. And you might be thinking, what does it really matter anyway?

Here’s why I mention it.

Because, in heaven you are free, untethered to any cultural ideas, moral obligations, or conditional responses. There are no biases to uphold, no borders to defend and no positions to protect.

There is only love.

And, although you can do anything, there is only one thing you want to do. You want to be fully in this love.

It’s not an active ‘giving and receiving’ of love. Those are conscious decisions we make here on earth. Instead, you ARE love. You rest inside love as a state of being.

How do I know this? Why do I believe this or, better yet, why would you believe this?

That’s a very fair question.

The other question that arises quickly is, so what? What if you believed every word I say, what then, after all we’re here on earth, so why would it matter what happens in heaven?

First things first.

I understand that nothing I say to you can possibly convince you that I know anything about heaven. If you’ve been with me for a while, you might have a sense of my sincerity and genuineness and feel there is a degree of honesty in me and perhaps be open to entertaining the notion. But even this probably isn’t enough to believe I know anything about heaven.

I believe there is only one way for you to know if this is true. You have to FEEL it inside of you.

For the moment, I’m going to ask you to suspend any judgement about this, so that you can hear the rest of the story.

Ever since I was a young child, I knew there was something different about me. I knew when certain things were going to happen. And, I had what felt like distinct memories of heaven, but never talked about them until I was an adult. It was then that the memories became clearer. It wasn’t so much about what I saw, as it was about what I felt. I felt completely wrapped in love. I was one drop in an ocean of bliss. Everything, everywhere, was love.

It’s okay if you don’t believe me. I understand. It’s not every day someone shares something like this with you. It’s beyond logic and probably feels pretty mysterious.

I’m sharing it now because it matters. Definitely to me and maybe to you.

It took me many years to fully accept my memories from heaven. It wasn’t until I began having my own personal intimate two-way conversations with (god) that I discovered answers to all my questions. The BOOKS page on this website references my book, talking with (god), where I share about my journey and how you can discover your own answers through your own relationship with (god).

One answer I received was that I left heaven and came to earth to create and experience whatever I chose. And, that my choices were unlimited and that each choice created an outcome.

What I have experienced is that when my choices are made from love, they create more love. When I give with an open heart, I expand outward and remember the beautiful sense of bliss I experienced in heaven.

When I make choices that are from fear I experience challenges, pain, and suffering. I hurt inside and it travels out into the world, and I end up hurting others. Fortunately, I’ve been told that each challenge, each feeling of pain and act of suffering is a message to me. It is love disguised as a guidepost, showing me the way home to love.

This is what is so important for me to share with you. Love is everything, always and forever. I believe that somewhere in your heart you already know this. And this place inside of you will help guide you every step of the way, if you let it. I hope you do and that your life becomes all that you want it to be.

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Disillusioned

Who has not lost faith in something or someone? Been deceived or been the deceiver?

I find it fascinating how some words have no counterparts and wondered if disillusioned was one of them. I’ve never heard anyone use the word ‘illusioned’, so of course I had to look it up.

Well, it was there. Illusioned, according to one source, is something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality.

So, perhaps a desert mirage is a good example. A distortion that fools us into believing something that is not there. Although somewhat difficult to explain, this type of illusion is caused by physical atmospheric conditions.

But, what about the illusions we humans create? We are extremely potent creators, capable of deceiving not only ourselves, but others as well. Of course, not all of it is done on purpose, nor with deceptive intent. Most of the time, it just happens and we’re blissfully unaware.

We are not always mindful of our actions or thoughts or words and what they create.

And perhaps we just take for granted that there are illusions in the world.

So, how does this relate to disillusioned? Wouldn’t that logically be the opposite? Sort of a dispelling of an illusion? A ‘seeing through the deception’ to reality?

Not according to the dictionary. To it, disillusion occurs when there is disappointment in someone or something that one discovers to be less good than one had believed.

I wonder, does that mean that we first view the world, then decide how it looks and operates and then accept our conclusions as the truth. Do we build our reality, then become surprised, upset, angry…when it is not how we perceived it to be?

Are we then disillusioned by our own illusions?

You may be thinking, where am I going with all of this?

Here, is where.

It’s to a place you may find challenging to consider. So, as with all things (including this website post), please feel free to disregard it. But, as long as you’re already here, I’ll tell you the rest of the story.

What if our earth life is a magnificent illusion? What if it’s a place for each of us to experience whatever we choose, but it’s not where we remain once we’re done choosing?

What if it’s an illusion in the sense that there is a greater truth, a reality beyond this earth life.

I know this is a challenging concept because some would say that, if this earth life is an illusion, it means that anyone could do anything they wanted, and it wouldn’t matter, because it is only an illusion. They would use this idea to justify any action they chose, like it doesn’t really matter or result in any consequences.

This is not what I’m saying, nor what I mean.

Rather than nothing mattering, everything matters.

Every moment provides an opportunity to experience something of deep value. To form connections with others. To love and be loved. To serve and receive. To create and experience anything.

Some believe that there is nothing beyond our earth existence. I am not one of them.

I believe that, once we pass from this world, we become ‘disillusioned’. We see beyond what we thought was reality and break away from the magnificent illusion of our earth life. We release ties to the illusion and return home to ‘heaven’.

I love this grand illusion of an earth life. I love the depth of connections I have here, but when it’s my time to leave, I will welcome the grand disillusion as well.

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Climbing

I offer some prose for you, to take you away from where you are right now. Imagine for a moment that you are here, inside this short poem. The “I” the poem begins with is…you. Imagine you are young enough to easily climb. Strong, supple, fearless. Ready to discover and explore. To see something new. To feel something new. Let go, if only for a moment…

I am climbing higher

up into the tallest branches

beyond all those

that walk the flat land

higher and higher

until I no longer hear them

until their words

fade into the wind

I am

above

almost a part of the clouds

I feel

alone

and yet

a part of everything

how can that be

where would I be

if

there is no higher to climb

perhaps

in heaven

I wrote most of this on the spot, in response to knowing it needed a place to live. So, I’m giving it to you. You get to decide what it means, if anything.

It makes me wonder about gifts and giving. Where do gifts come from? Are they given from the heart or from somewhere else? Which ones mean the most or are they all the same?

A smile, a hug, a new Mercedes Benz. What gives them value?

Is it more fun to be the giver or the receiver? Does the cost matter?

I ask myself lots of questions. I don’t always have the answers, but it certainly opens me up to ponder them.

What questions do you ask yourself? Do they open you up? Do they bring you closer to heaven?

I am often told that I ask good questions. By that, I believe folks mean that what they hear opens a part of them that had previously been closed off. Unavailable for them to access, preventing them from recognizing a part of their truth. Something they needed to grow, expand or to brighten their world.

What would brighten your world?

Is there a tree you would like to climb? One that would take you higher and higher, to a quiet place? If you find this tree, remember, you are strong enough, supple enough and fearless enough to climb and see above, perhaps even to a part of heaven.

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More Heaven

Imagine that you are a being of light. You have form, but no tangible substance. And as light, you flow.

Imagine that you know everything there is to be known. For you, there are no unanswerable questions. You are pure awareness, pure consciousness.

You are part of the ocean of bliss. It is your home and you call it, heaven.

I was a part of this bliss. I am still a part of this.

This matters to me because the awareness of this represents an unbreakable promise, that I will return home, after my earth life is complete. There is immense freedom in this assurance.

There was a moment in time where I chose to shift my awareness and decided to live a life of a spiritual being, as a human being.

There was a ceremony for me in heaven. A passage. A losing and a gaining.

I chose to experience the ‘great forgetting’, where I released my awareness of all things, so that I could live without knowing the answers to all of my questions. I chose to shift my perspective so that I could create and experience every part of my human life with newness. And I accepted the gift of free will, the most precious of all gifts.

With free will, there are no requirements or obligations upon me. This is an incredibly beautiful thing, when I wholly accept and embrace it.

This matters to me because I am able to choose my own direction without restrictions, regardless of what my culture teaches. I can consciously choose to correct whatever I see or feel are my mistakes, not because I have to, but because I want to. Everything is open to me.

With the gaining, there was also a giving, because in this transition I chose to believe in separation. I chose to leave behind the truth, that I am part of the one, the whole, the holy.

I chose to accept what my culture taught me, that I have missing pieces and that I should live my life searching for them.

I accepted that (god) was not personally knowable or touchable and that my only way to the truth was through someone else’s voice.

And I did not see that fear was my beautiful messenger.

I did not realize that all of what happened to me was a part of my plan, so that I could create and experience anything I desired.

Understanding this, matters to me because I can wake up and abandon this illusion if I choose. I can give up my search for any missing pieces, in favor of accepting the truth. The truth that I am already whole. And I can live this human life, knowing that (god) lives within me, in each and every moment, and that when my human life is complete, I will be reunited with bliss and admitted to heaven.

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Heaven

Several years ago, I was attending a workshop at the Kripalu Retreat Center in Lenox, Massachusetts. Prior to beginning one of our class exercises, we went into meditation. Instantly, I was transported. Even though I was sitting among my classmates, I was as far away from them as I could possibly imagine.

I want to share my experience with you and the poem that formed inside me, because it brings us to the heart of a question I believe almost everyone has asked themselves at one time or another. Actually, maybe even more than one time.

Is there really a ‘heaven’?

Despite how you may have been brought up, you’ve probably heard many different opinions expressed about the nature and reality of heaven. And I suspect, about the uncertainty of whether there is such a thing. After all, what conclusive proof can anyone offer you?

In the end, it seems to become a matter of belief. But where does one’s belief come from? Do we accept what we are told by some religious or spiritual group? Or perhaps we favor a scientific approach or we seek an answer from some special faction within society?

Interestingly, I’ve been asked about my belief about heaven on many occasions. What I have to say usually comes as quite a surprise to those who ask.

I want to preface what I have to tell you by saying I honor everyone’s decisions and recognize it is always up to each of us what we choose to accept.

For me, I feel really ‘nudged’ to share what feels like the truth to me, because it’s changed the way I view everything. And maybe it will open a doorway for you, one that creates beauty and wonder and new possibilities.

When you read the poem, I’d like to ask a favor of you. I’d like you to place yourself within the poem, seeing and feeling everything that is being described as if it was happening personally to you. Imagine opening your heart fully and giving permission to (god) and to your spirit guides to come and be with you.

If you have someone who can read the poem out loud to you, that’s ideal because it allows you to stay in the moment. If no one is available to read the poem to you, I suggest that you read one line at a time, pausing to feel into the experience before moving on to the next line.

And now, the poem.

Admitted to Heaven

During my meditation, I gave permission to all of my spiritual guides to come and stand behind me,

Immediately, guides were there, then there were hordes of them, pushing and shoving to stand around me,

A great crowd arrived, and one of the beings said to another, “they’re emptying heaven to stand behind him”, and still more came,

I was crying so hard now, and they lifted me up, and held me over their heads effortlessly on hands of light, and passed me around, as if I weighed no more than a feather,

It was the most beautiful thing,

And I heard many shouting, “He’s back, come see, he’s back”, and heaven lit up,

And I could feel it, they all loved me, truly loved me, an overwhelming love, so beautiful, I never wanted to leave,

I asked, “Can I come home any time I want to?”, “Yes,” they all said.

I have so much more to say, so I’ll continue with more heaven in my next post.

I hope to see you then.

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