Exile

Have you ever felt exiled? Sent away to be by yourself as an outcast? Or maybe shunned for some reason?

It’s a terrible feeling.

Fortunately, I’ve only experienced this for brief periods of time, but certainly long enough to feel compassion for those who encounter it as part of their normal day to day existence.

How does this happen? Who gets to say whether someone is allowed to be a part of a group or needs to be ignored or worse yet, forcibly removed?

Who gets to decide which language is correct, which skin color is acceptable, which spiritual or religious beliefs are permitted, which set of skills or abilities makes one useful or worthwhile?

When I tried to answer this question for myself, it was plain to see, that it’s me. I am part of the decision, either because I agree with it, or because I don’t object to it. Perhaps the same applies to you. Maybe you have your own set of beliefs that create restrictions and establish boundaries, like I do.

I think it’s an easy thing to slip into, so much so that we even do it to ourselves. We act in certain ways and feel guilt or shame or unworthiness. One part of us shuns another part of us. It blames our ‘bad’ behavior on our parents, our teachers, leaders, anyone but us, if it can.

I search for something existing below the surface of all of this. I want to find where this began and maybe fix it or heal it. Something, anything, to shift away from these feelings of pain and suffering.

In my exploration, I discovered that the sense of being exiled or shunned existed at a fundamental level and represented one of my biggest mistakes of understanding.

I was brought up to believe there was a right way and a wrong way to do things. My training was similar to others in that I accepted what the leaders in my community told me. They were the experts and were not to be questioned. I was coached to be respectful of them, which included not asking deep questions and that it was not my place to probe like this.

What I later learned was that it made them uncomfortable, and I noticed that they had no real expertise that would shed light on things for me, so I exiled myself from them and went my own way.

It was then that I recognized I’d been living a life of ‘separation’. My mistake was to see myself as separate from god, not a part of god. I’d been told this view was blasphemous, true heresy.

But I came to realize it was the truth for me, so I sought out a personal relationship with god. One based on honesty and integrity and love.

I asked god if we could talk, one to one, about anything, everything. And god responded that it was god’s fondest desire to spend time with me and with anyone who wanted god in their life. God told me that no matter what I asked, what mood I was in, what questions I had, god would answer me.

God healed my separation, restored our relationship, made me feel whole, holy, divine. I’ve spent the last twenty-six years having intimate conversations with god, asking questions, and receiving answers. The only ‘requirement’ is that I be quiet enough in order to listen and hear what god has to tell me. Once told, it is still my decision what to do. If I want to, I can run off completely ignoring god’s insight and counsel or I can pay attention, release my cultural training, tune in to what god shares with me and reclaim my sense of wholeness. To me, the decision is easy.

I know what I want to feel and what I want to experience in my life, and I know how to bring this about. I know casting off any sense of separation is the first step, then inviting god to join me in conversation and listening to what god has to share. When I do this, everything falls into place. It does for me, and it can for you, if that is what you ask for.

NOTE: should you be interested in beginning your own personal relationship I’ve shared my story, along with other’s insights in my book, talking with (god), available on Amazon in print or eBook formats. Open Amazon, enter Rob H. Geyer books in the search bar and all of my books will appear.