Category: thought provoking

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Apology, Cost or Blessing

Have you ever considered that an apology could come at a cost to you or instead, be a huge blessing?

It’s interesting to me that the statement can be interpreted from several different directions. Perhaps the apology comes from you, but maybe the apology is offered to you.

Do you feel the same way in both circumstances?

Sometimes it depends on when the apology happens. If it’s too far into the future from the incident, it might lose its value. It also matters whether the apology is sincere or not, because without sincerity the words would not represent an expression of real sorrow or remorse, a kind of ‘non-apology’ apology.

So much goes into the act of an apology. It can be extremely difficult to know where you stand, as the one apologizing or the one being apologized to.

If you’ve seen my Facebook and Instagram posts, you’ll be familiar with the four-word questions I pose that have beautiful background art works created by my dear friend, Cheri Warren.

Together, we created a 52-card oracle deck which we hope to have available for folks who are interested. (More about that in the future- Self Discovery Cards, A 52 Card Deck that guides you to your true self).

What I wanted to share was that one way to use the cards is to shuffle the deck and choose one card at random, then answer the question posed.

I wanted to try the cards out for myself, so opened the pack, shuffled, chose one and flipped it over to reveal a card. It happened to be the one with this Post’s title, Apology, Cost or Blessing. I felt no connection to the card. It didn’t spark anything inside of me and I was a bit disappointed.

However, an hour or so later…wham! A string of meaningful thoughts arrived, seemingly out of nowhere. After the shock of recognition, a further question popped up.

‘To whom do I need to apologize?’

I sat with that, pondering. Then three words showed up…’Me, that’s who’.

I’d never considered that when the question came up. I’d immediately thought about what person I needed to apologize to or who had offended me enough that I’d expect an apology from them.

So, why me? Why would I need to apologize to myself?

A voice inside me spoke saying, “because you’ve released our power. You’ve let it leak out of us.” It was a somewhat angry voice and I realized it was my ego speaking. It was demanding to be heard saying, “you don’t stick up for us”.

I realized it was the truth and that there were many situations I allowed my power to ebb away. I felt truly sorry that my actions had caused myself pain and sorrow. I apologized and committed to make some important changes, ones that would hopefully keep this from happening again.

I recognize how this simple apology cost nothing but has created many blessings for me. I can be more honest in the moment, watching carefully what I do and say and making sure it is in harmony and alignment with my life plan, with who I am here to be. I am so happy that I chose that particular four-word question and look forward to the next one I choose, realizing it might take a moment or two before it reveals some deep truth to me

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Whole Rather Than Perfect

I’ve thought a lot about the idea of perfection over the course of my life. I wonder if you have too. There is certainly a great deal of emphasis placed on it. Our cultural training seems to glorify perfection and encourages us to achieve it.

One of the main problems in my opinion is the state of perfection does not exist as a reality. It’s only an ideal. According to one internet source the definition of perfection is the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.

Consider that for a moment. Free of ALL flaws or defects. Not just some. Not almost all. Free from ALL.

Why would anyone be tempted to be perfect?

I know that for me, it never worked and that’s not for a lack of trying. There was always some aspect I could not accomplish, no matter how hard I tried. And I’ve seen so many others pursue their goals with the idea in mind that they could do it perfectly. They didn’t. They couldn’t.

At some point part of the mystery of perfection revealed itself to me. It may only be my personal revelation, but it might be something you would agree with.

Perfection is the ultimate challenge and cannot be achieved, or at least it cannot be sustained. Underneath the concept of perfection is a host of other demons. The feelings of unworthiness, and the overall sense of not being enough or of value. These all seem to me to go together, like a bunch of bullies that taunt you and try to put you down.

I believe that perfection is an earth word. Something dreamed up to separate us and create unhappiness. It invites us into a conditional world, where no one stands at the top, but folks can take satisfaction from being better than those below them.

I’m through with the word. I am releasing it from my vocabulary, along with the word, ‘should’. They are banned words now to me.

Part of me asked the question…is there an actual word that can replace perfection, something I can acknowledge and appreciate?

For me, one word stepped forward to fill the empty space…’wholeness’.

I need to explain my definition so you can see whether it fills in your empty space too.

Wholeness, for me, is a process, not an end result. I believe we all came to earth ‘whole’ and complete, inherently valuable, worthwhile, rare, and gifted, beautiful and loved. True, we’ve all fallen off the straight line of tracks, but it’s of no real consequence since we are still in the process.

There is no need for any comparison, feelings of lack, judgement, or criticism. Those all belong to perfection, so we can leave them by the side of the road.

Wholeness invites us forward, encouraging our dreams and opening our hearts. There is an unconditional love, peace and sense of joy attached.

Perfection yields sorrow, while wholeness creates soaring, drawing us upward into freedom.

Wholeness is a Heaven word. Wholeness is something we came here with and if we choose it consciously, consistently, open heartedly, it gets bigger. And the bigger it becomes the more joy there is, for us and all those around us.

I love the word, wholeness, and I am giving it a special place inside me to grow.

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Going Wrong

You know by now if you’ve been reading my posts for a while that I constantly wonder about things.

Here’s my latest.

Is going ‘wrong’, only going ‘right in disguise’? Is it possible that I am misperceiving a situation and that I’m just not far enough down the road to realize the ‘rightness’ involved?

Maybe I would be served by standing back a bit and asking myself, “is it true or just my perception of the truth”?

Perhaps it would help if I took a brief inventory of the facts. Or recognized that what I might consider to be mistakes are just segways, not ends to themselves.

Another thought jumps in and joins the party.

How do I define wrong? From what point of view? From what chronological reference? Do I base it on my own thoughts or what I perceive to be my cultural training? Or am I starting from an ideal, so that any deviation becomes a problem?

The narrower my definition, the harder it is for me to consider things as being right and the easier for them to be wrong. Either way can be a slippery slope.

As is so often the case, I searched for an example or two, hoping to provide myself with some clarity. Fortunately, two good examples spring to mind that I thought I’d share with you. Perhaps they will spark some insight as you think about your own life.

The very first event in my life that felt ‘wrong’ in every way was when my parents told my sister and me that we were moving from Watertown to Delmar, New York. Immediately I realized my whole world would be tipped upside down. I wouldn’t get to see all of my friends, go to the same school, know how to get anywhere and a host of other upsetting things.

There was no way I was interested in changing my life. How could they just up and move us 185 miles away from where I wanted to be? More maddening still, I did not even have a vote. They decided and it was done.

I don’t know if you ever had to leave a place you wanted to stay, but it’s a hard thing and it felt truly ‘wrong’ to me.

But here’s where some time and distance becomes a key.

Were it not for moving, I would never have met my amazing, wonderful wife. And without her in my life, we would not have our two incredible, joyful children. And without our children, we would not have our delightful, gorgeous grandchildren.

And the list of blessings spirals out in all directions, other family members, friends, church life, our house. I would have none of these beautiful things in my life.

In light of this, how could I ever think my parents’ decision to move my sister and me was wrong?

My other example is also obvious to me, once I step away for a better view.

My job was eliminated. I had not planned on retiring for another couple of years and I wasn’t ready to leave, but I wasn’t given a choice. I was told I was done, no longer employed! It was a crushing blow, especially the way it was done. It felt ‘wrong’ to me.

But it opened doors for me. I had the opportunity to join my wife in babysitting our two local grandchildren. I consider this to be my favorite, most rewarding, best of all possible careers. To spend quality time with them has been a sheer delight and something I will remember forever.

Again, I had to ask myself, how could this event in my life have been ‘wrong’ when I have loved it so much? My answer is simple. The happenings to me were not wrong, they were just the right things wearing a disguise that took time to see through. I only needed to shift my perspective a little and see the clarity that was there all along

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Heaven and Earth

I’d like to invite you to join me on a short journey. It won’t take long, unless you want it to.

I was having a conversation this morning with Lia, an ethereal feminine voice of god that speaks with me and answers questions I can’t answer for myself. This morning I asked her about heaven and earth and our experiences of each.

As with so many of our conversations, it stretched my human mind.

I try very hard to follow along, for me, but also for you, so that I can share what feels like the truth. Of course, what feels like the truth to me, may or may not feel like the truth to you and I honor that. I don’t believe anyone is served by accepting another’s words, unless they sense the truth in them for themselves.

Here is what Lia shared with me.

In heaven, you know everything there is to know BUT you don’t ‘experience’ it. From an earth perspective it would be the difference between the ‘idea’ of love versus being hugged by someone and ‘feeling’ loved.

In heaven you know earth is a place where duality exists (good/bad, right/wrong). And it is a place where you can choose what to experience. You can exercise your free will, which allows you to create and experience the outcomes that happen based on your choices, some of which you anticipate and others that you do not. Your life is shaped by what you conceive and believe and by the actions you take. You can live without any awareness of heaven or with a full remembering that you are a part of one essence, one pure unconditional love.

In heaven you know that your stay on earth is temporary and that you will always return to heaven once you are done with your earth experience.

Some who come to earth choose to remember their true nature, that they are a part of one essence. They come to experience their earth life, while also knowing the truth. Most of these earth essences are teachers, guides for others, offering insight about the truth.

In heaven, each essence is a unique energetic vibrational frequency and as such chooses certain life paths and events to be a part of their earth life plan (spiritual blueprint). They do this because they want to know what life feels like. There is a yearning to experience these things that earth life offer and that heaven does not.

No one requires this. It is a free will choice each essence makes.

In order to fully experiences parts of this plan, each essence consciously allows their awareness of the truth to be forgotten when they transition for heaven to earth.

Imagine playing a game here on earth but knowing the exact outcome before you start. Would that be a fun or meaningful way to play a game? Likely not.

This forgetting includes the events and the reasons for the events.

In heaven, each essence is able to choose any path, even and perhaps especially the ones that we as humans would not choose, because they are too painful in some way.

In heaven, one of the most beautiful knowings is that earth is temporary, and heaven is permanent. ALL essences who chose to experience earth, return to heaven, without exception.

Each essence is pure unconditional love, whether they appear that way on earth or not.

Each essence has free will, so can choose to experience earth in any way. Many essences choose to experience shattering events, which would seem an unlikely choice and yet many individuals involved say, they would not have it any other way because of what came out of the experience for them. Earth life is full of these examples.

To make sense of what seems senseless is not an easy shift. It may challenge earthly logic too much and more insight may be needed. All answers do not come at once. But once an essence returns to heaven and merges back into the one, all is once again known.

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Heart Wide Open

What are your biggest dreams? The ones you would love to experience most in your life. Maybe you already have a list, one that you think about often.

If you stopped for a moment or two, what’s at the top of your list? It could be a to have a truly meaningful relationship with a spouse, parent, child, friend, or favorite animal. Perhaps it would be the perfect job, house, car, or vacation.

You might live in a place where there is war, oppression, violence, disease, or other traumatic events, in which case maybe your biggest, wildest dream is peace, health, harmony, caring or prosperity.

You might live with certain oppressions surrounding you and dream of a time where everyone lives in a safe, prosperous place where there is equity and opportunity.

There are so many situations we all face and sometimes we get an uneven mixture of the good and bad stuff, which can make it more difficult to remain calm and optimistic about our life.

One of my biggest dreams is to live with my heart wide open.

The world can seem like an incredibly difficult place to live and the idea of opening our hearts wide to it may feel frighteningly unsafe, especially if we’ve been hurt often, by others or through our own actions.

It’s easily understood why we might tend to cover our hearts or put-up barriers to protect ourselves. I have certainly done this on many occasions. The problem is that every time I do this, it shuts another part of me off from the rest of creation. It limits me and shrinks me. It draws me inward and disconnects me from the beautiful, majestic, magical world where we all live.

I have trained myself to step back whenever I sense a problem confronting me and to give it some distance. That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m giving myself a chance to capture an image that will help guide me to a better way to live.

And one appears, both surprising and delighting me. The vision is of a dreamcatcher, which is a hoop with a web stretching across it, creating connections and empty spaces. For many, the belief is that during the night’s sleep, the web let’s all of the good dreams through, but catches and traps all of the bad dreams, allowing the sleeper to have a wonderful, protected, restful sleep.

A dear friend of mine made one for me and it hangs over my bed, offering me peace and tranquility.

But what does this have to do with living with a heart wide open?

Actually, a lot.

What if I could apply the dreamcatcher idea here? What if I could live, aware of the world, but letting all of the bad stuff stop on the outside of me and only allowing the good stuff in?

A thought springs to mind. According to scientists, we are made up of millions of atoms. When an atom is examined, they find that it is composed of mostly space. In fact, there is a general agreement that the human body is roughly 99.999% empty space. That’s hard to believe. To think that a person we see with our eyes is actually mostly empty space.

What if the same is true of our hearts? What if we could shift our perception of the world and let what we consider to be the ‘bad stuff’ through the empty spaces inside our hearts so that we could focus on the ‘good stuff’? Could we give ourselves this precious permission?

I want to try. I want this because I sense the value and benefit it would offer me.

With my heart wide open, I would be able to hold on to the magnificence and the illuminating divine nature of life. And in that space, I could connect with others in ways I have not yet imagined.

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Cold Water

Are there times when you receive the same message over and over again? It may come from different sources, but the intent seems clear.

This happens to me every once in a while, and I’ve learned to pay attention and let the messages soak in. I allow them to roll around in my mind and see what they have to offer me. Most of the time, they are full of surprises and run off in numerous directions, but they always end up feeling important.

The most recent instance of this occurred a couple months ago. It started with my son, Tommy, mentioning a Netflix series titled, Limitless, that he thought I might find interesting. It was a brief series about Chris Hemsworth’s (yes, Thor) pursuit of improving the quality of his life by engaging in several different endeavors. Although I found the entire series fascinating, and Chris’s conviction, strength, and endurance remarkable, what really spoke to me was his cold-water experience.

After some preparatory training he ended up swimming in a wet suit through frigid water for a significant distance to test his physical and mental abilities to withstand the torturous swim out to a buoy and back. I am amazed by his passionate pursuit and his desire to improve and extend the quality of his life.

At the end of each episode Chris shares some of his ‘take-aways’ and mentioned that a part of his plan was to end his showers with 30 seconds of cold water. He’d learned that cold water enhances our immune system and he wanted to capitalize on that advantage.

I thought about this and decided that I wanted to do the same thing.

Soon after making this decision, I received five more confirming messages about the cold-water experience and its value.

Okay, I got it!

So, I began ending every one of my showers with 30 seconds of cold water, not only while standing with my back to the water, but another 30 seconds while facing the icy stream. WOW! Incredibly bracing!

I wondered whether I could stand doing this day after day. Did I have the stamina and the drive it would require? Only time would tell.

Fortunately, what I did have was a sense of purpose. I wanted the positive effects this experience would create by improving my immune system. I really wanted this.

It’s now been 70 days since I began, and I haven’t missed once. In fact, I’ve extended my times of exposure from 30 to 60 seconds per side. It takes enormous disciple on my part to do this every day, but I immediately feel the benefits and sense they have a compounding positive effect on my body.

I’m not sure if I’ll extend the time further, but I am planning on participating in the next Polar Plunge. This is an annual event held in Lake George (NY) in January, where participants swim in the freezing cold lake water. I’ve had this on my bucket list for a long time but have never been serious enough to pursue, until now.

So, what’s the point of this post if you’re not interested in ruining showers for the rest of your life? Well, for me, it represents a major change in what I think I am capable of. If I can do this hard thing, what other hard things can I do?

I’m now focusing some attention on my sleeping patterns and my breathwork. I know they need a lot of fine tuning and it’s great to know that I will be the recipient of whatever benefits happen. To know I am able to make lifestyle adjustments gives me hope and reminds me that I am in charge of my own life.

What hard things might you be capable of? What benefits might happen in your life if you make some changes?

As I discovered with the cold-water experience, I’d only know if I tried.

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What If You Were God

It happens every so often.

An idea comes out of nowhere. It generates a spark that ignites my curiosity and off I go, following the trail.

Does this ever happen to you? Do you get carried away, sensing there is something mysterious and amazing that could happen?

One day I was sitting with no particular plan, and I began to wonder what it would be like to be god and set the whole world in motion. It brought up so many questions, I could barely keep track.

A sort of conversation arose, different from any others I’d ever had. I wondered, could I put myself into god’s loving heart, and once there, could I explain myself so that everyone would know me? If I were god, how would I show my love to all those who walked the planet?

I considered, would I set limits and create requirements for living? Would I keep track of everything that was said, everything that was thought, every feeling experienced? Would I establish conditions and rules and if I did, what would my response be if the conditions and rules were breached?

Would I require adherence, devotion, abstinence? Would I be tolerant, accepting, doting? Would I punish, demand, withhold? Would I be forever open to forgiveness and offer constant hope to all?

These were mind boggling questions to consider and it seemed so difficult for me to formulate any kind of plan that would be fair and equitable. The number of exceptions would be astounding.

I thought some more. I wondered, would I continue to give gifts to the world? Would I send messengers to remind everyone of how much I loved them? Would I give each person ‘free will’, allowing them to make their own choices? Would there be any bounds to my love? Would I always listen, forgive, care?

Since I am a human being trying to put myself into the mind and heart of god, I fully recognize the limits of my understanding. I also realize that the nature of my questions reflects my own sensitivities to the world because one of my next questions was, as god, would I be loved in return? If as god, I was faithful to people, would they be faithful to me?

It was incredibly challenging to come up with any answers I felt were fair for all. It left me a little woozy and I needed a new perspective.

So, I asked god for some guidance, and here is what I heard.

“I will need to explain my answers, so give me a chance before you take anything the wrong way.”

I prepared myself to be patient and listen.

“I want nothing for you and nothing from you. You see, I don’t work from a set of obligations or specific expectations. I offer you freedom to choose whatever you wish. That, and the ability for your wishes to become real, to become your truth. You have the same creative force I do. You create an idea, a picture, a dream, and you speak it and act it into your reality, just as I do. I do not ‘wish’ things into your life, because I’ve shared the gift of creation with you, so that you can bring about whatever you desire. But you see, that is your greatest gift and your greatest challenge, because the world cannot distinguish between your thoughts and your actions. It gives you exactly what you request. If you look clearly, you can see this in other’s lives and if you look deeper still, you can see it in your own. Before you arrived here, you had within your spirit essence, the gifts of creativity and freedom to choose from every possible choice. You have this still and always will, and this worlds experiences teach you how to use these gifts wisely.”

Wow!

And god ended by saying, “I love you and will always co-create with you toward this awareness. Be at peace in this knowing.”

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A Diet of Words

I want to choose to use good words every day. Why is that so hard for me? Why am I so tempted to use harmful words to say to others and to myself?

According to one source on the internet, we speak about 7,000 words a day. These are the ones we speak out loud, so that others can hear them.

It makes me wonder; how many words do we say to ourselves in a day? More importantly, what are the words? What do they convey to us? Are they helpful, neutral, or hurtful?

I also wonder; what is their relationship to our physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual life? Does each word have weight? I mean this both figuratively and literally. Do certain words weight more than others?

Are the words we choose to say defining us and our experience here on this earth?

Suppose we decide to speak, outwardly or inwardly, words that offer us support and reassurance, would they weigh less than words that condemn or shame us?

If we made a list, what words would offer us hope and set us free? Once created, would we be able to say them to ourselves, and mean them? What would enhance our ability to choose and embrace them?

To me, these are all important questions, because they prompt me to consider my choices, knowing full well that my answers create my experiences.

If I want to produce great results in my life, the words I choose to speak matter. What I say reinforces my actions and what I want to have happen in my life, whether it’s releasing weight from my body, my mind, my heart, or my spirit.

What I say can make it easier or impossible.

I sense the dawning of another question. I wonder what would happen if I released all of the words that don’t support me? I recognize there are so many of these. I’ve already shifted away from one of the cruelest words I know…’should’. I don’t use it anymore because it hurts too much. It hurts me and it hurts anyone I say it to. Its destructive power is immense.

So, if you are game to try something with me, let’s take a moment and write down some words that best support us and our grandest vision of who we want to be. I’m aiming for seven words to start with, but you can pick whatever number seems best to you.

Okay, here are my seven and why I chose them.

  1. Yes (an affirmation of life and a word to be used with other words to accomplish and enjoy things in my life)
  2. Love (the most affirming word in our language, love for others and love for myself)
  3. Gratitude (for what I am experiencing in my life)
  4. Possible (as in, everything is possible, within reach, offering a sense of hope)
  5. Faith (in both things seen and unseen)
  6. Trust (that I am loved, safe, able, connected)
  7. Belief (that I am in charge of what I believe and can make changes when I need to, reshaping my world)

Now I wonder, what would happen if I kept this list of words in places where I could see them. What would happen if I used these words more often than any others? And what would happen if I spoke these words out loud?

What I believe is that it would make an enormous difference, both to me and to those around me. I would be healthier, happier, and lighter. This is what I would like words to do for me.

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Three Words That Matter

Imagine this for a moment. Suppose that we were going to play a game that would last one whole day and you could only use three words. What words would you pick?

I know it seems like a crazy idea and when I thought about my answer it took me a while to decide. I considered whether they would useful or descriptive or questioning words. I wondered what might I need and who would I be ‘talking’ with?

Maybe you want to stop right here and pick your three words before I continue, so mine don’t influence yours.

If you’re back or don’t want to choose at the moment, but still want to see my choices, here they are…

I chose; 1) hi, 2) yes and 3) no.

I am fascinated by words. Three specific words are having a profound impact on my life, so much so that I felt a strong desire to share them with you.

They are want, choose and claim.

I recently had a conversation with Lia (an ethereal feminine voice of god that I often talk with) where I asked if she could provide some insight and clarity about the differences between these three words.

She said, “wanting expresses a desire, but what is missing are the actions necessary to make the experience real to me.” She went on to say, “wanting does not create anything but the sense of itself- wanting. Without action, there will never be a sense of having.”

I told her I understood now how little power there was in the word and concept of ‘wanting’ and that I needed to shift away from using this word unless I was prepared to take action.

I then asked about ‘choosing’ and Lia responded immediately by saying, “choosing is an action word, ordinarily making a decision between different choices, but sometimes between either doing or not doing something.” Lia went on to add, “choosing means you are consciously setting your direction and will experience results based on your choices. If you are unsatisfied with the outcomes, you have the power to choose differently.”

So far, so good. I sensed the next word was going to take me in a new direction. I asked what ‘claiming’ meant.

Lia didn’t hesitate, telling me, “Claiming is a very powerful word. It implies a deeper understanding about life, including the realization that every pathway of choice already exists. No pathway must be created, they simply can be claimed. Claiming also implies an awareness of your masterplan and is the most direct avenue to experiencing the object of your claiming.”

I sat in stunned silence. I’d never understood the relationship between these three words nor the magnificence of their progression.

After regaining my attention, Lia went on by saying, “Claiming contains conviction, while choosing is often tentative.”

I wanted a little more confirmation and posed this to her, “so, my wanting something is okay, but is only the beginning of the process. It provides some clarity and direction, but if I truly expect to experience the object of my wanting, I have to take action.”

She agreed and I continued, “so, I can change wanting into choosing by taking action and I can change choosing into claiming by recognizing that all pathways already exist and that they are available to me to claim as my own.”

Lia agreed, then shared this insight, “the idea of claiming your best life demands that you identify, know, or clarify what that looks and feels like to you. Once you have this awareness deeply inside you, you will be able to claim and experience anything.”

I am extremely grateful for this conversation because I now understand the difference between these three words that matter to me and how to shift my perspective so that I can claim my best life.