I find it mysterious that there are certain defining moments that have occurred in my life without my notice. An event will happen, and I’ll have an awareness that something of value is present but without connecting any dots, I fail to recognize its importance to me.
And yet, under the surface of my life, a switch has turned ‘on’ or turned ‘off’. I’ve learned that these switches create default settings inside me and that every time a similar event occurs, my auto settings generate my response.
I’d like to think I am more in control than that, but most of the time I’m not.
I’d like to share an example with you and maybe it will trigger something inside you that will provide clarity or insight.
A small warning. This does require a bit of bravery, but the reward is so worth it. When you recall events in your life, please allow yourself to be strong enough to know you will be okay. Better than that, you may find a treasure of great worth that you can keep for the rest of your life.
When I was young (perhaps 9-12 years old) my parents would tell my sister and me that we were going for a car ride. There would be no discussion about where we were going nor how long we would be away. And, we were given no choice about participating, so we got in the car and off we went.
My parents immensely enjoyed driving and within minutes we were in the country and traveling rural backroads. This was a ‘hobby’ for them and a torture for my sister and me, held captive in the backseat.
To get an accurate picture of this experience, here’s what would happen. We would slow down every time we came within sight of a house, and they would begin their conversation about what they would do with the property if they owned it. Mind you, the houses we looked at were decrepit run-down disasters. Broken windows, doors off hinges, partially collapsed walls, roofs caved in disasters. I am not kidding!
The worst part was I thought they were serious. They sounded serious and my father being an architect, I knew he could eventually resurrect the shambles we looked at.
At my age, this was a traumatic situation and without consciously realizing it, a big switch clicked ‘on’ inside me. The switch label read something like this: you have no real choice (only they do), you will likely be forced to move (not being able to take care of myself), no friends will ever be able to find you or visit you (no matter what your parents tell you), you will be isolated (at least until you go away to college) AND, you cannot trust your parents to be concerned about your feelings (they are not considering the impact of this ‘game’ on you).
I found that this switch was connected to another switch. The label on this one read: since you are going to be isolated (you had better become self-reliant), since they may force you to live in the country (you need to become resourceful), AND since they have no regard for your feelings about moving (you have a decision to make about how much trust you will give to them).
Of course, all of this was happening below the surface of my awareness, but it set the stage for what was to come in my life and my feelings of not being ‘safe’ here.
It was only recently that I offered myself the opportunity to revisit these parental outings. Some part of me knew there were truths to discover. The first one to appear was that I was never meant to rely solely on my parents, nor on myself, for that matter. A greater truth shined forth about my true nature. It is something I wished I knew then.
I am part of the divine and am always loved and connected, cared for, and protected and SAFE. I am inseparable from my divine nature and can communicate at all times. When I do this, I feel whole again and when earthly disappointments and challenges come my way, I reach out and talk with the sacred within me. I open my heart, mind, and spirit to be filled with love, for love is the treasure.
And I allow all of my switch setting that no longer serve me to go out any open window, released and set free. I am only captive if that is what I believe.
Fortunately, it is not what I believe, nor is it something you need to believe. We are always free to connect with our divine, sacred, inside self where all answers reside.
2 Replies to “Any Open Window”
When I was 13, my dad decided to move from Arizona to Maine. I didn’t want to go, but I had no choice. Maine was a terrible experience for me. It was then that I realized I had no control over my life. A big switch clicked inside me – I became less emotionally motivated and more rationally motivated. Less creative/imaginative and more analytical. This helped me find subtle ways to exert control (or feel that I had more control) This became an integral part of my personality and remained that way for decades. It’s only since about seven years ago that I realized I don’t need to do that anymore.
Thanks for your response. As always I find your insights and observations wonderful reading. I’m so glad that you were able to shift and I’m sure it’s enhanced your life.